Living

Now is the time

| jamiefeinberg

Feeling overwhelmed by the relentless news that billionaires and folks in power are wasting money and resources and playing with people’s lives and practicing cruel and unusual torture? 

Me too. And it is so, so tempting to turn it all off. Or get lost in an endless doom scroll, liking and even sharing but paralyzed by the onslaught. 

But friends, if you’re reading this and you’re safe right now, chances are, tuning out and turning it off could be putting you on the wrong side of history. 

If we’ve got any privilege to speak of, whether it’s financial, or how we look, or where we’re from, or our gender presentation or able-bodiedness, for instance, it’s time. 

Photo description: A gorgeous blue sky and body of water with greenery in the foreground and background (Photo by Jamie Feinberg)

This is how we celebrate Pride. This is how we show that our words of support aren’t just words, but actions that we live by.

Your community needs you. Your neighbors. And yes, your friends and family, though chances are that many of them also have some privileges they might be encouraged to put to good use. 

The last remaining pieces of our country and our world, as we like to believe it existed, are disappearing. And we can either watch them disappear, with sadness or anger or remorse for what we didn’t do, or we can wake up and get going. 

Got some energy to burn? A little cash squandered away? Have some free time? 

Call your senators. Cook some food or grocery shop for your neighbors. Support people who need it. Trans people need you. Immigrants and people of color need you. The needs are extensive, and you can’t fix it all. In fact, you can’t fix most of it. But small gestures, chosen with kindness and the wisest parts of ourselves, can have such an incredible impact. 

I want to emphasize taking care of yourself. Take a good breath. Notice the beauty around you. But more than anything right now, the world needs our good deeds. Don’t burn yourself out, but don’t hold back from making a difference in the ways we can right now. History has its eyes on you, as the wise Lin-Manuel Miranda has written. 

Want some support discerning what matters most and creating a life you can love, even when it feels like the end is near and the struggle is intense? Let’s talk. We can start with a saboteur assessment and then discover what kind of coaching or training would best serve you. 

Set aside a time with me to see how saboteurs are keeping you from finding more ease and joy in challenging times. Head here.  Self-care and social justice work are not mutually exclusive.

I’m proud of you. Keep resisting. One step at a time.

An object in motion

| jamiefeinberg

Do you ever feel stuck? Whether it’s because of illness or depression or (gestures at the state of the world), you’re not alone, friend. And one thing I am reminding myself of today is that while my rule is generally to do the most important thing on my list first, some days, I just need to do SOMETHING to get myself into a state of motion. 

So maybe the most important thing on your list is a phone call you’ve been putting off. Can you do a small, short, easy win or two first? Take out the garbage? Put away 1 item? 

Photo description: Dandelions in the grass in the foreground, pink, red, yellow and white tulips in the background

I know all of our brains think about these things differently. What works for you? 

Another trick for me can be turning on some upbeat music. I can get into a zone where doing more movement feels easy and natural. 

I’m still dealing with some health stuff, but it’s been all the more reason for me to fine-tune my processes and get clearer about what’s important. I’m grateful for my mental fitness work that encourages me that it’s always possible to find something positive that comes from a negative situation – if we dare to find it. 

I hope you’re taking care of yourself this week. You deserve that care, and sometimes, we have to do it ourselves. 
Seeking some support in your journey? Set aside a time with me to see how saboteurs are keeping you from finding more ease and joy in challenging times. Head here. 

Taking time to rest & some resources if you are too

| jamiefeinberg

Hi folks. After days of denial, where I did that so familiar debate of “is it allergies? Or is it a cold?” I have been forced to admit that it is, indeed, a cold.

Here’s hoping I can get over it shortly so I can enjoy my weekend. I hope you’re able to enjoy your time ahead as well.

Photo of a resting person on a bed by Kampus Production

While I rest, here are some past articles you might enjoy.

Take time to care for yourself, friends. The world is a lot, but there are so many signs of progress if we stop to find them.

Inviting You To Take a Pause

Overcoming the Voices in Your Mind

Pausing for Rest and Renewal (includes meditation)

Seeking some support in your journey? Set aside a time with me to see how saboteurs are keeping you from finding more ease and joy in your life. Head here.

Inviting you to take a pause

| jamiefeinberg

I’m so glad you’re here. I’m so glad you’re taking a moment to pause and put the worries of the world on hold for a moment. 

Photo: My cat, Squeak, takes a pause in a cardboard box on our kitchen floor. 

Yes, we all need to keep doing things to stand up for our neighbors and advocate for what matters to us and be better humans. 

But we also need to practice rest, and renewal, and reflection, and self-care. 

This week I am so privileged and blessed to have a weekend set aside for my own education and renewal. And to share a bit of that spirit with you, I’ve created a meditation for you today. You’ll find it here. I hope you can find a time today to pause and focus on the here and now. Keep resisting – but also resist the temptation to do so much that you remain depleted. 

Take good care. And if this is useful, don’t miss a future one. 

And consider passing it along to a friend who could benefit this week. 

If you find this beneficial and would like some support in developing additional mental fitness skills, I’ve got you. I invite you to set aside a time with me to see how saboteurs are keeping you from being both efficient in what you do and happier than you realized was possible. Head here.  

Cultivating Curiosity

| jamiefeinberg

After months (and in one participant’s case, years) of anticipation, we’ve got our next Enneagram cohort in place, and on Thursday evening, I had the joy of facilitating our first session. 

I love having the opportunity to bring women (and folks of all genders) together as we each move along the path toward personal growth. We identify and shed layers of habits that no longer serve us. We get clarity on who we are and who we can be, and we support each other as we all follow our own unique path and needs in becoming. 

When I get frustrated, angry, scared about what the world might have in store and of course about what is literally happening right now, my mental fitness training and my Enneagram training offer my opportunities. 

I know from my work that there can be a gift found in any situation, if we choose to do so. And that while fear is hardwired in us, so is love. And love can do so much. 

When I act from love, one of the options available to me is to become curious. And as I have mentioned before, curiosity is truly a gift of our wise mind. 

When I regularly practice cultivating presence, it also helps me to cultivate curiosity. The more present I am, the more likely that I can find curiosity in any situation that calls for. 

Photo of a curious child with a magnifying glass and a plant by Anna Shvets

Perhaps someone’s behavior is puzzling you, or offending you, or hurting you. Perhaps you want to know why they’re doing it. 

I might choose to hone my curiosity where it leads. 

What if we bring curiosity to the things we don’t understand? 

  • The family member who upset you
  • The car who cut you off
  • The friend who no longer speaks to you
  • The co-worker whose words hurt you 

Can you do some work to ground yourself, and then ask yourself to get curious about why it might have happened? 

Curiosity doesn’t mean you have to find the right answer. But in the process of asking questions, of getting curious, we can often find comfort in finding possible explanations – even without certainty. 

What are you curious about? How do you cultivate curiosity? And where in your life would you like to cultivate more curiosity? 
Cultivating curiosity is an important tool in my toolbox, and I help my clients to do so as well. If you’re curious to learn some mental fitness skills and see how saboteurs are keeping you from living a life you love, head here. 

Planting seeds

| jamiefeinberg

It’s spring, friends. Even if it looks like winter or mud season or something else entirely where you are (summer?). It’s spring here. And spring is always a beautiful opportunity for a reset, a new perspective, and a fresh start. 

Photo: A glimpse of Sarah Maloney’s artwork. In the foreground is a piece of furniture (divan) with what look like metal plants growing up from it. Behind it are quilted panels with flowers embroidered on top of them. 

I’ve been thinking about the way I plant seeds in my life. I imagine you could make your own list. Maybe you have a garden, and you plant literal seeds! Amazing. Goodness knows that as the price of gas and food continues to rise or fluctuate, and the world keeps changing, growing your own food is an incredible way to give yourself some additional security and offer you something to share with your friends and neighbors as well as your family. Plus it’s fun (for some people), and good for your mental health, and it’s physical activity too!

Much of the work I do as a vocal instructor and barbershop director involves planting seeds. We can’t make dramatic changes overnight most of the time. So I drop bits of education, I cultivate the soil, so to speak, laying down roots so that we can build a variety of skills that will ultimately culminate in beautiful performances and more polished and confident singers. 

Planting seeds can also be a way to think about marketing! Trust me, I’ve learned from personal experience that you can’t just announce a program one time and expect that people will sign up for it. It takes a variety of methods to get the word out effectively, and if I want a program to come together or for a bunch of new mental fitness or coaching clients to find me, it’s essential that I keep planting seeds by sharing new content and posts that reinforce the opportunities and help my potential clients see the benefit for themselves in participating. 

I’ve also noticed that often, I do some workshopping, so to speak, of an idea that I have out loud with several people before I do it. This could be seen as a type of seed planting too – although perhaps it’s planting the seeds in my own mind and body! If I talk about it a few times, and if it feels good in my body and my voice, and maybe if the reaction I get to it is supportive, maybe it’s time to go for it. (I am also aware that this type of workshopping is NOT something everyone does. I think it’s part of my personality as an Enneagram 1 (we’re verbal processors). How about you?) 

I think we’re always planting seeds in our own lives. When we start learning a new skill, trying out a new hobby, a new attitude or way of thinking, we don’t reap all the benefits all at once. It takes time. The reason I try to practice voice every day is that if we only do it once or twice a week, we can’t make much progress. It’s hard to rewrite habits with that kind of a schedule. But if we do exercises and push ourselves a little bit each day, it’s easier to integrate new habits and to see the benefits. 

If you’d like to plant some seeds for change and growth in your own life, joining an Enneagram group or completing a Saboteur Assessment can be a wonderful next step. 

Does this concept resonate for you right now? 

Choosing love

| jamiefeinberg

Some wise people have said over the years that everything is either fear-based or based in love. In my mental fitness work, my coach has told us the same thing, reminding us that the wise part of our brain makes decisions out of love, while the saboteurs, the negative voices in our head, would have us make decisions out of fear. 

As children, these saboteurs told us to do things out of fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, fear of death. And over time, we made that a habit. And those neural pathways are well-worn, with habits that are very hard to break. 

A silly, happy photo of me, wearing a purple coat with the red strap of a bag visible, sun and blue sky behind me, with a progress Pride button on my coat. 

So, what’s the alternative? What does choosing love look like? 

It might look like: 

  • Listening to what someone has to say instead of reacting first
  • Responding with empathy or vulnerability instead of walling ourselves off 
  • Exploring our options with a playful energy and a love for creativity or problem-solving instead of limiting ourselves out of a fear of lack and a longing for security
  • Getting ourselves outside or out in the world instead of letting our saboteurs dictate all the reasons for us to stay put or stay inside
  • Brainstorming with a goal of finding the win for ALL involved, rather than approaching each conflict as a potential win/lose or lose/lose scenario
  • Respecting boundaries, often of others, but especially of ourselves

Choosing love for me is often embracing curiosity. Embracing curiosity about why strangers might be doing things that I don’t expect or understand. Embracing curiosity about what would be possible, if I had no constraints or let go of my fears. Embracing curiosity about ways we can all find happiness, without taking it from anyone else. 

So as I call my reps and support my neighbors and scream at politicians, I also work to pause. To breathe. Breathe first, and then respond, instead of reacting without a moment to process and ponder. 

Where can you choose love? 

And if this feels daunting, I have two beautiful ways that I support my clients which also can help you to find compassion, for yourself, your environment, and for other people. 

My next group for people interested in learning more about the Enneagram begins in April. Join us on Tuesdays and Thursday evenings (Eastern/Atlantic time). Learn more here and contact me, and invite a friend too. 

And I’d love to support you in building your own toolbox to do this work. If you’d like to join me for an opportunity to learn some mental fitness skills and see how saboteurs are keeping you from living a life you love, head here.  

Thanks for being here, and thanks for keeping at it, even when it’s hard or even feels impossible. You’re not alone. 

Five resources for a challenging day

| jamiefeinberg

Today I am pausing, in the midst of a rewarding and busy week, to share a few reminders and resources with you. I’ll keep things short and sweet today, as that’s what I’ve got the spoons for. I hope you’re well and navigating the challenges of life okay today. You’re here, and you’re trying. Well done!

Photo of person at a table behind a pile of books as tall as their head by Pixabay

Reminders: 

  • You matter, you deserve to exist, and you deserve love and compassion and opportunities
  • The color of your skin, your gender identity, your sexuality, where you were born, your IQ, your strengths and weaknesses – none of these change the fact that you have inherent worth 
  • Patriarchy is harmful
  • Cultivating media literacy and practicing it may be getting harder and harder, but it IS possible
  • The small choices you make add up – a phone call to a representative, a smile to someone who is struggling, a donation or a food delivery to someone who needs it, teaching someone a skill

Resources from my more recent writing that you may find helpful: 

Thanks for stopping by, and feel free to comment and let me know what you’d like to hear or see more of here. Wishing you health and renewal for the fight – and an eye for the joy too. 

P.S. I have a few more spots  for people interested in learning about themselves through the Enneagram in our next cohort. And if you’d like to join me for an opportunity to learn some mental fitness skills and see how saboteurs are keeping you from being happy and living a life you love, head here. 

Discovering Who We Really Are – In Community? 

| jamiefeinberg

It’s that time of the week when I am taking stock of how I’m doing amidst the headlines and news of the past seven days or so. In asking myself what I have to offer during these challenging times, I remember time and again that the coaching and mental fitness work that I offer is, as one of my students phrased it, one of my “gems”. One of the gifts I have to offer the world is helping to create community and helping people to discover, and rediscover, who they are, why they are here, and how they can move from thought or feeling into action and bring about a life they truly love. 

Photo of tree branches covered in snow, against a bright blue sky, by Şakir Açıkgöz

I have two main ways that I do this work. One is mental fitness. I am trained as a coach in Positive Intelligence, a system that teaches us to recognize and distinguish our negative thoughts and habits from our wise inner voice and the related skills and tools we can access. When we do mental fitness work, we learn to let go of the habits and thoughts that aren’t serving us anymore and learn how to step into that magical “flow” state where we can be efficient, effective, compassionate, clear-headed and more. I offer a Saboteur Assessment, for no cost, so that people can learn more about mental fitness and whether it might be beneficial for them. (Spoiler alert: so far, everyone has thought it might be beneficial for them! But there is no obligation to work with me beyond your call.) Most of the people I coach also study mental fitness with me, because it’s an extremely actionable system for getting past feeling “stuck” and past the roadblock we create in our own minds. It also gives us a common language to communicate with during our coaching sessions, making each session much more productive and helping you to get to your goals much more quickly and effectively. 

The second main way I help people to create a life they love this is through my work as an Enneagram mentor. Though I am also happy to do Enneagram work 1:1, most of the work I do currently is in group programs. We use Suzanne Stabile’s three month program so that people can learn or confirm their Enneagram number, and then we learn how that information can be used in our own lives and in relationship with other people. I have a few more spots left in my next Enneagram program, and we’re hoping to get started soon, so I hope you’ll learn more about the program, whether you’re familiar with the Enneagram already or not. It is my favorite tool for understanding personality and learning to let go of the habits of our personality that aren’t serving us anymore. For those who’ve been on their Enneagram journey for a while, I also offer an Enneagram book club. New members are always welcome. 

If you ever feel called to work with me, either 1:1 or in one of our incredible small group programs, I’d love to hear from you. I offer partial scholarships in all of my programs, and I offer a sliding scale for our Enneagram work. Some of my favorite people in the world I met doing small group, personal development work, and it can really be transformative to cultivate relationships and conversations like these in your life. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. We need this work now more than ever. I truly believe that. 

Do you have a place in your life currently for doing inner work that can’t really be done alone? Would you ever be interested in this work? 

P.S. I shared about this on Facebook this week and two lovely humans left comments about their experiences working with me. One shared, “Jamie is a wonderful coach! I’ve gone through both of these programs with her and benefited immensely. I learned to “flip the script” on my old negative self-talk to a realization that I actually had a voice that mattered.” Another shared that the mental fitness program helped them to reinforce many of the mindfulness practices they already had and provided them with lots of new ones. Thank you both for sharing your feedback!