Where do you begin, when your worst fears seem to be coming true?

How do you process it? And what do you do?

Photo credit: Marek from Pixabay

Back in 2020, when it became clear we might be facing a second term of Trump, my husband and I were fearful for our future. We relied on affordable health insurance as self-employed people and people with pre-existing conditions. We had one plan available to us as we traveled the country in our RV. If that plan went away, or if, even worse, all affordable health care went away for those who were self-employed, we wouldn’t be able to do the work that we loved. Not to mention fears around bodily autonomy and the Supreme Court.

So while in 2016 we’d done a bit of research into moving to Canada, we got serious about it in 2020. Ultimately, for us, the path forward involved my husband going back to school.

We knew we might be overreacting, but we felt like we needed to prioritize our own survival (including mental health) first. So we went for it. We knew we were super privileged. But we felt we needed to put our own oxygen mask on first and avoid becoming a burden to our friends and family if we stuck around and weren’t able to make things work.

Unfortunately, there have been several times since we moved here that we’ve been reminded that some of our worst fears have come true. Reproductive rights being the stunning one. And of course, now, it feels like that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

My work isn’t political on the surface. I help people to create a life they love. Sometimes that’s career coaching, sometimes it’s life coaching. Sometimes it’s mental fitness work or exploring spirituality or many other topics. But I’ve always been passionate about human rights. The rights of everyone to make their own, empowered choices, regardless of what other people expect or advise or prefer. The rights of ALL of us, without judgment of our gender or if we’re trans, the rights of all of us under the 2SGLTQIA+ umbrella, whatever our skin color or country of origin or religion or abilities or neurodiversity…you get the idea.

I want everyone to be fully supported in becoming their full, authentic selves, bringing their own unique gifts and perspective to the world, because I believe that makes the world a better place. If we all had our needs met and could tap into what we do best, I truly think so much fear and anger and hate around the world would start to disappear.

Facing the news yesterday, I observed myself moving through a series of emotions. I’d feel mad, frustrated, fearful, sad, anxious about the future. I’d then catch myself in my emotions and do some grounding work to regulate myself. And then, soon enough, my thoughts would take over again. Maybe I’m ten minutes into a task and another idea occurs to me and I’m in tears or raging. Things like:

• What if we have another pandemic in the next four years?
• What if Canada kicks my husband and me out unexpectedly?
• What if my friends and family aren’t safe? How can I support them if things get really bad?
• How do I respect and forgive my friends who prioritized their own concerns over what seems most pressing to me – the humanity and bodily autonomy of a majority of US citizens?
• How do I stay regulated and not rage over inconsequential things (otherwise known as, tell me you’re an Enneagram 1 without telling me you’re an Enneagram 1)
• I love the warmth of this tea…or this blue sky….How do I avoid losing sight of those gifts in my own fears right now?
• How much time before it gets scary?
• What about everyone who can’t leave?

In all of this, I keep coming back to gratitude. Anchoring into that has been useful for me.

• Gratitude that I’m here in Canada
• Gratitude for the community of people here as well as the global community of friends and family who love and support us
• Gratitude for beautiful days, for a warm drink, for an apartment we can afford, for work that lights us up
• Gratitude that right now, today, my friends and family are okay

And on and on.

Please take the time you need to acknowledge and process your emotions. And when you’re ready, use your tools to self-regulate, to lock into gratitude, to truly care for yourself and your needs right now.

I hope that in the coming days, if you’re also in the United States and feeling fearful (or, honestly, even if you aren’t), I hope you’ll consider asking yourself a few questions. Before doing so, I encourage you to make sure you’re in as grounded, calm, and wise a mindset as possible, to make sure that you answer these questions not from fear, but from love, with the best wisdom your mind has to offer:

• Is there anything I’ve been putting off that I should get to soon?
• Are there any steps I should take to keep myself and my loved ones safe?
• Are there any conversations I need to have with friends or family?
• What are my worst fears – and is there anything I can do today to alleviate them?

If you aren’t sure how to calm yourself down or change your emotional state, there are some wonderful tools out there, including many I teach. You can also check out this article I wrote in 2021 on breaking out of a funk.

Please don’t judge yourself or your friends or neighbors for how they’re processing things right now. As much as it might be tempting to, try to view yourself, and others, and even this situation, with curiosity. If we can tap into the wisest part of ourselves, acting from love for ourselves and those we care about, we are much better equipped to work efficiently, feel empathy, and know what’s needed from us in this moment.

(And on a lighter note, my friend Dave Agans has an amazingly hilarious series, a trio of books, the last of which I finally read recently. If you’re into quirky sci-fi or speculative fiction and humor, you might love The Urban Legion as much as I do. Somehow I feel like these might both resonate/feel prescient and also be a great way to relax right now.)

Take care, friends.

P.S. I’m going to begin offering a fifteen minute pause each week for us to reset. There’s no cost. If you want to join me to do some mindfulness exercises, ground ourselves, feel a little joy, and release those negative emotions, you are most welcome. You can sign up here. Alternately, I periodically coach and share in my Facebook group, Crafting the Life You Want.