I’m reading a book in one of my Enneagram groups, and it has reminded me of the importance of allowing stillness and silence in my day to day life. As an Enneagram 1/type A go-getter who is constantly DOING things, it is not my habit to pause. And like so many of us, I am getting more and more used to distraction. I might turn on a video while cooking, a podcast while walking, or pull out a book in between work projects.
But what I was reminded of today, and what has been useful, is that God or our inner wise one (insert your language of choice) is found in the stillness. Without pauses, we can’t get in tune with what’s best for us. And infuriatingly, we cannot will those wise revelations to show up in our lives. All we can do is practice pausing. Then we can leave it to the universe to do what it will with us.
Photo of red, purple and yellow tulips by Pixabay
When my internet is being slow as I work today, I am trying to choose stillness instead of distracting myself while I wait for things to load.
When I am not sure what to do next, I am trying to breathe and sit. Let me find the answer in stillness, because it isn’t coming in the “doing”.
How do you create space? Are you allowing stillness or silence? If not, what’s one small way you’d like to try it?
As I watch my home state taking away the organization and the budget responsible for arts funding throughout the state, I offer gratitude for all of the incredible arts opportunities I’ve gotten to be a part of, either as a participant or as an administrator or artist.
Photo of a person with outstretched hands in gratitude, surrounded by greens of nature on a cloudy day by Kourosh Qaffari
As I watch clinics and programs closing and states restricting abortion and gender-affirming care, I offer gratitude that for the medical professionals who’ve offered such support to those who have needed them in the past, even in the face of hostility or misunderstanding. I offer gratitude that some friends and family have gotten out of the United States or to friendlier states, hopefully to a better climate that will support who they are.
As I learn of ICE sweeping immigrants off the streets (so often the ones who are on legal paths to staying here and often pillars of their community), I offer gratitude for the citizens who have offered themselves as human shields and sounded the alarm that has sometimes been enough to keep their community members safe, even if for one more day.
As I watch democratic leaders being beaten, arrested or detained, in front of a silent, watching group of Republicans, I offer gratitude for these democrats willingness to lead and stand up for all of us, even in dark and dangerous times.
As I receive challenging news for people close to me, I offer gratitude for the blessings they got to experience related to these struggles (or prior to them).
I offer gratitude for the breeze on my face as I walk by the water, even as I process challenging thoughts.
I offer gratitude for work opportunities and for amazing friends, family, partner and chorus members, even as I look forward to leaving work on a slow day.
I offer gratitude for beautiful flowers, for another morning, another chance to connect, another chance to learn and grow.
I continue to strive to follow the often wise advice around accepting what I cannot change. I continue to prioritize what matters while striving to let the rest of it go in this moment. That may be a thought process once a day, or once every minute. But it’s wise advice that, when practiced alongside my other mental fitness work, I know will result in more peace of mind, more ease, and feeling more joy.
I don’t know what to do right now. But I know that doing nothing isn’t the answer. I know taking care of myself, resting, regulating myself, is key, so that I can then with a clearer head prioritize what is mine to do.
Feel overwhelmed? Stressed? Mad? Scared? Use your grounding tools, your mental fitness work. Then, and only then, can we shift into that wiser part of us that is so good at seeing the forest through the trees.
How are you handling your feelings right now? Your thoughts? Your emotions? It’s wise to do the work to get to that high-level, forest view. And it’s completely understandable if that isn’t feeling attainable right now.
So take a walk, if you’re able to. Take a shower. Get some sleep. And then, with a clearer head, let’s go stand up for human rights and fight fascism.
P.S. If you’d like to learn more about yourself in community with others, join my Enneagram program, or set up a time to learn more about mental fitness (which you can study in community or 1:1 in coaching with me).
This past weekend was a real gift for me (and, I venture to say, for my chorus too). I direct an a cappella barbershop chorus, and this past weekend was an extraordinary success for us. Our contest weekends are always joyful, as we are a part of a culture of community rather than competition. We cheer for each chorus and quartet enthusiastically, at the start and after each song. We take classes together, we sing together, we share and have fun together into all hours of the evening. It’s amazing.
And this past weekend, I got to experience the joy of knowing we did everything we set out to do. And as it turned out this year, that was enough for us to hit all of our goals: to qualify for the international competition, to receive fourth place (and a chance to sing for all of our fellow members after contest at Moonglow), and I received an award as director of the most improved chorus who qualified for the international contest.
Photo: I hold the Don Regan Award, smiling; our chorus performs (wearing their fourth place ribbons) at Moonglow
I also had the gift of spending time in nature, watching mother ducks and their babies swimming, spotting all sorts of gorgeous birds up close, and just enjoying some serenity – a beautiful contrast with our chorus contest.
Unfortunately, as I returned home and started to pay more attention to the headlines, I was reminded of how many people are putting their bodies on the line right now, simply by participating in peaceful protest, and of how precarious things are in so much of the world right now. Even journalists are being targeted for simply documenting what’s taking place.
I wish I had all the answers. I wish I could wave a wand and stop atrocities and create a world that is more equitable and life-giving to everyone.
But in the meantime, I will encourage you to be present today. Find small joys to be grateful for and savor. Hug a loved one if you can. Enjoy a treat if you can. Share a good conversation, a meal, a dollar or a kindness.
If you are privileged enough and willing and able to put your physical presence on the line, I thank you for that. If resistance for you looks like making donations or having conversations or even just caring for yourself, I see you too.
Keep doing what you can. As my chorus reminded me that I said recently, each of us makes a difference. Each person on the risers, or each person in the world, has the opportunity to do their own best or instead choose complacency (or even to do harm). Please believe, and please know, that your actions DO make a difference. To the people you interact with, and to the world as a whole. I truly believe that.
Take good care. Keep embracing joy. Keep breathing.
P.S. One way to take care of yourself is practicing good self-care. If you’d like to learn more about yourself in community with others, join my Enneagram program, or set up a time to learn more about mental fitness (which you can study in community or 1:1 in coaching with me).
Photo of me, hair down and smiling, leaning against our RV in 2021. (Head here to be notified when my book on our travels is ready for pre-order!)
Hi friends. It’s my anniversary weekend (yay!), and in spite of that, I’m out of town spending time competing with my chorus and enjoying all of our amazing barbershop friendships too. I hope you have some plans to fill your own cup as well.
Today, I just wanted to mention a few ways that you can work with me, if you’re ready to take the next step in your own personal development journey. While we can go it alone, there is just some work, even inner work, that is often best done with support from others who have been there.
#1 Join my Enneagram summer group!
The Enneagram is my favorite tool for personal development. It helped me to figure out why I am the way I am AND figure how the work I can do to become a healthier, happier version of me. I have SO much more compassion for people due to my Enneagram study, and it’s extraordinarily helpful in relationships of all sorts.
We use a three month video series created by the wise Enneagram godmother, Suzanne Stabile. We meet weekly to share our own reflections on her teaching, learn from each other, and touch base about our own journeys, goals, and progress. Everyone who has completed this program with me has found it helpful and even transformative.Learn how to join us here.We’ll coordinate schedules based on the participants’ plans for the summer.
#2 Tackle anxiety, anger, and the negative voices in your head by studying mental fitness with me!
I use the Positive Intelligence mental fitness platform, and it’s been the best tool I know for teaching me and my clients how to stay present, handle negative emotions, and become a more efficient and effective version of me. If you struggle to stay regulated or grounded, if you need some concrete tools to use when life gets really uncomfortable, you need mental fitness in your life.
Book a call to learn how the saboteurs are keeping you from living your best life. Learn to get through your day with less stress and more joy. This program is available as individual coaching or in a group format
Wherever you are today, take a moment and breathe. Listen to the sounds around you. Enjoy the outdoors if you can. And give yourself a pat on the back. You’re doing great. It will get better.
Crafting The Life You Want: A Practice in Living 