adventure

New Year, New Who? 

| jamiefeinberg

Two practices helping me right now

This week has been busy, and honestly, this year so far has been too. I’m feeling myself simultaneously caught up in the energy of a new year, all the feelings of possibility (real or imagined) that that entails, while also facing a particular brand of challenge and potential stress that has historically been a major issue for me. 

I have so much to be grateful for, to be clear. In addition to the majority of areas of my life feeling fairly secure and in a beautiful place, I’m well aware of the privileges I have in even being able to make these plans and work on these types of challenges, when so many nearby and around the world are worried about the essentials – am I safe? Do I have a place to sleep tonight? Is there food on the table? Is there a table? Are my loved ones okay?

But as you may relate to, it’s still quite easy to get caught up in your own challenges, even when they’re not as challenging as someone else’s. 

One of the things I’ve been working on this week, because of this particular “challenge” I referred to above, is on two things, as I described in my Enneagram Book Club meeting last night. 

The first thing is that I’m working to keep my attention on all the good stuff, the majority of the time. Focus on gratitude for all the stuff that’s pretty darn awesome in my life and even in the lives of others. I have so much to be grateful for, in so many areas. And while there are times when I get troubling news or am handed a surprise and need to spend some time processing my emotions, most of the time in my day to day, I get to choose where my focus is. And if I choose joy (as I have often spoken of), it’s likely that my day, and the day of those I encounter, will be better because of it. 

The second, complementary thing I am working on right now, is being able to work on the “challenge”, the hard thing, without bringing negative emotions into it. This is something that my Enneagram work helps me with, but I think it’s my mental fitness practice, more than anything, that has me in a great mindset for this. Instead of anxiety about the outcome of what I’m doing, or anger at the situation I am facing, I’m exploring what it feels like to be curious and to just get stuff done. Can I set aside the critical and sabotaging voices in my head when they pop up, and instead return to the next task at hand? Can I marvel at my ability to get things done in a crisis instead of wasting my energy getting upset? Can I trust that the better use of that energy is in the doing? 

Part of this, for me, is that I need to get comfortable being uncomfortable. I don’t like the uncertainty and lack of control I’m feeling about this situation right now. But when I’m honest with myself, I’ve never been a fan of change, and I really like to feel in control. And control is an illusion, my friends. So I’m working on embracing liminality and thanking the universe for a chance to get uncomfortable and learn more. To learn to work productively through discomfort, without adding drama. 

One of the things my mental fitness work has taught me is that the wise part of my brain can be in “go mode”, or exploring options, or creating new solutions, without any negative emotions in the picture. And when I take that approach, what could feel daunting or overwhelming can instead feel more like I’m a little kid on a playground, making a sandcastle or peeking behind a tree or creating a new club for my friends to join. 

So if you’re also in the midst of a big “challenge”, whatever that may be, I want to encourage you. It’s okay to be uncomfortable and in transition. Those spaces offer us beautiful opportunities for growth, if we choose to see them that way. (And it’s okay if it takes time to get there.). 

Though you may not be able to change the situation, consider if a shift in focus, to a wiser part of you, might bring you some peace, or at least help you work more efficiently so you can sooner take a break with some tea or get a hug from a friend.

I’m grateful for mindfulness practices and self-awareness cultivated with the Enneagram that are making all of this feel more attainable.

I’m also grateful for the opportunity of a new year, where we can keep reevaluating who we are and our place in the world. 

Thanks for reading, and have a beautiful week! 

P.S. A great practice for the new year could be to book a Saboteur Assessment to help you shine a light on what’s keeping you from your best work and being your most authentic self. You can also reach out to me to join my next Enneagram study, using Suzanne Stabile’s incredible curriculum, so that you can learn more about yourself in the company of like-minded people. 

Five Ways To Make the Holidays Work For You This Season

| jamiefeinberg

How are you feeling, friend? Let’s take a moment to just be. Observe your breathing, in and out, if that feels comfortable for you. Or take a look at a pretty object or window near you, and observe what you see. Count backwards from 20. Let’s just be for a moment. 

It may be cliche at this point, but it’s that time of year when it’s common to take time to be grateful. I know I’m not alone in having a dedicated gratitude practice (running on at least five years now, wild!), and if you haven’t yet tried it, whether during the holiday season or any time of year, I definitely recommend it.

Back in 2020, I wrote a blog on how to make the holidays work for you. At the time, a lot of people were struggling with the holidays and how to celebrate them. While Ross and I were living an RV and used to doing our own thing for the holidays, we were aware of local grocery shortages on preferred foods, and where we were staying, in New Mexico, actually had a stay-at-home order in place over Thanksgiving that I’m sure was challenging for many. 

I’m grateful that a lot has changed for the better since then (namely, vaccines!), but the holidays are still a challenging time for many, whether due to viruses in the air or distance from family (physical or otherwise) or the challenges that happen when we return home and revert to our younger, less wise selves (or when our family assume we are the same person we once were, even if we aren’t!). Or all of the above, perhaps? 

It’s okay to have mixed feelings.

It’s okay to have moments when you feel wrapped up in the love of or even memories of your family/friends. 

It’s okay to, in the next moment, feel anxiety that your parents are going to do x, or miss loved ones, or feel resentment that you can’t do holiday celebration you did in the past, or feel jealous of y, who lives with their family or has many close friends while you are living and celebrating alone.

I hope that during this challenging time, you will give yourself forgiveness for these feelings. All emotions are valid. Offer yourself grace. I know you’re carrying a lot, and opportunities for anxiety and other challenging emotions abound. 

It may be helpful to remember that if someone else’s life looks glamorous on social media, that is just the tip of the iceberg that you’re seeing. The glamorous surface life may be only a passing moment in a chaotic day or week or month.

Here are a few things I recommend making time for this week, whatever your plans are. 

  • Practice gratitude – and mean it. This can take many forms, and all are valid. Start each morning picturing one thing you’re looking forward to today, in vivid detail, and then realize it. (A warm shower? A cup of tea? Enjoy the magic of simple pleasures you get to bring into your day.) Start or end each day by acknowledging five things you’re grateful for. Start a gratitude journal, whether it’s a big beautiful book or a note on your phone. If you’re connected with your family, begin a meal/Zoom call/family walk by having everyone share something they are thankful for this year.
  • Make time for exercise. I love indulging in rich holiday foods, as many of us do. Most of us, at least in the corporate sector or education, are also lucky enough to get time off this week. It can be tempting to use that time to relax on the couch, but making time to take a walk or stretch or lift some weights will give you more energy for the festivities and encourage you to enjoy your indulgences more, without guilt. This isn’t about losing weight. It’s about how you feel. Bonus points for combining it with outside time. 
  • Don’t let comparison steal your joy. Have you ever attended a family gathering or friend event and felt like everyone else had it “figured out” except for you? Ever find yourself stretching to describe your own work in a way that puts you in the best light? Ever wish you could be more honest, but find yourself afraid to admit where things haven’t been going your way yet? I find myself using authenticity as an antidote in these cases. And focusing on the good, the things you can be grateful for, is so key. I don’t have to talk about my work. Or I can focus on the happy feeling x gives me, rather than the funds in my bank account or how stressed I’ve been feeling covering for so and so lately. When I envy other’s travel or title, I turn my attention to all the joyful things I am grateful for in my own life. Eyes on your own paper, friends. This can also be a signal to get off of social media and dive into a book, go for a walk, dance to a holiday tune, or watch a favorite movie with a cup of a warm beverage. 
  • Carve out time for yourself. I love my family, but as an introvert who isn’t always her best self at large family gatherings, I’ve worked hard over the years to set boundaries for myself. For me, part of a successful holiday season is making time for my morning routine and making sure I have time to relax on my own. Even living far from family, it can be easy to fill my schedule with Zooms or friend gatherings if I am not mindful of my own needs. If you’re having trouble seeing blank space on your calendar, take a moment to block out a morning or an hour for you each week, or even 5-10 minutes each day. It will help you to be at your best if you are celebrating with others too. 
  • Strive to let go of perfection & release your expectations. I think one of the toughest parts of the holiday season is that we tend to bring to it so many expectations, whether it’s from holidays we experienced in the past, popular culture from movies and books that romanticize the holidays, or a growing awareness of limited time and not wanting to disappoint our loved ones. This season, when you catch yourself judging yourself, those around you, or the situations you are in, can you let those judgments go instead? What would it feel like, when you had a thought creep in, to look at your surroundings with loving attention and gratitude? To be present to joy, instead of to lack or imperfection?

Whatever your plans are this year, I hope you’ll find some comfort or guidance in this advice. No one has your best interests at heart in the same way you do, so go create a holiday schedule that will light you up and invigorate you.

Take care, and Happy Holidays! This may be my last check-in before 2025, so I wish you all the best as you end 2024 and look ahead to 2025. 

P.S. Are you ready for a shift? The holidays can truly bring out our lowest versions of ourselves – the parts we are least proud of. If/when you’d like to learn more about the ways we sabotage ourselves and carve out a path forward, please join me for a Saboteur Assessment. And if you’re curious about the role your personality plays in your life and find yourself Enneagram-curious, or you want to take advantage of my BOGO coaching deal before it expires Monday, send me a message to learn more or get started with us in January.

Photo credit (of strings of white lights in the dark): Dzenina Lukac

The Enneagram, COVID, and Me

| jamiefeinberg

What an interesting week this has been! Saturday afternoon, as I chatted with family on the phone and walked by the water in downtown Charlottetown, I received a text from my husband saying he had COVID. Oh joy! 

Given that we live in a two bedroom apartment, I knew there was a decent chance I’d already gotten it, but in case I hadn’t, we began Operation: Isolation in earnest. 

It’s fascinating, going from a fully shared space to masking in “public spaces”, avoiding each other’s presence, and carefully planning use of the kitchen or bathroom. 

The Enneagram, if you aren’t familiar with it, is my favorite tool for understanding personality, myself, and how I relate to other people. I’m a card-carrying Enneagram 1, and part of that means I am in the dependence stance: as a result, I have had to do a ton of boundary work, because my natural instinct is to accommodate other people and ditch my own plans. This is especially true with my husband. 

I began this COVID-venture assuming that it would be really tough for me to keep so much distance from my husband. Especially so because physical touch is so important to me (it’s definitely one of my love languages, if you ascribe to that). 

After a day or so’s transition though, I was pleasantly surprised to see how much I’d gotten used to the new normal. In some ways, it was freeing that I had to do my own thing, and trust my husband to do his. And in fact, I found that being in the midst of “Operation: Avoid COVID” worked really well for my rule-following 1 personality. I’ve been so busy masking and otherwise checking the boxes that I haven’t been nearly as preoccupied worrying about my husband’s needs or desires. 

Fascinating. 

In my mental fitness work, we refer to this as being a curious anthropologist. While my inner critic or judge voice might get judgmental and opinionated about my recent behavior, I’ve found it quite easy to tap into my curiosity and just observe myself and my behavior. 

And that’s something the Enneagram offers me in spades. I have names and a much fuller understanding of why I do what I do then ever before – and as you can see here, I keep learning, week by week and day by day, even more about myself and the world. 

Last night we had an informal get together for the members of our Enneagram Book Club, and it was a wonderful opportunity for community and learning. As I always do, I left feeling more confident about who I am and more aware of the ways I am both different and the same from other people. And I continue to feel gratitude that such wonderful people choose to join my programs and work with me. 

Have you ever had this kind of “curious anthropologist” experience in your own life? What did it show you? 

P.S. There are lots of ways to work with me in the new year! Do a Saboteur Assessment, an Enneagram intro, or just contact me to learn more!

Photo description: box of tissues in the foreground, with a mug of tea and a person with their setup for dealing with being sick in the distance

Photo credit: Cottonbro studio

Musings on a Snowy Day

| jamiefeinberg

I’m looking out the window as the snow comes down, at what looks like quite a vigorous pace, outside. I’m snuggled on my coach, laptop in my lap, cat snuggled under her blanket tent at my feet. I am getting work done in my business, fielding good news, looking forward to an Enneagram meeting where I know I’ll leave a little lighter and a little wiser than before. Life is good.

And yet….

I could just as easily write a different paragraph right now. Something like this:

I’m looking out the window as the snow comes down, at what looks like quite a vigorous pace, outside. I drink water frequently to keep from coughing from this post-viral loveliness that doesn’t want to leave me. The chill in the air and the lack of sunlight is depressing. And I look ahead to a meeting this evening, one I am looking forward to, but dreading the drive outside.

Some of us are extremely in touch with our emotions, but for most of us, I think there’s a spectrum. From those who never stop to consider emotions (theirs or others) to those who have tons of them, easily accessible at all times. I think I’m somewhere in the middle. Though I’m very in touch with how my body is feeling, I have to stop to contemplate where my emotions are at, most of the time, unless I’m just caught up in joy, or in rage (thankfully that one isn’t as frequent as it used to be!).

People can tell you to “think positive”. That’s usually pretty simplistic and dismissive, in my experience.

I prefer to choose joy. I can enjoy the wonder of a snowfall from under a warm blanket, with a snuggly cat. I can focus my attention on the positives I’m experiencing and on moments I am truly looking forward to, rather than focusing my energy on the negatives or on dwelling on potential negative outcomes in an anxiety spiral.

I can fear the unknown in the United States and around the world. Or I can celebrate the positive steps I took to make a difference this week, from sharing advice and lending an ear to reaching out to my senator to ask him to say no to the bill eliminating the Department of Education, and signing a petition against confirming a problematic politician.

I can focus on the uncertainties of self-employment, or rejoice in how freeing it was checking a bank account and seeing passive income from Black Friday purchases of my husband’s Play the Ukulele! course.

There’s no right or wrong here. And it’s so easy to see negative, and to get caught in dualistic thinking. But life is truly both/and. It’s scary and it’s beautiful. There’s love and there’s fear. Where will you focus today?

P.S. I’ve gotten much better at navigating, learning from, and simply recognizing my emotions since I started studying the Enneagram. I shared more about how to work with me, using the Enneagram or otherwise, last week.

Photo credit: Niklas Jeromin

Healing as Self-Retrieval

| jamiefeinberg

Photo by Pixabay – A field of red flowers

One of my favorite reads this year has been The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture by Gabor Mate. It’s a long book, and I’m still working my way through it, but it’s the most comprehensive acknowledgement I’ve found of the complex factors that make our lives challenging as well as the varied ways, from individual to systemic, that healing is possible for us.

In the book, Mate refers to the concept of healing as a journey toward wholeness:

“It is a direction, not a destination; a line on a map, not a dot. Nor is healing synonymous with self-improvement. Closer to the mark would be to say it is self-retrieval.”

Self-retrieval.

What if we could find ourselves again? What if we could work through the suffering, make some changes, change our perspective, and ultimately return to ourselves?

To the beautiful self we were before the world hardened us, changed us, wounded us?

To the wise, sage being underneath all those layers of personality we put on as self-protection?

To the sweet, kind human obscured by our saboteurs and our sabotaging thoughts?

What would a journey of self-retrieval look like?

Conventional thoughts around healing might make us focus on the physical path toward healing: get some rest, take some medicine, eat some healthy food, get some exercise or movement into our day.

But if we’re on a journey of self-retrieval, that kind of healing would also include our mental and emotional needs. Maybe that’s therapy, spiritual development, coaching or yoga. Maybe it’s art-making or finding joy, fostering meaningful friendships and connections or joining support groups. Maybe it’s an afternoon with tea and a journal, or pounding a pillow, or grieving the loss of a loved one or an opportunity or a career that could have been.

One of my coaches emphasizes the importance of play – finding joy in the things we once did as children, or the things we wish we’d have had the opportunity to do as a kid. So for me, self-retrieval might mean cultivating play: purchasing a jump rope, swinging on a swing, coloring in a coloring book, or dancing around my living room or in a dance studio.

What does healing as self-retrieval mean to you?

My Enneagram teacher, Suzanne Stabile, has a book called The Journey Toward Wholeness. I recently re-read it with a cohort of other students of the Enneagram. The conversations have been revelatory. The Enneagram remains my favorite tool for self-retrieval or healing.

It’s so easy, amidst a busy day and week and life, to stick to the status quo and say no to new opportunities. But as Suzanne says in her book, “Even when there is much to do, we must first guard our souls.” I highly recommend joining an Enneagram cohort (my next one will start in the new year) or, if you know your number, a group like my Enneagram Book Club, to further your own work toward self-retrieval.

Do you agree with Gabor Mate, that healing can be seen as self-retrieval? Does this have any implications for you in your own journey?

If you’re feeling a lot of emotions or going through changes in your life, now might actually be the best time for you to seek a community as you navigate your healing journey. And wherever you are in the journey, I wish you all the best.

the surprising benefits of tackling clutter

| jamiefeinberg

I’ve always found myself caught between two sides of myself in keeping my place organized. One part of me is an aspiring minimalist, with a keen awareness of the gift of calm and peace I feel in a clean, tidy, and simple space. Other part of me is a pack rat, wanting everything organized in its place but seeing a need to hold onto everything, and with a brain so busy with activities that I seldom want to stop and tidy up.

If I put much (read: any) weight in astrology, I might ascribe this to being a Gemini. I do put some of it up to my nature as an Enneagram 1: my perfectionist tendencies are ingrained habits and coping mechanisms from way back in my life. In my mental fitness work, this would be my stickler saboteur coming out to play. Like so many 1s, we want structure, but we also rail against it, especially when it seems like no one but us knows how to do it correctly. Aren’t brains delightful sometimes?

Regardless of the habits or emotions you find popping up related to cleaning and decluttering, I love this tip I gleaned and shared in the midst of a decluttering phase early in COVID:

When you’re decluttering, always start with the most visible clutter.

It’s not rocket science, but how great is this suggestion? If guests enter your house through the front door, that means EVERYONE will get that view, even if they’re just popping their head in to pick up a package or drop off a meal.

So when you’re ready to declutter, always start with the most visible clutter: you know, the stuff you can see when you open the front door to come inside.

You know the brilliant thing about this tip though? It applies to both decluttering and to our daily lives in general.

In the physical realm, if we start with what’s most visible, we’ll see progress immediately, and even if we get distracted from our task, if someone shows up at the house, they’ll immediately get a cleaner view than they would have otherwise.

In the same way, if we’re feeling overwhelmed by all of the tasks on our to-do list, one helpful method is to start with what’s most visible. If there’s an item that’s been on our list, haunting us, for two months, knocking that thing off the list a) means we won’t be wasting any more brain space or time worrying about getting it done and b) means we can knock it off the list. Chances are that it was taking up more than its fair share of space, and having that done will be super helpful.

Likewise, if I’ve got a million things to do, but I keep putting off making a priority list, that’s the most visible thing that will be a huge help. If I do that first, I’ll be able to see the items that are essential and urgent and prioritize them accordingly. If the most visible thing is that I haven’t updated the family calendar or made the doctor’s appointment that’s required of me, maybe it’s that. But the same idea holds. Consider what’s most visible, or most present, and start there.

While my mental fitness work has me in a pretty great space right now, anxiety is always an old habit my brain can hop to with ease. When there’s extra on my plate to navigate, anxiety means that clutter that normally wouldn’t bother me can feel overwhelming. (I ignore the inner critic and judge in my head under great circumstances, but if I’m tested enough, the anger can say hello! Yes, I’m a textbook Enneagram 1, and my strickler and judge saboteurs are especially strong, and these patterns will always be available to me if I let them.) But the flip side of it is that when I make some time to declutter, I feel palpable relief, basically immediately, and my anxiety gives me a break for a while.

While the visible clutter isn’t always actually the most important thing on our list, it can give us the mental capacity to tackle other things on our list.

If your email inbox is freaking you out a little bit on the daily, it’s time to set a timer and do a bit of decluttering there.

If those dishes are taunting you while you’re trying to work on your side hustle, it may be more effective to do those first, or at least delegate and pass it on to another family member.

Don’t underestimate the power of tackling that visible clutter. And the reverse can be true as well. If you start with the invisible clutter (you know, the stuff in your cabinets), you won’t get the visible satisfaction of seeing and showing off your progress after a decluttering session.

Likewise, the invisible brain clutter may include tasks that, while nice to tackle, are ignoring the elephant in the room, or your brain, metaphorically speaking.

So, I challenge you – tackle some clutter this week. Physical or otherwise.

If you’d like to learn more about the sabotaging thoughts in your own brain, getting in the way of your own projects as you aim to create a life you love, let’s talk! I offer a free saboteur assessment, and you can learn more about it and book a time here.

Thanks for reading, and have a great week!

P.S. Grab a copy of my Four Steps To Your Dream Life Blueprint while you’re at it. Giving yourself the gift of organizing and transforming your future is one more way to declutter and grow!

This article is based on an article I originally published on February 5, 2021.

eliminating soul clutter

| jamiefeinberg

Soul clutter. The cobwebs keeping you from making meaningful connections. The dust hiding your true desires. The distractions and disappointments. It’s both poetic and real.

“How am I regularly getting rid of the soul clutter I no longer need?”

Emily P. Freeman shared this prompt in her book The Next Right Thing, and I LOVED it.

How powerful is that?

What are you holding onto that you can let go of? What stories, what taunts, what hurts, what old patterns aren’t serving you any longer?

As she goes on to say in her book, it’s not that you shouldn’t hold onto anything, but that nothing should have a hold on you.

When we can let go of the stress of extra obligations, when we can declutter and destress and clear the decks, it’s in the stillness that we can hear our inner wisdom.

Clearing space, away from technology, away from the voices of others telling us what is or isn’t right for us, we start to hear that inner knowing. That’s when the wisdom comes. That’s when the answers appear.

Have you carved out any time for stillness or silence this week? When you do, what do you hear?

And if you know this is something that will benefit you, but you’re struggling to do it on your own, I’ve got your back! Reach out to me for a no-obligation conversation as my gift to you, where I can help you to move the needle on what’s keeping you stuck, so you can feel happier, calmer, and more equipped to lean into what only you can do in this world.

I’m also looking for people interested in studying the Enneagram with me. You can either begin your Enneagram journey with me or, if you already know your number, you can join our book club, which meets on Mondays once a month at 4:30 p.m. ET/5:30 p.m. AT. The Enneagram is my favorite tool for understanding our personalities, why we do what we do, and how we can break the cycle. I’d love to share it with you. Contact rossandjamieadventure at gmail.com to learn more. Scholarships may be available for those who qualify.

Wishing you a day and week with joy, wonder, meaning, and the space to do what is uniquely yours to do. Take care.

This article is based on an article I originally shared on December 18, 2020.

SIX SELF-CARE TIPS FOR AN UNCERTAIN WORLD

One yellow flower in foreground, green and other flowers behind it and all in front of a fence.
| jamiefeinberg

What can I write right now? Let me begin with some context.

On January 6th, 2021, as a citizen of the United States, I was completely at a loss as the news showed signs of democracy crumbling with the attack on the capitol. We were living in our 25’ RV outside of Albuquerque. We stayed home as talk of potential violence in other cities was being bandied about. We were grateful for a safe place to be and enough food in the fridge. We felt shock, but we also felt this was somehow predictable, in a way, given the way things had been going in the U.S. up until this point.

Previous to that day, the only experience I’d had like this would have been 9/11, when I was still a senior in high school, though news of the pandemic and George Floyd’s murder and a variety of other events also spring to mind as well. (This obviously reflects my privilege – if I had lived in other cities, had a different skin color etc., I may not have been so insulated from news like this.)

Facing the horrifying news of January 6 led me to write a blog post. In it, I wrote the following:

“I’m honestly at a loss about where to start this post. All of the mindfulness practice in the world can’t change the fact that we’re in the midst of a global pandemic, an American crisis of democracy, and that we’re dealing with the effects of systemic racism, made more plain every day.

On a personal level, I’m finding that calming my mind for yoga or meditation is extremely difficult, walking, while therapeutic, doesn’t solve anything once the walk itself has ended, and talking to friends or family may fan the flames rather than put out the fire.

I’m torn between the desire to veg out on the couch with a movie and the desire to throw all of my energy into work.

If I’m feeling this way, I know you might be too.”

So what did I do with those feelings? I channeled them into self-care tips. I posted some of my top tips for self-care in an uncertain world.

It resonated with many of you. Since then, I’ve learned a lot more tools for handling anxiety, fear, overwhelm, anger, and stress. You may be feeling some of these emotions in light of what’s happening in Israel and Palestine. You may be focused more on Ukraine or on the ways bodily autonomy is being taken away or any of the many, many other problems you are seeing locally and around the world.

Wherever you’re at, please know that you aren’t alone. Here are six ways to practice self-care in times like these.

1 BE PRESENT
Feel your feet on the floor. Take very slow breaths, and focus on your breath going in, holding for a moment, and going back out. If you can’t get any alone time for this, do it on the toilet. Seriously. (I used to do that when I worked a corporate job in a cubicle! Sometimes I’ve heard it can work for a parent or babysitter too.) Wiggle your fingers or your toes. Identify something you feel with each of your senses. Find something of every color in your line of vision. Any grounding technique will get you there. Be here now. Let the thoughts that come to your mind go, and return to concentrating on your breath.

2 SAVOR A HOT BEVERAGE
If you can carve out 5-10 minutes to do this, it’s an easy way to give yourself alone time that is just for you. Each morning, part of my routine includes a cup of tea. You may go with an evening cup, or a cup of coffee, or some hot chocolate. Take the time to feel the warmth of the mug, to smell and taste the beverage. The ritual and experience of this is so satisfying, relatively easy and affordable, easy to include if you have any dietary restrictions, and a moment to indulge yourself.

3 TAKE A WALK
My daily walks have been giving me life for years. They are especially essential to my mental health when the world is, pardon my language, a shitshow. If my body allows, I do everything I can to make my walk happen. I highly recommend taking your walk outside if at all possible for you. Freezing temperatures? Bundle up, and keep it short if you don’t warm up within 10-15 minutes. (Personally, by that time I’m usually feeling a lot warmer.) Go at your own pace. If walking isn’t feasible for you, step outside and feel a breeze. Grab a chair, even if you have to bundle up. And if safety or timing or health etc. keep you from getting outside, my next best recommendation is to make time to look outside, provided that’s safe where you are. Science shows us that looking at nature is calming, Getting outside is calming. (And if you struggle with motivation, walk with a friend or call a friend and do so remotely.)

4 ENJOY A RELAXING BOOK/GAME/SHOW/PODCAST
Back in 2020 I realized that a book of fiction can still be stressful when you’re feeling anxious or on edge – but there are so many options for media, and I’d really encourage you to choose content that makes you feel good or that comforts you right now, at least sometimes, as part of your designated self-care.

Whether it’s listening to a favorite comedian, reading a romance novel, solving a mystery box or returning to a sacred text, or even watching a favorite show, I encourage you to practice self-care that includes some pick-me-ups and distractions. When the world is overwhelming, we can use a break from the news cycle, and if you stick to media that will truly relax and refresh you and consume it mindfully, it can be essential self-care.

5 JOURNAL
I journal each morning, as soon as I get up, as a way of getting the cobwebs out, as outlined in The Artist’s Way. Whatever thoughts and fears are rolling around in my head get recognized immediately, at which point I can let them go, allowing me to go about my day with clarity. I highly recommend it – it’s been my practice for four years now.

6 TAKE A BATH OR SHOWER
One of my favorite forms of self-care is to take a bath. I’ve always found it so relaxing. Focusing on the warm water of a bath or a shower is also a beautiful mindfulness technique.

I don’t currently have a bathtub in my apartment, so I treasure my showers. (And when I occasionally stay at a hotel with a bathtub, it feels like such an indulgence!) If you have the luxury of a bath or shower available to you, it’s a beautiful way to practice self-care.

If you found these tips helpful, you might also want to grab your copy of my free resource, The Four Steps To Your Dream Life Blueprint. And if you’d like me to teach you some of my favorite mindfulness techniques or help you identify the roadblocks keeping you from living a life you love, please choose a time to connect with me.

And I’d love to hear your feedback: What did I miss? Which of these do you find most helpful?

You might also appreciate this article on using frustration as fuel for the future or my spring keynote on crafting your life adventure.

USING HABITS TO IMPROVE YOUR LIFE

| jamiefeinberg

Habits. What are your habits? Do you have a good habit or two that you worked for? Do you have some habits that kind of fell into?

People who know me well tell me that my ability to create healthy habits is actually one of my superpowers! I’ve been thinking about the role of habits in my life. Without habits, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

Back at the start of 2016, after extraordinary frustrations with my health, I decided it was time to take things into my own hands. If doctors couldn’t figure out what was going on with my body, and if I was still exhausted and uncomfortable, it was time to make a change.

I knew that the one area where I was, without a doubt, not maintaining a particularly healthy lifestyle, was my exercise routine. I loved to dance, and I loved to walk, and I even loved yoga, but between financial limitations, a busy schedule, and, I can say with hindsight, some avoidance and resistance to making a commitment, I never seemed to stick to an exercise routine with any regularity.

I knew that for me to become someone who exercised regularly, for the long haul, I would need to make exercising super simple. (After all, nothing else, to date, had worked for more than a few months – even when I’d had a free gym membership provided by my job!)

So in mid-January, I woke up a half hour earlier than usual, and I did yoga poses and stretches for five minutes. I’d told myself that as long as I did something that qualified as exercising or stretching, I would count it.

The next day, I did the same, again for five minutes.

The pattern held. Perhaps five days into the practice, on a weekend, I decided I could afford a longer workout. After all, I was here anyway, and I didn’t have to run out the door.

But I didn’t change the rule for myself. I kept that five minute minimum in place.

With this simple habit in place, I started experimenting. What did it feel like to exercise for seven minutes, or ten minutes? Over time, since I was already showing up and dressed to exercises, I’d exercise for 15 minutes. Soon, a half hour was more of the norm.

I liked this routine. I felt better about myself, knowing I was doing this one thing to prioritize my health. And it set a nice tone for the day.

Eventually, I raised the bar to 15 minutes as my new minimum. And I began waking up even earlier, so that most days, I’d exercise for at least a half hour. I started an exercise program trial (a streaming service) and began experimenting with different workout programs, hoping to find one I liked enough to invest in. After experimenting for a few months, I purchased a favorite one, with strength training, and I purchased better equipment to travel with as I hit the road in an RV. Next, I started a daily walking habit. It stuck. I’ve been doing it ever since, minus a day here or there if I’m sick.

In early December 2020, after realizing I didn’t average 5,000 steps anymore (thanks, pandemic!), I decided I wanted to average at least 5,000 steps daily over the course of a week. With that knowledge and a bit of accountability in our Facebook group, I was there, and then, quite soon, averaging 7,500.

By mid-March of 2021, I was averaging more than 10,000 steps a day! I never would have thought it was possible, but the power of habits made it come to life. I made it easy, by building it on my existing walking habit, and I used a tracker and the accountability of my social media feed and my Facebook group.

Have you ever done this before? Have you successfully established a new habit? It’s something I’ve repeated many times since, and if I ever find myself getting off track, I am able to get myself back in gear.

I created a habit of batch cooking to help me successfully adapt the auto-immune protocol diet and lifestyle back in 2016, even though I was living in an RV (with a tiny kitchen). I used habits to build a morning routine that lit me up in 2018, and over time, I used habit stacking to make it more and more fun and aligned for me. I’ve used habits to develop an evening routine too. (For the record, there’s no shame in putting a chart on a wall if it helps you to meet your goals! Tired Jamie needed visual aids.) And of course, my habit of making healthy eating choices the majority of the time continues to serve me well – established when I was a kid but improved upon many, many times over my life. (And yes, there’s a place for ice cream in a healthy diet, if you tolerate it!)

I talk about habits with my clients too. One of the reasons I do mental fitness work with most of my clients is that if you don’t have a great awareness of and handle on your own triggers and know how to calm the negative thoughts that we all deal with from time to time (and some of daily), it is MUCH harder to implement healthy and productive habits.

For some of my clients, they don’t struggle with habits when they’re required by an outside authority, like a boss or the government, but they do struggle with meeting their own needs. Whatever your challenges are, whether you do well with internal or external expectations (or both), mental fitness helps a LOT!

Are you aware of the habits you have? Which ones serve you, and which habits would you like to get rid of? Are you working on any new habits this year?

Leave a comment and let me know – I’d love to hear any tips and support you in any struggles you’re having.

And if you’d like more support in creating sustainable habits that work for you, let’s hop on a call and discuss the options so you can get clear on your next steps.

Thanks for reading, and have a great week!

P.S. Have you checked out my Four Steps To Your Dream Life blueprint? It’s a great resource and concrete to help you gain clarity and create a life that you love.

P.P.S. Find yourself feeling fearful as you make these changes? You might benefit from my top tips for facing your fear.

This was inspired by an article I published on March 12, 2021.