Discovering Who We Really Are – In Community? 

| jamiefeinberg

It’s that time of the week when I am taking stock of how I’m doing amidst the headlines and news of the past seven days or so. In asking myself what I have to offer during these challenging times, I remember time and again that the coaching and mental fitness work that I offer is, as one of my students phrased it, one of my “gems”. One of the gifts I have to offer the world is helping to create community and helping people to discover, and rediscover, who they are, why they are here, and how they can move from thought or feeling into action and bring about a life they truly love. 

Photo of tree branches covered in snow, against a bright blue sky, by Şakir Açıkgöz

I have two main ways that I do this work. One is mental fitness. I am trained as a coach in Positive Intelligence, a system that teaches us to recognize and distinguish our negative thoughts and habits from our wise inner voice and the related skills and tools we can access. When we do mental fitness work, we learn to let go of the habits and thoughts that aren’t serving us anymore and learn how to step into that magical “flow” state where we can be efficient, effective, compassionate, clear-headed and more. I offer a Saboteur Assessment, for no cost, so that people can learn more about mental fitness and whether it might be beneficial for them. (Spoiler alert: so far, everyone has thought it might be beneficial for them! But there is no obligation to work with me beyond your call.) Most of the people I coach also study mental fitness with me, because it’s an extremely actionable system for getting past feeling “stuck” and past the roadblock we create in our own minds. It also gives us a common language to communicate with during our coaching sessions, making each session much more productive and helping you to get to your goals much more quickly and effectively. 

The second main way I help people to create a life they love this is through my work as an Enneagram mentor. Though I am also happy to do Enneagram work 1:1, most of the work I do currently is in group programs. We use Suzanne Stabile’s three month program so that people can learn or confirm their Enneagram number, and then we learn how that information can be used in our own lives and in relationship with other people. I have a few more spots left in my next Enneagram program, and we’re hoping to get started soon, so I hope you’ll learn more about the program, whether you’re familiar with the Enneagram already or not. It is my favorite tool for understanding personality and learning to let go of the habits of our personality that aren’t serving us anymore. For those who’ve been on their Enneagram journey for a while, I also offer an Enneagram book club. New members are always welcome. 

If you ever feel called to work with me, either 1:1 or in one of our incredible small group programs, I’d love to hear from you. I offer partial scholarships in all of my programs, and I offer a sliding scale for our Enneagram work. Some of my favorite people in the world I met doing small group, personal development work, and it can really be transformative to cultivate relationships and conversations like these in your life. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. We need this work now more than ever. I truly believe that. 

Do you have a place in your life currently for doing inner work that can’t really be done alone? Would you ever be interested in this work? 

P.S. I shared about this on Facebook this week and two lovely humans left comments about their experiences working with me. One shared, “Jamie is a wonderful coach! I’ve gone through both of these programs with her and benefited immensely. I learned to “flip the script” on my old negative self-talk to a realization that I actually had a voice that mattered.” Another shared that the mental fitness program helped them to reinforce many of the mindfulness practices they already had and provided them with lots of new ones. Thank you both for sharing your feedback! 

finding magic in the minutiae

| jamiefeinberg

Wow, friend. It’s been quite a week, hasn’t it? Perhaps quite a year as well. And the universe always has surprises up its sleeve. For me, this week, on a positive note, one of them was learning that a couple of my Florida reps actually voted down bills that would have provided ICE funding. I can’t tell you how many times the voices in my head have told me that calling my Florida reps is an exercise in futility, because I am generally appalled by where their priorities are and their deference to the current big cheese. 

And yet this week, they stood with Democrats, and I am shook. What an incredible reminder that we never know when our efforts might pay off!

How are you handling the onslaught of news? My network mainly straddles two countries, so I feel well-versed in both where my friends in the United States are at and where my Canadian friends are at, in many ways. And frankly, we are all concerned about our governments, rising restrictions and even the possibility that our northern friend could emulate our friend to the south in the not-too-distant future. 

Today I am pondering the ways that life is made easier and better when we focus on the small details of life. When I stop and recognize what’s right in front of me, I’m not thinking about what I need to fear in our future. I’m not thinking about the horrendous horrors that have already happened around the world. Instead, I’m finding magic in the minutiae. 

I notice a bird overhead. I listen to its song. I notice the way the blue sky behind it offers color contrast. 

I hear the crunch of ice or feel the squishy slush texture of the melting snow beneath my feet. 

I study the details of the beautiful ceramic fake flower on my shelf, a long-ago gift from my grandmother’s home. 

I listen to the sound of our new, efficient heat pump, grateful to be warm and cozy inside a home that we love. 

Photo of the northern lights in pinks and peaches by Ryan Klaus

My eye is drawn to a beautiful print, a gift from a friend honoring me as a director of an a cappella, barbershop chorus. 

I feel the warmth of my sweet cat, nestled against me in her tent of blankets. 

There are magical moments everywhere, if we stop to look for them. If there’s a moment to breathe, a break from pain, a morsel of food to enjoy, a hand to hold, a moment to lay down, an animal saying hello, our lives are rich. 

Even amidst despair, there is light to be found. That’s why we keep going on, even when the end isn’t guaranteed or clear. I know we are hearing and seeing glimpses (and for some of us, maybe much, much more) of some of the worst of humanity and life. And yet, finding magic in the minutiae is a way to treasure some of the best things life has to offer. Simple moments, simple beauty, simple joy. Worth a pause and an acknowledgement. 

Feel like a pipe dream? I 100% get it. There is NOTHING wrong with you if you’re struggling to find the light and the joy right now. 

If you’d like to join me for an opportunity to learn some mental fitness skills and find how to be happy with the life you’re living, even in challenging times, head here. 
You can also visit my website to learn more about me. I’m a speaker, performing artist, coach and mental fitness trainer. Thanks for stopping by.

Celebrate Your (And Our) Progress

| jamiefeinberg

Are you also catching yourself in thought patterns that aren’t supporting you? Are you going down a rabbit hole of anxiety or fear thanks to the horrendous headlines and even realities on your doorstep? 

Those feelings and those realities are real. We can’t deny it, at least not for any length of time. But we can train our brains, with practice, to focus on more useful thoughts rather than keeping us feeling trapped and unable to move forward. 

So today, as many join a general strike and day of action in Minnesota and elsewhere, as many demonstrate today and tomorrow to stand up for humanity and our rights to exist and navigate our lives without fear, without persecution, let’s remember to celebrate. 

Photo of assorted color star confetti by Jess Bailey Designs

  • Catch yourself caught in unhelpful thoughts? Celebrate! Well done, we can’t change what we don’t recognize! 
  • Apparently ICE is heading out of Maine? Worth celebrating, even if they’re continuing to treat Minneapolis as a battleground. 
  • More democrats and Republicans working to defund ICE? Progress! Yes! 
  • You did a bit of exercise/self-care/made a tough phone call/went to work when you didn’t want to etc.? YAY! Well done! 
  • You took a pause from social media scrolling to take a few breaths and notice some beauty around you? Celebrate! That’s a big win! 
  • You donated to a cause you care about? You called your representatives? You sent them an email? You went to a protest? Look at you go! Well done! 

Okay, hopefully you get the idea here. What’s one more thing you can celebrate right now? Once you identify it, do a little happy dance, give yourself a pat on the back, or savor a favorite drink or treat and remind yourself that you are worthy of love and celebration, every day, regardless of what you do and don’t do. So are all of us. 

Let’s live from love and take care of each other, friends. 

If you’d like to join me for an opportunity to learn some mental fitness skills and see how saboteurs are keeping you from being happy and living a life you love, head here. 

You can also visit my website to learn more about me. I’m a speaker, performing artist, coach and mental fitness trainer. Thanks for stopping by. 

getting comfortable being uncomfortable

| jamiefeinberg

For the past several weeks, and I’d say even the past couple of months, I’ve been working on practicing acceptance. Specifically, I’ve been working to accept being uncomfortable. Due to my own personal set of privileges and circumstances, while I’ve been living with a variety of health challenges for decades, I’ve been privileged enough to know that most of the time, I can expect I will feel comfortable. While there is pain, discomfort, sometimes very intense stuff to deal with, most of the time, after a period of discomfort, I’ve been able to return to feeling comfortable again. This can be true of an hour, or a day, or of a year, but for me, most of the time, this has been my normal. And I realize that is 100% a gift and a luxury compared to SO many, for so many reasons. 

But more recently, my health picture has been getting more complex. This has meant that more often than I want to admit, to myself or anyone else, I am not at ease. While in some ways my health is stable, I might be forced to ignore one or two painful or awkward symptoms while I talk to you, or do my work, or spend time with a friend. Some days, it’s much worse than that. And while I keep hoping that with time and focus, I will find the magical combination of treatments and life choices and circumstances that will mean all is right with the world again, and these symptoms calm down or go away entirely, I’ve been realizing that that attitude is not actually helping me right now. 

Sure, I can hope for the best. But if most of my energy is spent on hoping for a change of circumstances that I am not actually in control of, that’s basically deferring my happiness until some future date. And I am realizing that I don’t want to live like that. 

I want to be happy right now. And as I’ve learned in my mental fitness studies, the wise way to look at this and to be happy is to either a) accept things as they are or b) commit to converting these circumstances into a gift or opportunity. 

I am all for committing to changing what you can. In terms of my health, I can do things like optimize my eating, exercise, and stress management. I can pursue complementary therapies and research options. But that work can get exhausting quickly. So it is key that when I am not being productive, working to convert those circumstances, I instead practice acceptance. Anything else is actually sabotaging my life and making me less happy – and likely, less healthy in the long run. 

Why does all of this matter to you? Well, see, the thing is that I’ve been realizing that the work that I’ve been sort of encouraged to do by the universe around accepting the reality of the situation I am in as it is, and letting go of expectations that I will always return to being “comfortable”, is also helpful in navigating the larger picture of the world right now. 

Early on, going to protests, speaking up, giving money to those who need it, calling your reps might have felt exciting as much as it felt scary/frustrating/anxiety-provoking etc. But as things are escalating and it’s unclear when and how things will ever “return to normal” or perhaps become something better/calmer etc. further down the line, it can be easy to become discouraged. I picture it like a long, windy path. At the start, you’re armed with enthusiasm for your mission, maybe a good meal and a warm coat, and you’re ready for the adventure. You might even have the first several steps mapped out with clarity. But at a certain point, you’re deep in the woods, and all you can do is put one step in front of the other. You try to remind yourself why you’re doing this, but it can be tough to stay motivated when you can’t see the end goal in sight. (Incidentally, this is also why having a coach can be so helpful. Staying motivated solo can be tough!)

Photo of a snowy, long path with an uncertain destination in the woods by Krisztina Papp

When we’re in the messy middle of it all, we are in liminal space. We’re in between what was and what will be, and we don’t have clarity about how we’re going to get where we need to. We just know the next step or two ahead, and we hope that by the time we do those, we’ll know the next one. 

So if you’re like me, you may be realizing that it’s time to get comfortable being uncomfortable. That may mean realizing that your budget is going to be tighter than you’d like indefinitely, whether because finances are extra tight for you right now or because while others are suffering, you’re going to keep giving up more of your paycheck to help where you can. This may mean it’s time to accept that going to a grocery story or anywhere has more risks than it used to. This may mean your free time is going to be devoted to standing on street corners and shopping for your neighbors. This may mean you think twice before leaving the house. This may mean carrying your passport. 

The thing is, we’re already deep in this. Giving up is likely to mean millions more are killed and deported – some of them US citizens, many born in this country. Giving up means we make it normal to send a five year old child by himself to a “camp”. Giving up means we normalize murdering people trying to drive down the road. Giving up means accepting that the laws don’t apply or need to be followed if you’re the right color and with enough power. Giving up means we accept that it’s normal and okay to persecute people because of their skin color or their accent. Giving up means we accept all of the horrors of the Holocaust, and worse, even though we’ve seen these movies and read the books and heard the personal accounts. 

If you’re starting to accept the idea that acceptance is key here (see what I did there?), here’s the main way I practice acceptance: 

  • I keep breathing. When I catch my thoughts beginning to spiral, when I catch myself in negative thought patterns, I focus on my breath. I focus on the inhale and the exhale. 
  • I make time for my mental fitness practices. Right then and there, I’ll focus on my senses, whether listening or my sense of touch or doing some visual exercises. 
  • When my thoughts inevitably return to judging myself or my circumstances or people I interact with, I focus on letting those thoughts go and choosing acceptance. When I occasionally have a thought that feels important, I make a note of that as an option to pursue. But most of the thoughts are anxiety loops that will only bring me down. Let them go. 
  • I spend extra time practicing gratitude for what I do have, and I work to be as present as possible to enjoying what I have to enjoy in the moment.

If you’d like to join me for an opportunity to learn some mental fitness skills and see how saboteurs are keeping you from being happy and living a life you love, head here. 

Please note: we all benefit from learning to practice acceptance. But accepting that there are things you can’t change today can’t be complacency. There’s a major difference. If we become complacent, we’ve given up. 

Take care, and keep resisting.

Three Ways To Regain Your Footing

| jamiefeinberg

It’s been a while. I took a well-needed break over the holidays, and to be honest, I could have used another couple of weeks, but I’m enjoying getting back into the swing of things in many ways. 

At the same time, I’m dealing with health news, supporting loved ones dealing with hard things, and of course horrendous violence, killings, war and more from you know who. 

Photo of snowy mountains in dim light by Joyston Judah

Rather than write an article myself this week, I’m going to practice some self-care and suggest you read this excellent article by Paul T. Shattuck. 

Please call your reps, take some breaths, and keep resisting. 

You may also enjoy these past articles (with audio meditations) from me: 

A grounding practice for winter

A moving meditation

Breaking the cycle and taking one step

You can also visit my website to learn more about me. I’m a speaker, performing artist, coach and mental fitness trainer. Thanks for stopping by. 

Your fellow Americans and humans need you 

| jamiefeinberg

Hi friends. As usual, I could share so much today, from reminders to rest and breathe and enjoy moments of stillness to applauding you for all you ARE doing, for yourself and for others, in spite of so many opportunities for fear and anxiety and anger. 

But today, for my fellow Americans, I am asking you to make some noise. It should terrify all of us that Marjorie Taylor Greene’s bill criminalizing gender-affirming care for minors (the vast majority of which is actually done on cisgender people, and the vast vast majority of which is NOT surgery, just temporary stuff that delays puberty) has passed the house. 

Photo of a protest and a sign reading “TRANS RIGHTS ARE HUMAN RIGHTS” by Oriel Frankie Ashcroft

We’ve already done so much to take away trans people’s passports that many trans people are now trapped in the United States. We’re literally seeing a replay of the 1930’s playing out again, in so many ways. We can’t say trans in the military and we stripped so many incredible members of the armed forces from their jobs and pensions. I could go on and on and on and on. 

But today? Please, please please, reach out to your reps and tell them that this is a horrendous bill. It would make doctors and parents be criminals just for providing this care, truly life-saving care. Applaud your house members who voted No (yes, there were three Republicans, and some sat out) and express your anger and frustration with those who voted yes (including Democrats Cuellar, Davis, and Gonzalez, and some sat out). Let your senators know that taking away the rights of trans people are NOT why you elected them. Speak up while we can. Before they come for every other minority group, even more than they have already. Immigrants and trans people are just the beginning. 

I know there are so many causes deserving your attention. Please do your part to keep our trans friends and neighbors and family members alive and able to focus on all the other life stuff. And do NOT prosecute people for supporting them in living their lives. 

I anticipate I may take a couple of weeks off from writing for the holidays. While I don’t have major holiday plans, I will be taking time to rest, regroup, and enjoy some time with loved ones. I hope you’re able to do the same, and regardless of your circumstances, that you’re able to find joy and light during this season. 

Keep resisting. 

For mental fitness tips, coaching, or to learn more about how you can work with me and live a life with more joy and free of habits that keep you stuck, come grab your free session with me.

P.S. As I was about to send this, I saw that a second anti-trans bill, this one a Medicaid ban for trans youth, has passed the house. Speak up against this too, please.

Breaking the cycle & taking one step 

| jamiefeinberg

How are you feeling today, friend? If you pause right now and take a few deep breaths with me, I invite you to ask yourself that question. What stands out to you? Are you physically comfortable? Are you present to your body? Are your thoughts racing? Do you feel energized, or depleted, or somewhere in between? 

Photo of a winter scene of a yard and house in the city, with snow, a fence, and sun peeking through trees

As we head into Hanukkah Sunday, are in the midst of Advent, and head toward Solstice and Christmas at a speedy pace, you may be caught up in activities and obligations. 

As we see daily headlines out of a terrifying movie or horrendous chapter of history, there are lots of distractions demanding our attention. 

Whether you’re finding yourself relentlessly busy or attempting to hide from it all, I hear you, and I see you. Today, I wanted to share one technique that can help me when I find myself caught in familiar patterns. For an audio version of this, head to my Substack.

We all have habitual patterns of our personality. These are patterns that we found served as well as children, keeping us safe and comfortable or at least giving us some sense of security and consistency. As we age, these well-honed patterns can become a trap. While they are well-honed, it is possible to break out of the cycle, the pattern, and make a different choice. But it requires a level of awareness of what’s going on and a willingness (and ability) to make a different choice. 

For instance, one of my patterns is that when I start to feel like I am overwhelmed or angry, my default setting is to cope with the scenario by doing. Specifically, I go to the most accessible task – I find that cleaning, especially washing dishes, is a go to, but I may also simply choose the easiest task on my to-do list or even go to scroll a video on my phone. 

The wiser part of my brain isn’t running the show here. Instead, I’m simply stuck in a pattern. 

So what can I do about it? 

The first step is to literally stop. Stop doing. Sometimes this means I literally stop whatever I’m doing and go sit down for an extra reminder that I do truly need to stop. Once I’ve stopped, I take a few deep breaths. You can even do a quick body scan to see where you’re holding onto tension or pain. I notice the physical sensations of where I am and what I’m doing. Notice if I was holding my breath. Notice my posture. Observe where I am in space right now. My body on the floor or whatever surface it is on. Let my extra thoughts go. 

Next, I observe what’s been going on. Am I in a calm or chaotic environment right now? How am I relating to others, and how are they responding to me? Am I myself feeling calm and regulated, or am I defaulting into the patterns of my personality? 

When I am physically present to what’s going on, if it feels accessible, I also have the option to ask my WISE mind why I started doing that task. Was I acting from fear? From anxiety? It can be useful to observe what just happened. But sometimes, asking WHY feels scary. Maybe it’s a very sensitive topic right now. If that’s true for you, just focus on the physical sensations. 

When I do feel I am in my “wise mind” and calmer, present and awake, I can ask myself some questions. You might ask what is yours to do in this situation, in the words of Suzanne Stabile. In the words of Byron Katie, you might ask “what am I believing right now? How does it make me feel? Is it true? Is it really true? Who would I be if I let go of that belief?”. 

And finally, having paused, observed and and done some self-reflection, you’re free to make new choices. Allow and encourage yourself to forgive yourself and try something new. 

Is your wise mind reminding you of a task that’s truly most important now? Do you finally have the clear head to make a call you’ve put off? To take ten minutes and start a dreaded task? Use this calm state to move forward with one thing today. 

There are versions of this process in both my Enneagram work and in my mental fitness work. You may have encountered a similar process elsewhere that works for you. Please let me know how you do this work in your own life. And if you haven’t yet, let me know if you’re going to try it! 

Want some support breaking out of your habitual patterns to feel more joy, create a life you love, and be more YOU? Come grab your free session with me.

permission to pause

| jamiefeinberg

Whether you’re navigating health challenges or life challenges that are more intense or are just in the midst of the more typical year-end, holiday pressures and commitments that usually seem to define this time of year: today I am giving you permission to pause. 

Photo of snowy trees by by Adam Lukac

Want to take a nap, but feeling guilty about everything remaining on your to-do list? This is your permission slip. 

Got an invite to another holiday party, but feeling like you’d rather stay home in your PJs? Skip it. Let them know you’ve got another commitment. (You don’t have to tell them it’s a commitment to your own self-care if you don’t want to.) 

Feeling pressured to make a decision? Let them know you’ll need another day or another week (or whatever time feels right) before you’ll be able to get back to them about it. 

Pause. 

There is so much worthy of our attention, but we are human beings and we have limits, friends. As much as we may try to push them regularly. As much as we may be known as the “busy” person in our circle of friends. 

Your friends and family love you, even if you have to skip a commitment because you’re getting a cold or you need another night to sleep or rest ahead of an important event. 

Permission to pause. Take your permission slip, and use it whenever you need it. It doesn’t expire. 

Does this resonate with you? If so, let a friend who could use the reminder know about it. 
Want some support navigating boundaries and helping you to bring your dreams to life?  Come grab your free session with me.

One foot planted in gratitude, one foot in hope

| jamiefeinberg

Thanksgiving was my favorite holiday growing up. I loved having a food-centric and people-centric holiday without the pressure of expectations of gifts and making time for concerts and church services and all the things. There’s something simple about this idea, of stopping to be grateful and enjoy the bounty of the harvest. 

It is, of course, an entirely whitewashed version of events containing very little truth. And I understand that acknowledging Thanksgiving without truly being present to all the harm settlers have done since colonizing North America is problematic, at best. 

Photo: Sun peaks through the clouds over the water 

And yet, we can all use more gratitude in our lives, I have to imagine, and if you have a good relationship with your family, all the better on a holiday like Thanksgiving, where that gratitude can extend to the company you’re keeping or to the memories you’re cherishing. And I hope you have a community that you love, and feel loved by, whether it’s your chosen family or given family or both.  

I try to remember the truth while also enjoying the extra focus on gratitude that I think we’d all be better for focusing on more often throughout the year. 

Just as I juggle the duality of Thanksgiving and how we celebrate in the US (as well as in Canada – I get to celebrate it twice!), I also daily see duality in my life. I juggle the duality of gratitude for my many blessings, supportive people, health care, good food, amazing humans and creatures in my life, at the same time that I feel enraged, anxious, fearful around politics, around destruction and violence, around inequalities, around feeling like politicians aren’t listening and/or are mainly complete bought and owned by billionaires. 

Are you able to hold on to gratitude and hope? What dualities do you see playing out in your life? And how are you celebrating Thanksgiving this year, if you are? 

Thanks for contemplating with me. If you found this useful, you may also enjoy my recent grounding practice for winter.And if you’re looking for more mental fitness tools or would like some help tuning down the sabotaging thoughts so you can enjoy your life more, come grab your free session with me. 

You may also know someone else who’d appreciate this. If so, I hope you’ll share it with a friend. Thanks for being here. Keep resisting.