travel

What the Enneagram Is Teaching Me About My Eating Habits

| jamiefeinberg

TW: for a frank conversation around my own struggles with food and references to diet culture

I’ve been studying the Enneagram for more than five years, and because of that, most of what I’ve studied feels quite ingrained and accessible. But with anything we learn, I think, there are layers, and as we go through new situations in our life and move further along our path (hopefully toward self-actualization), life has a tendency to throw us the same types of situations again and again, in hopes, perhaps, that we’re ready for a new lesson and can grow further as a result. A mentor of mine recently described this idea as a spiral path for growth, and I know that isn’t a new concept for many of us. 

My relationship with food, of course, goes back much farther than my relationship with the Enneagram. My own relationship with food is complicated, with past experiences and challenges around food security, trust, and control. Add to that a hefty dose of diet culture in the 80s and 90s and throw in the fact that in the past eight years, I’ve realized I can’t eat gluten and have some other food sensitivities, and you’ve truly got a recipe for food issues, to say the least. 

I could share a number of stories about the effects this has had on my life, and about how many therapy and journaling sessions I’ve devoted to it, but I had a particular experience this week that I found absolutely fascinating and couldn’t resist sharing. 

 Last night, while talking to Ross (my husband), I said I wanted to open the mint chip ice cream we had in the freezer and have some for dessert. He was supportive, of course. I’d purchased it on sale (it’s my favorite Chapman’s flavor) and I was looking forward to it. 

Perhaps a half hour after we chatted, I realized I hadn’t yet gotten up from the table to get myself some ice cream. I washed my hands, grabbed a bowl and spoon, removed the ice cream from the freezer, removed the layer of plastic wrapped around the carton, and began scooping myself ice cream. The bowl isn’t especially large, as it fits in the palm of my hand, but it easily fits a lot of ice cream in it. I remember scooping some, and then more, and then more so it went over the top of the bowl, and then filling in some of the gaps, and then I’m sure I had my inner critic chime in that it was plenty and I’d want some later so leave some for the rest of the week. I put away the carton and grabbed my bowl and spoon. 

It wasn’t until I set the ice cream down on the table that I looked at it and thought to myself, why is there so much ice cream in my bowl? 

Common reasons I might have told myself I was having a large portion of ice cream in the past have included: 

  • I’m really hungry
  • I’m having one of those days where nothing satiates me…ice cream will
  • I need more protein today (yes, that’s a real reason I’ve given myself) 
  • I don’t want to leave a little bit in the carton
  • It’s a special celebration day
  • I’m at an ice cream place I won’t be back to for a while (or ever), so enjoy it now
  • This ice cream place is seasonal and closing soon – make the most of it
  • I’m having a tough day. Ice cream will make me feel better

I’m sure there are others as well. But do you know what I realized last night? 

I hadn’t had ANY of those thoughts. Because I actually hadn’t stopped to think. At ALL. I’d had the gut impulse/light bulb moment/memory of my conversation with Ross which then sent me into the kitchen to get myself ice cream. 

And then I brought it to the table. Then, and only then, did I look at how much ice cream I’d given myself and think, hmm, I’m not especially hungry. I’ve got some healthier habits I’m working on. I would have even been happier with a smaller bowl. Why in the world did I give myself so much ice cream? 

And the answer, clear as day, that came to me, was because I hadn’t stopped to think. 

At all. 

So, if that isn’t making sense to you, congratulations! You’re probably not an 8, 9, or 1 on the Enneagram. You may not be a dependent number (a 1, 2, or 6) either. 

These three numbers, 8/9/1, are in the “gut” or “anger” or “rage” triad. Part of what makes us unique is that we are dominant “doers”. We all rely heavily on “doing” as we go about our day, with different flavors for each number. As a 1, I’m predominantly “doing” when I am in my automatic, auto-pilot part of my being (which is most of the time, for most of us), with this doing fed by how I am feeling about things, though I may not be self-aware enough to be able to articulate the feeling underneath it. When stressful things happen and I feel things, I react to my feelings by doing. But the main thing here, when we’re in this triad, is that we are doers. We are “doing dominant”. 

(Side note – 8s are doing dominant, supported by thinking, and 9s would be both doing dominant and doing repressed, but that’s a story for another day.) 

Now, this isn’t a bad thing about myself; it just is. But the other piece of this puzzle is that as a member of the dependent stance (made up of 1s, 2s, and 6s), I am by definition thinking repressed. This means that I am less likely to do productive thinking than the members of the other two stances. 

Members of the dependent stance are certainly thinking a lot, perhaps even more than others, but that doesn’t mean our thinking is necessarily productive. We are defined by the fact that it is a big challenge for us to bring up productive thinking, at least if we haven’t done a LOT of work. 

So, as a person who thinks of herself (and is thought of by others) as a pretty smart person, I’ve had to wrestle a lot with how repressed thinking shows up for me. 

And last night, my goodness. Is that not a perfect example of it? 

There were so many times along the path from refrigerator to table where I could have stopped to think: Do I want a small amount of ice cream, or a large one? How hungry am I right now? I’ve got some health goals for the future – should I consider those right now? Am I having a strong craving? How would I feel if I didn’t eat ice cream tonight? 

My friends, I thought none of those things. I simply got myself a big bowl of ice cream. 

And honestly, if I hadn’t done a lot of work on myself, between studying the Enneagram and mental fitness (which has been my best tool for slowing down these auto-pilot moments), I don’t think I would have even noticed. 

(This is also, more generally, a perfect example of the kind of automatic responses and habits built into our personality that require a practice of non-judgmental self-observation to be able to recognize it and potentially make another choice. The Enneagram and mental fitness are both beautiful tools for this.)

Of course, as soon as I observed myself at the table, it got me thinking. What factor has this behavior played when I’ve worked on losing weight? What factor has this played in changing my habits to healthier ones? If I could gain more awareness in this moment, perhaps even long enough to do a short mindfulness exercise, could I eat less each night? How would that feel? 

I’ve let go of wanting to be a particular size, for the most part. My only holdout is a couple of beautiful dresses I will likely never be able to wear again. But I think I’m going to be okay with that. However, I want my future self to be as fit as I am currently. And I’ve realized recently, in part influenced by the book Outlive, that if I want to be this fit at 60, or at 80, I need to become super-fit NOW. Because our bodies have a tendency to lose muscle, and lose strength, lose stability as we age, the only way to set myself up for a healthy retirement is actually to get MORE fit than I would otherwise care to right now. 

Obviously, to even think about doing that requires some privileges, and I’m not fully convinced if this is even a realistic goal for me in my life right now. But I do have it in the back of my mind as I explore steps I can take, and habits I can form, moving in that direction. 

And I guess what I’m saying is, we talk about mindless eating. I don’t do that anymore. My eating is truly mindful. I savor each bite or at least one bite of each food I have on my plate, and I truly take my time and enjoy my meals. But only now am I aware of mindless plating! 

Have you observed yourself in moments like this? If you’ve studied the Enneagram, did it teach you anything about your own habits you’d like to share? 

Photo by Jiří Dočkal

New Year, New Who? 

| jamiefeinberg

Two practices helping me right now

This week has been busy, and honestly, this year so far has been too. I’m feeling myself simultaneously caught up in the energy of a new year, all the feelings of possibility (real or imagined) that that entails, while also facing a particular brand of challenge and potential stress that has historically been a major issue for me. 

I have so much to be grateful for, to be clear. In addition to the majority of areas of my life feeling fairly secure and in a beautiful place, I’m well aware of the privileges I have in even being able to make these plans and work on these types of challenges, when so many nearby and around the world are worried about the essentials – am I safe? Do I have a place to sleep tonight? Is there food on the table? Is there a table? Are my loved ones okay?

But as you may relate to, it’s still quite easy to get caught up in your own challenges, even when they’re not as challenging as someone else’s. 

One of the things I’ve been working on this week, because of this particular “challenge” I referred to above, is on two things, as I described in my Enneagram Book Club meeting last night. 

The first thing is that I’m working to keep my attention on all the good stuff, the majority of the time. Focus on gratitude for all the stuff that’s pretty darn awesome in my life and even in the lives of others. I have so much to be grateful for, in so many areas. And while there are times when I get troubling news or am handed a surprise and need to spend some time processing my emotions, most of the time in my day to day, I get to choose where my focus is. And if I choose joy (as I have often spoken of), it’s likely that my day, and the day of those I encounter, will be better because of it. 

The second, complementary thing I am working on right now, is being able to work on the “challenge”, the hard thing, without bringing negative emotions into it. This is something that my Enneagram work helps me with, but I think it’s my mental fitness practice, more than anything, that has me in a great mindset for this. Instead of anxiety about the outcome of what I’m doing, or anger at the situation I am facing, I’m exploring what it feels like to be curious and to just get stuff done. Can I set aside the critical and sabotaging voices in my head when they pop up, and instead return to the next task at hand? Can I marvel at my ability to get things done in a crisis instead of wasting my energy getting upset? Can I trust that the better use of that energy is in the doing? 

Part of this, for me, is that I need to get comfortable being uncomfortable. I don’t like the uncertainty and lack of control I’m feeling about this situation right now. But when I’m honest with myself, I’ve never been a fan of change, and I really like to feel in control. And control is an illusion, my friends. So I’m working on embracing liminality and thanking the universe for a chance to get uncomfortable and learn more. To learn to work productively through discomfort, without adding drama. 

One of the things my mental fitness work has taught me is that the wise part of my brain can be in “go mode”, or exploring options, or creating new solutions, without any negative emotions in the picture. And when I take that approach, what could feel daunting or overwhelming can instead feel more like I’m a little kid on a playground, making a sandcastle or peeking behind a tree or creating a new club for my friends to join. 

So if you’re also in the midst of a big “challenge”, whatever that may be, I want to encourage you. It’s okay to be uncomfortable and in transition. Those spaces offer us beautiful opportunities for growth, if we choose to see them that way. (And it’s okay if it takes time to get there.). 

Though you may not be able to change the situation, consider if a shift in focus, to a wiser part of you, might bring you some peace, or at least help you work more efficiently so you can sooner take a break with some tea or get a hug from a friend.

I’m grateful for mindfulness practices and self-awareness cultivated with the Enneagram that are making all of this feel more attainable.

I’m also grateful for the opportunity of a new year, where we can keep reevaluating who we are and our place in the world. 

Thanks for reading, and have a beautiful week! 

P.S. A great practice for the new year could be to book a Saboteur Assessment to help you shine a light on what’s keeping you from your best work and being your most authentic self. You can also reach out to me to join my next Enneagram study, using Suzanne Stabile’s incredible curriculum, so that you can learn more about yourself in the company of like-minded people. 

Five Ways To Make the Holidays Work For You This Season

| jamiefeinberg

How are you feeling, friend? Let’s take a moment to just be. Observe your breathing, in and out, if that feels comfortable for you. Or take a look at a pretty object or window near you, and observe what you see. Count backwards from 20. Let’s just be for a moment. 

It may be cliche at this point, but it’s that time of year when it’s common to take time to be grateful. I know I’m not alone in having a dedicated gratitude practice (running on at least five years now, wild!), and if you haven’t yet tried it, whether during the holiday season or any time of year, I definitely recommend it.

Back in 2020, I wrote a blog on how to make the holidays work for you. At the time, a lot of people were struggling with the holidays and how to celebrate them. While Ross and I were living an RV and used to doing our own thing for the holidays, we were aware of local grocery shortages on preferred foods, and where we were staying, in New Mexico, actually had a stay-at-home order in place over Thanksgiving that I’m sure was challenging for many. 

I’m grateful that a lot has changed for the better since then (namely, vaccines!), but the holidays are still a challenging time for many, whether due to viruses in the air or distance from family (physical or otherwise) or the challenges that happen when we return home and revert to our younger, less wise selves (or when our family assume we are the same person we once were, even if we aren’t!). Or all of the above, perhaps? 

It’s okay to have mixed feelings.

It’s okay to have moments when you feel wrapped up in the love of or even memories of your family/friends. 

It’s okay to, in the next moment, feel anxiety that your parents are going to do x, or miss loved ones, or feel resentment that you can’t do holiday celebration you did in the past, or feel jealous of y, who lives with their family or has many close friends while you are living and celebrating alone.

I hope that during this challenging time, you will give yourself forgiveness for these feelings. All emotions are valid. Offer yourself grace. I know you’re carrying a lot, and opportunities for anxiety and other challenging emotions abound. 

It may be helpful to remember that if someone else’s life looks glamorous on social media, that is just the tip of the iceberg that you’re seeing. The glamorous surface life may be only a passing moment in a chaotic day or week or month.

Here are a few things I recommend making time for this week, whatever your plans are. 

  • Practice gratitude – and mean it. This can take many forms, and all are valid. Start each morning picturing one thing you’re looking forward to today, in vivid detail, and then realize it. (A warm shower? A cup of tea? Enjoy the magic of simple pleasures you get to bring into your day.) Start or end each day by acknowledging five things you’re grateful for. Start a gratitude journal, whether it’s a big beautiful book or a note on your phone. If you’re connected with your family, begin a meal/Zoom call/family walk by having everyone share something they are thankful for this year.
  • Make time for exercise. I love indulging in rich holiday foods, as many of us do. Most of us, at least in the corporate sector or education, are also lucky enough to get time off this week. It can be tempting to use that time to relax on the couch, but making time to take a walk or stretch or lift some weights will give you more energy for the festivities and encourage you to enjoy your indulgences more, without guilt. This isn’t about losing weight. It’s about how you feel. Bonus points for combining it with outside time. 
  • Don’t let comparison steal your joy. Have you ever attended a family gathering or friend event and felt like everyone else had it “figured out” except for you? Ever find yourself stretching to describe your own work in a way that puts you in the best light? Ever wish you could be more honest, but find yourself afraid to admit where things haven’t been going your way yet? I find myself using authenticity as an antidote in these cases. And focusing on the good, the things you can be grateful for, is so key. I don’t have to talk about my work. Or I can focus on the happy feeling x gives me, rather than the funds in my bank account or how stressed I’ve been feeling covering for so and so lately. When I envy other’s travel or title, I turn my attention to all the joyful things I am grateful for in my own life. Eyes on your own paper, friends. This can also be a signal to get off of social media and dive into a book, go for a walk, dance to a holiday tune, or watch a favorite movie with a cup of a warm beverage. 
  • Carve out time for yourself. I love my family, but as an introvert who isn’t always her best self at large family gatherings, I’ve worked hard over the years to set boundaries for myself. For me, part of a successful holiday season is making time for my morning routine and making sure I have time to relax on my own. Even living far from family, it can be easy to fill my schedule with Zooms or friend gatherings if I am not mindful of my own needs. If you’re having trouble seeing blank space on your calendar, take a moment to block out a morning or an hour for you each week, or even 5-10 minutes each day. It will help you to be at your best if you are celebrating with others too. 
  • Strive to let go of perfection & release your expectations. I think one of the toughest parts of the holiday season is that we tend to bring to it so many expectations, whether it’s from holidays we experienced in the past, popular culture from movies and books that romanticize the holidays, or a growing awareness of limited time and not wanting to disappoint our loved ones. This season, when you catch yourself judging yourself, those around you, or the situations you are in, can you let those judgments go instead? What would it feel like, when you had a thought creep in, to look at your surroundings with loving attention and gratitude? To be present to joy, instead of to lack or imperfection?

Whatever your plans are this year, I hope you’ll find some comfort or guidance in this advice. No one has your best interests at heart in the same way you do, so go create a holiday schedule that will light you up and invigorate you.

Take care, and Happy Holidays! This may be my last check-in before 2025, so I wish you all the best as you end 2024 and look ahead to 2025. 

P.S. Are you ready for a shift? The holidays can truly bring out our lowest versions of ourselves – the parts we are least proud of. If/when you’d like to learn more about the ways we sabotage ourselves and carve out a path forward, please join me for a Saboteur Assessment. And if you’re curious about the role your personality plays in your life and find yourself Enneagram-curious, or you want to take advantage of my BOGO coaching deal before it expires Monday, send me a message to learn more or get started with us in January.

Photo credit (of strings of white lights in the dark): Dzenina Lukac

The Enneagram, COVID, and Me

| jamiefeinberg

What an interesting week this has been! Saturday afternoon, as I chatted with family on the phone and walked by the water in downtown Charlottetown, I received a text from my husband saying he had COVID. Oh joy! 

Given that we live in a two bedroom apartment, I knew there was a decent chance I’d already gotten it, but in case I hadn’t, we began Operation: Isolation in earnest. 

It’s fascinating, going from a fully shared space to masking in “public spaces”, avoiding each other’s presence, and carefully planning use of the kitchen or bathroom. 

The Enneagram, if you aren’t familiar with it, is my favorite tool for understanding personality, myself, and how I relate to other people. I’m a card-carrying Enneagram 1, and part of that means I am in the dependence stance: as a result, I have had to do a ton of boundary work, because my natural instinct is to accommodate other people and ditch my own plans. This is especially true with my husband. 

I began this COVID-venture assuming that it would be really tough for me to keep so much distance from my husband. Especially so because physical touch is so important to me (it’s definitely one of my love languages, if you ascribe to that). 

After a day or so’s transition though, I was pleasantly surprised to see how much I’d gotten used to the new normal. In some ways, it was freeing that I had to do my own thing, and trust my husband to do his. And in fact, I found that being in the midst of “Operation: Avoid COVID” worked really well for my rule-following 1 personality. I’ve been so busy masking and otherwise checking the boxes that I haven’t been nearly as preoccupied worrying about my husband’s needs or desires. 

Fascinating. 

In my mental fitness work, we refer to this as being a curious anthropologist. While my inner critic or judge voice might get judgmental and opinionated about my recent behavior, I’ve found it quite easy to tap into my curiosity and just observe myself and my behavior. 

And that’s something the Enneagram offers me in spades. I have names and a much fuller understanding of why I do what I do then ever before – and as you can see here, I keep learning, week by week and day by day, even more about myself and the world. 

Last night we had an informal get together for the members of our Enneagram Book Club, and it was a wonderful opportunity for community and learning. As I always do, I left feeling more confident about who I am and more aware of the ways I am both different and the same from other people. And I continue to feel gratitude that such wonderful people choose to join my programs and work with me. 

Have you ever had this kind of “curious anthropologist” experience in your own life? What did it show you? 

P.S. There are lots of ways to work with me in the new year! Do a Saboteur Assessment, an Enneagram intro, or just contact me to learn more!

Photo description: box of tissues in the foreground, with a mug of tea and a person with their setup for dealing with being sick in the distance

Photo credit: Cottonbro studio

Musings on a Snowy Day

| jamiefeinberg

I’m looking out the window as the snow comes down, at what looks like quite a vigorous pace, outside. I’m snuggled on my coach, laptop in my lap, cat snuggled under her blanket tent at my feet. I am getting work done in my business, fielding good news, looking forward to an Enneagram meeting where I know I’ll leave a little lighter and a little wiser than before. Life is good.

And yet….

I could just as easily write a different paragraph right now. Something like this:

I’m looking out the window as the snow comes down, at what looks like quite a vigorous pace, outside. I drink water frequently to keep from coughing from this post-viral loveliness that doesn’t want to leave me. The chill in the air and the lack of sunlight is depressing. And I look ahead to a meeting this evening, one I am looking forward to, but dreading the drive outside.

Some of us are extremely in touch with our emotions, but for most of us, I think there’s a spectrum. From those who never stop to consider emotions (theirs or others) to those who have tons of them, easily accessible at all times. I think I’m somewhere in the middle. Though I’m very in touch with how my body is feeling, I have to stop to contemplate where my emotions are at, most of the time, unless I’m just caught up in joy, or in rage (thankfully that one isn’t as frequent as it used to be!).

People can tell you to “think positive”. That’s usually pretty simplistic and dismissive, in my experience.

I prefer to choose joy. I can enjoy the wonder of a snowfall from under a warm blanket, with a snuggly cat. I can focus my attention on the positives I’m experiencing and on moments I am truly looking forward to, rather than focusing my energy on the negatives or on dwelling on potential negative outcomes in an anxiety spiral.

I can fear the unknown in the United States and around the world. Or I can celebrate the positive steps I took to make a difference this week, from sharing advice and lending an ear to reaching out to my senator to ask him to say no to the bill eliminating the Department of Education, and signing a petition against confirming a problematic politician.

I can focus on the uncertainties of self-employment, or rejoice in how freeing it was checking a bank account and seeing passive income from Black Friday purchases of my husband’s Play the Ukulele! course.

There’s no right or wrong here. And it’s so easy to see negative, and to get caught in dualistic thinking. But life is truly both/and. It’s scary and it’s beautiful. There’s love and there’s fear. Where will you focus today?

P.S. I’ve gotten much better at navigating, learning from, and simply recognizing my emotions since I started studying the Enneagram. I shared more about how to work with me, using the Enneagram or otherwise, last week.

Photo credit: Niklas Jeromin

Five Years rving (on the self-helpless podcast)

| jamiefeinberg

This week I’m featured on the Self-Helpless Podcast, hosted by Delanie Fischer.

I lived in an RV with my husband, Ross, for five years, traveling throughout the United States. (In fact, this blog is where I documented our travels, so you can scroll back and read ALL about it if you’re curious!)

Want to bring your own dream to life? Not sure of your next step? You’ll want my Four Steps To Your Dream Life Blueprint.

In this episode, I share tons of tips for how to prep and plan for this kind of lifestyle. Even if you’re not considering RV/van/tiny home/bus life, the episode is full of practical takeaways for navigating change and adventure, ridding yourself of all-or-nothing thinking, the many ways you can bring dreams to fruition, and how to infuse more creativity, spaciousness, and play into your life.

Plus:
2 experiments we did before hitting the road
How to decide what clothing and items to take with you vs. leave behind
A literal dream that changed everything for us

You can find and listen to the full episode of @selfhelplesspodcast wherever you enjoy getting your podcasts.

TOP TIPS FOR FACING YOUR FEAR

| jamiefeinberg

What are you afraid of?

…

…

…

What came up for you when you read that just now? (Or was your answer, “nothing! I’m not afraid”? And did you believe that thought?)

Some of us are more fearful than others, and some of us have fears that we’ve quietly tucked away in hopes that they’ll go away, and still others are already in the habit of facing their fears and doing it anyway. I’ve found that with practice, we can all build momentum and get more comfortable with facing our fears, even if it doesn’t come naturally.

Way back in 2020, I shared some tips that I had found useful for facing my fears. That first year of the pandemic was such a challenging time to be alive, wasn’t it? (Even for those of us with relative safety and lots of privilege.)

Unfortunately, while some things have gotten better since then, much is the same, or perhaps even worse, depending on your vantage point. I hope you’re prioritizing your own health and well-being. There’s so much stress and vitriol in the world, and while it’s essential for us to stand up for the less fortunate and do what’s ours to do in the world, if we let it consume us, it really will – and the world will miss out as a result.

As Susie Moore has said, “You don’t clear your fear so that you can pursue new things. You pursue new things to clear your fear”.

It can be really helpful to stop and articulate, with words (out loud or in writing, or even with imagery) how we’re feeling and what we’re fearing. Putting a name to it can make it easier to face.

Here are some of the things I’m fearing right now:

  • Climate change – what it’s doing now, and what’s to come
  • Whether I’ll build my business to the level of impact I’m working toward
  • The costs of lots of “life stuff”, from future family events to car repairs to retirement
  • That I am not doing enough in politics and in life to protect and support others
  • That I am not safe to share my views and background and be my authentic self
  • That so many people with less privileges than I have are not safe and are being denied opportunities
  • That I am overcommitted
  • That I am not committed enough

Your fears may be completely different from mine, large or small – and that doesn’t make them any more or less valid than mine. Maybe you fear the pushback from family about your decision to be childfree or about your sexuality. Maybe you’ve set a boundary or know you need to and are afraid of what the blowback could be. Maybe you have a sick family member or a safety concern, for yourself or someone else. Maybe you’re putting yourself out there authentically on social media and are fearful of what some people will have to say.

As you may recognize, my fears are only sometimes rational, and they’re seldom productive in a given moment, because while there may be some truth to them, focusing on the fears keeps me from accomplishing my goals (and is thus often counter-productive).

Here are some of the things I do to alleviate my worry and face my fears:

  • Daily work on my business & accountability checks with my mastermind, coaches and mentors
  • Weekly (and sometimes daily) work on activism and education
  • A gratitude practice
  • Practicing accountable spending
  • Supporting causes and people I care about, financially and with my time and energy
  • Limiting my time on social media & connecting in real life with people who value my authenticity and respect my choice to be childfree & pursue my passions
  • Grounding myself throughout the day through mindfulness exercises and my morning and evening routine
  • Weekly audit of my schedule and a look ahead where I consider what’s mine to do, where I need more boundaries, and letting other things go

While many of us (including me) can get caught in anxiety spirals, busywork, and unproductive thinking (including hearing the words of an inner critic or arguing with it) all day, it’s essential to carve out dedicated, focused time for productive thinking.

Some of us may not have that struggle as much as the struggle of focusing on productive doing (those dishes need to get washed sometime! Is it really a good idea to clean the garage instead of pack for a trip right now?) or focusing on making time to identify, acknowledge, and sit with our emotions.

Making a plan with concrete steps can be helpful – and sometimes, just planning to do the next right thing is plenty. If we’re feeling scared of the unknown, what’s one thing that’s within our control that we can make progress on today? If we’re frightened that x might happen, what’s one step we can take that will lessen the blow if it comes true?

For instance, if we’re afraid that a wildfire could burn our house down, maybe we should pack an emergency bag & create a plan.

If we’re afraid of the outcome of an election, we should vote and encourage our friends to do the same, and lend our support to the causes and people we care about if we’re able to do so.

We can’t eliminate the possibility of the things we fear, in many cases, but we can work to eliminate the fear by tackling it head on with the pursuit of new things, as Susie Moore says. Taking concrete steps feels good: mentally, physically, and emotionally.

And if you’re already doing all the things, and it isn’t helping?

Try slowing down. Meditate. Journal. Take a walk in nature. Remind yourself that you’re safe, you’re loved, you’re enough and worthy just because you are. Trust that you’re doing enough. Trust that you’re capable of handling this, just like you’ve handled other hard things.

And if this feels daunting, or you’d like more clarity on your next steps, that’s why I’m here! Today’s the perfect day to take a step toward your dreams and a better future by booking a free call with me.

Can you relate to any of these?

What is one thing you will commit to doing today to face your fear?

Note: This article was inspired by one I first wrote and shared on October 16, 2020.

Weird vibes

| jamiefeinberg

So, I’ve been honest here about my recent struggles with anxiety and overwhelm and the work I’ve been doing on myself through the Enneagram, other forms of personal development, therapy, and self-care.

I wanted these past few weeks to be me getting back into the swing of things with my business after a delightful week of fun with my mom here on Prince Edward Island.

I wanted to be focused and on top of it.

And, while I think I’ve done a decent job of meeting my obligations and haven’t (I hope) missed any deadlines, I’ve been giving off vibes.

Weird vibes.

Vibes that confuse the heck out of people.

Can you possibly relate to this, or am I alone? Am I the only person who, in a state of anxiety, finds themselves making their friends and family think they’re getting the death stare when they’re actually getting the deer in headlights/confused as all heck look by someone who’s struggling to keep up?

It’s contributed to some communication challenges recently, for sure. And it’s given me plenty of fodder for therapy sessions.

But I am grateful. I’m grateful for family and friends who’ve done the work alongside me to communicate what they’re feeling, tell me when I’m bothering them, and taking care of themselves in the process.

I’m grateful for a cat who insists on all of the snuggles when I’m in a funk.

I’m grateful for a new therapist who seems like a great fit for me.

And I’m so excited for this season of concerts and my new pilot Enneagram program.

I imagine these weird vibes have something to do with my Enneagram type (I’m a 1) and something to do with all of the stress it can be really hard to avoid putting on myself.

I may not have my anxiety completely under control yet. I may have some weird vibes ahead of me. But I’m thankful for this life I’ve crafted and that you’re a part of it too.

Take care, friends.

P.S. I’m still writing a book. Any interest in getting on my email list in exchange for some previews from it? If so, please comment or reach out.

when the universe shouts

Black typewriter with white paper and a white background
| jamiefeinberg

I’ve been intrigued by the idea of writing a book about our travels across the US for a while now. For more years than I can remember, I’ve periodically had friends or family members or strangers ask if we were going to write a book about our adventures, or strongly suggest that we do so. In addition, I’ve long recognized that keeping this blog means that when I was ready to write that book, I’d have an assortment of stories to draw from.

Meanwhile, after putting my focus elsewhere (hello, operation: get to Canada!), for many months, in January I shifted my focus back to building my coaching business and other creative freelance work, both online and here in Canada.

I’ve got a giant to-do list, but I wasn’t feeling a lot of certainty about where my priorities should be as I relaunch things. Should I get more active on social media? Hop back into podcasting? Launch a course?

The universe, apparently, had other plans.

That Wednesday, I took Squeak, our cat, to the vet. Over the phone due to COVID, the veterinarian I had never met told me she’d “read the book about us traveling the US with a cat and having kittens”. I told her I’d probably have it written in 2-3 years – she seemed a little surprised. 🙂

Saturday, during a local (Zoom) book club meeting, after I’d introduced myself, a new friend said she’d “read the book of me traveling the US, coaching”.

Sunday, during a different Zoom book club, an acquaintance commented it looked like I was writing a novel – I was taking notes as we chatted. At the end of the session, she called out something like “Jamie, I want to read your book when it’s done!”.

So, yeah. Message heard loud and clear, universe!

The next day, I began writing my book.

Has the universe ever spoken to you? Or yelled at you?

Comment and let me know if I’m alone in this, please!

P.S. If you haven’t subscribed to this blog yet, that’s a great way to make sure you hear about my book when it’s available for pre-order! There’s a subscribe button – on your mobile, it should be the bottom right and say Follow, or look for a box on the right hand side if you’re on a computer etc. Thanks for your interest!

______________________________

Supporting Our Blog

We are so thankful for your support of our blog and our careers! You can help further by doing any or all of the following:

  • Purchase one of Ross’ albums! 
  • Take Ross’ online ukulele course!
  • Become a patron of our work!
  • Make purchases via our Amazon website links. There is no additional cost to you, and a portion of the proceeds can support our travels. Begin your Amazon search here.
  • Make other purchases using our affiliate links. Signing up with Dosh is a great way for everyone with a smartphone to support us, and we also have options for aspiring virtual assistants as well as occasional and full-time RVers to save money.
  • Subscribe to our blog, as well as perhaps InSearchOfAScoop.com, and recommend our work to your friends and family.
  • Take music or theater lessons (group or private) from us, either in person or via Skype at TinyVillageMusic.com.