How are you feeling, friend? Let’s take a moment to just be. Observe your breathing, in and out, if that feels comfortable for you. Or take a look at a pretty object or window near you, and observe what you see. Count backwards from 20. Let’s just be for a moment. 

It may be cliche at this point, but it’s that time of year when it’s common to take time to be grateful. I know I’m not alone in having a dedicated gratitude practice (running on at least five years now, wild!), and if you haven’t yet tried it, whether during the holiday season or any time of year, I definitely recommend it.

Back in 2020, I wrote a blog on how to make the holidays work for you. At the time, a lot of people were struggling with the holidays and how to celebrate them. While Ross and I were living an RV and used to doing our own thing for the holidays, we were aware of local grocery shortages on preferred foods, and where we were staying, in New Mexico, actually had a stay-at-home order in place over Thanksgiving that I’m sure was challenging for many. 

I’m grateful that a lot has changed for the better since then (namely, vaccines!), but the holidays are still a challenging time for many, whether due to viruses in the air or distance from family (physical or otherwise) or the challenges that happen when we return home and revert to our younger, less wise selves (or when our family assume we are the same person we once were, even if we aren’t!). Or all of the above, perhaps? 

It’s okay to have mixed feelings.

It’s okay to have moments when you feel wrapped up in the love of or even memories of your family/friends. 

It’s okay to, in the next moment, feel anxiety that your parents are going to do x, or miss loved ones, or feel resentment that you can’t do holiday celebration you did in the past, or feel jealous of y, who lives with their family or has many close friends while you are living and celebrating alone.

I hope that during this challenging time, you will give yourself forgiveness for these feelings. All emotions are valid. Offer yourself grace. I know you’re carrying a lot, and opportunities for anxiety and other challenging emotions abound. 

It may be helpful to remember that if someone else’s life looks glamorous on social media, that is just the tip of the iceberg that you’re seeing. The glamorous surface life may be only a passing moment in a chaotic day or week or month.

Here are a few things I recommend making time for this week, whatever your plans are. 

• Practice gratitude – and mean it. This can take many forms, and all are valid. Start each morning picturing one thing you’re looking forward to today, in vivid detail, and then realize it. (A warm shower? A cup of tea? Enjoy the magic of simple pleasures you get to bring into your day.) Start or end each day by acknowledging five things you’re grateful for. Start a gratitude journal, whether it’s a big beautiful book or a note on your phone. If you’re connected with your family, begin a meal/Zoom call/family walk by having everyone share something they are thankful for this year.
• Make time for exercise. I love indulging in rich holiday foods, as many of us do. Most of us, at least in the corporate sector or education, are also lucky enough to get time off this week. It can be tempting to use that time to relax on the couch, but making time to take a walk or stretch or lift some weights will give you more energy for the festivities and encourage you to enjoy your indulgences more, without guilt. This isn’t about losing weight. It’s about how you feel. Bonus points for combining it with outside time. 
• Don’t let comparison steal your joy. Have you ever attended a family gathering or friend event and felt like everyone else had it “figured out” except for you? Ever find yourself stretching to describe your own work in a way that puts you in the best light? Ever wish you could be more honest, but find yourself afraid to admit where things haven’t been going your way yet? I find myself using authenticity as an antidote in these cases. And focusing on the good, the things you can be grateful for, is so key. I don’t have to talk about my work. Or I can focus on the happy feeling x gives me, rather than the funds in my bank account or how stressed I’ve been feeling covering for so and so lately. When I envy other’s travel or title, I turn my attention to all the joyful things I am grateful for in my own life. Eyes on your own paper, friends. This can also be a signal to get off of social media and dive into a book, go for a walk, dance to a holiday tune, or watch a favorite movie with a cup of a warm beverage. 
• Carve out time for yourself. I love my family, but as an introvert who isn’t always her best self at large family gatherings, I’ve worked hard over the years to set boundaries for myself. For me, part of a successful holiday season is making time for my morning routine and making sure I have time to relax on my own. Even living far from family, it can be easy to fill my schedule with Zooms or friend gatherings if I am not mindful of my own needs. If you’re having trouble seeing blank space on your calendar, take a moment to block out a morning or an hour for you each week, or even 5-10 minutes each day. It will help you to be at your best if you are celebrating with others too. 
• Strive to let go of perfection & release your expectations. I think one of the toughest parts of the holiday season is that we tend to bring to it so many expectations, whether it’s from holidays we experienced in the past, popular culture from movies and books that romanticize the holidays, or a growing awareness of limited time and not wanting to disappoint our loved ones. This season, when you catch yourself judging yourself, those around you, or the situations you are in, can you let those judgments go instead? What would it feel like, when you had a thought creep in, to look at your surroundings with loving attention and gratitude? To be present to joy, instead of to lack or imperfection?

Whatever your plans are this year, I hope you’ll find some comfort or guidance in this advice. No one has your best interests at heart in the same way you do, so go create a holiday schedule that will light you up and invigorate you.

Take care, and Happy Holidays! This may be my last check-in before 2025, so I wish you all the best as you end 2024 and look ahead to 2025. 

P.S. Are you ready for a shift? The holidays can truly bring out our lowest versions of ourselves – the parts we are least proud of. If/when you’d like to learn more about the ways we sabotage ourselves and carve out a path forward, please join me for a Saboteur Assessment. And if you’re curious about the role your personality plays in your life and find yourself Enneagram-curious, or you want to take advantage of my BOGO coaching deal before it expires Monday, send me a message to learn more or get started with us in January.

Photo credit (of strings of white lights in the dark): Dzenina Lukac