saboteurs

Anxious for the future? Quiet and conquer those hyper-vigilant thoughts

| jamiefeinberg

This past week was a beautiful juxtaposition for me. Maybe it was for you too? I had family in town, and I was so privileged to spend time with them, to go out to eat or for a drive and even to a speakeasy, and otherwise to run around playing tourist and share my beautiful local community with my mom and my sister. 

Photo of my sister, my mom, myself and my husband seated on an antique couch at a local speakeasy, Reddins

At the same time that I got to spend time with them, I was aware of the devastating cuts that have passed the House and could potentially pass the Senate of the United States in the guise of a “big beautiful bill” that will actually take away the protections built into our constitution (in irrevocable ways) and steal essential resources, including environmental resources, from the poor and middle class to give tax breaks to the wealthy. 

If I had allowed myself to focus on the potentially horrendous future ahead of us, I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy my time with my family. Thankfully, I’m well-practiced in mental fitness techniques, and even with the extra stressors that can pop up when interacting with family (due to old childhood patterns) or in being in new environments, I felt very equipped to enjoy my time with them. 

So today, I thought I’d explore the saboteur that can often be at play when navigating these challenging times, as well as some ways to combat those thoughts and patterns as they arise, in hopes that it can help you too. 

In the words of Positive Intelligence, “Saboteurs are deeply ingrained patterns of thinking and behavior that limit your potential and hinder your ability to perform at your best. They are internal critics that operate based on fear, self-doubt, and negative self-talk. Saboteur patterns can take various forms, such as the Avoider, the Hyper-Achiever, the Victim, and more. Each Saboteur has a unique way of sabotaging your wellbeing and success.”

Vigilance itself can be a very wise characteristic. Businesses, individuals, families, and other organizations benefit from people with the skill to be paying attention to future possibilities and preparing for them in a wise way. 

But the Hyper-Vigilant Saboteur is perpetually alert, constantly scanning the horizon for any threats and anxious about what can go wrong. The Hyper-Vigilant Saboteur becomes chronically stressed, and by doubting yourself and other people, the saboteur makes sure that you aren’t able to be present, relax, or enjoy the present moment. 

While these saboteurs originated as a way to protect us and keep us safe in childhood, when we overly rely on one type of behavior, it becomes disproportionate and gets in the way of our ability to enjoy life and to be efficient and effective. The Hyper-Vigilant Saboteur can look like the “boy who cried wolf”, getting anxious about EVERY possibility and potentially missing the true, actual dangers that deserve our focus and attention. 

A 24/7 news cycle is built for those of us with a strong Hyper-Vigilant Saboteur. The news media focus on the negative and seize on our fear to keep us watching, reading, and tuning in. This makes us suspicious of other people and question our own safety and our own ability to weather the storm. You may feel skeptical or anxious or even constantly worrying thanks to this saboteur. 

If you find your own anxious thoughts getting in the way of your ability to enjoy your present company, there are a few things you can do to help the situation: 

  1. When you catch the anxious thought patterns repeating themselves, stop and let those negative thoughts go. Recognizing that these are your saboteurs and your saboteurs’ limiting beliefs is the first step. (This is what we study and practice in my mental fitness programs.) 
  2. Take a ten second break to hyper-focus on your senses. This is mindfulness, but with extra focus. Feel the sensation of the wind in your hair or observe the inhale and exhale of your breath. Command your mind to be fully present on the colors or textures in front of you. (I teach some of these techniques when we complete a Saboteur Assessment. Consider joining me!) 

Here are some other ideas for conquering your Hyper-Vigilant Saboteur: 

  • Practice mindfulness – take a walk, meditate, do a body scan, mindfully enjoy a drink or a meal
  • Practice being present and discerning between true threats and the dangers you perceive. Take a breath and pause before deciding how to proceed in each situation
  • Find ways to challenge worst-case scenario thinking: consider alternatives, consider what’s likely,, or even follow your worst-case scenario thinking and then imagine how you’d handle it or how realistic that is
  • Ask a friend, or a coach, or a therapist for support and their perspective
  • Move from worrying and anxious thoughts to taking meaningful and specific actions

Though by adulthood, the neural pathways of our saboteurs are well-worn and well-honed, we can learn to create new neural pathways and build new habits using the wiser part of our mind. We are more than our saboteurs. And the more we do this work, the more joy we can find in the everyday moments, like a meal with those we love. 

Recent articles from me you might enjoy: 

Enjoy the sun

10 ways your mind is messing with you

Joy as resistance

Take a saboteur assessment or learn more about working with me

Tell me when I can pre-order your book!

10 Ways Your Mind Is Messing With You (And One Way To Respond) 

| jamiefeinberg

The world is so much right now. That in itself would be more than enough to deal with, don’t you think? But we’ve also got voices in our own heads. And those voices, though they originated from a helpful place, get in the way and stop us from tapping into the wisest parts of ourselves. 

So today, using the language of Positive Intelligence, I’ll explore ten types of saboteurs that might be getting in the way of your life – and while there are MANY ways that we can counteract these habits and voices, I’ll suggest one. 

Photo credit: Adorable donkey in a green field by Peter Jochim

Want a fuller understanding of how saboteurs are getting in the way of YOUR brain and YOUR life? Let’s set a time. 

The Judge

  • The Judge is the universal saboteur. We’ve all got some level of judgment happening in our brain, whether it’s judging ourselves, judging other people, or judging the circumstances we are in. 
  • Some of us have a perpetual inner critic that will never truly quiet down. For others, it comes and goes. 
  • Dealing with anxiety, distress, or suffering? Feel guilt or shame? Do you struggle in relationships with other people? Chances are the judge is at the root of that. 
  • The Judge will tell you it motivates you and you need it or you’ll get lazy and complacent. That’s a lie!

The Avoider

  • Do you find yourself focusing on the positive and avoiding potential conflict at all cost? The avoider wants to avoid difficult things, so the avoider will try to tell you everything’s great. 
  • The lie of the avoider is that it says things will go away if you ignore them. Instead, they often will get bigger and blow up in your face. 
  • The avoider suppresses any anger or resentment – another recipe for problems down the line. 
  • When we deny conflicts or negative circumstances in front of us, the avoider is preventing us from actually doing something about them and making the situation better. 

The Controller

  • The controller wants to deal with anxiety by controlling people and situations around them. 
  • The controller is often a micromanager – incapable of seeing the bigger picture, which might tell us that it’s better to empower people or teach them to handle a situation themselves than always try to do it our way. 
  • The controller gets temporary results, but at a major cost in our relationships and long-term ease, efficiency, and happiness. 

The Hyper-Achiever

  • This common saboteur (especially seen in the corporate world) tells us we can relax, be happy, and stop working when we hit the next milestone. The hyper-achiever won’t let you celebrate for long, or relax, or enjoy the moment you’re in. It’s all about the achievements. 
  • Your self-confidence and self-worth are, according to the hyper-achiever, defined by your achievements. But your wiser self knows you have inherent value, with or without achievements. 
  • The hyper-achiever may avoid trying things unless they know they’ll be successful. 

The Hyper-Rational

  • This saboteur focuses on the rational mind, to the exclusion of emotions, soft skills, and nuisance. 
  • Those with a strong hyper-rational saboteur can be seen as cold, unthinking, and arrogant. 
  • A refusal to acknowledge the role of people’s feelings and emotions can have a severe impact in relationships, whether at work or in your personal life. 

The Hyper-Vigilant

  • Find yourself getting caught in worst-case-scenario thinking? 
  • Are you anxious about the future and what could happen? Struggling to let go of your fears and be present?
  • The hyper-vigilant feels continuous and intense anxiety. This is exhausting and exhausts those around you too. 

The Pleaser

  • The pleaser has learned to put the needs and desires of others first as a way of ensuring their own safety and survival. The pleaser believes this is how they will be loved. 
  • The pleaser doesn’t express their own needs directly – everything is indirect. Meanwhile, they flatter and do for others. In an especially unhealthy place, this can come across as manipulation. 
  • The pleaser can forget their own needs completely (emotional, physical, financial) which can lead to burnout and resentment. Others can also become dependent on them. 

Restless

  • The restless saboteur is impatient. If they don’t see quick wins in a project or situation, rather than wait to see if it pans out later, they’re likely to try something out. This can lead to “shiny object” syndrome and keep them from pursuing and completing more complex projects. 
  • The restless saboteur is always in search of excitement, experiencing FOMO, and easily distracted. 
  • Underneath the surface, they’re escaping from the present to avoid dealing with hard things. 

Stickler

  • The stickler is a perfectionist, and the stickler may struggle to accept the idea that “done is better than perfect”. 
  • The stickler often holds themselves to higher standards than they do other people, though they may also hold others to those high standards. 
  • They tend to have an inner compass telling them how to do things correctly – the problem is that we can’t do everything perfectly. It’s really only a small portion of things that NEED to be perfect. 
  • They try to quiet the judgment of themselves and others through perfecting things. 

Victim

  • The victim uses emotion to get attention and affection for themselves. 
  • They tend to be dramatic and become depressed and fatigued due to what’s really repressed rage. 
  • In their search for attention, it can backfire and actually push people away. 
  • They may not feel seen or understood by others. 

At the root of it all of our saboteurs, no matter what childhood experiences helped shape them and develop them, is fear. And while there are lots of saboteur-specific strategies that we can employ, the best way to face it all is to begin practicing non-judgmental self-awareness. 

If we judge ourselves for when our saboteurs get a hold of us and we fall short of our highest goals, we are reinforcing the habits of our saboteurs – the habits we likely want to lean less heavily on, for our own health and happiness and to be more effective in our work. 

Instead, try practicing non-judgmental self-awareness. If you notice your Victim or your Hyper-Achiever or your Judge, you can try laughing about it, or saying “hello there!” to your saboteurs. You can journal about it or just make a mental note. This practice is the first step to beginning to change our behavior. 

Want some more guidance and more tools for conquering your own habits and saboteurs? I’d love to help. 

Take good care.