life coaching

Help! How Do I Make Friends Who Don’t Have Kids? 

| jamiefeinberg

As a childfree woman, and as a person who has moved several times in addition to my five years of full-time travel in an RV, I’ve often been faced with the task of making new friends. Experience has shown me that as awesome as my friends with children are, especially at certain periods in life, parents don’t have as much free time to hang out with me as I’d like – especially if I want some social time without kids. So read on for my top tips, gleaned from my experience establishing myself in new communities over the years. 

Before I begin, let me make a few things clear: 

One – I love children. I have zero issues with the fact that children exist. (I know that may sound snide, but it’s me being honest and forthright.) I also enjoy spending time with them, as long as a) it doesn’t involve holding or caring for babies, and b) they respect my boundaries, as well as c) they are not mine, and they go home with their families after spending time with me. 

Two – I love parents! And there are tons of awesome coaches in the world who write their content for parents. So I’m not going to cater my content to them, but I would encourage you to seek them out if you haven’t found them yet. 

Three – This article is tailored at childfree humans, but it is entirely possible that even if you aren’t childfree, you enjoy making new friends outside of the context of parenting, or you’re of an age where children have grown and moved away. Feel free to read on, keeping the intended audience in mind of course (and keeping any comments mindful of that fact too). 

So, with all those caveats out of the way, here are my top tips for making childfree friends!

  1. Go Where The Children Aren’t

Just as I’d send new parents to the playground or the library to connect with other families, your best bet when you’re on the hunt for new childfree friends is to gravitate towards places without children. So join a book club, or head to your local bar for trivia. Take a dance class or attend one of those painting classes where you’re encouraged to drink wine. Audition for a play (one with only adults!) or join your local softball or roller derby team. Learn to crochet or sign up for a DnD group (again, one with only adults!). Take a class at your local community college.

If you’re sober, meet people that way. If you love to sing, hit up the karaoke bar. Will there be plenty of people at these events who have children? That’s likely. But you’ll be on the right track by making connections with people who are socializing WITHOUT KIDS. (That means they’re able to prioritize themselves, and they’re choosing to do it at places you enjoy too!) You may find an awesome new parent friend who you hit it off with. Or you can tell them about yourself and that you’re looking to meet friends, and they may introduce you to their single friend or favorite DINK (double income, no kids) couple. 

The key? Attend with an open mind, and keep trying new things. 

  1. Share Vulnerably (But Judiciously) Wherever Possible

The way to make deep and meaningful connections with people is to share vulnerably. And yes, that means you need to be willing to share first! A small percentage of people in the world are happy to share their deepest feelings with strangers, without an invitation. But most of us wait to be asked or wait until the other person shares FIRST. 

So go into each day with curiosity, and bring a few questions in your pocket if you need ideas. 

What’s your favorite trip you’ve ever taken? 

Did you have a special person in your life who made a difference in who you are? 

If you had to eat the same food for the rest of your life, what would it be? 

Okay, so maybe that last question isn’t super deep. But each relationship needs to start somewhere. You want to ask one question and wait for a response. Truly listen and respond to what you hear. It may lead you to ask a different question you wouldn’t have thought of. And if they’re reluctant to share, that’s okay – you go first! And then ask them what their answer is. 

You’ll tend to have the most success when you do more listening than talking, but do share enough to show them it’s a safe space to share too. 

  1. Met A Potential Friend? Speak Up!

I’ve had several times in my life when I had an amazing conversation with someone. Only later, when I was reliving it in my mind or relaying the exchange to someone else, did I realize I should have asked them to meet up for coffee sometime or ask to connect on social media or something. 

So it’s now my habit to be ready to connect at any time. I have business cards on me, and I reach out to fun people I interact with on social media. I’ll tell them I’m always looking to meet new friends and I’d love to have a drink sometime and learn more about them. 

Seize the day, friends! Don’t miss out on connecting with your new best friend after the most hilarious bathroom conversation ever!

  1. Get Outside Your Comfort Zone To Increase Your Odds

See what it feels like to add a new activity to your schedule each week. Too busy or introverted for that? Make it bi-weekly or every month. 

Do a quick audit of your schedule currently and how it aligns with your priorities and your energy. (This is one of my favorite things to do with my clients!) Go through the different areas of your life and consider how much time and energy they’re currently taking up and how happy you are in that area. 

If you value great conversation and don’t have any close friends right now, set aside some time each week to move you toward that goal. While you do sometimes have to do a bit of the chit-chat thing when you don’t know someone well, these tips are a great way of getting to the good stuff and knowing whether someone is worth the effort. 

And remember, you don’t have to do this forever. Just until you’ve got a comfortable number of new friends. 

  1. Not Everyone Needs To Be Your Everything Best Friend

Perhaps you once had a best friend, but you had a falling out. Or maybe you’ve never had a best friend, and you’ve always wanted one. 

Be careful to remember that there is a place for a variety of friends in the world. If we try to slot someone into the “best friend” category and all they’re ready for is to be the “drinks after work and catch some live music” friend, we could send them running for the hills. 

Some of your friends may include: 

  • Hobby friends (they love seeing you at drag night/crochet/softball/theater/book club, but they don’t seek out or maintain a relationship elsewhere)
  • Neighbors (greet each other with pleasantries, maybe even invite you to a BBQ sometime?)
  • Work friends
  • Spiritual friends (connected from church or synagogue or mosque or your local Pagan meetup or what-have-you)
  • Parent friends (folks you love to hang out with, but that you know won’t always be available for a drink or meetup as their kids come first) 
  • Childfree friends (though some childfree folks are caregivers, many enjoy a true freedom with their schedule that can be really helpful for meeting up…and we childfree folks have a lot in common!)
  • Family friends (your family or the people who you think of as family)
  • Friends who you attend events with (key tip – don’t rule out folks in different age brackets! For instance, for me, I set my own schedule and I love to have daytime friends – sometimes retired folks have more flexibility than folks my own age)
  • Friends who will help you in a pinch
  • Your ride-or-die, do anything for you, friends

In an ideal world, you want friends in lots of categories, and some of the friends in the top categories may and can move into the lower, more connected categories. It’s normal for people to start out closer to acquaintances. Don’t be upset if most people don’t want to immediately be your best friend. 

On the other hand, I have several delightful friends who skipped several categories nearly immediately. (I have a hunch that being neurodivergent/highly sensitive/empathetic can play a role in this tendency.) So be open to that too, but make sure to avoid smothering them with your expectations. (And that’s where boundaries come in, friends!)  

If your “childfree” friend turns into your “parent” friend at some point, that’s okay too! We all go through phases in life, and we can love and value what was even if it changes. And if you struggle to maintain even a modified friendship with your friend, take heart knowing that a) you’re not alone and b) as they figure out the whole parenting thing, they may have more free time to spend with you again. Try to offer empathy and compassion to them (in addition to offering yourself self-compassion as you mourn what was). 

  1. Online Friends Are JUST As Valuable As In-Person Friends

When I moved to New Hampshire after some time away in college and working in professional musical theater, I didn’t have any friends at all and had to start from the ground up. I staged a musical revue to meet my friends, and yes, it worked! 

But as much as I loved my friends, I found that a) none of the lovely people I met that way turned into my best friend and b) most of those friendships struggled when I moved away. 

When I began getting serious about my own personal development, I sought accountability, training, and coaching online, and as a result, I met dozens of people who I had a LOT in common with around the world. 

As I traveled in my RV, I had the unique privilege of meeting many of my friends in person, and that was even more wonderful! These are people who my husband and I have a lot in common with. Even as our life situations have changed, I’ve maintained these relationships, as well as many valuable friendships with people back in NH or from my college or high school days, online. 

Especially if you’re in a small town or otherwise aren’t finding “your people” where you are, please know that your people ARE out there. You can dive into your personality studying mental fitness training or the Enneagram, or you can join some Facebook groups for like-minded people and be open to making friends there. And don’t be afraid to make the “first move” and ask for a virtual coffee chat.

P.S. I’d love to hear your top takeaway on this topic! Did I miss something? Let me know! And please share it so the childfree people in your life and those seeking friends will know that it can get better.

Anxiety: a path forward

Woman in shades of pink walks forward into a canopy of trees
| jamiefeinberg

I keep changing and changing and changing this title, but in truth, I know exactly what I’m going to say. The conundrum, of course, is that while I have learned that anxiety, even lifelong, chronic anxiety struggles, can get better, I also don’t want to be one of those people promising you snake oil or making you feel invisible if your anxiety proves to be way more stubborn than my own challenges have been.

So, with that caveat, here’s an update on where I’m at, how I did it, and what I can suggest for other people who are struggling too.

The Recap

Last October, I started having panic attacks. Debilitating ones, that were really getting in the way of my work and my life. While I had experienced perhaps a half dozen panic attacks while living in an RV and traveling the US, I was otherwise completely new to them. And when I’d had them, they hadn’t gotten in the way of my work or my life – I knew what triggered them, and within a few hours, I’d been able to move on from them.

But last fall was different. My husband was really worried. I was really worried too; as the current primary breadwinner in our relationship, and with a husband who was a full-time student, what if I couldn’t pay our bills? So I was having panic attacks and I was spiraling further, getting anxious about having anxiety, which I’ve since read is a sign of an anxiety disorder rather than simply anxiety (which everyone has on some level, and which is 100% normal, to my totally not clinical but still very educated on anxiety understanding).

On one particularly bad day, after a series of particularly bad days, I wanted to go to the mental health clinic. But, of course, I was anxious to go. I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t quite believe they’d let me in, especially because I hadn’t received my health card yet (which is your ticket to free health care as a Canadian resident).

My loving husband took me. He sat with me patiently in the car, and he came inside with me too. And the therapist I saw was so affirming, so understanding, and so encouraging as she got me on the list for free province-provided therapy. She even believed me and took notes when I told her I’d recently realized the ample supplies of nightshade vegetables I’d been filling my diet with were apparently a huge anxiety trigger (tomatoes, peppers, potatoes, and eggplant were filling my diet during this harvest season), based on my own Googled research.

This began more than six months of challenges as I waited, and waited, and waited to get that free therapy. Backing off the nightshade vegetables helped make the panic attacks less frequent (think 1-2 per week rather than daily), and I finally signed up online with my first therapist since college. She went from being okay for a few months, helping me to treat the anxiety, to being completely awful, around the same time I was seeing a very mediocre (at least for me) free therapist (finally) provided by the province.

Things Began Shifting

By the spring, a few things began shifting in my life:

  • I wrapped a contract with a client that had been having a negative effect on my mental health for a very long time, giving me space to begin healing from what I later realized was pretty intense burnout
  • The work I’d been doing on myself using the Enneagram was paying off, and I was seeing the benefits in my relationship with Ross, with my family and friends, and most importantly in my relationship with myself too
  • I found a new therapist who was NIGHT AND DAY from my previous experiences; she’s still supporting me, and I am grateful every day that I didn’t give up on finding the right person for me
  • The time I’d invested in finding community on PEI was bearing fruit; I had local friends and was doing meaningful work, collaborating in multiple music ensembles and enjoying the opportunity to lead one of them
  • I created an Enneagram group and had a really successful pilot program (my first group coaching program over several months)
  • I discovered the Positive Intelligence framework and became a major advocate for the benefits of mental fitness (and subsequently, I became a mental fitness trainer and incorporated the work into my coaching business)
  • I finally stepped outside of my comfort zone into an Anti-Anxiety program offered free to Islanders (called I CAN) and completed it successfully

According to my anxiety coach, my last panic attack was in late August. I know it was a combination of the techniques I had internalized by this point (learned in both I CAN and in my mental fitness studies) as well as some of the deeper personal development I had done. Having my therapist to cheer me on was especially helpful on the days I needed someone to vent to – whether you work with a therapist as well (always ideal) or just find a friend or hire a coach or accountability partner, that safe space was key.

I’ve now realized that I’ve been battling anxiety my entire life, or at least as far back as middle school. I also realize that if I had known then what I know now about mental fitness, I wouldn’t have needed to have the stress and overwhelm in my life. And I would have made healthier choices from a sage place rather than acting out of fear or to numb or distract myself.

What I Recommend

My own personal journey to get control of my anxiety was more long-winded than it needed to be, but there were also a lot of factors at stake. If I hadn’t been overwhelmed in my work, things might have played out differently, perhaps on a faster timetable. If I wasn’t so sensitive to nightshades, the panic attacks may have been less debilitating. But what I now realize is that the gift of my panic and anxiety struggles over the past year or more is that I now have direct experience I can use when coaching my clients. I can relate to them in ways I never could have five years back. What a gift!

Also, for those of you with access to some kind of free anxiety program, or one that’s very affordable for you, do consider it, if you’ve got the bandwidth for it. While I wasn’t learning many new things in mine, the daily practice and accountability (just like I use with my clients) helped me to finally finish integrating all the things people had taught me over the years. I CAN is a great option for Islanders. Find out what, if anything, is available for you.

If you want to sleep well at night, if you want a life with less stress and overwhelm, if you want the tools to find joy and peace and curiosity again, I’d love to introduce you to the mental fitness training we can do together. I have a few spots open in a small group program that will be starting up this January. I’m also developing a new program specifically with musicians in mind, and I’m planning future groups for a) for childfree people b) for men and c) for retirees.

If you’re intrigued, the easiest way for me to tell you more is for us to hop on a call so I can give you a tour of the program and a bit of coaching and some training to incorporate when you’re feeling anxious or fearful or angry or judgmental. I include a few of my favorite mindfulness techniques that you can actually use anywhere, at any time. It’s a free call, and if it intrigues you, I’m offering my programs on a sliding scale to make them as accessible as possible as we begin 2023.

I have such gratitude to be a coach and to be doing this life-changing work. Please reach out to learn more, and if you think this might resonate with a friend or a family member, please encourage them to do the same.

Take care, and be well.

This Is Getting Me Through Right Now

| jamiefeinberg

It’s been quite a month! We found an apartment on Prince Edward Island (remotely of course, with an on-the-ground generous friend touring for us), applied for our visas, have (almost) finished mapping out our travel plans back to NH and booking a few campgrounds, and of course we’ve continued coaching, teaching, and supporting clients.

I’ve been thrilled to see clients making progress in their lives. And I’ve been thrilled to see my own progress! But it’s been very, very easy to get overwhelmed.

The way I’m getting through that overwhelm feeling each day is to ask myself “What’s the one thing I could do today to move the needle? What’s the one thing I could do in the next hour to help us get to Canada?” Usually, the answer is obvious. And if it isn’t, considering that helps me to keep sight of what is NOT as important right now.

My main priorities?

Get to Canada.This is the one I pray about and focus on each day and throughout the day. We are getting to Canada in August.

Keep food on the table, aka support my existing clients.

Make time for my own daily self-care. It’s easy to let this slide, but I am absolutely firm on it, and I think it’s the number one reason I’m feeling happy every day (even on the tough days, there is happiness in the mix).

Spend time (usually virtually) talking to family and friends.

Check in occasionally in my Facebook groups, on social media, and via email so people know I’m alive.

You may not be about to move to another country. You may just be trying to get through the work day or through the night, or trying to stay safe or get healthy.

Take this as your sign that you aren’t alone. And focus on the one thing you can do to support yourself and your goals best.

Thanks for reading! And if you’re ready for some one on one support in reaching your goals, please reach out to me today.

______________________________

Supporting Our Blog

We are so thankful for your support of our blog and our careers! You can help by doing any or all of the following:

  • Purchase one of Ross’ albums! 
  • Take Ross’ online ukulele course!
  • Become a patron of our work!
  • Make purchases via our Amazon website links. There is no additional cost to you, and a portion of the proceeds can support our travels. Begin your Amazon search here.
  • Make other purchases using our affiliate links. Signing up with Dosh is a great way for everyone with a smartphone to support us, and we also have options for aspiring virtual assistants as well as occasional and full-time RVers to save money.
  • Subscribe to our blog, as well as perhaps InSearchOfAScoop.com, and recommend our work to your friends and family.
  • Take music or theater lessons (group or private) from us, either in person or via Skype at TinyVillageMusic.com. 

Using Habits To Uplevel Your Life

Woman in shades of pink walks forward into a canopy of trees
| jamiefeinberg

Lately I’ve been thinking about the role of habits in my life. Without habits, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

Back at the start of 2016, after extraordinary frustrations with my health, I decided it was time to take things into my own hands. If doctors couldn’t figure out what was going on, and I was still exhausted and uncomfortable, it was time to make a change.

I knew that the one area where I was, without a doubt, not maintaining a healthy lifestyle, was my exercise routine. I loved to dance, and I loved to walk, and I even loved yoga, but between financial limitations, a busy schedule, and just kinda being lazy about it, I never seemed to stick with an exercise routine with any regularity.

I knew that for me to stick with it, for good, I needed to make exercising super simple. So in mid-January, I woke up a half hour earlier than usual, and I did yoga poses and stretches for five minutes. I’d told myself that as long as I did something that qualified as exercising or stretching, it would count.

The next day, I did the same, for five minutes.

The pattern held. Perhaps five days in, on a weekend, I decided I could afford a longer workout. But I kept that five minute minimum in place.

With this simple habit in place, I started experimenting. I’d go for seven minutes, or ten minutes. Over time, since I was already showing up and dressed to exercises, I’d exercise for 15 minutes, and soon a half hour was more of the norm.

Eventually I raised the bar to 15 minutes. And I began waking up even earlier, so that most days, I’d exercise for at least a half hour. I started a Beachbody trial and began experimenting with different workout programs. Later I purchased a favorite one, with strength training, and as I hit the road in an RV, I started a daily walking habit. It stuck. I’ve been doing it ever since.

In early December, after realizing I didn’t even average 5,000 steps anymore (thanks, pandemic!), I decided I wanted to average at least 5,000 steps daily over the course of a week. With that knowledge and a bit of accountability in our Facebook group, I was there, and then averaging 7,500.

Now, in mid-March, I’m averaging more than 10,000 steps a day. I never would have thought it was possible, but the power of habits made it come to life. I made it easy, built on my existing walking habit, and I used a tracker and the accountability of my social media feed and my Facebook group.

Have you ever done this before? Have you successfully established a new habit? It’s something I’ve repeated many times.

I created a habit of batch cooking to help me successfully adapt the auto-immune protocol diet and lifestyle back in 2016, even living in an RV. I used habits to build a morning routine that lights me up in 2018, and over time used habit stacking to make it more and more fun and aligned for me. I’ve used habits to develop an evening routine too. And of course, my habit of making healthy eating choices the majority of the time continues to serve me well – established when I was a kid but improved upon many, many times over my life. (And yes, there’s a place for ice cream in a healthy diet!)

We talk habits in my group, where we focus on a different healthy habit each month. So far this year we’ve tackled “More Steps”, “Decluttering”, and are currently drinking less, or in a dry month, like me.

And in my new course, habits are a very important part of what we study, with an entire week of the eight week course devoted to habits exclusively.

Are you aware of the habits you have? Which ones serve you, and which habits would you like to get rid of? Are you working on any new habits this year?

Leave a comment and let me know – I’d love to hear any tips and support you in any struggles you’re having.

Thanks for reading, and have a great week!

P.S. If your habits include boondocking (staying in an RV without hookups), now is the time to purchase a Harvest Hosts membership! Support this blog by purchasing yours here, and you’ll enjoy a year full of stays at wineries, farms, museums, and other amazing sites across the U.S. and even into Canada. Some of our favorite stays have been at Harvest Hosts. It’s fun to meet new people, enjoy delicious food and drink or fun things like alpaca farms or ice cream and live music. Harvest Hosts NEW member prices are going up to $99/yr in April, 2021. If you buy a membership now, it’s only $67.15 a year after a 15% discount. This link will lock in this rate forever, regardless of how much the prices increase in the future. Save over $30 off the new price on a whole year of unlimited overnight stays!

______________________________

Supporting Our Blog

We are so thankful for your support of our blog and our careers! You can help by doing any or all of the following:

  • Purchase one of Ross’ albums! 
  • Take Ross’ online ukulele course!
  • Become a patron of our work!
  • Make purchases via our Amazon website links. There is no additional cost to you, and a portion of the proceeds can support our travels. Begin your Amazon search here.
  • Make other purchases using our affiliate links. Signing up with Dosh is a great way for everyone with a smartphone to support us, and we also have options for aspiring virtual assistants as well as occasional and full-time RVers to save money.
  • Subscribe to our blog, as well as perhaps InSearchOfAScoop.com, and recommend our work to your friends and family.
  • Take music or theater lessons (group or private) from us, either in person or via Skype at TinyVillageMusic.com. 

How to Break Out of a Funk

Woman at table, looking out window, bored
| jamiefeinberg

Okay, I’ll just be honest. I’m sitting here, feeling bleh. I don’t want to write a blog, I don’t want to be creative, and I don’t want to work. I don’t know what I want, but I wouldn’t say no to junk food, hugs, or a warm bed right now. Motivation is far away right now, that’s for sure.

So what do you do when you aren’t motivated, but you have obligations to keep? What do you do when you know you should get some work done, but you’re just not feeling it?

It’s honestly an experiment. Different moods and different people will find different things help them to break out of the funk.

Here are a few ideas to try when you’re stuck:
Talk to an accountability buddy
Talk to a loved one
Journal about what’s going on
Meditate
Get outside
Take a walk/run
Dance to a favorite song
Take a nap
Splash your face with cold water
Have a cup of tea or coffee
Eat a comforting meal
Play with your pet
Turn on an inspiring podcast
Make some art
Color
Try some aromatherapy
Play an instrument
Sing
Try a couple of yoga postures
Talk to a cricket

Ha! Gotcha. Made up that last one. Just wanted to see if you were still reading.

Can you relate to this feeling? I feel like it’s such a pandemic thing. Stress is running HIGH and sometimes we just aren’t in a patient mood.

What do you recommend to break out of a funk?

P.S. To break my funk tonight, it took my husband talking to me, venting to each other, being mopey, and then seeing that he needed to get some work done. Ultimately it was the idea of sitting doing nothing by myself that made me get a little more work done. 🙂 Can’t wait to hear what works for you!

P.P.S. The wait list for my new course is up. I can’t WAIT to tell you all about it. Get on the list and you’ll be the first to get the details when they’re announced!

The Four Steps To Your Dream Life

| jamiefeinberg

Happy New Year! I’m so glad you’re here. This year has been a lot.

Are you feeling tired? Frustrated? Eager for a clean slate and a chance to start again?

This year has been especially challenging. Exhausting, honestly. So many stresses, so much more to navigate than I think any of us anticipated, whether due to job losses, sickness and death, racial justice struggles and politics, and of course the isolation imposed by COVID-19 and the subsequent restrictions to keep us safe.

If you’re feeling disappointed that this year wasn’t what you hoped it would be, I feel you. I’ve been there too. I’ve had many years when I didn’t hit my goals or when I didn’t bother making resolutions, because progress didn’t seem realistic.

Thankfully, I’m in a much better place now. I’ve spent many years of work to get me here. I’m living the dream life I’ve created for myself – and though it may not seem possible yet, I believe you can create and manifest your dream life too!

Whether you’d like to establish new habits or find a new career, take charge of your personal life or get financial security, there’s a way to achieve it.

If that feels daunting or impossible, I’d like to help you. I’ve documented my own process and created a blueprint with the four steps to your dream life. I’d be honored to support you along the way.

You can head here for your free copy of the blueprint. It’s the roadmap to get you to the life of your dreams.

If you’re ready for the next step in your journey, head here.

P.S. I’ve started a new Facebook group, and we’ll be doing monthly challenges in 2021 to help us achieve our goals. January will be a “More Steps” challenge, so if you’d like to get more walking/outdoor time in your schedule, this one is for you. If you’re ready to work on consistency, supported by me and others on a similar journey, come join us!

Hello Childhood, My Old Friend

| jamiefeinberg

A mistake that I used to make, prior to my personal development journey and even early within it, was to think that I had a “normal”childhood, without much to complain about, so didn’t need to bother examining my childhood for “childhood wounds”, “limiting beliefs” or issues from my past that might explain my current struggles. (Quotes to note my discomfort with the idea.)

Oh my goodness – how wrong I was! SO MUCH of what I struggle with today is related to my childhood. Does that mean I had bad parents? Nope! On the contrary, I think I had great parents, and I’m super lucky for all of the blessings I had and have, and for how supportive and attentive they were while also fostering my independence.

But the deeper I go in my personal development, the more I see issues popping up that make MUCH more sense when I put them in the context of my childhood.

Issues around food insecurity, where I get oddly possessive about my food? The recipe was a passion for food + seeing emotional food eating modeled + a few episodes of a family member eating my leftovers. Hello, food obsession!

Over the top anger when someone doesn’t suffer the consequences of their actions? Oh, of course, I remember, that’s something I saw play out as a kid.

Some of my struggles and personality quirks can’t be as directly tied to one incident, but it’s easy to find examples of the behavior that contributed to my mindset on that issue.

It is 100% normal for our childhood experiences to shape how we interact with the world. And we can’t change the past. But it is our choice how we choose to move forward and act today.

Personal development is the super power that gives us the tools to act more deliberately.

Does this resonate for you? Join my new Facebook group or contact me for a free exploratory coaching session, and let’s dive more deeply into this!

P.S. Two HUGE things in our world this past week. Ross’ new holiday ukulele album (it’s gorgeous!) is available for pre-order (you’ll pay half price if you purchase before it drops on December 7th, and you get a few tunes on the spot), and Ross’ online ukulele course is now available for purchase! Both are just in time for the holidays, whether as a gift for a friend or yourself. Please take a look and consider purchasing and/or sharing with your friends and family!

______________________________

Supporting Our Blog

We are so thankful for your support of our blog and our careers! You can help by doing any or all of the following:

Please Be Careful With Yes

| jamiefeinberg

“You can’t have yes without no…if you’re not careful with your yeses, you start to say no to some very important things without even realizing it.” – Shauna Niequist

Are you careful with your yeses?

I used to give out my yeses with ease, but the problem is it can really burn you out. As I’ve tried to cut back on stress and live a more intentional life, I’ve had to become more intentional with my yes.

It’s so easy to say yes to please someone, to avoid an awkward conversation or to believe we have time for all of the things.

News flash: We do not have time for all of the things.

When you say yes to everything, you’re saying no to other things. If you agree to volunteer at one event this weekend, it might mean missing date night with your partner. If you agree to babysit your sister’s kids, you might not have time to get your homework done or write your book or get your home renovation project complete on time. If you clean your son’s room before your party, will you have time to cook everything on your list?

Supply your own examples and it will quickly become obvious how true this is. We’ve got 24 hours a day, and most people need 8 of those to be asleep. Even if you can walk through life as a zombie, you’ve still got the same 24 hours as everyone else. So let’s get more intentional about how we use that time.

Say no and see what the universe allows you to say yes to. (Hint: sometimes it’s conscious – if I say no to x, I’m saying yes to y. Other times, you’ll find you say no without knowing what’s next, just because it feels right. And sometimes life delivers a big and beautiful surprise, soon or not so soon, when we do that.)

Shauna Niequist’s book Present Over Perfect is brilliant, and when I first read it, I felt like I could have written it – it resonated so much. I’m now on read number two (after many months away from it) and it’s just as brilliant. If this resonates with you, or if you just want a book that encourages you to slow down and savor things a bit more you’ll definitely want to read this.

Practice saying no this week. What can you say no to?

Please comment here with a story of saying no, whether it’s a plan for the future or an anecdote of how it served you in the past. I’d love to hear how this is inspiring you or making you think!

______________________________

Supporting Our Blog

We are so thankful for your support of our blog and our careers! You can help by doing any or all of the following:

  • Purchase one of Ross’ albums!
  • Become a patron of our work!
  • Make purchases via our Amazon website links. There is no additional cost to you, and a portion of the proceeds can support our travels. Begin your Amazon search here.
  • Make other purchases using our affiliate links. Capital One 360 is one everyone can take advantage of to save money! Signing up with Dosh is a great way for everyone with a smartphone to support us, and we also have options for aspiring virtual assistants as well as occasional and full-time RVers to save money.
  • Listen to, subscribe and review our theater comedy podcast, Finishing The Season!
  • Subscribe to our blog, as well as perhaps InSearchOfAScoop.com, and recommend our work to your friends and family.
  • Take music or theater lessons (group or private) from us, either in person or via Skype at TinyVillageMusic.com. 

Using Frustration as Fuel for the Future

| jamiefeinberg

I’ve been dealing with some challenging situations in my work lately. One of my clients has been particularly disorganized, and for the first time in a long time I’m finding it hard not to carry their own stress into my life.

It’s not the scenario I hoped for when I took on this client, but it’s a scenario that many aspiring adventurers know well.

Do you find yourself carrying the stress of your 9 to 5 into your nights and weekends?

Do you find it tough to turn off the worry when you turn off the laptop?

Is it hard for you to devote time to working on your goals and dreams because you’re too stressed about the here and now?

I can certainly relate, and my best piece of advice is this: use your frustration as fuel for the future.

When you catch yourself dwelling on anger or frustration, reframe the situation by saying (out loud, in a journal or in your head) “I’m so thankful for work that allows me to pay my bills. I’m so thankful for work that allows me to save for my future goals. This situation is helping me to build my future dream life.”

Remember that this frustration is fueling your future in multiple ways:

  • Financially – this money supports you while you dream and scheme and plan, and it may let you save enough for funding future too.
  • Emotionally – this experience is giving you visceral lessons that will stick with you moving forward. You’ll remember this feeling and when you lose momentum or focus on the work of dream life creation, remembering how much you don’t want to experience this again will get you that fire under your butt that’s needed for change.

Rewriting our stories is truly important for growth. It’s essential that I keep rewriting my frustration so that instead of a thing that’s happening to me, I put myself in a position of power.

I choose to do this job to support my future life.

I do this work to feed my family.

I’m learning lessons that will help me in the future.

Choose a story of empowerment. Choose to use your frustration as future fuel.

Have you been in this situation?

How did you handle it?

How are you rewriting your story today?

______________________________

Supporting Our Blog

We are so thankful for your support of our blog and our careers! You can help by doing any or all of the following:

  • Purchase one of Ross’ albums!
  • Become a patron of our work!
  • Make purchases via our Amazon website links. There is no additional cost to you, and a portion of the proceeds can support our travels. Begin your Amazon search here.
  • Make other purchases using our affiliate links. Capital One 360 is one everyone can take advantage of to save money! Signing up with Dosh is a great way for everyone with a smartphone to support us, and we also have options for aspiring virtual assistants as well as occasional and full-time RVers to save money.
  • Listen to, subscribe and review our theater comedy podcast, Finishing The Season!
  • Subscribe to our blog, as well as perhaps InSearchOfAScoop.com, and recommend our work to your friends and family.
  • Take music or theater lessons (group or private) from us, either in person or via Skype at TinyVillageMusic.com