ross and jamie

eliminating soul clutter

| jamiefeinberg

Soul clutter. The cobwebs keeping you from making meaningful connections. The dust hiding your true desires. The distractions and disappointments. It’s both poetic and real.

“How am I regularly getting rid of the soul clutter I no longer need?”

Emily P. Freeman shared this prompt in her book The Next Right Thing, and I LOVED it.

How powerful is that?

What are you holding onto that you can let go of? What stories, what taunts, what hurts, what old patterns aren’t serving you any longer?

As she goes on to say in her book, it’s not that you shouldn’t hold onto anything, but that nothing should have a hold on you.

When we can let go of the stress of extra obligations, when we can declutter and destress and clear the decks, it’s in the stillness that we can hear our inner wisdom.

Clearing space, away from technology, away from the voices of others telling us what is or isn’t right for us, we start to hear that inner knowing. That’s when the wisdom comes. That’s when the answers appear.

Have you carved out any time for stillness or silence this week? When you do, what do you hear?

And if you know this is something that will benefit you, but you’re struggling to do it on your own, I’ve got your back! Reach out to me for a no-obligation conversation as my gift to you, where I can help you to move the needle on what’s keeping you stuck, so you can feel happier, calmer, and more equipped to lean into what only you can do in this world.

I’m also looking for people interested in studying the Enneagram with me. You can either begin your Enneagram journey with me or, if you already know your number, you can join our book club, which meets on Mondays once a month at 4:30 p.m. ET/5:30 p.m. AT. The Enneagram is my favorite tool for understanding our personalities, why we do what we do, and how we can break the cycle. I’d love to share it with you. Contact rossandjamieadventure at gmail.com to learn more. Scholarships may be available for those who qualify.

Wishing you a day and week with joy, wonder, meaning, and the space to do what is uniquely yours to do. Take care.

This article is based on an article I originally shared on December 18, 2020.

Finding your happy in the holidays

| jamiefeinberg

Hi friends. I’ve been dealing with some health challenges that, while very treatable and straightforward, have had me feeling completely exhausted much of the time. It’s been especially challenging given that this has been the busiest season of my life since moving to Prince Edward Island.

A typical week, over the past six weeks or so, has seen me performing 1-3x, attending or leading rehearsals and auditions, having meetings, and perhaps a social gathering or outing as well in the mix.

In addition, I interviewed for a dreamy 3 days a week position (I was so close, with wonderful feedback on how well-suited I was and how great my interview and experience were etc.), took on some very part-time writing and virtual assistant work, supported clients using the Enneagram and mental fitness, and did some great vocal coaching in individual and group settings.

What’s been key for me, in all of this, has been two things: prioritizing & choosing joy.

Prioritizing is always helpful, especially when you’re someone like me who tends to have several important projects and commitments happening simultaneously. But when your health isn’t in a good place, prioritizing is essential. It becomes your lifeline. What’s the one thing I NEED to accomplish today, or the consequences are dreary? What’s the one thing that, if I accomplish it today, gives me the best chance of hitting my goal for next year, or creating the income I’m seeking for next month? What’s the one thing that, if I made time for it, could make a meaningful impact on my feeling rested or accomplished or loved or content today?

Prioritizing is how we make sure we finish the holiday season satisfied. Maybe that means we balanced the need for quiet contemplation with the need for holiday shopping or managing family members and their expectations. Maybe it means we balanced festive gatherings with time for ourselves, or we took some time off while still meeting the demands of a boss or our clients or our families.

But how do we choose joy?

I choose joy every day, many times a day. When I start to feel the telltale signs of tension in my arms and shoulders, or feel my head getting foggy and anxious thoughts creeping in, I acknowledge what I am feeling, and then I choose to set aside stress and overwhelm. I choose joy.

I choose to stick to my wiser, positive emotions, choosing what’s best for the particular moment at hand. Maybe that means I choose to empathize with people, near or far, who are suffering. Maybe I choose to move into calm and clear-headed action. Maybe I explore the options available to me or create an entirely new, outside of the box solution to the problems I am experiencing or observing around me. Maybe I focus on gratitude. These are all ways to choose joy, for me.

Joy can mean sipping hot cocoa or looking at Christmas lights or giving a gift or cooking a meal together.

Joy can mean letting go of opportunities for overwhelm and instead embracing the more productive emotions available to me. Instead of dwelling in anxiety, what’s the one action I can take to make a difference in this moment?

Does that sound like prioritization? It sure is.

We have chosen a beautiful life that means we are usually far from family during the holiday season. We have done that mindfully. That doesn’t mean that we don’t simultaneously wish we could be here and there. It doesn’t mean we don’t have complex emotions at this time of year.

I’m exploring ways to clarify for myself what matters to me during this season. What are my priorities? Who do I want to see, talk to, spend time with? What traditions do I want to maintain? What new traditions do I want to start? What just isn’t my priority, so I can let it go, accept it as it is? What isn’t within my control, and how can I work on accepting that? And where am I finding joy?

Wherever you are, whatever your situation this year or this week, I believe you have some agency. You can choose a thought that brings joy. Maybe you can choose an activity, or choose to skip an activity. If you aren’t sure how to proceed, let yourself get quiet and contemplate what you truly want and what truly matters to you. Do some grounding exercises. Phone a friend or hire a coach or see a therapist if journaling or brainstorming yourself isn’t getting you there.

And when you’re ready, I hope you’ll prioritize with intention, and choose joy.

Happy holidays, friend.

P.S. If you’re looking for ways to spread joy to us, we thank you. Sharing this post is a great way to do that. You can also listen to Ross’ Christmas album or check out our ukulele course – use the code YEAREND.

SIX SELF-CARE TIPS FOR AN UNCERTAIN WORLD

One yellow flower in foreground, green and other flowers behind it and all in front of a fence.
| jamiefeinberg

What can I write right now? Let me begin with some context.

On January 6th, 2021, as a citizen of the United States, I was completely at a loss as the news showed signs of democracy crumbling with the attack on the capitol. We were living in our 25’ RV outside of Albuquerque. We stayed home as talk of potential violence in other cities was being bandied about. We were grateful for a safe place to be and enough food in the fridge. We felt shock, but we also felt this was somehow predictable, in a way, given the way things had been going in the U.S. up until this point.

Previous to that day, the only experience I’d had like this would have been 9/11, when I was still a senior in high school, though news of the pandemic and George Floyd’s murder and a variety of other events also spring to mind as well. (This obviously reflects my privilege – if I had lived in other cities, had a different skin color etc., I may not have been so insulated from news like this.)

Facing the horrifying news of January 6 led me to write a blog post. In it, I wrote the following:

“I’m honestly at a loss about where to start this post. All of the mindfulness practice in the world can’t change the fact that we’re in the midst of a global pandemic, an American crisis of democracy, and that we’re dealing with the effects of systemic racism, made more plain every day.

On a personal level, I’m finding that calming my mind for yoga or meditation is extremely difficult, walking, while therapeutic, doesn’t solve anything once the walk itself has ended, and talking to friends or family may fan the flames rather than put out the fire.

I’m torn between the desire to veg out on the couch with a movie and the desire to throw all of my energy into work.

If I’m feeling this way, I know you might be too.”

So what did I do with those feelings? I channeled them into self-care tips. I posted some of my top tips for self-care in an uncertain world.

It resonated with many of you. Since then, I’ve learned a lot more tools for handling anxiety, fear, overwhelm, anger, and stress. You may be feeling some of these emotions in light of what’s happening in Israel and Palestine. You may be focused more on Ukraine or on the ways bodily autonomy is being taken away or any of the many, many other problems you are seeing locally and around the world.

Wherever you’re at, please know that you aren’t alone. Here are six ways to practice self-care in times like these.

1 BE PRESENT
Feel your feet on the floor. Take very slow breaths, and focus on your breath going in, holding for a moment, and going back out. If you can’t get any alone time for this, do it on the toilet. Seriously. (I used to do that when I worked a corporate job in a cubicle! Sometimes I’ve heard it can work for a parent or babysitter too.) Wiggle your fingers or your toes. Identify something you feel with each of your senses. Find something of every color in your line of vision. Any grounding technique will get you there. Be here now. Let the thoughts that come to your mind go, and return to concentrating on your breath.

2 SAVOR A HOT BEVERAGE
If you can carve out 5-10 minutes to do this, it’s an easy way to give yourself alone time that is just for you. Each morning, part of my routine includes a cup of tea. You may go with an evening cup, or a cup of coffee, or some hot chocolate. Take the time to feel the warmth of the mug, to smell and taste the beverage. The ritual and experience of this is so satisfying, relatively easy and affordable, easy to include if you have any dietary restrictions, and a moment to indulge yourself.

3 TAKE A WALK
My daily walks have been giving me life for years. They are especially essential to my mental health when the world is, pardon my language, a shitshow. If my body allows, I do everything I can to make my walk happen. I highly recommend taking your walk outside if at all possible for you. Freezing temperatures? Bundle up, and keep it short if you don’t warm up within 10-15 minutes. (Personally, by that time I’m usually feeling a lot warmer.) Go at your own pace. If walking isn’t feasible for you, step outside and feel a breeze. Grab a chair, even if you have to bundle up. And if safety or timing or health etc. keep you from getting outside, my next best recommendation is to make time to look outside, provided that’s safe where you are. Science shows us that looking at nature is calming, Getting outside is calming. (And if you struggle with motivation, walk with a friend or call a friend and do so remotely.)

4 ENJOY A RELAXING BOOK/GAME/SHOW/PODCAST
Back in 2020 I realized that a book of fiction can still be stressful when you’re feeling anxious or on edge – but there are so many options for media, and I’d really encourage you to choose content that makes you feel good or that comforts you right now, at least sometimes, as part of your designated self-care.

Whether it’s listening to a favorite comedian, reading a romance novel, solving a mystery box or returning to a sacred text, or even watching a favorite show, I encourage you to practice self-care that includes some pick-me-ups and distractions. When the world is overwhelming, we can use a break from the news cycle, and if you stick to media that will truly relax and refresh you and consume it mindfully, it can be essential self-care.

5 JOURNAL
I journal each morning, as soon as I get up, as a way of getting the cobwebs out, as outlined in The Artist’s Way. Whatever thoughts and fears are rolling around in my head get recognized immediately, at which point I can let them go, allowing me to go about my day with clarity. I highly recommend it – it’s been my practice for four years now.

6 TAKE A BATH OR SHOWER
One of my favorite forms of self-care is to take a bath. I’ve always found it so relaxing. Focusing on the warm water of a bath or a shower is also a beautiful mindfulness technique.

I don’t currently have a bathtub in my apartment, so I treasure my showers. (And when I occasionally stay at a hotel with a bathtub, it feels like such an indulgence!) If you have the luxury of a bath or shower available to you, it’s a beautiful way to practice self-care.

If you found these tips helpful, you might also want to grab your copy of my free resource, The Four Steps To Your Dream Life Blueprint. And if you’d like me to teach you some of my favorite mindfulness techniques or help you identify the roadblocks keeping you from living a life you love, please choose a time to connect with me.

And I’d love to hear your feedback: What did I miss? Which of these do you find most helpful?

You might also appreciate this article on using frustration as fuel for the future or my spring keynote on crafting your life adventure.

USING HABITS TO IMPROVE YOUR LIFE

| jamiefeinberg

Habits. What are your habits? Do you have a good habit or two that you worked for? Do you have some habits that kind of fell into?

People who know me well tell me that my ability to create healthy habits is actually one of my superpowers! I’ve been thinking about the role of habits in my life. Without habits, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

Back at the start of 2016, after extraordinary frustrations with my health, I decided it was time to take things into my own hands. If doctors couldn’t figure out what was going on with my body, and if I was still exhausted and uncomfortable, it was time to make a change.

I knew that the one area where I was, without a doubt, not maintaining a particularly healthy lifestyle, was my exercise routine. I loved to dance, and I loved to walk, and I even loved yoga, but between financial limitations, a busy schedule, and, I can say with hindsight, some avoidance and resistance to making a commitment, I never seemed to stick to an exercise routine with any regularity.

I knew that for me to become someone who exercised regularly, for the long haul, I would need to make exercising super simple. (After all, nothing else, to date, had worked for more than a few months – even when I’d had a free gym membership provided by my job!)

So in mid-January, I woke up a half hour earlier than usual, and I did yoga poses and stretches for five minutes. I’d told myself that as long as I did something that qualified as exercising or stretching, I would count it.

The next day, I did the same, again for five minutes.

The pattern held. Perhaps five days into the practice, on a weekend, I decided I could afford a longer workout. After all, I was here anyway, and I didn’t have to run out the door.

But I didn’t change the rule for myself. I kept that five minute minimum in place.

With this simple habit in place, I started experimenting. What did it feel like to exercise for seven minutes, or ten minutes? Over time, since I was already showing up and dressed to exercises, I’d exercise for 15 minutes. Soon, a half hour was more of the norm.

I liked this routine. I felt better about myself, knowing I was doing this one thing to prioritize my health. And it set a nice tone for the day.

Eventually, I raised the bar to 15 minutes as my new minimum. And I began waking up even earlier, so that most days, I’d exercise for at least a half hour. I started an exercise program trial (a streaming service) and began experimenting with different workout programs, hoping to find one I liked enough to invest in. After experimenting for a few months, I purchased a favorite one, with strength training, and I purchased better equipment to travel with as I hit the road in an RV. Next, I started a daily walking habit. It stuck. I’ve been doing it ever since, minus a day here or there if I’m sick.

In early December 2020, after realizing I didn’t average 5,000 steps anymore (thanks, pandemic!), I decided I wanted to average at least 5,000 steps daily over the course of a week. With that knowledge and a bit of accountability in our Facebook group, I was there, and then, quite soon, averaging 7,500.

By mid-March of 2021, I was averaging more than 10,000 steps a day! I never would have thought it was possible, but the power of habits made it come to life. I made it easy, by building it on my existing walking habit, and I used a tracker and the accountability of my social media feed and my Facebook group.

Have you ever done this before? Have you successfully established a new habit? It’s something I’ve repeated many times since, and if I ever find myself getting off track, I am able to get myself back in gear.

I created a habit of batch cooking to help me successfully adapt the auto-immune protocol diet and lifestyle back in 2016, even though I was living in an RV (with a tiny kitchen). I used habits to build a morning routine that lit me up in 2018, and over time, I used habit stacking to make it more and more fun and aligned for me. I’ve used habits to develop an evening routine too. (For the record, there’s no shame in putting a chart on a wall if it helps you to meet your goals! Tired Jamie needed visual aids.) And of course, my habit of making healthy eating choices the majority of the time continues to serve me well – established when I was a kid but improved upon many, many times over my life. (And yes, there’s a place for ice cream in a healthy diet, if you tolerate it!)

I talk about habits with my clients too. One of the reasons I do mental fitness work with most of my clients is that if you don’t have a great awareness of and handle on your own triggers and know how to calm the negative thoughts that we all deal with from time to time (and some of daily), it is MUCH harder to implement healthy and productive habits.

For some of my clients, they don’t struggle with habits when they’re required by an outside authority, like a boss or the government, but they do struggle with meeting their own needs. Whatever your challenges are, whether you do well with internal or external expectations (or both), mental fitness helps a LOT!

Are you aware of the habits you have? Which ones serve you, and which habits would you like to get rid of? Are you working on any new habits this year?

Leave a comment and let me know – I’d love to hear any tips and support you in any struggles you’re having.

And if you’d like more support in creating sustainable habits that work for you, let’s hop on a call and discuss the options so you can get clear on your next steps.

Thanks for reading, and have a great week!

P.S. Have you checked out my Four Steps To Your Dream Life blueprint? It’s a great resource and concrete to help you gain clarity and create a life that you love.

P.P.S. Find yourself feeling fearful as you make these changes? You might benefit from my top tips for facing your fear.

This was inspired by an article I published on March 12, 2021.

Using frustration as fuel for the future

| jamiefeinberg

I’ve faced some challenging situations in my career. Early in the pandemic, I’d built a thriving virtual assistant business to fund our travels, and I found myself struggling to create boundaries between my work and my personal life.

One of my clients was particularly disorganized, and I was finding myself feeling stressed – and that stress was carrying over even after I’d set aside my work for the day.

It certainly wasn’t the scenario I had hoped for when I took on this client, but it’s a scenario that many of us know well.

Do you find yourself carrying the stress of your job into your nights and weekends? Perhaps even into your vacation?

Do you find it tough to turn off the worry when you turn off the laptop?

Is it hard for you to devote time to working on your goals and dreams because you’re too stressed about the here and now?

I can certainly relate. I’ve been there. One suggestion for you to try is this: use your frustration as fuel for the future.

When you catch yourself dwelling on anger or frustration, try reframing the situation by saying (out loud, in a journal, or in your head) “I’m so thankful for work that allows me to pay my bills. I’m so thankful for work that allows me to save for my future goals. This situation is helping me to build my future dream life.”

Remember that this frustration is fueling your future in multiple ways:

  • Financially – this money supports you while you dream and scheme and plan, and it may let you save enough for funding future too.
  • Emotionally – this experience is giving you visceral lessons that will stick with you moving forward. You’ll remember this feeling and when you lose momentum or focus on the work of dream life creation, remembering how much you don’t want to experience this again will get you that fire under your butt that’s needed for change. While you’re currently in liminal space, an in-between state that can be very frustrating and generate fear and anxiety, as Suzanne Stabile shares, it’s only in liminal space that we are open to learning new things and can truly experience transformation.

The power of language can’t be overstated here. It can feel incredibly awkward if you’re not used to doing this, and you’ll want to choose a phrase or mantra that feels truthful, authentic to you. But when we regularly make these types of statements, and grow more aware of our word choice, it can have a surprisingly meaningful and beneficial impact on our lives.

Rewriting our stories is truly important for growth. When I rewrite my frustration, instead of the situation being a thing that’s happening to me, feeling myself a victim, I put myself in a position of power.

We have the opportunity to own the choice we are making:

  • I choose to do this job to support my future life.
  • I do this work to feed my family.
  • I’m learning lessons that will help me in the future.

I encourage you to choose a story of empowerment. Choose to use your frustration as future fuel.

Three years ago, I had some go-to tools for managing my own stress – things like breathwork, taking walks in nature, and yoga. And I had a morning routine that served me pretty well.

Since then, I’ve gained additional tools that have been a true game-changer in my life. Using mental fitness techniques I’ve been refining with dedicated practice, I now spend very little time feeling stressed in a typical day. My resting state on most days is actually a state of contentment! And I have the tools to shift my state, quickly and, most days, easily, when I catch myself beginning an anxiety spiral. I love feeling focused and ready to ride the waves of what life hands me. It’s an empowered, confident space to be in, and I love who I have become and who I am becoming.

I’ve also gotten MUCH better at boundary-setting, and when I combine that with personal development and mental fitness work, the result has been that I spend the majority of my time feeling positive emotions like joy, clear-headed focus, confidence, empathy, and more. On days where I previously would have felt stressed, dreading the work ahead and then struggling to leave the stress behind at day’s end, I am feeling inspired, and grateful, and energized.

Making a commitment to work on yourself improves your own life, your relationships with other people, and the world. It begins when you make the decision to own your own power, your own voice, and your own role in the situations you’re in.

So I am curious, and I’d love to hear from you:

Have you been in this situation?

How did you handle it?

How are you rewriting your story today?

And if you’re ready to feel less stress, less fear, less overwhelm and more joy, focus, efficiency, confidence, gratitude…let’s chat. I’d love to help you get some clarity and confidence.

It doesn’t have to be so hard.

It’s time to dream bigger and love life more.

You deserve it, and the world thrives when we embrace who we are meant to be in it.

Note: This article was inspired by one I first wrote and shared on September 11, 2020.

Setting Boundaries For A Childfree Wedding

| jamiefeinberg

It’s that time of year – wedding season! And if you’re childfree, figuring out how to navigate creating a wedding that works for you (will kids be invited? Will people judge your decision not to have kids? Will your wedding be a reflection of your own values, or your family’s, and how do you feel about that?) can be very complicated.

I recently was interviewed by the delightful Paulette Erato for her podcast and Youtube channel, LA VIDA MÁS CHÉVERE. We talk all about my own wedding and the ways I held my boundaries to create the wedding I wanted, without the drama I wanted to avoid. Give it a watch or a listen (it’s only 16 minutes, so it’s pretty quick) and let me know what you think!

Want some support in navigating boundaries in your own life? Let’s hop on a call. I’d love to help you get some clarity and create a road map for how to move forward through the challenges (and joys) in your own life, whether you’re planning a wedding, navigating a transition, getting into the dating world, or building a business.

Listen

Watch

Childfree Weddings: Boundaries Without Drama?!

Book your clarity call

Help! How Do I Make Friends Who Don’t Have Kids? 

| jamiefeinberg

As a childfree woman, and as a person who has moved several times in addition to my five years of full-time travel in an RV, I’ve often been faced with the task of making new friends. Experience has shown me that as awesome as my friends with children are, especially at certain periods in life, parents don’t have as much free time to hang out with me as I’d like – especially if I want some social time without kids. So read on for my top tips, gleaned from my experience establishing myself in new communities over the years. 

Before I begin, let me make a few things clear: 

One – I love children. I have zero issues with the fact that children exist. (I know that may sound snide, but it’s me being honest and forthright.) I also enjoy spending time with them, as long as a) it doesn’t involve holding or caring for babies, and b) they respect my boundaries, as well as c) they are not mine, and they go home with their families after spending time with me. 

Two – I love parents! And there are tons of awesome coaches in the world who write their content for parents. So I’m not going to cater my content to them, but I would encourage you to seek them out if you haven’t found them yet. 

Three – This article is tailored at childfree humans, but it is entirely possible that even if you aren’t childfree, you enjoy making new friends outside of the context of parenting, or you’re of an age where children have grown and moved away. Feel free to read on, keeping the intended audience in mind of course (and keeping any comments mindful of that fact too). 

So, with all those caveats out of the way, here are my top tips for making childfree friends!

  1. Go Where The Children Aren’t

Just as I’d send new parents to the playground or the library to connect with other families, your best bet when you’re on the hunt for new childfree friends is to gravitate towards places without children. So join a book club, or head to your local bar for trivia. Take a dance class or attend one of those painting classes where you’re encouraged to drink wine. Audition for a play (one with only adults!) or join your local softball or roller derby team. Learn to crochet or sign up for a DnD group (again, one with only adults!). Take a class at your local community college.

If you’re sober, meet people that way. If you love to sing, hit up the karaoke bar. Will there be plenty of people at these events who have children? That’s likely. But you’ll be on the right track by making connections with people who are socializing WITHOUT KIDS. (That means they’re able to prioritize themselves, and they’re choosing to do it at places you enjoy too!) You may find an awesome new parent friend who you hit it off with. Or you can tell them about yourself and that you’re looking to meet friends, and they may introduce you to their single friend or favorite DINK (double income, no kids) couple. 

The key? Attend with an open mind, and keep trying new things. 

  1. Share Vulnerably (But Judiciously) Wherever Possible

The way to make deep and meaningful connections with people is to share vulnerably. And yes, that means you need to be willing to share first! A small percentage of people in the world are happy to share their deepest feelings with strangers, without an invitation. But most of us wait to be asked or wait until the other person shares FIRST. 

So go into each day with curiosity, and bring a few questions in your pocket if you need ideas. 

What’s your favorite trip you’ve ever taken? 

Did you have a special person in your life who made a difference in who you are? 

If you had to eat the same food for the rest of your life, what would it be? 

Okay, so maybe that last question isn’t super deep. But each relationship needs to start somewhere. You want to ask one question and wait for a response. Truly listen and respond to what you hear. It may lead you to ask a different question you wouldn’t have thought of. And if they’re reluctant to share, that’s okay – you go first! And then ask them what their answer is. 

You’ll tend to have the most success when you do more listening than talking, but do share enough to show them it’s a safe space to share too. 

  1. Met A Potential Friend? Speak Up!

I’ve had several times in my life when I had an amazing conversation with someone. Only later, when I was reliving it in my mind or relaying the exchange to someone else, did I realize I should have asked them to meet up for coffee sometime or ask to connect on social media or something. 

So it’s now my habit to be ready to connect at any time. I have business cards on me, and I reach out to fun people I interact with on social media. I’ll tell them I’m always looking to meet new friends and I’d love to have a drink sometime and learn more about them. 

Seize the day, friends! Don’t miss out on connecting with your new best friend after the most hilarious bathroom conversation ever!

  1. Get Outside Your Comfort Zone To Increase Your Odds

See what it feels like to add a new activity to your schedule each week. Too busy or introverted for that? Make it bi-weekly or every month. 

Do a quick audit of your schedule currently and how it aligns with your priorities and your energy. (This is one of my favorite things to do with my clients!) Go through the different areas of your life and consider how much time and energy they’re currently taking up and how happy you are in that area. 

If you value great conversation and don’t have any close friends right now, set aside some time each week to move you toward that goal. While you do sometimes have to do a bit of the chit-chat thing when you don’t know someone well, these tips are a great way of getting to the good stuff and knowing whether someone is worth the effort. 

And remember, you don’t have to do this forever. Just until you’ve got a comfortable number of new friends. 

  1. Not Everyone Needs To Be Your Everything Best Friend

Perhaps you once had a best friend, but you had a falling out. Or maybe you’ve never had a best friend, and you’ve always wanted one. 

Be careful to remember that there is a place for a variety of friends in the world. If we try to slot someone into the “best friend” category and all they’re ready for is to be the “drinks after work and catch some live music” friend, we could send them running for the hills. 

Some of your friends may include: 

  • Hobby friends (they love seeing you at drag night/crochet/softball/theater/book club, but they don’t seek out or maintain a relationship elsewhere)
  • Neighbors (greet each other with pleasantries, maybe even invite you to a BBQ sometime?)
  • Work friends
  • Spiritual friends (connected from church or synagogue or mosque or your local Pagan meetup or what-have-you)
  • Parent friends (folks you love to hang out with, but that you know won’t always be available for a drink or meetup as their kids come first) 
  • Childfree friends (though some childfree folks are caregivers, many enjoy a true freedom with their schedule that can be really helpful for meeting up…and we childfree folks have a lot in common!)
  • Family friends (your family or the people who you think of as family)
  • Friends who you attend events with (key tip – don’t rule out folks in different age brackets! For instance, for me, I set my own schedule and I love to have daytime friends – sometimes retired folks have more flexibility than folks my own age)
  • Friends who will help you in a pinch
  • Your ride-or-die, do anything for you, friends

In an ideal world, you want friends in lots of categories, and some of the friends in the top categories may and can move into the lower, more connected categories. It’s normal for people to start out closer to acquaintances. Don’t be upset if most people don’t want to immediately be your best friend. 

On the other hand, I have several delightful friends who skipped several categories nearly immediately. (I have a hunch that being neurodivergent/highly sensitive/empathetic can play a role in this tendency.) So be open to that too, but make sure to avoid smothering them with your expectations. (And that’s where boundaries come in, friends!)  

If your “childfree” friend turns into your “parent” friend at some point, that’s okay too! We all go through phases in life, and we can love and value what was even if it changes. And if you struggle to maintain even a modified friendship with your friend, take heart knowing that a) you’re not alone and b) as they figure out the whole parenting thing, they may have more free time to spend with you again. Try to offer empathy and compassion to them (in addition to offering yourself self-compassion as you mourn what was). 

  1. Online Friends Are JUST As Valuable As In-Person Friends

When I moved to New Hampshire after some time away in college and working in professional musical theater, I didn’t have any friends at all and had to start from the ground up. I staged a musical revue to meet my friends, and yes, it worked! 

But as much as I loved my friends, I found that a) none of the lovely people I met that way turned into my best friend and b) most of those friendships struggled when I moved away. 

When I began getting serious about my own personal development, I sought accountability, training, and coaching online, and as a result, I met dozens of people who I had a LOT in common with around the world. 

As I traveled in my RV, I had the unique privilege of meeting many of my friends in person, and that was even more wonderful! These are people who my husband and I have a lot in common with. Even as our life situations have changed, I’ve maintained these relationships, as well as many valuable friendships with people back in NH or from my college or high school days, online. 

Especially if you’re in a small town or otherwise aren’t finding “your people” where you are, please know that your people ARE out there. You can dive into your personality studying mental fitness training or the Enneagram, or you can join some Facebook groups for like-minded people and be open to making friends there. And don’t be afraid to make the “first move” and ask for a virtual coffee chat.

P.S. I’d love to hear your top takeaway on this topic! Did I miss something? Let me know! And please share it so the childfree people in your life and those seeking friends will know that it can get better.

waiting for your chance?

| jamiefeinberg

Good news if you enjoy a bargain. I decided to offer a few sales. If you’ve been on the fence about working with me or my previous offers weren’t in the budget or quite the right fit, please check out these. (All info in the images is also duplicated below.)

I’d love to support you, and if this resonates with you, sharing helps me to connect with other people who are ready to take their next step. You can reach me at rossandjamieadventure @ gmail.com.

Spring Sale! (expire after the equinox on Monday, 3/20/2023):

One-Off Coaching/Consulting Power Session: Know where you’re headed and want some coaching or consulting on your particular question or situation? This is made for YOU.

Includes pre-session worksheet, 75 minute session, follow-up summary w/ road map and suggestions for next step

Ex. What are the next best steps for me to take in my business? Can you help me to create a schedule that’s more aligned with my values? How can I set some boundaries so that people stop expecting me to do everything? Which of these awesome hobbies/side projects should I pursue as a business?

Regular price $179, sale price $70 (more than 60% off!)

Buy Two Months of Coaching, Get One Month Free: For new 1:1 clients, purchase two months of coaching and/or mental fitness training and receive your third month of coaching free! (I am actually not allowed to promote this discounted price publicly, so message me for a free coaching session and I’ll share all the details with you!) Prefer a group session? Reach out to me for additional savings opportunities.

Free Session & Save: New clients who book their free session with me receive a credit of $200 that can be used toward any regularly priced coaching package before the end of June, 2023.

Enneagram-Curious: Considering working with a practitioner 1:1 to discover your number and learn more about who you are and why you do what you do? Know your number, but want some support figuring out what you can actually DO with that information? I’m offering an introductory price on this new offer of only $50 for an hour of Enneagram training, or only $150 for 4 sessions.

Coaching-Curious Sampler: Intrigued by mental fitness training, coaching, consulting, and the Enneagram? Not sure where to start? This sampler includes four sessions with me where you’ll be introduced to each of these modalities and explore the roles they might play in your personal development. If you’re ready for support in creating a life you love (or in embracing the one you have) but feel some blocks and are craving clarity, this sampler is designed for you. Introductory price: $250

black friday specials

| jamiefeinberg

It’s that time of year when so many of us head out into the world, in-person or virtually, for some savings as the holiday season really starts to get going.

While many of the deals out there are for physical products and indulgences, I’d like to encourage you to indulge and invest in yourself in the ultimate act of self-care.

If you’ve been curious about my life, my businesses, and what’s possible for you when you level up in your life and/or your career, today (or Sunday at the latest) is your day! And if we did a clarity call in the past but the timing wasn’t right for you to work with me, now’s your chance!

Here’s what I’m offering. If you’re ready to purchase, send an email to jamie.feinberg @ gmail.com or message me on Facebook or Instagram so we can get your purchase made and help you to get in the driver’s seat of your life ASAP.

Not sure which deal is for you? Reach out and we can discuss.

3 Amazing Black Friday Deals (expire after Sunday, 11/27/2022): 

#1 Book & Save: New clients who book their free clarity call with me by Sunday, November 27th will receive a credit of $250 that can be used toward any regularly priced coaching package before the end of the year. 

#2 One Strategy & Structure Power Session: Regular price $179, sale price $70 (more than 60% off!) Includes pre-session worksheet, 75 minute session, follow-up summary w/ road map and suggestions for next steps. Perfect for when you know where you’re headed and want some coaching or consulting on your particular question or situation. 

Ex. What are the next best steps for me to take in my fitness business? Can you help me to create a schedule that’s more aligned with what matters to me? How can I set some boundaries so that people stop expecting me to do everything? Which of these awesome hobbies/side projects should I pursue as a business?  

#3 Buy Two Months of Coaching, Get One Month Free: For new 1:1 clients, this weekend only, purchase my Two Month Positive Intelligence Package and receive your third month of coaching free! 

  • Positive Intelligence Package w/ extra month: $1200 (2 payments of $600) or $1,050 (discounted price if paid in full up front) – Estimated Value: $2,575 – $600 savings this weekend only off the $1800 typical price!
  • All of this is included:
  • 6-week, foundational mental fitness training through the Positive Intelligence program 
  • 6 weeks of access to the science-backed Positive Intelligence app, providing daily accountability, tracking, and training ($1,000 value)
  • 6 30-45 min. Zoom accountability sessions led by Jamie ($525 value)
  • 6 weeks of 1:1 55 min phone/video coaching sessions (5 sessions w/ 1 week off) ($350 value) 
  • 12 Weeks Email Access & Messenger Access (response within 48 hours Monday – Friday) ($500 value) 
  • Worksheets ($200 value) 
  • 30 Day Money Back Guarantee

Thanks for reading and for considering working with me. You can read testimonials from my past clients here. And if the cost isn’t feasible for you, please email me (jamie.feinberg @ gmail.com) to request a scholarship application – I strive to offer a couple of scholarships each month.

Book Your Call

or message me (jamie.feinberg @gmail.com or via Facebook or Instagram ) for purchasing or further questions.