ross and jamie

A poem for today 

| jamiefeinberg

Today I read news, both positive election results (well done!!!) and the sadness and resignation of friends who are out of options, recognizing they can no longer afford health insurance, which means they can no longer afford to see their doctors, pay for their prescriptions, or maintain any illusion that they have a safety net for the inevitable expenses of health care due to the for-profit nature of medical care in the United States. 

Photo of a sunset over the boardwalk by Jamie Feinberg

People share their best tips for eating on a budget and making due if food stamps are cut or gone. 

Politicians on the wrong side of history pledge to publish people who stood up for themselves and used their power in NYC and elsewhere. 

The United States is no longer just a country living under the threat of daily gun violence in schools and other community gathering places. It is also a country at war with itself, destroying any sense of safety and community and any illusions its children and others had. 

Those who followed the rules aren’t safe. No one is safe, though the lightness of your skin can help. 

I exchange stories with friends who are socking away food for the winter, like squirrels and chipmunks, unsure what the winter has in store or how it will end. 

In one hand, I hold gratitude for my amazing family, friends, and neighbors. I work to stay present to the textures my hands touch, to the warmth of a hug, to the creaminess of the oat milk in my coffee. In the other hand, I work to break free of the inner critic, telling me I am not doing enough, and the sometimes paralyzing anxiety about where we are headed and what could be next. 

I sit here, warm under blankets and a cat who adopted us in Florida ( once a fun and affordable home for our RV, now a place we’re not sure we’ll ever return to again). 

I remember that whatever our own health challenges are, whatever our own financial struggles may be, we are extraordinarily grateful to be in Canada, to be here, right now. 

As you write your own poems, remember the joy. I hope you can find the moments of calm, the moments of love, the moments of beauty. I hope you never give up and that you never give in. 

You are worthy. And I will do what I can to support you. Love your neighbors, friends. 

When mind games are kicking in and you’d like support learningto control your thoughts and stop the self-sabotage, take a saboteur assessment. 

Work with me
My favorite Enneagram resources

Spooky Season and Self-Care

| jamiefeinberg

 Well folks, things are getting spooky in the United States right now, and I don’t mean Halloween antics or that the darkness of evening is coming more quickly. I mean, of course, that millions of people are being denied their life-saving SNAP benefits because Republicans would rather starve people and keep a tax cut for billionaires while increasing healthcare premiums exponentially. They won’t even tap into the emergency SNAP funds that exist just for this purpose. And yes, we need to have corporations pay their fair share too, but in the short term, let’s prevent starvation!

Some other news on my mind: 

Trans healthcare for youth may be banned outright. Gay marriage may be relitigated. And no one with brown or black skin is safe from profiling and persecution in Chicago and around the country. 

A wellness influencer with a lapsed medical license and a history of sharing lies about immunizations is nominated as the US Surgeon General, aka “the nation’s doctor”. 

The wannabe dictator gets closer and closer, killing people without proof of cause, preparing to send more troops around the country, destroying the East wing of the White House, and exhibiting more and more behavior showing he’s likely both physically and mentally unwell (likely had a stroke) and his team is hiding it. 

Republicans are afraid to swear in Rep. Grijalva and release the Epstein files. Gaza is once again being destroyed. 

National parks are at risk in the shutdown. More drilling? Nuclear war? Apparently it’s all on the table with this administration. 

What do we do, in the face of all of this? How do we care for ourselves? How do we care for our neighbors? For our planet? 

Here are a few questions I ask myself to help me discern amidst the noise and horror and daily challenges too. Maybe they’ll help you as well. 

Are my basic needs being met? Are the basic needs of my family and friends and neighbors being met? 

  • Do I have an emergency fund, and how long can it last? How precarious a position am I in? How vulnerable are those closest to me? 
  • Consider reaching out for help if you need it. There are organizations and maybe some individuals in your network willing to help. And if you do not need help, consider what steps you can take to support your loved ones, and perhaps your wider circle too. 
  • Prioritizing your own survival is important. Supporting those who turn to you for support or sometimes support you in turn is also important. And consider what ways you can support your neighbors and the larger community, whether it’s helping to connect them with resources or sharing resources of your own. 
  • It can be a wise thing to ask ourselves these questions. But worrying about the future is not helpful when it gets us stuck in thought loops. Instead, do some work to ground yourself when worry or fear is dominating. That’s when you’ll best be able to a) recognize the dangers and b) deal with them. It’s also extremely important to take time to rest. 

Am I remembering to rest? To feed myself? To shower? To find joy? 

  • Working 24 hours a day isn’t sustainable. The sabotaging voices in our heads will tell us that we are only worthy when we “earn” it. They are lying. Your wise mind knows that you are a treasure, just because you are you. Even if other people, even if your religion, even if the government tells you otherwise. You are worthy of love and joy and a safe existence. 
  • Set some breaks in the day – for a walk, for a meal, for a shower or bath. 
  • Treasure your loved ones. Make a call, watch a show together, play a board game, sing a song. We never know how much time we have left. 

Where are my feet? 

  • Take time each day to remember where you are – and to feel it in your body. Feel your feet on the floor or wherever they are. Focus on your breathing. Listen to the sounds around you. Take time to be fully present. 
  • Find yourself getting overwhelmed by the news or anything else? Presence is life-giving. Get present so you can support those who need you. 

What is abundant? What can I share? Who can I support? 

  • It may be counter-intuitive, but we do feel better when we can volunteer or give back in some way. We also know how life-giving gratitude is. Find what you have in abundance, be grateful for it, and consider what you have to share. Your time? Your money? A listening ear? A strong body? What do you have to give, from a place of ease and abundance? And who would benefit from those gifts? 

You are doing great, friend. This world is TOUGH, especially right now, and you are still here. And you are doing the best you can. Keep breathing. Make a choice to care for yourself and your neighbors, as you have capacity. I’m so proud of you for continuing to show up. Even when it’s hard. Even when it’s hard to see how it matters. 

Need some help finding a broader perspective? Want to know you’re not alone? Want to learn how to get the negative voices in your head to calm down and get out of the way so you can get more done, and with ease and joy?

Let’s start with a saboteur assessment. 

Work with me

My favorite Enneagram resources 

Take good care, friend. 

Photo descriptions: I am wearing a flapper feather headpiece for the 1920’s themed Halloween party I lead a singalong for on Halloween. A second is a photo of my husband. We went out for the best Mexican food we’ve had since New Mexico on Saturday, and we are both extremely grateful for each other and for the amazing meals and drinks we were able to enjoy, especially when so many will be going without in the coming weeks unless Republicans fund SNAP. A third photo shows my gorgeously lit grapefruit mocktail (it was amazing) with boba. I hope it doesn’t seem tone deaf to celebrate the joyful moments. I hope you can do the same, whether it’s a night at home or out in the world.

The antidote for anxiety is presence

| jamiefeinberg

Friends, there is so much this week. As I write this, we’re facing a possible shutdown, which feels especially precarious for our transgender and non-binary friends right now. Whatever the situation is as you’re reading this, I’m sure you can name off at least a half dozen other causes for concern. I called my reps this morning, and I’m sure I will continue to in the days to come. 

I’m going to focus though, today, on remembering that the antidote for anxiety is presence. When I’m catching myself in thought spirals about what might happen and what we might need to do about it and how awful this or that could be and what about this, the way out is for me to be fully present to where I am right now. 

This is an absolutely gorgeous time of year on PEI. This past week, I got to spend many days exploring our beautiful province with my mom and my aunt, both up visiting from the United States. Together, we got to smell the flowers and the ocean, listen to the sound of the waves, share lots of hugs, eat lots of tasty meals, and admire all of the beauty here. We even enjoyed happy hour at the Grotto, on a floating dock on the harbor, having a bite and a drink while we admired/were stunned by the three huge cruise ships in port in front of us. 

Whether we were singing together at the singalong I led on Friday night or driving across PEI, with plenty of stops for ice cream and flowers, we were practicing presence. 

Vacation days are a luxury we don’t all have. But can you notice the flowers? Can you observe and enjoy the sensation of your breath moving in and out? 

I hope you can find some time to be present when the world feels like too much. 

If that feels impossible, I have a lot of tools that can help you to do that work and tune in. Let’s start with a saboteur assessment. 

And in the meantime? Enjoy some pretty photos from our adventures this past week. Thanks so much for coming, Mom and Aunt Gail! It was so lovely to have you here. 

Work with me

Sign up for a saboteur assessment 

My favorite Enneagram resources

[Photo descriptions: two stunning blue flowers on a bush at our visit to PEI Preserve Co.’s gardens, Ross, me, my mom, and my Aunt Gail at dinner at the Island Resto, me talking and leading a speakeasy singalong amongst gorgeous antique furnishings, 3 delicious flavors from Holman’s Ice Cream, a loaded baked potato with a side of their homemade chips (apparently at the Potato Museum, we do potato as a side with our potato!), me and my mom posing at the stunning Dunes Gallery, more photos of oranges and pinks at the Dunes, my mom and my aunt pose in the garden, the work of art that was my lunch at their restaurant]

discerning the next right thing

| jamiefeinberg

As I draft this message, I’m sorting through more than a dozen headlines that are truly alarming me. An administration focused on finding a “cause” for autism ignores science and research and makes me feel ill as someone with many loved ones who are autistic. Would it be a bad thing if we found a new treatment to help someone struggling with speech? Not necessarily. But not at the expense of recognizing that autistic people are just as valid as anyone else. Not while we repeat lie after lie after lie.  

Photo by Jamie Feinberg: Flowers of several colors on a bush during a recent walk

If you believe in God, remember that autistic people are also children of God. If you believe each of us has a unique purpose on this planet, that means they have one too. And especially where so many of the people who have changed the world with their innovations and creativity are autistic, it’s bonkers to do anything but acknowledge that as a society, we owe it to autistic people and to all of us to do better in accommodating the unique learning styles, communication styles, and all the things that make them and us who we are. 

We all benefit when we learn to pause before jumping to conclusions and acting on the first hurtful idea that came to us, inevitably driven by our fear. We all benefit when we listen to people who are different from us. We all benefit when we seek to create systems that support all of us in our uniqueness. This is universal design. Automatic buttons on doors help someone in a wheelchair, someone with little children, and someone who has their arms full of books or grocery bags. Clearly labeled directions help us all. Wide entrances and seats accommodate all bodies better. Creative classroom teaching incorporating all learning styles makes for more engaging lessons that will stick for all children, not just the ones who need accommodations we haven’t traditionally offered. 

I am also truly, truly afraid for our trans and non-binary family and friends in the United States. It’s very possible the Supreme Court will heed Trump’s call and issue an “emergency” verdict quickly that will require passport markers that defy reason and will put thousands and thousands of people into significant danger when negotiating travel. If you’re Christian, you know that Jesus truly loved everyone. He’d love you if you were autistic. If you were gay. If you were trans. If you were an adulterer. If you were sick. If you were late to join and follow him. He loved and forgave and saw the humanity and goodness in each of us. 

Seeing multiple lynchings and more school shootings in the news is also horrendous. We cannot pretend that the civil rights movement and the words of MLK didn’t advance our society for the better! No one is any better than anyone else, due to skin color or any other factor. And how so many people mourn for one divisive person while overlooking what a terrifying time it is to be a student or a teacher? 

Now is the time, instead of giving into fear, to take good care of ourselves, doing work to go inward, to keep ourselves in a good place, and to listen to the wisest, best part of ourselves. Who can we stand up for? Who needs our help? (And that may be ourselves!) Take time to get quiet with yourself and listen to your inner wisdom. We need it now more than ever. 

One tool I use frequently when it’s hard to know what the next right thing I should do is would be to tune in to the future version of me. I like to ask an older version of myself, decades in the future, questions like “What matters most here?” or “What’s the most important thing for me to accomplish this week?”. 

If that feels daunting, or laughable, or inauthentic, I have a lot of tools that can help you to do that work and tune in. Let’s start with a saboteur assessment. 

What helps you to discern what’s next when the world is full of challenges in need of attention? 

Work with me

Sign up for a saboteur assessment 

My favorite Enneagram resources

Staying Present When Life is Uncomfortable 

| jamiefeinberg

Hi folks. What a week! On a personal level, I had a marvelous long weekend away, getting to see both Melissa Etheridge and the Indigo Girls in concert – what an extraordinary gift! And since then, I’ve been fighting with allergies or a cold – some sort of not COVID nuisance that is so easy for me to get with the changing of the seasons, and yet so uncomfortable. 

As always, when I don’t feel well, my wise mind can recognize that the situation gives me an opportunity to reflect on what matters most and to prioritize my own self-care. 

And then, of course, there’s the larger world. Whether it’s all the signs of the United States giving in to fascism and returning to bold displays of murder (lynching? I hope we are all horrified) or to the larger world condemning Israel’s actions while they continue brazenly, there is so much demanding our attention. 

On a day to day basis, I find that getting present is the way to get through. I focus on the sensations of my feet as I walk across the hallway. I feel the coolness of a breeze or the warmth of my tea in my hand. I listen to the sounds of the birds or of my sweet cat purring. 

Photo: A variety of flowers at the Botanic Garden in Fredericton, NB (photo by Jamie Feinberg)

Even when I am sick; even when the world feels more hopeless each day; even when I have so many reasons for fear or anger or sadness; even in all of this, I have the opportunity to choose presence, to choose love, and to choose to take bold action, whether in the world or in my own self-preservation. 

This is the kind of work I do with my mental fitness clients. It gets easier over time – even when it’s hard. 

Presence keeps us in the here and now. It keeps us from retreating and neglecting our best wisdom about how to proceed. It shows our loved ones we are here and we love them. Even when things are tough. 

How do you stay present when life is uncomfortable? 

Work with me

Sign up for a saboteur assessment 

My favorite Enneagram resources

Be (Your Best) You

| jamiefeinberg

Hi friends. I’m heading out of town this weekend, and I was tempted to skip an update, but a friend reminded me how much she is inspired by my posts. And that’s why I do it. So let’s go! 

I often look at what others up to in the world and wonder if my own contribution really matters. Some people are making major donations or putting in dozens of volunteer hours each month. Some people have attained significantly more followers than I even dream of. Some people invent things, or have written life-changing books or programs that have affected millions. 

But fairly quickly when my mind starts to drift this way, I remember that I am not here to worry about whether or not I measure up beside someone else. 

I am here to be me. I am here, in fact, to be the best version of me that I can be today. 

Photo: Small lighthouse on the left, with a dirt path leading down to the water next to and a setting sun peeking through a tree. Everything looks golden in the light. Photo by Jamie Feinberg.

I am a uniquely creative, spontaneous, motivational, energetic, friendly human. I bridge divides. I lead by example AND I lead with vulnerability. 

One of the things my Enneagram and my mental fitness work teach me is that we all have a unique, special, wise being inside us. You might call it a soul. We are as unique as a fingerprint. You may have been through a lot of hard stuff along the way that required you to pick up armor and tools. Those tools may not be serving you as well as they used to, and letting them go is the work of a lifetime. But we all have that unique, beautiful, wise being inside of us. 

When you strive to “be better”, who is the voice you’re listening to? Is it society? Your parents? Your friends? A coach?  Or is it yourself? 

It’s easy to get lost in the possibilities of how you can best make your mark in the world under these extraordinary circumstances. And it’s easy to get overwhelmed and, for some of us with the privilege to do so, even give up and give in. 

As you work discerning the next right thing for you to do today, and this week, and this month, and even beyond, make sure you stop and get present somehow. Listen to the inner wisdom – not your inner judge. Or the judgment of others. 

I make the biggest and best mark on the world when I am authentically me. And I see that when others do the same, it’s also when they are fulfilling their own unique purpose and place in the world. 

Need some guidance listening to your inner compass? A coach is such a beautiful way to get there, and I’d love to support you. 

Work with me

Sign up for a saboteur assessment 

My favorite Enneagram resources 

Thanks for reading, and take good care. Follow that inner guide, one step at a time.

examples of good trouble

| jamiefeinberg

Hi folks. I’m going to mix things up today. Instead of my own contemplation or coaching, I thought it would be fun to share some examples of good trouble, using John Lewis’ words, that folks are getting into nowadays or that you might want to try. 

One yellow flower in foreground, green and other flowers behind it and all in front of a fence.

Photo of yellow wildflowers in front of fence (photo by Jamie Feinberg)

I’ve shared similar lists before and will again. Feel free to add to this list with your own suggestions.

Enjoy some encouraging words, and perhaps it will inspire you in your own life!

Types of good trouble: 

  • Participate in a protest
  • Organize a protest
  • Boycott a business
  • Financially support causes and people that you care about 
  • Overlook a problematic rule or law when circumstances allow
  • Use your privilege to stand up for a stranger
  • Share human stories that don’t get mass media coverage (ex. stories from Palestinian voices, stories from transgender voices and families of transgender youth, stories from immigrants, stories from unhoused people, stories from undocumented people, stories from people of color) 
  • Amplify the work of others that deserves more attention on it
  • Stand up to ICE
  • Volunteer
  • Paint some rainbow sidewalks! Use flags and stickers as well as your words to show folks you’re truly an ally.
  • Go beyond Do No Harm
  • Continue to contact your representatives and hold them accountable
  • Fact-check statistics and stories
  • Dig deeper into where white nationalism comes from, what anti-semitism is and isn’t, what it means to support and lift up and protect BIPOC communities etc. 
  • Work to dismantle your own internalized racism, ableism etc. 
  • Choose presence over judgement, choose love over fear
  • Support reproductive rights locally or nationally

Want some support in creating a life you love, even while fighting fascism and dealing with all of the challenges of life? Let’s talk. 

Know some people who might want to hear from me? I’m looking for speaking opportunities online and in Canada. 

Keep resisting. 

Recent articles from me you might enjoy: 

Focus on joy (and keep resisting)

Rest and retreat

Finding and creating community

Let good enough be good enough

Creating space, allowing stillness

Anxious for the future? Quiet and control those hyper-vigilant thoughts

Finding gratitude while facing fascism

Enjoy the sun

10 ways your mind is messing with you

Joy as resistance

Tell me when I can pre-order your book!

Teaching myself it can be safe to be uncomfortable

| jamiefeinberg

We all pick up all sorts of messages in childhood, usually subconscious, and one that I’ve realized I picked up along the way is the idea that for me to be safe, I need to be comfortable. My brain tells me that I’m not safe when I’m learning new things, or when I’m stepping outside of my comfort zone. In an effort to protect me, if something outside of my control happens, if I displease someone or do something I wish I hadn’t done, and on and on, my body begins to feel warm, manufacturing stress and body repercussions as a result, thanks to the voices in my head trying to protect me (in my Positive Intelligence work, we might say these would be my Judge and my Hyper-Vigilant saboteurs). 

Basically, life is behaving predictably and I’m getting stuff done, comfortably in my wise mind and/or a calm and neutral state, until BAM! Something I didn’t anticipate or wouldn’t have chosen happens. And then I have deeply wired mental patterns that start sending worry and panic and protective thoughts to me, which manifest physically in my body. 

Photo of a light sandy brown horse on the sand by Denitsa Kireva

I caught myself in one of these cycles yesterday at work. (Yay, isn’t it amazing that I’m catching myself in these unhealthy patterns? That’s the first step to changing them!) Once it happened, I did some of my mindfulness exercises to make sure I was fully present, to get me out of my head. And I also did a bit of self-talk, reminding myself with kindness that I’m safe to make mistakes, I’m safe at work generally, and I have so many blessings right now. I’m safe. Relax. Breathe. It’s okay that I feel a little uncomfortable right now. Nothing needs fixing in this moment. 

This is, as I reminded a client recently, a way that we can reparent ourselves. Even if our parents or caregivers are phenomenal, part of the human journey involves recognizing the unhelpful thoughts and patterns that we picked up along the way. Places where our younger self picked up a message that older us recognizes is no longer serving us. 

Maybe my fierce independence or my process for choosing what to do and not do was helpful for me as a kid. I have better awareness and more tools now. I have more resources, and I’m more aware of the people in my community who can support me in times of challenge. 

It can feel especially awkward to do this work when we know, in fact, that all is NOT okay. When our country is no longer recognizable, or when our neighbors are now spewing rhetoric that signifies something has shifted, and they aren’t who we thought they were. When our financial situation is precarious at best or our living situation or health insurance status makes us vulnerable.

In spite of all of that, we need to let our older, wiser selves guide us in our journeys. If we always lead from our animal instincts, or from the younger version of ourselves that hasn’ grown past 13 or 8 or 5, we are limiting our growth and the possibilities for ourselves as people. I know more than I did at 13, or 8, or 5. I can show compassion and love for my younger self and then make a wiser choice with the knowledge I have now. 

There are so many tools and resources in doing this work. Therapy can help. So can developing mental fitness practices and getting to understand the saboteurs that are getting in the way of a life you love. So can learning more about yourself and what’s possible through tools like the Enneagram. 

Does this resonate for you in this phase of life? Do you have a strategy or two you’re employing right now, or something you’d like to try to use in addressing it? 

Recent articles from me you might enjoy: 

Focus on joy (and keep resisting)

Rest and retreat

Finding and creating community

Let good enough be good enough

Creating space, allowing stillness

Anxious for the future? Quiet and control those hyper-vigilant thoughts

Finding gratitude while facing fascism

Enjoy the sun

10 ways your mind is messing with you

Joy as resistance

Focus on joy (and keep resisting)

| jamiefeinberg

Hi friends. This past week has been a lot. Are you doing okay? There is SO much in the news worth our attention right now, and I hope you’ve been able to care for yourself while also staying aware. It’s a fine balance, isn’t it? 

I sometimes use the 5 Calls app to help me to focus my attention and activism, and just today, my suggested options include calling my reps to “denounce Trump’s takeover of DC and demand statehood”, supporting LGBTQ+ rights with the Equality Act (especially important where the Supreme Court is considering taking away same-sex marriage), demanding fair maps in Texas and nationwide, and protecting the civil rights of the unhoused and mentally ill – not to mention ending the war and crisis in Gaza and supporting Ukraine! WOW. That’s not all of it – only the top several. Yikes. 

Photo description: Red PEI rocks in the foreground with grass, ocean beyond it (photo by Jamie Feinberg)

I remain convinced that it’s important for all of us to find ways that work for us to both stay connected to where the greater community needs us AND keep in touch with our own self-care. So this week, I want to encourage you to keep putting in committed, specific time to hear about the news and take action each week. But I ALSO want to remind you to put some of your focus on joy. 

For me, this might translate to making calls to my senators or house representatives or governor after I’ve completed my morning mediation and practices, before I begin my work day. It might be sharing a relevant article or post after I’ve taken some time to digest what’s going on in the world. 

But it also means being present to the goodness, the joy, the moment. Yesterday we had a heat warning here, with intense humidity exacerbating the situation. This made my walk home especially brutal, as it was like a wave of warm heat hitting my face when I stepped outside after work. While my brain kept trying to focus on how uncomfortable that was (a habit that comes easily to me as an Enneagram 1), I instead kept redirecting my attention to focus on what I was feeling, and ideally find gratitude in it. Every so often, a breeze would come through, and I’d tune in to the feeling of the wind on my back and my arms and my head, enjoying a brief reprieve from the stifling heat. I focused my attention on the beautiful blue sky and how it contrasted with the texture and shape of the green leaves on the trees. I celebrated that while my body felt uncomfortable in the heat, my muscles were easily cooperating as I took each step to walk home. My knees were happy. My shoes felt comfortable. I got moments of reprieve in the shade from the heat. 

I also used this practice midday yesterday. I experienced a challenging time at work, and rather than try to muscle through it, I took a brief break to get out of the building and walk around the block. It was warm, but there was a wonderful breeze at that hour, so I focused my attention on how nice the breeze felt and how nice it was to be outside instead of behind a desk for a few minutes. When I returned to my desk, I wasn’t completely “over” the incident, but it felt much less close to me, and I was able to enjoy my afternoon at work and bring more joy and compassion to my interactions with my colleagues. 

So now it’s your turn. How does this resonate with you? Where are you focusing right now? Is your focus habitual, or are you able to turn your attention from the news to the present moment with ease? What is or isn’t working for you right now? 

And if you’d like to learn more about the habitual patterns that keep you stuck, let’s connect. I’m happy to offer a Saboteur Assessment, or you can join me in learning about the patterns of your personality and how to break free of them using the Enneagram. 

Recent articles from me you might enjoy: 

Rest and retreat

Finding and creating community

Let good enough be good enough

Creating space, allowing stillness

Anxious for the future? Quiet and control those hyper-vigilant thoughts

Finding gratitude while facing fascism

Enjoy the sun

10 ways your mind is messing with you

Joy as resistance

Tell me when I can pre-order your book!