Hi friends. While I am feeling so grateful for the sun entering my room and to be safe and warm on this cool January day, my heart is heavy with the quick pace of horrendous news coming at me and worries about what this will mean for friends, family, and the larger community in the United States and around the world.
(Photo of a gray blue surface of a rock, by Pixabay, who told me this is a hard thing.)
I wanted to share a resource I found helpful today, as well as a new opportunity I’ve created as my own personal contribution.
Robert Reich shared an excellent article yesterday with ten suggestions for what you can do now in the face of all of this.
His top ten includes great detail, but the quick overview is below:
Protect undocumented members of your community
Protect LGBTQ+ members of your community
Help officials in your community Trump or his allies are targeting for violence
Participate in or organize boycotts of companies that are enabling the Trump regime, including X, Tesla, and those advertising on X or Fox News
As you’re able, fund groups litigating against Trump
Spread the truth (and keep doing so!)
Urge those you know to avoid propaganda outlets, and consider helping them to wean themselves off them and find other news sources
Push for progressive members in your community and state
Encourage worker action
Keep the faith – remember what a small win Trump had; never give up
If you’re like me, you may be finding it really hard to stay motivated right now – even completing the mundane tasks of life or work can be really challenging in the face of these potential stressors.
In addition to my weekly Refuel & Renew program (found in my group Crafting Your Life Adventure) and all of my coaching and mental fitness offerings, I’m going to try a new offering, called Together To Do the Hard Things. If this is something you’re interested in but the timing isn’t good, please let me know what times would be better for you. I know it can be much easier to motivate ourselves to do the hard things when we do them together. (Many of our neurodivergent friends have learned this trick – it’s called body doubling!) So if you’d like to have a little accountability and support, whether it’s for paying your bills, or writing your reps or washing the dishes, join me Monday at 6:30 p.m. ET or 7:30 p.m. AT. If it’s popular, I’ll keep offering it. You can keep the screen on or off, and I’ll offer support and coaching to those who’d like it as time and space allow.
I’m looking for more ways to make a difference in the world. If this would be helpful for you or for others you know, please share it with those you care about.
Take care, and I hope to see you soon.
P.S. If you’d like more personalized support in understanding how you get in your own way and in laying out a roadmap to creating a better life, please schedule a Saboteur Assessment Feedback Session.
TW: for a frank conversation around my own struggles with food and references to diet culture
I’ve been studying the Enneagram for more than five years, and because of that, most of what I’ve studied feels quite ingrained and accessible. But with anything we learn, I think, there are layers, and as we go through new situations in our life and move further along our path (hopefully toward self-actualization), life has a tendency to throw us the same types of situations again and again, in hopes, perhaps, that we’re ready for a new lesson and can grow further as a result. A mentor of mine recently described this idea as a spiral path for growth, and I know that isn’t a new concept for many of us.
My relationship with food, of course, goes back much farther than my relationship with the Enneagram. My own relationship with food is complicated, with past experiences and challenges around food security, trust, and control. Add to that a hefty dose of diet culture in the 80s and 90s and throw in the fact that in the past eight years, I’ve realized I can’t eat gluten and have some other food sensitivities, and you’ve truly got a recipe for food issues, to say the least.
I could share a number of stories about the effects this has had on my life, and about how many therapy and journaling sessions I’ve devoted to it, but I had a particular experience this week that I found absolutely fascinating and couldn’t resist sharing.
Last night, while talking to Ross (my husband), I said I wanted to open the mint chip ice cream we had in the freezer and have some for dessert. He was supportive, of course. I’d purchased it on sale (it’s my favorite Chapman’s flavor) and I was looking forward to it.
Perhaps a half hour after we chatted, I realized I hadn’t yet gotten up from the table to get myself some ice cream. I washed my hands, grabbed a bowl and spoon, removed the ice cream from the freezer, removed the layer of plastic wrapped around the carton, and began scooping myself ice cream. The bowl isn’t especially large, as it fits in the palm of my hand, but it easily fits a lot of ice cream in it. I remember scooping some, and then more, and then more so it went over the top of the bowl, and then filling in some of the gaps, and then I’m sure I had my inner critic chime in that it was plenty and I’d want some later so leave some for the rest of the week. I put away the carton and grabbed my bowl and spoon.
It wasn’t until I set the ice cream down on the table that I looked at it and thought to myself, why is there so much ice cream in my bowl?
Common reasons I might have told myself I was having a large portion of ice cream in the past have included:
I’m really hungry
I’m having one of those days where nothing satiates me…ice cream will
I need more protein today (yes, that’s a real reason I’ve given myself)
I don’t want to leave a little bit in the carton
It’s a special celebration day
I’m at an ice cream place I won’t be back to for a while (or ever), so enjoy it now
This ice cream place is seasonal and closing soon – make the most of it
I’m having a tough day. Ice cream will make me feel better
I’m sure there are others as well. But do you know what I realized last night?
I hadn’t had ANY of those thoughts. Because I actually hadn’t stopped to think. At ALL. I’d had the gut impulse/light bulb moment/memory of my conversation with Ross which then sent me into the kitchen to get myself ice cream.
And then I brought it to the table. Then, and only then, did I look at how much ice cream I’d given myself and think, hmm, I’m not especially hungry. I’ve got some healthier habits I’m working on. I would have even been happier with a smaller bowl. Why in the world did I give myself so much ice cream?
And the answer, clear as day, that came to me, was because I hadn’t stopped to think.
At all.
So, if that isn’t making sense to you, congratulations! You’re probably not an 8, 9, or 1 on the Enneagram. You may not be a dependent number (a 1, 2, or 6) either.
These three numbers, 8/9/1, are in the “gut” or “anger” or “rage” triad. Part of what makes us unique is that we are dominant “doers”. We all rely heavily on “doing” as we go about our day, with different flavors for each number. As a 1, I’m predominantly “doing” when I am in my automatic, auto-pilot part of my being (which is most of the time, for most of us), with this doing fed by how I am feeling about things, though I may not be self-aware enough to be able to articulate the feeling underneath it. When stressful things happen and I feel things, I react to my feelings by doing. But the main thing here, when we’re in this triad, is that we are doers. We are “doing dominant”.
(Side note – 8s are doing dominant, supported by thinking, and 9s would be both doing dominant and doing repressed, but that’s a story for another day.)
Now, this isn’t a bad thing about myself; it just is. But the other piece of this puzzle is that as a member of the dependent stance (made up of 1s, 2s, and 6s), I am by definition thinking repressed. This means that I am less likely to do productive thinking than the members of the other two stances.
Members of the dependent stance are certainly thinking a lot, perhaps even more than others, but that doesn’t mean our thinking is necessarily productive. We are defined by the fact that it is a big challenge for us to bring up productive thinking, at least if we haven’t done a LOT of work.
So, as a person who thinks of herself (and is thought of by others) as a pretty smart person, I’ve had to wrestle a lot with how repressed thinking shows up for me.
And last night, my goodness. Is that not a perfect example of it?
There were so many times along the path from refrigerator to table where I could have stopped to think: Do I want a small amount of ice cream, or a large one? How hungry am I right now? I’ve got some health goals for the future – should I consider those right now? Am I having a strong craving? How would I feel if I didn’t eat ice cream tonight?
My friends, I thought none of those things. I simply got myself a big bowl of ice cream.
And honestly, if I hadn’t done a lot of work on myself, between studying the Enneagram and mental fitness (which has been my best tool for slowing down these auto-pilot moments), I don’t think I would have even noticed.
(This is also, more generally, a perfect example of the kind of automatic responses and habits built into our personality that require a practice of non-judgmental self-observation to be able to recognize it and potentially make another choice. The Enneagram and mental fitness are both beautiful tools for this.)
Of course, as soon as I observed myself at the table, it got me thinking. What factor has this behavior played when I’ve worked on losing weight? What factor has this played in changing my habits to healthier ones? If I could gain more awareness in this moment, perhaps even long enough to do a short mindfulness exercise, could I eat less each night? How would that feel?
I’ve let go of wanting to be a particular size, for the most part. My only holdout is a couple of beautiful dresses I will likely never be able to wear again. But I think I’m going to be okay with that. However, I want my future self to be as fit as I am currently. And I’ve realized recently, in part influenced by the book Outlive, that if I want to be this fit at 60, or at 80, I need to become super-fit NOW. Because our bodies have a tendency to lose muscle, and lose strength, lose stability as we age, the only way to set myself up for a healthy retirement is actually to get MORE fit than I would otherwise care to right now.
Obviously, to even think about doing that requires some privileges, and I’m not fully convinced if this is even a realistic goal for me in my life right now. But I do have it in the back of my mind as I explore steps I can take, and habits I can form, moving in that direction.
And I guess what I’m saying is, we talk about mindless eating. I don’t do that anymore. My eating is truly mindful. I savor each bite or at least one bite of each food I have on my plate, and I truly take my time and enjoy my meals. But only now am I aware of mindless plating!
Have you observed yourself in moments like this? If you’ve studied the Enneagram, did it teach you anything about your own habits you’d like to share?
This week has been busy, and honestly, this year so far has been too. I’m feeling myself simultaneously caught up in the energy of a new year, all the feelings of possibility (real or imagined) that that entails, while also facing a particular brand of challenge and potential stress that has historically been a major issue for me.
I have so much to be grateful for, to be clear. In addition to the majority of areas of my life feeling fairly secure and in a beautiful place, I’m well aware of the privileges I have in even being able to make these plans and work on these types of challenges, when so many nearby and around the world are worried about the essentials – am I safe? Do I have a place to sleep tonight? Is there food on the table? Is there a table? Are my loved ones okay?
But as you may relate to, it’s still quite easy to get caught up in your own challenges, even when they’re not as challenging as someone else’s.
One of the things I’ve been working on this week, because of this particular “challenge” I referred to above, is on two things, as I described in my Enneagram Book Club meeting last night.
The first thing is that I’m working to keep my attention on all the good stuff, the majority of the time. Focus on gratitude for all the stuff that’s pretty darn awesome in my life and even in the lives of others. I have so much to be grateful for, in so many areas. And while there are times when I get troubling news or am handed a surprise and need to spend some time processing my emotions, most of the time in my day to day, I get to choose where my focus is. And if I choose joy (as I have often spoken of), it’s likely that my day, and the day of those I encounter, will be better because of it.
The second, complementary thing I am working on right now, is being able to work on the “challenge”, the hard thing, without bringing negative emotions into it. This is something that my Enneagram work helps me with, but I think it’s my mental fitness practice, more than anything, that has me in a great mindset for this. Instead of anxiety about the outcome of what I’m doing, or anger at the situation I am facing, I’m exploring what it feels like to be curious and to just get stuff done. Can I set aside the critical and sabotaging voices in my head when they pop up, and instead return to the next task at hand? Can I marvel at my ability to get things done in a crisis instead of wasting my energy getting upset? Can I trust that the better use of that energy is in the doing?
Part of this, for me, is that I need to get comfortable being uncomfortable. I don’t like the uncertainty and lack of control I’m feeling about this situation right now. But when I’m honest with myself, I’ve never been a fan of change, and I really like to feel in control. And control is an illusion, my friends. So I’m working on embracing liminality and thanking the universe for a chance to get uncomfortable and learn more. To learn to work productively through discomfort, without adding drama.
One of the things my mental fitness work has taught me is that the wise part of my brain can be in “go mode”, or exploring options, or creating new solutions, without any negative emotions in the picture. And when I take that approach, what could feel daunting or overwhelming can instead feel more like I’m a little kid on a playground, making a sandcastle or peeking behind a tree or creating a new club for my friends to join.
So if you’re also in the midst of a big “challenge”, whatever that may be, I want to encourage you. It’s okay to be uncomfortable and in transition. Those spaces offer us beautiful opportunities for growth, if we choose to see them that way. (And it’s okay if it takes time to get there.).
Though you may not be able to change the situation, consider if a shift in focus, to a wiser part of you, might bring you some peace, or at least help you work more efficiently so you can sooner take a break with some tea or get a hug from a friend.
I’m grateful for mindfulness practices and self-awareness cultivated with the Enneagram that are making all of this feel more attainable.
I’m also grateful for the opportunity of a new year, where we can keep reevaluating who we are and our place in the world.
Thanks for reading, and have a beautiful week!
P.S. A great practice for the new year could be to book a Saboteur Assessment to help you shine a light on what’s keeping you from your best work and being your most authentic self. You can also reach out to me to join my next Enneagram study, using Suzanne Stabile’s incredible curriculum, so that you can learn more about yourself in the company of like-minded people.
One of my favorite reads this year has been The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture by Gabor Mate. It’s a long book, and I’m still working my way through it, but it’s the most comprehensive acknowledgement I’ve found of the complex factors that make our lives challenging as well as the varied ways, from individual to systemic, that healing is possible for us.
In the book, Mate refers to the concept of healing as a journey toward wholeness:
“It is a direction, not a destination; a line on a map, not a dot. Nor is healing synonymous with self-improvement. Closer to the mark would be to say it is self-retrieval.”
Self-retrieval.
What if we could find ourselves again? What if we could work through the suffering, make some changes, change our perspective, and ultimately return to ourselves?
To the beautiful self we were before the world hardened us, changed us, wounded us?
To the wise, sage being underneath all those layers of personality we put on as self-protection?
To the sweet, kind human obscured by our saboteurs and our sabotaging thoughts?
What would a journey of self-retrieval look like?
Conventional thoughts around healing might make us focus on the physical path toward healing: get some rest, take some medicine, eat some healthy food, get some exercise or movement into our day.
But if we’re on a journey of self-retrieval, that kind of healing would also include our mental and emotional needs. Maybe that’s therapy, spiritual development, coaching or yoga. Maybe it’s art-making or finding joy, fostering meaningful friendships and connections or joining support groups. Maybe it’s an afternoon with tea and a journal, or pounding a pillow, or grieving the loss of a loved one or an opportunity or a career that could have been.
One of my coaches emphasizes the importance of play – finding joy in the things we once did as children, or the things we wish we’d have had the opportunity to do as a kid. So for me, self-retrieval might mean cultivating play: purchasing a jump rope, swinging on a swing, coloring in a coloring book, or dancing around my living room or in a dance studio.
What does healing as self-retrieval mean to you?
My Enneagram teacher, Suzanne Stabile, has a book called The Journey Toward Wholeness. I recently re-read it with a cohort of other students of the Enneagram. The conversations have been revelatory. The Enneagram remains my favorite tool for self-retrieval or healing.
It’s so easy, amidst a busy day and week and life, to stick to the status quo and say no to new opportunities. But as Suzanne says in her book, “Even when there is much to do, we must first guard our souls.” I highly recommend joining an Enneagram cohort (my next one will start in the new year) or, if you know your number, a group like my Enneagram Book Club, to further your own work toward self-retrieval.
Do you agree with Gabor Mate, that healing can be seen as self-retrieval? Does this have any implications for you in your own journey?
If you’re feeling a lot of emotions or going through changes in your life, now might actually be the best time for you to seek a community as you navigate your healing journey. And wherever you are in the journey, I wish you all the best.
This has been a week here, friends, and perhaps it has been for you too. I’m grateful for most things being status quo. But I’ve been sick for nearly three weeks now (way better, but still dealing with fatigue and a voice that hasn’t fully returned), and the extra nuisance of all of it has combined to reduce my motivation to 0 most of the time.
If you can relate to this at all, I’m sorry. And here’s what I’m doing, or at least trying to do, when it’s an issue for me.
Consistency is Key
Just as I know building consistency in my business is key, even in the face of illness or a lack of motivation or feeling like the world is on the brink of collapse, I also know that consistency is key in my personal life. Maintaining whatever habits you can reaps mega benefits. Dishes washed today mean less dishes to wash tomorrow. Taking a shower and keeping my weekly family or friend check-in or getting out for a daily walk are habits you’ve probably worked hard to establish. If possible, resist the urge to cancel it all and crawl into a hole. And if you do cancel it once, do everything possible not to cancel a second time.
Find a Safe Space to Vent
Don’t keep the whirling and swirling emotions in the bottle that is your own mind, my friends. Whether a safe space looks like a journal or a chat with a like-minded family member or friend or a talk with a therapist or a group coaching or accountability session, we all need the opportunity to get our feelings out.
Use Your Creativity
This can actually qualify as a way to vent as well. Maybe the way to stop a panic spiral for you will be to paint a messy painting or dance around your living room or write a short story or poem. Maybe it’s coloring or taking out your Legos. Or maybe it’s whipping up a new concoction in the kitchen.
Get Into Your Body
One of the best antidotes for endless thoughts and feelings in your head is to get out of your head (and heart) and into your body. Find a yoga video, or take a local class. Do some polyvagal exercises or do some jumping jacks. Punch your pillow or chase a ball with your pet. Or practice mindfulness exercises to stay present.
Practice Gratitude
Name five things you’re grateful for before bed. Thank a loved one for a kindness, recent or in the past. Count your blessings like you could count sheep before bed. Even when things look bleak, I always have a lot of things I can be grateful for and present to, right now. I hope you do too.
Offer Yourself Grace
More than anything else, whether you do any of these or not, please offer yourself grace. You are doing the best you can right now. And if that comes easily, try offering grace to someone else too. But more than anything, know that you’re really doing the best you can today. And you can celebrate that.
Sending lots of love your way. Hang in there. And I’d love to hear your suggestions too!
P.S. One of the best tools I’ve found to offer grace to myself and others, with a bonus of providing opportunities for venting in tough times, has been my Enneagram work. I’m currently recruiting both Enneagram newbies, ready to learn more about themselves and why they do what they do, as well as those who already know their number who’d like to join my Enneagram Book Club. And if you don’t have a clue what the Enneagram is, I’m offering an intro workshop (free) soon that you can sign up for.
Where do you begin, when your worst fears seem to be coming true?
How do you process it? And what do you do?
Photo credit: Marek from Pixabay
Back in 2020, when it became clear we might be facing a second term of Trump, my husband and I were fearful for our future. We relied on affordable health insurance as self-employed people and people with pre-existing conditions. We had one plan available to us as we traveled the country in our RV. If that plan went away, or if, even worse, all affordable health care went away for those who were self-employed, we wouldn’t be able to do the work that we loved. Not to mention fears around bodily autonomy and the Supreme Court.
So while in 2016 we’d done a bit of research into moving to Canada, we got serious about it in 2020. Ultimately, for us, the path forward involved my husband going back to school.
We knew we might be overreacting, but we felt like we needed to prioritize our own survival (including mental health) first. So we went for it. We knew we were super privileged. But we felt we needed to put our own oxygen mask on first and avoid becoming a burden to our friends and family if we stuck around and weren’t able to make things work.
Unfortunately, there have been several times since we moved here that we’ve been reminded that some of our worst fears have come true. Reproductive rights being the stunning one. And of course, now, it feels like that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
My work isn’t political on the surface. I help people to create a life they love. Sometimes that’s career coaching, sometimes it’s life coaching. Sometimes it’s mental fitness work or exploring spirituality or many other topics. But I’ve always been passionate about human rights. The rights of everyone to make their own, empowered choices, regardless of what other people expect or advise or prefer. The rights of ALL of us, without judgment of our gender or if we’re trans, the rights of all of us under the 2SGLTQIA+ umbrella, whatever our skin color or country of origin or religion or abilities or neurodiversity…you get the idea.
I want everyone to be fully supported in becoming their full, authentic selves, bringing their own unique gifts and perspective to the world, because I believe that makes the world a better place. If we all had our needs met and could tap into what we do best, I truly think so much fear and anger and hate around the world would start to disappear.
Facing the news yesterday, I observed myself moving through a series of emotions. I’d feel mad, frustrated, fearful, sad, anxious about the future. I’d then catch myself in my emotions and do some grounding work to regulate myself. And then, soon enough, my thoughts would take over again. Maybe I’m ten minutes into a task and another idea occurs to me and I’m in tears or raging. Things like:
What if we have another pandemic in the next four years?
What if Canada kicks my husband and me out unexpectedly?
What if my friends and family aren’t safe? How can I support them if things get really bad?
How do I respect and forgive my friends who prioritized their own concerns over what seems most pressing to me – the humanity and bodily autonomy of a majority of US citizens?
How do I stay regulated and not rage over inconsequential things (otherwise known as, tell me you’re an Enneagram 1 without telling me you’re an Enneagram 1)
I love the warmth of this tea…or this blue sky….How do I avoid losing sight of those gifts in my own fears right now?
How much time before it gets scary?
What about everyone who can’t leave?
In all of this, I keep coming back to gratitude. Anchoring into that has been useful for me.
Gratitude that I’m here in Canada
Gratitude for the community of people here as well as the global community of friends and family who love and support us
Gratitude for beautiful days, for a warm drink, for an apartment we can afford, for work that lights us up
Gratitude that right now, today, my friends and family are okay
And on and on.
Please take the time you need to acknowledge and process your emotions. And when you’re ready, use your tools to self-regulate, to lock into gratitude, to truly care for yourself and your needs right now.
I hope that in the coming days, if you’re also in the United States and feeling fearful (or, honestly, even if you aren’t), I hope you’ll consider asking yourself a few questions. Before doing so, I encourage you to make sure you’re in as grounded, calm, and wise a mindset as possible, to make sure that you answer these questions not from fear, but from love, with the best wisdom your mind has to offer:
Is there anything I’ve been putting off that I should get to soon?
Are there any steps I should take to keep myself and my loved ones safe?
Are there any conversations I need to have with friends or family?
What are my worst fears – and is there anything I can do today to alleviate them?
If you aren’t sure how to calm yourself down or change your emotional state, there are some wonderful tools out there, including many I teach. You can also check out this article I wrote in 2021 on breaking out of a funk.
Please don’t judge yourself or your friends or neighbors for how they’re processing things right now. As much as it might be tempting to, try to view yourself, and others, and even this situation, with curiosity. If we can tap into the wisest part of ourselves, acting from love for ourselves and those we care about, we are much better equipped to work efficiently, feel empathy, and know what’s needed from us in this moment.
(And on a lighter note, my friend Dave Agans has an amazingly hilarious series, a trio of books, the last of which I finally read recently. If you’re into quirky sci-fi or speculative fiction and humor, you might love The Urban Legion as much as I do. Somehow I feel like these might both resonate/feel prescient and also be a great way to relax right now.)
Take care, friends.
P.S. I’m going to begin offering a fifteen minute pause each week for us to reset. There’s no cost. If you want to join me to do some mindfulness exercises, ground ourselves, feel a little joy, and release those negative emotions, you are most welcome. You can sign up here. Alternately, I periodically coach and share in my Facebook group, Crafting the Life You Want.
I’ve always found myself caught between two sides of myself in keeping my place organized. One part of me is an aspiring minimalist, with a keen awareness of the gift of calm and peace I feel in a clean, tidy, and simple space. Other part of me is a pack rat, wanting everything organized in its place but seeing a need to hold onto everything, and with a brain so busy with activities that I seldom want to stop and tidy up.
If I put much (read: any) weight in astrology, I might ascribe this to being a Gemini. I do put some of it up to my nature as an Enneagram 1: my perfectionist tendencies are ingrained habits and coping mechanisms from way back in my life. In my mental fitness work, this would be my stickler saboteur coming out to play. Like so many 1s, we want structure, but we also rail against it, especially when it seems like no one but us knows how to do it correctly. Aren’t brains delightful sometimes?
Regardless of the habits or emotions you find popping up related to cleaning and decluttering, I love this tip I gleaned and shared in the midst of a decluttering phase early in COVID:
When you’re decluttering, always start with the most visible clutter.
It’s not rocket science, but how great is this suggestion? If guests enter your house through the front door, that means EVERYONE will get that view, even if they’re just popping their head in to pick up a package or drop off a meal.
So when you’re ready to declutter, always start with the most visible clutter: you know, the stuff you can see when you open the front door to come inside.
You know the brilliant thing about this tip though? It applies to both decluttering and to our daily lives in general.
In the physical realm, if we start with what’s most visible, we’ll see progress immediately, and even if we get distracted from our task, if someone shows up at the house, they’ll immediately get a cleaner view than they would have otherwise.
In the same way, if we’re feeling overwhelmed by all of the tasks on our to-do list, one helpful method is to start with what’s most visible. If there’s an item that’s been on our list, haunting us, for two months, knocking that thing off the list a) means we won’t be wasting any more brain space or time worrying about getting it done and b) means we can knock it off the list. Chances are that it was taking up more than its fair share of space, and having that done will be super helpful.
Likewise, if I’ve got a million things to do, but I keep putting off making a priority list, that’s the most visible thing that will be a huge help. If I do that first, I’ll be able to see the items that are essential and urgent and prioritize them accordingly. If the most visible thing is that I haven’t updated the family calendar or made the doctor’s appointment that’s required of me, maybe it’s that. But the same idea holds. Consider what’s most visible, or most present, and start there.
While my mental fitness work has me in a pretty great space right now, anxiety is always an old habit my brain can hop to with ease. When there’s extra on my plate to navigate, anxiety means that clutter that normally wouldn’t bother me can feel overwhelming. (I ignore the inner critic and judge in my head under great circumstances, but if I’m tested enough, the anger can say hello! Yes, I’m a textbook Enneagram 1, and my strickler and judge saboteurs are especially strong, and these patterns will always be available to me if I let them.) But the flip side of it is that when I make some time to declutter, I feel palpable relief, basically immediately, and my anxiety gives me a break for a while.
While the visible clutter isn’t always actually the most important thing on our list, it can give us the mental capacity to tackle other things on our list.
If your email inbox is freaking you out a little bit on the daily, it’s time to set a timer and do a bit of decluttering there.
If those dishes are taunting you while you’re trying to work on your side hustle, it may be more effective to do those first, or at least delegate and pass it on to another family member.
Don’t underestimate the power of tackling that visible clutter. And the reverse can be true as well. If you start with the invisible clutter (you know, the stuff in your cabinets), you won’t get the visible satisfaction of seeing and showing off your progress after a decluttering session.
Likewise, the invisible brain clutter may include tasks that, while nice to tackle, are ignoring the elephant in the room, or your brain, metaphorically speaking.
So, I challenge you – tackle some clutter this week. Physical or otherwise.
If you’d like to learn more about the sabotaging thoughts in your own brain, getting in the way of your own projects as you aim to create a life you love, let’s talk! I offer a free saboteur assessment, and you can learn more about it and book a time here.
Thanks for reading, and have a great week!
P.S. Grab a copy of my Four Steps To Your Dream Life Blueprintwhile you’re at it. Giving yourself the gift of organizing and transforming your future is one more way to declutter and grow!
This article is based on an article I originally published on February 5, 2021.
Okay, I’ll just be honest. I’m sitting here, feeling bleh. I don’t want to write a blog, I don’t want to be creative, and I don’t want to work. I don’t know what I want, but I wouldn’t say no to junk food, hugs, or a warm bed right now. Motivation is far away right now, that’s for sure.
So what do you do when you aren’t motivated, but you have obligations to keep? When you know you should be doing something, and maybe some specific “somethings”, but you find a part of your brain telling you to do anything else instead, or maybe scroll social media instead. What do you do when you know you should get some work done, but you’re just not feeling it?
It’s honestly a self-experiment. Different moods and different people will find different things help them to break out of the funk. Some of us need outside accountability to get things done. Others bristle at the suggestion of doing anything unless it comes from within. We are all unique, and if we haven’t done a lot of self-reflection and work, we may not have figured out how best to crack the code when we’re in one of these moods. (Or maybe we just become obstinate sometimes and ignore that inner knowing of what we should do? Maybe it’s just me…)
Keep this list on hand for when your brain is just saying “nope” and you need an idea of what to do next.
Here are a few ideas to try when you’re stuck:
Talk to an accountability buddy
Talk to a loved one
Journal about what’s going on
Meditate
Get outside
Take a walk/run
Dance to a favorite song
Take a nap
Splash your face with cold water
Have a cup of tea or coffee
Eat a comforting meal
Play with your pet
Turn on an inspiring podcast
Make some art
Color
Try some aromatherapy
Play an instrument
Sing
Try a couple of yoga postures
Talk to a cricket
Ha! Gotcha. Made up that last one. Just wanted to see if you were still reading. (But hey, Jiminy Cricket may indeed have some wise words for you!)
Can you relate to this feeling?
What do you recommend to break out of a funk?
P.S. It may take MANY of these steps to break you out of your funk. Offer yourself grace if you can’t change things for yourself right away. And if you’d like some support to help you become more efficient, happier, and clearer on your next steps in life, let’s schedule a time to talk!
A version of this article was originally published on February 26, 2021.
Soul clutter. The cobwebs keeping you from making meaningful connections. The dust hiding your true desires. The distractions and disappointments. It’s both poetic and real.
“How am I regularly getting rid of the soul clutter I no longer need?”
Emily P. Freeman shared this prompt in her book The Next Right Thing, and I LOVED it.
How powerful is that?
What are you holding onto that you can let go of? What stories, what taunts, what hurts, what old patterns aren’t serving you any longer?
As she goes on to say in her book, it’s not that you shouldn’t hold onto anything, but that nothing should have a hold on you.
When we can let go of the stress of extra obligations, when we can declutter and destress and clear the decks, it’s in the stillness that we can hear our inner wisdom.
Clearing space, away from technology, away from the voices of others telling us what is or isn’t right for us, we start to hear that inner knowing. That’s when the wisdom comes. That’s when the answers appear.
Have you carved out any time for stillness or silence this week? When you do, what do you hear?
And if you know this is something that will benefit you, but you’re struggling to do it on your own, I’ve got your back! Reach out to me for a no-obligation conversation as my gift to you, where I can help you to move the needle on what’s keeping you stuck, so you can feel happier, calmer, and more equipped to lean into what only you can do in this world.
I’m also looking for people interested in studying the Enneagram with me. You can either begin your Enneagram journey with me or, if you already know your number, you can join our book club, which meets on Mondays once a month at 4:30 p.m. ET/5:30 p.m. AT. The Enneagram is my favorite tool for understanding our personalities, why we do what we do, and how we can break the cycle. I’d love to share it with you. Contact rossandjamieadventure at gmail.com to learn more. Scholarships may be available for those who qualify.
Wishing you a day and week with joy, wonder, meaning, and the space to do what is uniquely yours to do. Take care.
This article is based on an article I originally shared on December 18, 2020.
Crafting The Life You Want: A Practice in Living 