RV Life

Breaking the cycle & taking one step 

| jamiefeinberg

How are you feeling today, friend? If you pause right now and take a few deep breaths with me, I invite you to ask yourself that question. What stands out to you? Are you physically comfortable? Are you present to your body? Are your thoughts racing? Do you feel energized, or depleted, or somewhere in between? 

Photo of a winter scene of a yard and house in the city, with snow, a fence, and sun peeking through trees

As we head into Hanukkah Sunday, are in the midst of Advent, and head toward Solstice and Christmas at a speedy pace, you may be caught up in activities and obligations. 

As we see daily headlines out of a terrifying movie or horrendous chapter of history, there are lots of distractions demanding our attention. 

Whether you’re finding yourself relentlessly busy or attempting to hide from it all, I hear you, and I see you. Today, I wanted to share one technique that can help me when I find myself caught in familiar patterns. For an audio version of this, head to my Substack.

We all have habitual patterns of our personality. These are patterns that we found served as well as children, keeping us safe and comfortable or at least giving us some sense of security and consistency. As we age, these well-honed patterns can become a trap. While they are well-honed, it is possible to break out of the cycle, the pattern, and make a different choice. But it requires a level of awareness of what’s going on and a willingness (and ability) to make a different choice. 

For instance, one of my patterns is that when I start to feel like I am overwhelmed or angry, my default setting is to cope with the scenario by doing. Specifically, I go to the most accessible task – I find that cleaning, especially washing dishes, is a go to, but I may also simply choose the easiest task on my to-do list or even go to scroll a video on my phone. 

The wiser part of my brain isn’t running the show here. Instead, I’m simply stuck in a pattern. 

So what can I do about it? 

The first step is to literally stop. Stop doing. Sometimes this means I literally stop whatever I’m doing and go sit down for an extra reminder that I do truly need to stop. Once I’ve stopped, I take a few deep breaths. You can even do a quick body scan to see where you’re holding onto tension or pain. I notice the physical sensations of where I am and what I’m doing. Notice if I was holding my breath. Notice my posture. Observe where I am in space right now. My body on the floor or whatever surface it is on. Let my extra thoughts go. 

Next, I observe what’s been going on. Am I in a calm or chaotic environment right now? How am I relating to others, and how are they responding to me? Am I myself feeling calm and regulated, or am I defaulting into the patterns of my personality? 

When I am physically present to what’s going on, if it feels accessible, I also have the option to ask my WISE mind why I started doing that task. Was I acting from fear? From anxiety? It can be useful to observe what just happened. But sometimes, asking WHY feels scary. Maybe it’s a very sensitive topic right now. If that’s true for you, just focus on the physical sensations. 

When I do feel I am in my “wise mind” and calmer, present and awake, I can ask myself some questions. You might ask what is yours to do in this situation, in the words of Suzanne Stabile. In the words of Byron Katie, you might ask “what am I believing right now? How does it make me feel? Is it true? Is it really true? Who would I be if I let go of that belief?”. 

And finally, having paused, observed and and done some self-reflection, you’re free to make new choices. Allow and encourage yourself to forgive yourself and try something new. 

Is your wise mind reminding you of a task that’s truly most important now? Do you finally have the clear head to make a call you’ve put off? To take ten minutes and start a dreaded task? Use this calm state to move forward with one thing today. 

There are versions of this process in both my Enneagram work and in my mental fitness work. You may have encountered a similar process elsewhere that works for you. Please let me know how you do this work in your own life. And if you haven’t yet, let me know if you’re going to try it! 

Want some support breaking out of your habitual patterns to feel more joy, create a life you love, and be more YOU? Come grab your free session with me.

Pockets of joy

| jamiefeinberg

I’ve been navigating some of the most challenging work I’ve faced since moving to Canada lately, and it’s exhausting. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. So much so, that trying to come up with a topic for this article in the midst of my schedule and all of that feels like a lot. 

So I thought I’d share some of the joy I’ve gotten to experience over the past month or so instead. Maybe this will feel more like when I started my Ross and Jamie Adventure blog back in the day, when we focused on sharing our travels across the United States in a 25’ RV. (Head here if you want to be notified when that book is ready.) Regardless, I hope you enjoy my share about where I’ve found some pockets of joy lately. 

First photo taken on my walk by the hospital of the ocean, with beautiful greenery in the foreground and blue sky; second photo of pink flowers spotted at the Dunes Gallery (both photos by Jamie Feinberg)

Earlier this week, I had an appointment for bloodwork. I’d done some hard things already that day, so my first thought was, let’s go get ice cream afterward! (It’s my favorite way to treat myself, after all.) But a wise voice in my head said, I think I’d enjoy walking by the water on the path near the hospital even more than I’d enjoy ice cream. WOW. My sage voice was loud and clear. And such wisdom. So after I got my blood drawn, I walked across the street and walked along the ocean, enjoying breezes in the tall trees and absolutely gorgeous views. What a treat! (And since I’m currently being more mindful of what I eat right now, how nice that a pretty walk is a zero calorie treat!)

Connecting with friends and family is such a wonderful gift in my life. I’ve had lovely conversations, shared hugs, gone out for ice cream and taken walks with friends. Especially when things are challenging, it is so helpful to have people who are happy to listen and support you. I’m especially grateful for the work I do to maintain and grow my friendships when these more challenging situations arise. 

PEI raspberries are absolutely amazing (and iconic, thanks to Anne of Green Gables), and yet my first summer here, I couldn’t find them anywhere and missed the season entirely. Ever since, I make it my mission to find them, because it’s my favorite fruit and local is absolutely best. I’m so grateful for the friends who help to keep me informed or even share their own bounty with me! Last year I picked raspberries at a friend’s house, and this year, a friend shared some of her first raspberry crop with me. What an amazing gift!

Last weekend, I went to one of our local favorite places for ice cream, Cricker’s Creamery, which does amazing homemade baked goods and has tons of gluten-free options. I went there twice in a row because raspberries arrived. On the first day, I had what may have been the best ice cream concoction I’ve ever had – or at least of the flurry variety. My vanilla soft serve had fresh PEI raspberries mixed into it, with hot fudge on top. What an absolutely perfect delight! On day two, I was a little bit disappointed that the raspberries were now frozen, not fresh. But still – where else can you get local raspberries with ice cream and hot fudge? So much joy. 

Photo of my vanilla soft serve swirled with fresh PEI raspberries and topped with hot fudge (photo credit: Jamie Feinberg)

Other moments of joy lately: 

  • Snuggling my amazing cat
  • Time with my husband
  • Supporting mental fitness clients & spending time with my Enneagram groups
  • Visiting the Dunes Gallery, home of my favorite gardens on PEi
  • Driving through PEI National Park
  • Gazing at the ocean 
  • Attending wonderful events with friends, some planned, and some serendipitous, like when I showed up for an impromptu beach visit to find friends I’d just seen at another event were here (with another couple), and they invited me to join them!

The world is so much. I hope that in between your phone calls, donations, raging at the world and doing all the regular tasks to maintain and sustain a life, that you’re able to offer yourself opportunities to pause, do some good self-care, and find pockets of joy. 

Recent articles from me you might enjoy: 

Let good enough be good enough

Creating space, allowing stillness

Anxious for the future? Quiet and control those hyper-vigilant thoughts

Finding gratitude while facing fascism

Enjoy the sun

10 ways your mind is messing with you

Joy as resistance

Tell me when I can pre-order your book!

Keep Celebrating (And Take Care)

| jamiefeinberg

 This past weekend was a real gift for me (and, I venture to say, for my chorus too). I direct an a cappella barbershop chorus, and this past weekend was an extraordinary success for us. Our contest weekends are always joyful, as we are a part of a culture of community rather than competition. We cheer for each chorus and quartet enthusiastically, at the start and after each song. We take classes together, we sing together, we share and have fun together into all hours of the evening. It’s amazing. 

And this past weekend, I got to experience the joy of knowing we did everything we set out to do. And as it turned out this year, that was enough for us to hit all of our goals: to qualify for the international competition, to receive fourth place (and a chance to sing for all of our fellow members after contest at Moonglow), and I received an award as director of the most improved chorus who qualified for the international contest. 

Photo: I hold the Don Regan Award, smiling; our chorus performs (wearing their fourth place ribbons) at Moonglow

I also had the gift of spending time in nature, watching mother ducks and their babies swimming, spotting all sorts of gorgeous birds up close, and just enjoying some serenity – a beautiful contrast with our chorus contest. 

Unfortunately, as I returned home and started to pay more attention to the headlines, I was reminded of how many people are putting their bodies on the line right now, simply by participating in peaceful protest, and of how precarious things are in so much of the world right now. Even journalists are being targeted for simply documenting what’s taking place. 

I wish I had all the answers. I wish I could wave a wand and stop atrocities and create a world that is more equitable and life-giving to everyone. 

But in the meantime, I will encourage you to be present today. Find small joys to be grateful for and savor. Hug a loved one if you can. Enjoy a treat if you can. Share a good conversation, a meal, a dollar or a kindness. 

If you are privileged enough and willing and able to put your physical presence on the line, I thank you for that. If resistance for you looks like making donations or having conversations or even just caring for yourself, I see you too. 

Keep doing what you can. As my chorus reminded me that I said recently, each of us makes a difference. Each person on the risers, or each person in the world, has the opportunity to do their own best or instead choose complacency (or even to do harm). Please believe, and please know, that your actions DO make a difference. To the people you interact with, and to the world as a whole. I truly believe that. 

Take good care. Keep embracing joy. Keep breathing. 

P.S. One way to take care of yourself is practicing good self-care. If you’d like to learn more about yourself in community with others, join my Enneagram program, or set up a time to learn more about mental fitness (which you can study in community or 1:1 in coaching with me). 

Sharing ways to know yourself better & tap into a more authentic, wiser version of you this season

| jamiefeinberg

Photo of me, hair down and smiling, leaning against our RV in 2021. (Head here to be notified when my book on our travels is ready for pre-order!)

Hi friends. It’s my anniversary weekend (yay!), and in spite of that, I’m out of town spending time competing with my chorus and enjoying all of our amazing barbershop friendships too. I hope you have some plans to fill your own cup as well. 

Today, I just wanted to mention a few ways that you can work with me, if you’re ready to take the next step in your own personal development journey. While we can go it alone, there is just some work, even inner work, that is often best done with support from others who have been there. 

#1 Join my Enneagram summer group! 

The Enneagram is my favorite tool for personal development. It helped me to figure out why I am the way I am AND figure how the work I can do to become a healthier, happier version of me. I have SO much more compassion for people due to my Enneagram study, and it’s extraordinarily helpful in relationships of all sorts. 

We use a three month video series created by the wise Enneagram godmother, Suzanne Stabile. We meet weekly to share our own reflections on her teaching, learn from each other, and touch base about our own journeys, goals, and progress. Everyone who has completed this program with me has found it helpful and even transformative. Learn how to join us here. We’ll coordinate schedules based on the participants’ plans for the summer. 

#2 Tackle anxiety, anger, and the negative voices in your head by studying mental fitness with me! 

I use the Positive Intelligence mental fitness platform, and it’s been the best tool I know for teaching me and my clients how to stay present, handle negative emotions, and become a more efficient and effective version of me. If you struggle to stay regulated or grounded, if you need some concrete tools to use when life gets really uncomfortable, you need mental fitness in your life. 

Book a call to learn how the saboteurs are keeping you from living your best life. Learn to get through your day with less stress and more joy. This program is available as individual coaching or in a group format

Wherever you are today, take a moment and breathe. Listen to the sounds around you. Enjoy the outdoors if you can. And give yourself a pat on the back. You’re doing great. It will get better. 

Take care, friends, and thanks for being here. 

Recent articles from me you might enjoy: 

Anxious for the future? Quiet those hyper-vigilant thoughts

Enjoy the sun

10 ways your mind is messing with you

Joy as resistance

Enjoy the sun

| jamiefeinberg

Friends, I am disgusted and fearful and angry and sad and more when I read news headlines or simply think about how many children and adults are suffering and whose rights are being stripped away. 

I just called my senators to oppose Casey Means for Surgeon General. I will keep calling my representatives to hold them accountable each week. And I will spend a little time each day being open to the best ways that I can make a difference in the world. 

But you know one of my favorite things in the world? 

Sunlight. 

Photo of a happy dog running down a path by Pixabay

A sunny day, with blue sky and mild temperatures, is such a gift. And in our part of the world, I am getting more and more beautiful sunny days to enjoy. Spring is a beautiful time of year. I’m watching tulips begin to bloom, and watching bumblebees and honeybees at work. Friends are beginning to share the bounty of their gardens with us. I’m taking more joy (and less layers!) on my walks. 

While I know there are plenty of people in the world, like my husband, who struggle to deal with the heat that the sun can bring, we know the sun isn’t just a beautiful gift for us. It’s also essential to life. Without the sun, plants and nature can’t do its job, and our food supply would be at stake. We’re all so interconnected, and the sun is an essential piece of the puzzle in our lives. 

You may also be feeling stressed. You may feel pressured by some saboteurs in your minds. Perhaps you’ve got some thoughts popping in on the regular, telling you that you can rest AFTER you achieve your next goal, or hit your next financial milestone, or finish doing ______. 

I want to challenge you to ignore those voices. Be here NOW. Enjoy the sun as it comes through your window or touches your face. Smell the flowers. Savor the feeling of a breeze on your face, or the wind in your hair. If you are a gardener, enjoy the cool soil between your fingers, or the delicate seeds and plants you cultivate, or the glistening water as you water a flower. 

We have no idea what’s coming tomorrow. If habeas corpus is eliminated in the United States, none of our rights to due process are safe. That could mean we’re also rounded up and imprisoned in the days or weeks or years to come. We can try to fight it, but it’s something much, much bigger than just us. The fight may or may not be successful.

So what can you do, in the face of uncertainty? In the face of possible peril? 

Be here now. Enjoy the sun. Savor that slice of cake or a moment or play or joy with loved ones. And remember that rest is also resistance. Life is a marathon, and not a sprint. Keep tuning in to where you are, and appreciate all of the nuisances, details, and even fun that it offers. 

Take good care. Enjoy the sun. 

Want to learn more about the saboteurs getting in the way of a more efficient, effective, and happy life? Let’s talk. 

Looking for a speaker for an online or in-person event? I’d love to hear from you, or have you recommend me to a friend.

More signs of progress

| jamiefeinberg

Take a moment and breathe with me, will you? 

Feel yourself wherever you are. Whether you’re standing, sitting, lying down, feel yourself on the surface you’re on. Touch an object (maybe try this device?) and observe the temperature and texture of it. Notice fine details you haven’t noticed before. 

We are still here, friend. Let’s celebrate the little wins. You made it to today. 

Photo of a monarch butterfly on a branch by Erik Karits

As much as there continues to be more horrendous news, I am seeing signs of progress regularly this week in the fight toward defending human rights and preventing more atrocities. Read on for more of the progress I am seeing ( in the United States, predominantly), if that interests you. And if not; go find some joy, and keep breathing! You’ve got this. 

More signs of progress: 

The unelected billionaire seems to be displeasing the Rump – or at least, seems to be leaving the prominent position he’s in. While I don’t trust any of that being simply face value, I am happy for signs of tension in that relationship. Cautiously optimistic, I’d say. 

A great win in the courts in Montana this week for transgender and intersex (and any gender-noncomforming folks who might also be persecuted) folks in Montana. Their extreme bathroom bill was struck down! 

Wisconsin’s election was NOT bought by Elon. His $25 Million could have gone so far, but instead he threw it at a candidate who was resoundingly defeated. 

And while Florida’s election for two house seats was still easily won by Republicans, it was a MUCH lower margin than in November. Progress. 

I’m also hearing more and more horror stories making headlines about visas being revoked. So while it’s disgusting that students and professionals alike are being deported or told to self-deport due to having an opinion the government doesn’t like, I’m heartened by how much people are talking about it and making noise about it to their reps. 

And of course, I have to shout out Cory Booker, who spoke on the floor for more than 25 hours to make “good trouble” and make sure we know and understand that this administration is NOT normal and it’s NOT okay. 

As I walked outside today before writing this, I enjoyed a gorgeous blue sky. I’ve recently booked another speaking gig and gotten myself a new part-time job I am thrilled about in addition to the beautiful mental fitness, coaching and Enneagram work I am privileged to share with the world. 

I hope that whatever your own situation is, you’re finding signs of progress too. And if you have one, please consider sharing it with me! 

Take care, and keep fighting the good fight. And remember, rest is resistance. Find joy. Be love. One step, and one day, at a time. 

Curious about working with me? Want to learn more about what’s keeping you stressed or stuck? Book a saboteur assessment here, or learn more about the Enneagram here.

Sharing signs of progress

| jamiefeinberg

Gosh, it’s been a month of a week, and I have had a few days in particular where it’s been a struggle to keep myself grounded. On one of those days, I was working on some never fun bureaucracy type stuff, and it was triggering panic in my body, in spite of all the mindfulness work I was doing to work through it. I felt alarmed and had a day of important things to do, and as Ross tried to help me as we prepared for an important meeting, I realized if I didn’t get myself under control, I was bound to trigger him and likely have a rage episode.

So what does progress look like? In this case, progress was telling Ross I was going upstairs because I couldn’t get myself under control. There, I ran in place for two minutes to wear myself out. And then I just let my body settle down. As I prepared myself some lunch, I realized it had truly worked, and my body was grounded again. And thank goodness, because when a couple of hours later, I managed to spill water all over the kitchen floor washing dishes, I just laughed for a couple of seconds, grabbed a couple of towels, and cleaned it up. And when those kitchen towels weren’t enough, I headed downstairs for a bath towel, laughingly summarizing for Ross what I’d done in passing as he said he was sorry I had a hard time from the next room.

End of drama. I cleaned up in the kitchen.

Photo by Yana Kangal: https://www.pexels.com/photo/red-poppy-flowers-17868679/

Friends, in the past, this would have had me raging and upsetting my husband, perhaps getting in the way of his ability to show up for our meeting. It would have resulted in me beating other people up and then beating myself up for hours, thanks to the judge in my head.

Instead? It was just a day, friends.

This is what can happen when we take those small, daily steps to instill better habits. I’ve got a mindfulness habit. I do group work using mental fitness and the Enneagram throughout the month. And I’ve cultivated healthy communication and listening with my husband.

There are signs of progress outside of my own life too. I’m especially inspired seeing the media coverage of some of the things ICE is doing (like detaining and basically torturing lawful permanent residents of the United States, citizens of Canada who never violated laws, and many more stories of what those profiled in the media have seen). Knowing that judges are saying no (even if the administration is trying to pretend that doesn’t matter) and that some of the anti-trans laws and actions are being struck down is promising.

Spring is my favorite season, because it is such a sign of progress. We get to see bits and bobs of life springing up from nothing. It’s so exciting and beautiful and encouraging after a long winter.

Wherever you are, whatever you’re facing this week, I hope you can see glimmers of hope. Bits of progress in your own life and in the world.

Want help getting some clarity on what’s going on? You know how to reach me.

Take good care. Keep up the good fight.

Taking a Gratitude Break

| jamiefeinberg

I’m feeling rundown, friends. Tired from the news, angry for friends and loved ones and innocent strangers being targeted and persecuted. If I let my mind wander, it’s easy to move into a space of anxiety about what’s coming down the line. 

Keeping myself grounded and staying on top of self-care can be challenging in all of this. I know that the more I stay present to what I’m doing, my physical actions, where I am in this moment, the better I feel. But the old habits of worry can be tricky to avoid repeating. 

So I feel like now, more than ever, centering my day and my mind on gratitude is essential. 

Photo credit: Alex P

I’m grateful to be in a community (multiple, actually) where I feel seen and valued. 

I’m grateful to have a warm and comfortable apartment, with food in the refrigerator, running water and plumbing, and even a washer and dryer (something I’ve often lived without). 

I’m grateful to have hobbies and work that bring joy to my life and fulfill me, from taking walks in nature to solving mystery boxes to making music or coloring or playing games and solving mysteries with family and friends. 

I’m grateful for a husband and a cat who enhance each day with their presence. 

I’m grateful for family and friends around the world who make the effort to stay connected with me, even when it’s challenging to do so. 

I’m grateful to know why I am here and to have more and more tools to help me as I work to fulfill my mission in the world: to help people to create and live a life that they love. 

I’m grateful for my Enneagram Book Club, for all of my Enneagram friends on the journey, and for my mental fitness clients, coaches, and colleagues.

Especially if you’re struggling right now, I encourage you to take a moment, every day, to anchor into gratitude. The small stuff can be especially important to acknowledge.

Is a gratitude practice a part of your life? 

What are you grateful for right now? 

If this was useful, you might want to check out one of my recent, related articles: 

What Uncertainty Teaches Us

New Year, New Who?

Struggling with Motivation? Just Keep Showing Up

Thanks for being here, friend.

Something in the Air

| jamiefeinberg

It’s been quite a week here on Prince Edward Island in Canada. After many weeks of frigid temperatures, for this past week, I’ve been enjoying milder temperatures (with several days warmer than freezing), and with ample sunlight and blue sky on several days too. Though I know it’s still winter, and we’ve got much more snow and freezing temperatures to come, I can’t help but feel that this bit of a thaw is a touch of spring, and a gentle reminder from Mother Nature to keep my chin up. 

“Look!” the birds seem to say as they swim in whatever puddles they can find. “Spring is coming! You’ve made it this far! Keep going!” 

Photo of chickadee on a spring branch by Nikola Tomašić

And this feeling, in turn, I’m finding reflected in my work and life. After months of liminality, finding it challenging to maintain momentum when I’m still in the “messy middle” of sorting out many projects and next business steps, this week I’ve had several encouraging signs of progress. 

On Monday, I gave my first talk of the year to a classroom of women transitioning into (or back into) the workforce. The co-teacher of the class was extremely encouraging to me, and she let me know that the women told her they could have kept listening to me all day! It’s always a beautiful day when you get to support people and inspire them to create a life they love. 

Today, I spoke with an editor and publisher for the first time about my memoir, which is mostly written but has sat on a shelf for quite a while as other priorities took the forefront. (You can join the email list for it here.) They were so encouraging, and again, it felt like the right time and the message I needed to hear. Such a gift. 

Other highlights included a promising job interview, voice lessons with new and returning students, and great feedback from a client on a project. 

At the same time I’m seeing this bit of encouragement from the universe, showing me signs that I’m on the right path for me and it will keep getting better, I’m looking for signs of the same outside of myself. 

I’m encouraged when I see the ways Canadians are banding together, supporting local when they can. I’m also encouraged that while the vast majority of Republicans are still bowing down to the self-named king, I’m seeing more and more signs of ways that people are stepping up, fighting back, and using their power where they can. 

We don’t have to wait and watch our rights be taken away. Though for some, taking action means protecting yourself, for many, we can call, we can march, we can donate, and we can fight back, in whatever creative ways we are called to do so. 

I know things are tough right now for so many. Where are you finding hope in challenging times? 

P.S. If you’re finding yourself struggling with motivation right now, I hear you. Here’s an article I wrote on the topic a few months back. Please offer yourself, and others, grace, as you can. And if you’d like to learn more about what’s keeping you from achieving all that’s possible for you, experiencing a life with more ease and joy, sign up for a Saboteur Assessment.