adventure

Be (Your Best) You

| jamiefeinberg

Hi friends. I’m heading out of town this weekend, and I was tempted to skip an update, but a friend reminded me how much she is inspired by my posts. And that’s why I do it. So let’s go! 

I often look at what others up to in the world and wonder if my own contribution really matters. Some people are making major donations or putting in dozens of volunteer hours each month. Some people have attained significantly more followers than I even dream of. Some people invent things, or have written life-changing books or programs that have affected millions. 

But fairly quickly when my mind starts to drift this way, I remember that I am not here to worry about whether or not I measure up beside someone else. 

I am here to be me. I am here, in fact, to be the best version of me that I can be today. 

Photo: Small lighthouse on the left, with a dirt path leading down to the water next to and a setting sun peeking through a tree. Everything looks golden in the light. Photo by Jamie Feinberg.

I am a uniquely creative, spontaneous, motivational, energetic, friendly human. I bridge divides. I lead by example AND I lead with vulnerability. 

One of the things my Enneagram and my mental fitness work teach me is that we all have a unique, special, wise being inside us. You might call it a soul. We are as unique as a fingerprint. You may have been through a lot of hard stuff along the way that required you to pick up armor and tools. Those tools may not be serving you as well as they used to, and letting them go is the work of a lifetime. But we all have that unique, beautiful, wise being inside of us. 

When you strive to “be better”, who is the voice you’re listening to? Is it society? Your parents? Your friends? A coach?  Or is it yourself? 

It’s easy to get lost in the possibilities of how you can best make your mark in the world under these extraordinary circumstances. And it’s easy to get overwhelmed and, for some of us with the privilege to do so, even give up and give in. 

As you work discerning the next right thing for you to do today, and this week, and this month, and even beyond, make sure you stop and get present somehow. Listen to the inner wisdom – not your inner judge. Or the judgment of others. 

I make the biggest and best mark on the world when I am authentically me. And I see that when others do the same, it’s also when they are fulfilling their own unique purpose and place in the world. 

Need some guidance listening to your inner compass? A coach is such a beautiful way to get there, and I’d love to support you. 

Work with me

Sign up for a saboteur assessment 

My favorite Enneagram resources 

Thanks for reading, and take good care. Follow that inner guide, one step at a time.

Rest and retreat

| jamiefeinberg

Last week I talked about the importance of finding, and sometimes creating, community. But this week, I’m thinking about the importance of rest and even of creating space for a retreat. 

I recognize the immense privilege when we talk about taking time off, of course. When we’re in survival mode, we do the work we need to, even if we know it’s sabotaging our health (physical, mental or otherwise). But if you’re in a position where you have the luxury of time, or where you even have paid time off at your disposal (even if you aren’t encouraged to take it), I’m here to encourage you to do so – and to do so intentionally. 

Photo description: Victoria Park boardwalk, Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island (photo by Jamie Feinberg)

Until a few years back, I wasn’t aware that there are different kinds of burnout, or that there are different kinds of rest. (The book Burnout was one of many that turned me on to this.) One of the ways I am aware that I’m currently experiencing burnout is that I am avoiding extra opportunities for reading. When I’m in my “normal” state, I do some reading almost every morning. But for the past month or so, I’ve found myself avoiding reading, unless it’s for work, or particularly for one of my Enneagram groups. 

When this happens, I take it as a little warning sign, an alert for myself. “Danger! Danger! Something isn’t right here!” You may notice yourself avoiding other tasks when you’re tired or burned out. Maybe it’s hard to motivate yourself to cook, or to clean the shower, or to pay a bill. It’s easy for some of us to beat ourselves up when we catch ourselves avoiding doing things. But a better option, a wiser option, would be to take it as an alert only, and then either a) file the info away, until we can do something about it, and accept it for now, or b) do something about it. And for me, I’ve found that when we’re talking about burnout, the most effective thing to do is to rest or, sometimes, to spend some time in an energizing activity. (Or maybe it’s a little of both – some rest with a fun or energizing activity, perhaps?) 

The Enneagram practitioner whose work hooked me early on was Suzanne Stabile, and this weekend is her annual Bootcamp. Bootcamp is both in-person (Dallas, Texas) and a virtual event, so if you can’t swing flights or just want to avoid getting arrested or disappeared while traveling, you can still attend. I’ve attended several of these events, as well as other virtual events they’ve offered, and they’re always well-worth my time. 

Even though the event will be recorded, there’s nothing like watching a great speaker live, even in a virtual room, surrounded by other (virtual) participants devoted to doing the work to become better people. So while I may fall asleep tonight watching (due to the time difference), you know that much of this weekend, I’ll be online, listening and learning with other Enneagram practitioners. 

I am grateful I was able to take the day off today to be a part of the event live. No, it won’t be a paid day off. But I plan to do some of my favorite things, spend some time in nature, enjoy some tasty treats and meals, and learn more about myself, through Suzanne’s wise words. 

Sometimes resting looks like a Netflix binge. But sometimes, we get more rest from a walk in nature, a group meditation, or even a literal nap. Tuning in, to our bodies and minds and our needs, right now is essential. 

Are you able to get some rest this summer? What does rest or retreat mean to you right now? 

Recent articles from me you might enjoy: 

Finding and creating community

Let good enough be good enough

Creating space, allowing stillness

Anxious for the future? Quiet and control those hyper-vigilant thoughts

Finding gratitude while facing fascism

Enjoy the sun

10 ways your mind is messing with you

Joy as resistance

Tell me when I can pre-order your book!

Pockets of joy

| jamiefeinberg

I’ve been navigating some of the most challenging work I’ve faced since moving to Canada lately, and it’s exhausting. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. So much so, that trying to come up with a topic for this article in the midst of my schedule and all of that feels like a lot. 

So I thought I’d share some of the joy I’ve gotten to experience over the past month or so instead. Maybe this will feel more like when I started my Ross and Jamie Adventure blog back in the day, when we focused on sharing our travels across the United States in a 25’ RV. (Head here if you want to be notified when that book is ready.) Regardless, I hope you enjoy my share about where I’ve found some pockets of joy lately. 

First photo taken on my walk by the hospital of the ocean, with beautiful greenery in the foreground and blue sky; second photo of pink flowers spotted at the Dunes Gallery (both photos by Jamie Feinberg)

Earlier this week, I had an appointment for bloodwork. I’d done some hard things already that day, so my first thought was, let’s go get ice cream afterward! (It’s my favorite way to treat myself, after all.) But a wise voice in my head said, I think I’d enjoy walking by the water on the path near the hospital even more than I’d enjoy ice cream. WOW. My sage voice was loud and clear. And such wisdom. So after I got my blood drawn, I walked across the street and walked along the ocean, enjoying breezes in the tall trees and absolutely gorgeous views. What a treat! (And since I’m currently being more mindful of what I eat right now, how nice that a pretty walk is a zero calorie treat!)

Connecting with friends and family is such a wonderful gift in my life. I’ve had lovely conversations, shared hugs, gone out for ice cream and taken walks with friends. Especially when things are challenging, it is so helpful to have people who are happy to listen and support you. I’m especially grateful for the work I do to maintain and grow my friendships when these more challenging situations arise. 

PEI raspberries are absolutely amazing (and iconic, thanks to Anne of Green Gables), and yet my first summer here, I couldn’t find them anywhere and missed the season entirely. Ever since, I make it my mission to find them, because it’s my favorite fruit and local is absolutely best. I’m so grateful for the friends who help to keep me informed or even share their own bounty with me! Last year I picked raspberries at a friend’s house, and this year, a friend shared some of her first raspberry crop with me. What an amazing gift!

Last weekend, I went to one of our local favorite places for ice cream, Cricker’s Creamery, which does amazing homemade baked goods and has tons of gluten-free options. I went there twice in a row because raspberries arrived. On the first day, I had what may have been the best ice cream concoction I’ve ever had – or at least of the flurry variety. My vanilla soft serve had fresh PEI raspberries mixed into it, with hot fudge on top. What an absolutely perfect delight! On day two, I was a little bit disappointed that the raspberries were now frozen, not fresh. But still – where else can you get local raspberries with ice cream and hot fudge? So much joy. 

Photo of my vanilla soft serve swirled with fresh PEI raspberries and topped with hot fudge (photo credit: Jamie Feinberg)

Other moments of joy lately: 

  • Snuggling my amazing cat
  • Time with my husband
  • Supporting mental fitness clients & spending time with my Enneagram groups
  • Visiting the Dunes Gallery, home of my favorite gardens on PEi
  • Driving through PEI National Park
  • Gazing at the ocean 
  • Attending wonderful events with friends, some planned, and some serendipitous, like when I showed up for an impromptu beach visit to find friends I’d just seen at another event were here (with another couple), and they invited me to join them!

The world is so much. I hope that in between your phone calls, donations, raging at the world and doing all the regular tasks to maintain and sustain a life, that you’re able to offer yourself opportunities to pause, do some good self-care, and find pockets of joy. 

Recent articles from me you might enjoy: 

Let good enough be good enough

Creating space, allowing stillness

Anxious for the future? Quiet and control those hyper-vigilant thoughts

Finding gratitude while facing fascism

Enjoy the sun

10 ways your mind is messing with you

Joy as resistance

Tell me when I can pre-order your book!

Let good enough be good enough

| jamiefeinberg

In brainstorming what to explore here, some weeks it just comes to me. Other weeks aren’t as obvious. Today, I asked myself what I needed to hear right now, and that’s how the title came to me: let good enough be good enough. 

Photo of assorted flowers and trees in a neighborhood park by Jamie Feinberg

According to the Enneagram, a tool for personal growth I’ve been studying for more than five years now, some people (known as Type 1s) heard a very particular message when they were children – “it isn’t okay to make mistakes”. In spite of the best intentions, so often, in our families of origin, we manage to internalize the idea that there’s a problem if we make mistakes. So as a protective mechanism, some of us become perfectionistic. And yet when we do so, this overfocus on perfecting ourselves, perfecting those around us, or being a great role model for others means that we lose ourselves along the way, becoming less confident and unbalanced as a result, and more obsessed with control, repression, and worry. 

But we don’t need to be a “type 1” for us to pick up the message that it isn’t safe for us to make mistakes. Maybe it’s because of the color of our skin that we’ve internalized that message, or maybe we have a neurodivergent brain that isn’t understood by those around us. Maybe a domineering parent or an unsafe environment at school or at home contribute to it. 

One of the things, therefore, that I benefit a lot from, and that you may too, is remembering that most of the time, it’s best to let good enough be good enough. 

In my mental fitness work, we say only 20% of tasks, at most, need us to do them perfectly (or close to it). For the remaining 80% of tasks, the healthy and reasonable thing is to let good enough be good enough. 

Especially when I’m feeling stressed or navigating a lot of extra potential stressors already, I know I need to remember and heed this message. 

Here are a few ways I’ve “let good enough be good enough”. I hope these inspire you and you’ll try it on for size: 

  • Have time for a fancier meal? On the fence about whether it’s worth it to put in the extra effort? Keep it simple. Your body and mind will thank you later. 
  • Not sure your wording of that email is perfection? Is the email being sent to someone who already knows your work? Can you afford to have an imperfect word or two in this email? Let it go, and send it. 
  • Struggling to choose the right outfit for a night out? Consider the “needs” involved, and then just choose something. It doesn’t need to be the best outfit you’ve ever worn. Let good enough be good enough. 
  • Prioritize cleaning the most highly-trafficked areas and the most visible ones in your living space. No one but my husband and I have to put up with a messy bedroom, so it isn’t usually a priority. 
  • Showing up to a meeting less prepared than usual is still (usually) better than not showing up. If it’s still a value add, I show up – and I include a brief apology if it feels called for. 
  • Didn’t accomplish all my goals today? Didn’t get outside as much as I intended? Didn’t get to finish that project? No point in beating myself up about it. Let it go – I did good enough (or well enough) today. 

Does this resonate with you too? Is “let good enough be good enough” helpful for you? And if not, what do you think is the message you’d benefit from hearing or repeating right now? And if you know your Enneagram number, has that helped you to get clear about this? 

P.S. If you don’t know your number but would like to learn it in the company of others on their own personal journeys of growth, learn more about working with me here. And if you know your number but are still seeking community, I lead both an Enneagram Book Club and mental fitness groups. 

Recent articles from me you might enjoy: 

Creating space, allowing stillness

Anxious for the future? Quiet and control those hyper-vigilant thoughts

Finding gratitude while facing fascism

Enjoy the sun

10 ways your mind is messing with you

Joy as resistance

Tell me when I can pre-order your book!

Don’t feel like celebrating this week? Give back instead 

| jamiefeinberg

This week in Canada, we celebrated Canada Day, and while many are feeling very patriotic and proud of their country right now (or at least grateful to be in it, warts and all), I’ve recognized since we moved to Canada that for many, especially indigenous people, to celebrate Canada Day can feel disingenuous at best, and perhaps even entirely inappropriate, as the patriotic celebrations can feel like a whitewashing of history. I know that here in PEI, indigenous individuals and communities are playing a significant role in the celebrations, and I love seeing that, but I know it’s a bit of an imperfect solution, at best. 

I was thinking about how in all the Independence Day celebrations I experienced in the United States, I couldn’t even have imagined a true indigenous component to them. And it didn’t occur to me, in full transparency. This is one area where I think Canada is ahead of the United States, and I hope that in the future, Americans can think more about following in their footsteps. 

Similarly, there are plenty of other groups, whether it’s Black communities, the queer community, the disabled community etc., who may feel like they’re not ready to be patriotic. And right now, with fascism a growing reality and millions displaced without due process (or seemingly rhyme or reason), and unfortunately the promise of much more to come, I think anyone with a heartbeat and a conscience might be finding themselves wondering whether it’s appropriate to be celebrating. 

But today, I’m not going to answer that for you. Instead, I’ll encourage you to get quiet inside and decide for yourself whether patriotic displays, now or in the future, are worthy of your support. 

Also, I wanted to remind you that when you’re struggling to feel grateful, or to feel grounded, finding a way to give back can be an extraordinary way to do so. It can often be one of the easiest ways to find fulfillment and even joy. 

Photo of someone feeding a white chicken by Alex P

I’ve been giving back in many ways. I give back as a mental fitness instructor and coach, allotting a portion of my work each month to supporting people who otherwise wouldn’t have access. I donate money to nonprofits doing good work, and I draw attention to the good work of people and organizations so that others might feel inspired to do the same. 

This past Sunday, I led a showtunes singalong, and it allowed me to give back in two ways. First off, we set aside a percentage of ticket sales to go to Peers Alliance, a local nonprofit important to the queer community, and to the Transgender Law Center, doing important work in the United States. While that itself felt like a meaningful gesture, even on a small scale, I also felt the joy of giving back by sharing my performing gifts with others. There’s something about singing together that really is healing, and I could feel the joy and power in a room of present, connected humans, many previously strangers, coming together in song. 

Where do you give back? Where do you volunteer? Who do you care for, teach, or show your love to? Do you fight for causes you believe in or run for office? 

Let love be your guide. Choose love. Choose to channel your energy to what matters most to you. Find energy in supporting those who need more than you, or at least whose needs align with what you have to offer. 

And please remember: You’re here. I’m proud of you. We are glad you’re here. Keep breathing. Keep taking care. 

And please let me know: where do you give back? Or where would you like to? 

P.S. One way I give back is through my Enneagram work. My group Enneagram programs are offered on a sliding scale, and I do them out of love. Learn more here, we’d love to have you join us to do this important work on yourself that is best done in community with others. 

Recent articles from me you might enjoy: 

Creating space, allowing stillness

Anxious for the future? Quiet and control those hyper-vigilant thoughts

Finding gratitude while facing fascism

Enjoy the sun

10 ways your mind is messing with you

Joy as resistance

Tell me when I can pre-order your book!

Creating space, allowing stillness

| jamiefeinberg

I’m reading a book in one of my Enneagram groups, and it has reminded me of the importance of allowing stillness and silence in my day to day life. As an Enneagram 1/type A go-getter who is constantly DOING things, it is not my habit to pause. And like so many of us, I am getting more and more used to distraction. I might turn on a video while cooking, a podcast while walking, or pull out a book in between work projects. 

But what I was reminded of today, and what has been useful, is that God or our inner wise one (insert your language of choice) is found in the stillness. Without pauses, we can’t get in tune with what’s best for us. And infuriatingly, we cannot will those wise revelations to show up in our lives. All we can do is practice pausing. Then we can leave it to the universe to do what it will with us. 

Photo of red, purple and yellow tulips by Pixabay

When my internet is being slow as I work today, I am trying to choose stillness instead of distracting myself while I wait for things to load. 

When I am not sure what to do next, I am trying to breathe and sit. Let me find the answer in stillness, because it isn’t coming in the “doing”. 

How do you create space? Are you allowing stillness or silence? If not, what’s one small way you’d like to try it? 

Recent articles from me you might enjoy: 

Anxious for the future? Quiet and control those hyper-vigilant thoughts

Finding gratitude while facing fascism

Enjoy the sun

10 ways your mind is messing with you

Joy as resistance

Tell me when I can pre-order your book!

P.S. Want some support in finding stillness? Let’s chat!

Sharing ways to know yourself better & tap into a more authentic, wiser version of you this season

| jamiefeinberg

Photo of me, hair down and smiling, leaning against our RV in 2021. (Head here to be notified when my book on our travels is ready for pre-order!)

Hi friends. It’s my anniversary weekend (yay!), and in spite of that, I’m out of town spending time competing with my chorus and enjoying all of our amazing barbershop friendships too. I hope you have some plans to fill your own cup as well. 

Today, I just wanted to mention a few ways that you can work with me, if you’re ready to take the next step in your own personal development journey. While we can go it alone, there is just some work, even inner work, that is often best done with support from others who have been there. 

#1 Join my Enneagram summer group! 

The Enneagram is my favorite tool for personal development. It helped me to figure out why I am the way I am AND figure how the work I can do to become a healthier, happier version of me. I have SO much more compassion for people due to my Enneagram study, and it’s extraordinarily helpful in relationships of all sorts. 

We use a three month video series created by the wise Enneagram godmother, Suzanne Stabile. We meet weekly to share our own reflections on her teaching, learn from each other, and touch base about our own journeys, goals, and progress. Everyone who has completed this program with me has found it helpful and even transformative. Learn how to join us here. We’ll coordinate schedules based on the participants’ plans for the summer. 

#2 Tackle anxiety, anger, and the negative voices in your head by studying mental fitness with me! 

I use the Positive Intelligence mental fitness platform, and it’s been the best tool I know for teaching me and my clients how to stay present, handle negative emotions, and become a more efficient and effective version of me. If you struggle to stay regulated or grounded, if you need some concrete tools to use when life gets really uncomfortable, you need mental fitness in your life. 

Book a call to learn how the saboteurs are keeping you from living your best life. Learn to get through your day with less stress and more joy. This program is available as individual coaching or in a group format

Wherever you are today, take a moment and breathe. Listen to the sounds around you. Enjoy the outdoors if you can. And give yourself a pat on the back. You’re doing great. It will get better. 

Take care, friends, and thanks for being here. 

Recent articles from me you might enjoy: 

Anxious for the future? Quiet those hyper-vigilant thoughts

Enjoy the sun

10 ways your mind is messing with you

Joy as resistance

Enjoy the sun

| jamiefeinberg

Friends, I am disgusted and fearful and angry and sad and more when I read news headlines or simply think about how many children and adults are suffering and whose rights are being stripped away. 

I just called my senators to oppose Casey Means for Surgeon General. I will keep calling my representatives to hold them accountable each week. And I will spend a little time each day being open to the best ways that I can make a difference in the world. 

But you know one of my favorite things in the world? 

Sunlight. 

Photo of a happy dog running down a path by Pixabay

A sunny day, with blue sky and mild temperatures, is such a gift. And in our part of the world, I am getting more and more beautiful sunny days to enjoy. Spring is a beautiful time of year. I’m watching tulips begin to bloom, and watching bumblebees and honeybees at work. Friends are beginning to share the bounty of their gardens with us. I’m taking more joy (and less layers!) on my walks. 

While I know there are plenty of people in the world, like my husband, who struggle to deal with the heat that the sun can bring, we know the sun isn’t just a beautiful gift for us. It’s also essential to life. Without the sun, plants and nature can’t do its job, and our food supply would be at stake. We’re all so interconnected, and the sun is an essential piece of the puzzle in our lives. 

You may also be feeling stressed. You may feel pressured by some saboteurs in your minds. Perhaps you’ve got some thoughts popping in on the regular, telling you that you can rest AFTER you achieve your next goal, or hit your next financial milestone, or finish doing ______. 

I want to challenge you to ignore those voices. Be here NOW. Enjoy the sun as it comes through your window or touches your face. Smell the flowers. Savor the feeling of a breeze on your face, or the wind in your hair. If you are a gardener, enjoy the cool soil between your fingers, or the delicate seeds and plants you cultivate, or the glistening water as you water a flower. 

We have no idea what’s coming tomorrow. If habeas corpus is eliminated in the United States, none of our rights to due process are safe. That could mean we’re also rounded up and imprisoned in the days or weeks or years to come. We can try to fight it, but it’s something much, much bigger than just us. The fight may or may not be successful.

So what can you do, in the face of uncertainty? In the face of possible peril? 

Be here now. Enjoy the sun. Savor that slice of cake or a moment or play or joy with loved ones. And remember that rest is also resistance. Life is a marathon, and not a sprint. Keep tuning in to where you are, and appreciate all of the nuisances, details, and even fun that it offers. 

Take good care. Enjoy the sun. 

Want to learn more about the saboteurs getting in the way of a more efficient, effective, and happy life? Let’s talk. 

Looking for a speaker for an online or in-person event? I’d love to hear from you, or have you recommend me to a friend.

A quick life update 

| jamiefeinberg

Hi, friends. I’m fighting a bad cold right now, so rather than tap into my wisest self for some reflection as I aim to each week, I thought I’d do more of a quick life update. 

Photo: I took a photo of a few early spring flowers peeking up through a garden full of dead leaves

I’m feeling grateful for new clients and an upcoming speaking opportunity. 

I’m also proud of myself that I finally completed my book draft and submitted it to a publisher for a review! I’m expecting that my very rough draft has a long way to go before publication, but I am feeling proud of completing the thing, at least in very rough form, and I look forward to updating you on how you can support me on my book journey in the months and likely years to come. 

It’s been a busy and beautiful spring as always in the arts, with one performance behind me, several to come, and a barbershop competition too in June. I’m exploring new opportunities with friends as well in the coming months. 

It’s weird to highlight personal wins when the world is so challenging right now. Some things I am making noise about are the LGBTQ+ suicide prevention hotline going away in the U.S., the disturbing conversations and plans around autism, and the decisions to remove all regulations related to things like the environment – not to mention taking away funding for things like food inspections. I also read a disturbing article giving an important breakdown about where the trans people in sports outcry has come from. Spoiler alert: it’s not based in fact. 

I continue to be grateful for all the people reporting accurately and for everyone standing up for all of our rights. 

And I am so grateful to be in Canada, living a life that I love and helping others to do the same, wherever they are. Even in very challenging circumstances, we can learn to see what’s possible, conquer our own sabotaging thoughts, and enjoy our journey. 

There are lots of stressors in our lives right now, but staying involved and finding joy keeps me grounded and grateful. I hope you have tools to do the same. And if you want to learn how to get out of your own head and do the same, let’s talk. 

Stay safe. Take care. Keep resisting.