writing

Cultivating Curiosity

| jamiefeinberg

After months (and in one participant’s case, years) of anticipation, we’ve got our next Enneagram cohort in place, and on Thursday evening, I had the joy of facilitating our first session. 

I love having the opportunity to bring women (and folks of all genders) together as we each move along the path toward personal growth. We identify and shed layers of habits that no longer serve us. We get clarity on who we are and who we can be, and we support each other as we all follow our own unique path and needs in becoming. 

When I get frustrated, angry, scared about what the world might have in store and of course about what is literally happening right now, my mental fitness training and my Enneagram training offer my opportunities. 

I know from my work that there can be a gift found in any situation, if we choose to do so. And that while fear is hardwired in us, so is love. And love can do so much. 

When I act from love, one of the options available to me is to become curious. And as I have mentioned before, curiosity is truly a gift of our wise mind. 

When I regularly practice cultivating presence, it also helps me to cultivate curiosity. The more present I am, the more likely that I can find curiosity in any situation that calls for. 

Photo of a curious child with a magnifying glass and a plant by Anna Shvets

Perhaps someone’s behavior is puzzling you, or offending you, or hurting you. Perhaps you want to know why they’re doing it. 

I might choose to hone my curiosity where it leads. 

What if we bring curiosity to the things we don’t understand? 

  • The family member who upset you
  • The car who cut you off
  • The friend who no longer speaks to you
  • The co-worker whose words hurt you 

Can you do some work to ground yourself, and then ask yourself to get curious about why it might have happened? 

Curiosity doesn’t mean you have to find the right answer. But in the process of asking questions, of getting curious, we can often find comfort in finding possible explanations – even without certainty. 

What are you curious about? How do you cultivate curiosity? And where in your life would you like to cultivate more curiosity? 
Cultivating curiosity is an important tool in my toolbox, and I help my clients to do so as well. If you’re curious to learn some mental fitness skills and see how saboteurs are keeping you from living a life you love, head here. 

Struggling with motivation? just keep showing up

| jamiefeinberg

Photo by Eberhard Grossgasteiger

This has been a week here, friends, and perhaps it has been for you too. I’m grateful for most things being status quo. But I’ve been sick for nearly three weeks now (way better, but still dealing with fatigue and a voice that hasn’t fully returned), and the extra nuisance of all of it has combined to reduce my motivation to 0 most of the time.

If you can relate to this at all, I’m sorry. And here’s what I’m doing, or at least trying to do, when it’s an issue for me.

Consistency is Key

Just as I know building consistency in my business is key, even in the face of illness or a lack of motivation or feeling like the world is on the brink of collapse, I also know that consistency is key in my personal life. Maintaining whatever habits you can reaps mega benefits. Dishes washed today mean less dishes to wash tomorrow. Taking a shower and keeping my weekly family or friend check-in or getting out for a daily walk are habits you’ve probably worked hard to establish. If possible, resist the urge to cancel it all and crawl into a hole. And if you do cancel it once, do everything possible not to cancel a second time.

Find a Safe Space to Vent

Don’t keep the whirling and swirling emotions in the bottle that is your own mind, my friends. Whether a safe space looks like a journal or a chat with a like-minded family member or friend or a talk with a therapist or a group coaching or accountability session, we all need the opportunity to get our feelings out.

Use Your Creativity

This can actually qualify as a way to vent as well. Maybe the way to stop a panic spiral for you will be to paint a messy painting or dance around your living room or write a short story or poem. Maybe it’s coloring or taking out your Legos. Or maybe it’s whipping up a new concoction in the kitchen.

Get Into Your Body

One of the best antidotes for endless thoughts and feelings in your head is to get out of your head (and heart) and into your body. Find a yoga video, or take a local class. Do some polyvagal exercises or do some jumping jacks. Punch your pillow or chase a ball with your pet. Or practice mindfulness exercises to stay present.

Practice Gratitude

Name five things you’re grateful for before bed. Thank a loved one for a kindness, recent or in the past. Count your blessings like you could count sheep before bed. Even when things look bleak, I always have a lot of things I can be grateful for and present to, right now. I hope you do too.

Offer Yourself Grace

More than anything else, whether you do any of these or not, please offer yourself grace. You are doing the best you can right now. And if that comes easily, try offering grace to someone else too. But more than anything, know that you’re really doing the best you can today. And you can celebrate that.

Sending lots of love your way. Hang in there. And I’d love to hear your suggestions too!

P.S. One of the best tools I’ve found to offer grace to myself and others, with a bonus of providing opportunities for venting in tough times, has been my Enneagram work. I’m currently recruiting both Enneagram newbies, ready to learn more about themselves and why they do what they do, as well as those who already know their number who’d like to join my Enneagram Book Club. And if you don’t have a clue what the Enneagram is, I’m offering an intro workshop (free) soon that you can sign up for.