curiosity

Cultivating Curiosity

| jamiefeinberg

After months (and in one participant’s case, years) of anticipation, we’ve got our next Enneagram cohort in place, and on Thursday evening, I had the joy of facilitating our first session. 

I love having the opportunity to bring women (and folks of all genders) together as we each move along the path toward personal growth. We identify and shed layers of habits that no longer serve us. We get clarity on who we are and who we can be, and we support each other as we all follow our own unique path and needs in becoming. 

When I get frustrated, angry, scared about what the world might have in store and of course about what is literally happening right now, my mental fitness training and my Enneagram training offer my opportunities. 

I know from my work that there can be a gift found in any situation, if we choose to do so. And that while fear is hardwired in us, so is love. And love can do so much. 

When I act from love, one of the options available to me is to become curious. And as I have mentioned before, curiosity is truly a gift of our wise mind. 

When I regularly practice cultivating presence, it also helps me to cultivate curiosity. The more present I am, the more likely that I can find curiosity in any situation that calls for. 

Photo of a curious child with a magnifying glass and a plant by Anna Shvets

Perhaps someone’s behavior is puzzling you, or offending you, or hurting you. Perhaps you want to know why they’re doing it. 

I might choose to hone my curiosity where it leads. 

What if we bring curiosity to the things we don’t understand? 

  • The family member who upset you
  • The car who cut you off
  • The friend who no longer speaks to you
  • The co-worker whose words hurt you 

Can you do some work to ground yourself, and then ask yourself to get curious about why it might have happened? 

Curiosity doesn’t mean you have to find the right answer. But in the process of asking questions, of getting curious, we can often find comfort in finding possible explanations – even without certainty. 

What are you curious about? How do you cultivate curiosity? And where in your life would you like to cultivate more curiosity? 
Cultivating curiosity is an important tool in my toolbox, and I help my clients to do so as well. If you’re curious to learn some mental fitness skills and see how saboteurs are keeping you from living a life you love, head here. 

The Enneagram, COVID, and Me

| jamiefeinberg

What an interesting week this has been! Saturday afternoon, as I chatted with family on the phone and walked by the water in downtown Charlottetown, I received a text from my husband saying he had COVID. Oh joy! 

Given that we live in a two bedroom apartment, I knew there was a decent chance I’d already gotten it, but in case I hadn’t, we began Operation: Isolation in earnest. 

It’s fascinating, going from a fully shared space to masking in “public spaces”, avoiding each other’s presence, and carefully planning use of the kitchen or bathroom. 

The Enneagram, if you aren’t familiar with it, is my favorite tool for understanding personality, myself, and how I relate to other people. I’m a card-carrying Enneagram 1, and part of that means I am in the dependence stance: as a result, I have had to do a ton of boundary work, because my natural instinct is to accommodate other people and ditch my own plans. This is especially true with my husband. 

I began this COVID-venture assuming that it would be really tough for me to keep so much distance from my husband. Especially so because physical touch is so important to me (it’s definitely one of my love languages, if you ascribe to that). 

After a day or so’s transition though, I was pleasantly surprised to see how much I’d gotten used to the new normal. In some ways, it was freeing that I had to do my own thing, and trust my husband to do his. And in fact, I found that being in the midst of “Operation: Avoid COVID” worked really well for my rule-following 1 personality. I’ve been so busy masking and otherwise checking the boxes that I haven’t been nearly as preoccupied worrying about my husband’s needs or desires. 

Fascinating. 

In my mental fitness work, we refer to this as being a curious anthropologist. While my inner critic or judge voice might get judgmental and opinionated about my recent behavior, I’ve found it quite easy to tap into my curiosity and just observe myself and my behavior. 

And that’s something the Enneagram offers me in spades. I have names and a much fuller understanding of why I do what I do then ever before – and as you can see here, I keep learning, week by week and day by day, even more about myself and the world. 

Last night we had an informal get together for the members of our Enneagram Book Club, and it was a wonderful opportunity for community and learning. As I always do, I left feeling more confident about who I am and more aware of the ways I am both different and the same from other people. And I continue to feel gratitude that such wonderful people choose to join my programs and work with me. 

Have you ever had this kind of “curious anthropologist” experience in your own life? What did it show you? 

P.S. There are lots of ways to work with me in the new year! Do a Saboteur Assessment, an Enneagram intro, or just contact me to learn more!

Photo description: box of tissues in the foreground, with a mug of tea and a person with their setup for dealing with being sick in the distance

Photo credit: Cottonbro studio