adventure

Trying something new 

| jamiefeinberg

When we’re young, everything is new. We are experts at being beginners. We learn how to get the attention of our caregivers, and how to hold it (from crying to cooing). We learn how to eat and drink. We learn how to move through the world (for most of us, we might learn to crawl, and then to walk). We might learn things like swimming or coloring, trying new foods or playing a sport. We might learn to play an instrument or dance, to hike a mountain or tie our shoe. We might learn to multiply, or learn to read, or even learn to juggle! 

The point is that when we are kids, being a beginner is normal. Failure is normal. And while we might get frustrated, most of us didn’t get TOO frustrated – because it was much more of the norm for us to feel this way. You might have gotten envious of the bigger kids riding a bike, but if you were given a bike and you took to it, it wasn’t long before you wanted the big kid bike or wanted to get the training wheels off and started putting the work in to get there. 

We’ve got so much going on in our backyards, our country, and around the world right now. I hope you’re continuing to make time to evaluate your role and play your part in standing up for goodness and justice in the world. I hope you’re supporting your neighbors and being proactive in doing so.

But you know what else I hope? I hope that you can take a moment to recognize yourself for when you try new things. Maybe you’re uncomfortable because you know you “have to” call your representatives, but phone calls are hard for you. Maybe you’re facing a chronic illness or housing situation or job or career change that is forcing you to learn new things. And maybe you’re not always doing a great job at it. 

And yes, maybe it’s the realization that you don’t have well-honed mental fitness skills yet. Maybe it’s admitting when you need help. Maybe it’s practicing things like boundary-setting and meditation. Even if you feel like the world’s most awkward human when you do so. 

Brown wooden letter tiles spell WHY NOT TRY by Brett Jordan

This week, I tried a new treatment for a health challenge, and I was really nervous about it. I wasn’t sure what to expect, even though I’d done some research. And like many adults, I don’t feel as well-practiced at trying new things as I did when I was a kid. 

But I am proud of myself, because I made the phone call, did the thing, and you know what? It worked! It’s a short-term treatment, but for today, I can see the improvement, and I am so grateful for that. 

Have you tried something new lately? Is anything on your list to try? And if so, what’s one small step that you could take today to help you to realize that goal? 
If you would like some support in developing some new mental fitness skills, I’ve got you. What a great new thing to try! I invite you to set aside a time with me to see how saboteurs are keeping you from finding more ease and joy in your life. Head here. 

Cultivating Curiosity

| jamiefeinberg

After months (and in one participant’s case, years) of anticipation, we’ve got our next Enneagram cohort in place, and on Thursday evening, I had the joy of facilitating our first session. 

I love having the opportunity to bring women (and folks of all genders) together as we each move along the path toward personal growth. We identify and shed layers of habits that no longer serve us. We get clarity on who we are and who we can be, and we support each other as we all follow our own unique path and needs in becoming. 

When I get frustrated, angry, scared about what the world might have in store and of course about what is literally happening right now, my mental fitness training and my Enneagram training offer my opportunities. 

I know from my work that there can be a gift found in any situation, if we choose to do so. And that while fear is hardwired in us, so is love. And love can do so much. 

When I act from love, one of the options available to me is to become curious. And as I have mentioned before, curiosity is truly a gift of our wise mind. 

When I regularly practice cultivating presence, it also helps me to cultivate curiosity. The more present I am, the more likely that I can find curiosity in any situation that calls for. 

Photo of a curious child with a magnifying glass and a plant by Anna Shvets

Perhaps someone’s behavior is puzzling you, or offending you, or hurting you. Perhaps you want to know why they’re doing it. 

I might choose to hone my curiosity where it leads. 

What if we bring curiosity to the things we don’t understand? 

  • The family member who upset you
  • The car who cut you off
  • The friend who no longer speaks to you
  • The co-worker whose words hurt you 

Can you do some work to ground yourself, and then ask yourself to get curious about why it might have happened? 

Curiosity doesn’t mean you have to find the right answer. But in the process of asking questions, of getting curious, we can often find comfort in finding possible explanations – even without certainty. 

What are you curious about? How do you cultivate curiosity? And where in your life would you like to cultivate more curiosity? 
Cultivating curiosity is an important tool in my toolbox, and I help my clients to do so as well. If you’re curious to learn some mental fitness skills and see how saboteurs are keeping you from living a life you love, head here. 

Five resources for a challenging day

| jamiefeinberg

Today I am pausing, in the midst of a rewarding and busy week, to share a few reminders and resources with you. I’ll keep things short and sweet today, as that’s what I’ve got the spoons for. I hope you’re well and navigating the challenges of life okay today. You’re here, and you’re trying. Well done!

Photo of person at a table behind a pile of books as tall as their head by Pixabay

Reminders: 

  • You matter, you deserve to exist, and you deserve love and compassion and opportunities
  • The color of your skin, your gender identity, your sexuality, where you were born, your IQ, your strengths and weaknesses – none of these change the fact that you have inherent worth 
  • Patriarchy is harmful
  • Cultivating media literacy and practicing it may be getting harder and harder, but it IS possible
  • The small choices you make add up – a phone call to a representative, a smile to someone who is struggling, a donation or a food delivery to someone who needs it, teaching someone a skill

Resources from my more recent writing that you may find helpful: 

Thanks for stopping by, and feel free to comment and let me know what you’d like to hear or see more of here. Wishing you health and renewal for the fight – and an eye for the joy too. 

P.S. I have a few more spots  for people interested in learning about themselves through the Enneagram in our next cohort. And if you’d like to join me for an opportunity to learn some mental fitness skills and see how saboteurs are keeping you from being happy and living a life you love, head here. 

Three Ways To Regain Your Footing

| jamiefeinberg

It’s been a while. I took a well-needed break over the holidays, and to be honest, I could have used another couple of weeks, but I’m enjoying getting back into the swing of things in many ways. 

At the same time, I’m dealing with health news, supporting loved ones dealing with hard things, and of course horrendous violence, killings, war and more from you know who. 

Photo of snowy mountains in dim light by Joyston Judah

Rather than write an article myself this week, I’m going to practice some self-care and suggest you read this excellent article by Paul T. Shattuck. 

Please call your reps, take some breaths, and keep resisting. 

You may also enjoy these past articles (with audio meditations) from me: 

A grounding practice for winter

A moving meditation

Breaking the cycle and taking one step

You can also visit my website to learn more about me. I’m a speaker, performing artist, coach and mental fitness trainer. Thanks for stopping by. 

Your fellow Americans and humans need you 

| jamiefeinberg

Hi friends. As usual, I could share so much today, from reminders to rest and breathe and enjoy moments of stillness to applauding you for all you ARE doing, for yourself and for others, in spite of so many opportunities for fear and anxiety and anger. 

But today, for my fellow Americans, I am asking you to make some noise. It should terrify all of us that Marjorie Taylor Greene’s bill criminalizing gender-affirming care for minors (the vast majority of which is actually done on cisgender people, and the vast vast majority of which is NOT surgery, just temporary stuff that delays puberty) has passed the house. 

Photo of a protest and a sign reading “TRANS RIGHTS ARE HUMAN RIGHTS” by Oriel Frankie Ashcroft

We’ve already done so much to take away trans people’s passports that many trans people are now trapped in the United States. We’re literally seeing a replay of the 1930’s playing out again, in so many ways. We can’t say trans in the military and we stripped so many incredible members of the armed forces from their jobs and pensions. I could go on and on and on and on. 

But today? Please, please please, reach out to your reps and tell them that this is a horrendous bill. It would make doctors and parents be criminals just for providing this care, truly life-saving care. Applaud your house members who voted No (yes, there were three Republicans, and some sat out) and express your anger and frustration with those who voted yes (including Democrats Cuellar, Davis, and Gonzalez, and some sat out). Let your senators know that taking away the rights of trans people are NOT why you elected them. Speak up while we can. Before they come for every other minority group, even more than they have already. Immigrants and trans people are just the beginning. 

I know there are so many causes deserving your attention. Please do your part to keep our trans friends and neighbors and family members alive and able to focus on all the other life stuff. And do NOT prosecute people for supporting them in living their lives. 

I anticipate I may take a couple of weeks off from writing for the holidays. While I don’t have major holiday plans, I will be taking time to rest, regroup, and enjoy some time with loved ones. I hope you’re able to do the same, and regardless of your circumstances, that you’re able to find joy and light during this season. 

Keep resisting. 

For mental fitness tips, coaching, or to learn more about how you can work with me and live a life with more joy and free of habits that keep you stuck, come grab your free session with me.

P.S. As I was about to send this, I saw that a second anti-trans bill, this one a Medicaid ban for trans youth, has passed the house. Speak up against this too, please.

Breaking the cycle & taking one step 

| jamiefeinberg

How are you feeling today, friend? If you pause right now and take a few deep breaths with me, I invite you to ask yourself that question. What stands out to you? Are you physically comfortable? Are you present to your body? Are your thoughts racing? Do you feel energized, or depleted, or somewhere in between? 

Photo of a winter scene of a yard and house in the city, with snow, a fence, and sun peeking through trees

As we head into Hanukkah Sunday, are in the midst of Advent, and head toward Solstice and Christmas at a speedy pace, you may be caught up in activities and obligations. 

As we see daily headlines out of a terrifying movie or horrendous chapter of history, there are lots of distractions demanding our attention. 

Whether you’re finding yourself relentlessly busy or attempting to hide from it all, I hear you, and I see you. Today, I wanted to share one technique that can help me when I find myself caught in familiar patterns. For an audio version of this, head to my Substack.

We all have habitual patterns of our personality. These are patterns that we found served as well as children, keeping us safe and comfortable or at least giving us some sense of security and consistency. As we age, these well-honed patterns can become a trap. While they are well-honed, it is possible to break out of the cycle, the pattern, and make a different choice. But it requires a level of awareness of what’s going on and a willingness (and ability) to make a different choice. 

For instance, one of my patterns is that when I start to feel like I am overwhelmed or angry, my default setting is to cope with the scenario by doing. Specifically, I go to the most accessible task – I find that cleaning, especially washing dishes, is a go to, but I may also simply choose the easiest task on my to-do list or even go to scroll a video on my phone. 

The wiser part of my brain isn’t running the show here. Instead, I’m simply stuck in a pattern. 

So what can I do about it? 

The first step is to literally stop. Stop doing. Sometimes this means I literally stop whatever I’m doing and go sit down for an extra reminder that I do truly need to stop. Once I’ve stopped, I take a few deep breaths. You can even do a quick body scan to see where you’re holding onto tension or pain. I notice the physical sensations of where I am and what I’m doing. Notice if I was holding my breath. Notice my posture. Observe where I am in space right now. My body on the floor or whatever surface it is on. Let my extra thoughts go. 

Next, I observe what’s been going on. Am I in a calm or chaotic environment right now? How am I relating to others, and how are they responding to me? Am I myself feeling calm and regulated, or am I defaulting into the patterns of my personality? 

When I am physically present to what’s going on, if it feels accessible, I also have the option to ask my WISE mind why I started doing that task. Was I acting from fear? From anxiety? It can be useful to observe what just happened. But sometimes, asking WHY feels scary. Maybe it’s a very sensitive topic right now. If that’s true for you, just focus on the physical sensations. 

When I do feel I am in my “wise mind” and calmer, present and awake, I can ask myself some questions. You might ask what is yours to do in this situation, in the words of Suzanne Stabile. In the words of Byron Katie, you might ask “what am I believing right now? How does it make me feel? Is it true? Is it really true? Who would I be if I let go of that belief?”. 

And finally, having paused, observed and and done some self-reflection, you’re free to make new choices. Allow and encourage yourself to forgive yourself and try something new. 

Is your wise mind reminding you of a task that’s truly most important now? Do you finally have the clear head to make a call you’ve put off? To take ten minutes and start a dreaded task? Use this calm state to move forward with one thing today. 

There are versions of this process in both my Enneagram work and in my mental fitness work. You may have encountered a similar process elsewhere that works for you. Please let me know how you do this work in your own life. And if you haven’t yet, let me know if you’re going to try it! 

Want some support breaking out of your habitual patterns to feel more joy, create a life you love, and be more YOU? Come grab your free session with me.

take one step

| jamiefeinberg

Friends, I’ve gotten to experience so much joy, so many awesome things, in the past week. And yet my brain and my body are tired. Day after day, in spite of having a good night’s sleep and waking up before my alarm (I know, boo-hoo, how tough is my life?), I’ve woken up feeling like I’m not rested enough and I’d like to just stay in bed. 

Could this be depression? Sure. I’ve had some challenges with it in the past, though it’s been a very long time since that was a major struggle for me. But regardless of any mental games my brain might want to play, my physical body is also bearing the side effects of it all. And while it’s 100% valid to seek medical treatment when you’re feeling more tired than usual, I know that right now, for me, I’m feeling like this is just where I am right now – a medication or a chat with a therapist unfortunately can’t change the systemic issues in our world right now. 

Photo of fall foliage on either side of a paved path by Jamie Feinberg

The world is a lot. I can have an absolutely beautiful day, I can make progress toward my goals, I can spend time with people I love, and I can still find my mind and my body returning to stressful thoughts and situations. 

So for this week, my answer to that is to take one step. 

When it feels daunting to get out of bed and do all the things ahead of me, I tell myself to start with just getting up and feeding the cat. I am open to the possibility that if I’m still exhausted by the time that is done, I can allow myself to get back into bed. 19 times out of 20, after I feed the cat, I will commit to getting dressed, knowing I can take a nap later if I’m still tired. One step at a time. I take one step. 

This can work with bigger projects and goals too. When the project feels daunting, I can make it easier by breaking it down into small steps. And if having the executive functioning skills required to chop a project into more manageable pieces isn’t happening right now, that’s okay. What’s one small, but meaningful, step that I can accomplish today in the direction of my goal? Let’s commit to doing that now. 

I had a beautiful weekend, from leading an ‘80s singalong to teaching voice lessons and music theory, to spending time with friends and phone calls with family. And I had two gorgeous walks in nature. 

I know I am incredibly blessed, and I pause to be present to that multiple times each day. 

And I am tired. 

And I’m aware that the fight may be just beginning. 

So acknowledge what you’re feeling. You may need to do more self-care than you’re used to right now. You may need to lighten up your commitments. And you may need to offer yourself a bit more patience and grace right now. 

What’s one step you can commit to, when all you want to do is procrastinate or zone out? Let’s do that one thing. And if doing it still feels rough, get a coach, call a friend, or ask a higher power or the universe for support. And above all, keep breathing. Observe the inhale of your breath, and the exhale. Stay present to the here and now. Let the rest be set aside for a moment. 

Take good care, friends. 

I have a lot of tools to face the challenges of life. If you’d like to learn some with me, let’s start with a saboteur assessment. 

Work with me

My favorite Enneagram resources

Be (Your Best) You

| jamiefeinberg

Hi friends. I’m heading out of town this weekend, and I was tempted to skip an update, but a friend reminded me how much she is inspired by my posts. And that’s why I do it. So let’s go! 

I often look at what others up to in the world and wonder if my own contribution really matters. Some people are making major donations or putting in dozens of volunteer hours each month. Some people have attained significantly more followers than I even dream of. Some people invent things, or have written life-changing books or programs that have affected millions. 

But fairly quickly when my mind starts to drift this way, I remember that I am not here to worry about whether or not I measure up beside someone else. 

I am here to be me. I am here, in fact, to be the best version of me that I can be today. 

Photo: Small lighthouse on the left, with a dirt path leading down to the water next to and a setting sun peeking through a tree. Everything looks golden in the light. Photo by Jamie Feinberg.

I am a uniquely creative, spontaneous, motivational, energetic, friendly human. I bridge divides. I lead by example AND I lead with vulnerability. 

One of the things my Enneagram and my mental fitness work teach me is that we all have a unique, special, wise being inside us. You might call it a soul. We are as unique as a fingerprint. You may have been through a lot of hard stuff along the way that required you to pick up armor and tools. Those tools may not be serving you as well as they used to, and letting them go is the work of a lifetime. But we all have that unique, beautiful, wise being inside of us. 

When you strive to “be better”, who is the voice you’re listening to? Is it society? Your parents? Your friends? A coach?  Or is it yourself? 

It’s easy to get lost in the possibilities of how you can best make your mark in the world under these extraordinary circumstances. And it’s easy to get overwhelmed and, for some of us with the privilege to do so, even give up and give in. 

As you work discerning the next right thing for you to do today, and this week, and this month, and even beyond, make sure you stop and get present somehow. Listen to the inner wisdom – not your inner judge. Or the judgment of others. 

I make the biggest and best mark on the world when I am authentically me. And I see that when others do the same, it’s also when they are fulfilling their own unique purpose and place in the world. 

Need some guidance listening to your inner compass? A coach is such a beautiful way to get there, and I’d love to support you. 

Work with me

Sign up for a saboteur assessment 

My favorite Enneagram resources 

Thanks for reading, and take good care. Follow that inner guide, one step at a time.

Rest and retreat

| jamiefeinberg

Last week I talked about the importance of finding, and sometimes creating, community. But this week, I’m thinking about the importance of rest and even of creating space for a retreat. 

I recognize the immense privilege when we talk about taking time off, of course. When we’re in survival mode, we do the work we need to, even if we know it’s sabotaging our health (physical, mental or otherwise). But if you’re in a position where you have the luxury of time, or where you even have paid time off at your disposal (even if you aren’t encouraged to take it), I’m here to encourage you to do so – and to do so intentionally. 

Photo description: Victoria Park boardwalk, Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island (photo by Jamie Feinberg)

Until a few years back, I wasn’t aware that there are different kinds of burnout, or that there are different kinds of rest. (The book Burnout was one of many that turned me on to this.) One of the ways I am aware that I’m currently experiencing burnout is that I am avoiding extra opportunities for reading. When I’m in my “normal” state, I do some reading almost every morning. But for the past month or so, I’ve found myself avoiding reading, unless it’s for work, or particularly for one of my Enneagram groups. 

When this happens, I take it as a little warning sign, an alert for myself. “Danger! Danger! Something isn’t right here!” You may notice yourself avoiding other tasks when you’re tired or burned out. Maybe it’s hard to motivate yourself to cook, or to clean the shower, or to pay a bill. It’s easy for some of us to beat ourselves up when we catch ourselves avoiding doing things. But a better option, a wiser option, would be to take it as an alert only, and then either a) file the info away, until we can do something about it, and accept it for now, or b) do something about it. And for me, I’ve found that when we’re talking about burnout, the most effective thing to do is to rest or, sometimes, to spend some time in an energizing activity. (Or maybe it’s a little of both – some rest with a fun or energizing activity, perhaps?) 

The Enneagram practitioner whose work hooked me early on was Suzanne Stabile, and this weekend is her annual Bootcamp. Bootcamp is both in-person (Dallas, Texas) and a virtual event, so if you can’t swing flights or just want to avoid getting arrested or disappeared while traveling, you can still attend. I’ve attended several of these events, as well as other virtual events they’ve offered, and they’re always well-worth my time. 

Even though the event will be recorded, there’s nothing like watching a great speaker live, even in a virtual room, surrounded by other (virtual) participants devoted to doing the work to become better people. So while I may fall asleep tonight watching (due to the time difference), you know that much of this weekend, I’ll be online, listening and learning with other Enneagram practitioners. 

I am grateful I was able to take the day off today to be a part of the event live. No, it won’t be a paid day off. But I plan to do some of my favorite things, spend some time in nature, enjoy some tasty treats and meals, and learn more about myself, through Suzanne’s wise words. 

Sometimes resting looks like a Netflix binge. But sometimes, we get more rest from a walk in nature, a group meditation, or even a literal nap. Tuning in, to our bodies and minds and our needs, right now is essential. 

Are you able to get some rest this summer? What does rest or retreat mean to you right now? 

Recent articles from me you might enjoy: 

Finding and creating community

Let good enough be good enough

Creating space, allowing stillness

Anxious for the future? Quiet and control those hyper-vigilant thoughts

Finding gratitude while facing fascism

Enjoy the sun

10 ways your mind is messing with you

Joy as resistance

Tell me when I can pre-order your book!