What are you afraid of?

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What came up for you when you read that just now? (Or was your answer, “nothing! I’m not afraid”? And did you believe that thought?)

Some of us are more fearful than others, and some of us have fears that we’ve quietly tucked away in hopes that they’ll go away, and still others are already in the habit of facing their fears and doing it anyway. I’ve found that with practice, we can all build momentum and get more comfortable with facing our fears, even if it doesn’t come naturally.

Way back in 2020, I shared some tips that I had found useful for facing my fears. That first year of the pandemic was such a challenging time to be alive, wasn’t it? (Even for those of us with relative safety and lots of privilege.)

Unfortunately, while some things have gotten better since then, much is the same, or perhaps even worse, depending on your vantage point. I hope you’re prioritizing your own health and well-being. There’s so much stress and vitriol in the world, and while it’s essential for us to stand up for the less fortunate and do what’s ours to do in the world, if we let it consume us, it really will – and the world will miss out as a result.

As Susie Moore has said, “You don’t clear your fear so that you can pursue new things. You pursue new things to clear your fear”.

It can be really helpful to stop and articulate, with words (out loud or in writing, or even with imagery) how we’re feeling and what we’re fearing. Putting a name to it can make it easier to face.

Here are some of the things I’m fearing right now:

• Climate change – what it’s doing now, and what’s to come
• Whether I’ll build my business to the level of impact I’m working toward
• The costs of lots of “life stuff”, from future family events to car repairs to retirement
• That I am not doing enough in politics and in life to protect and support others
• That I am not safe to share my views and background and be my authentic self
• That so many people with less privileges than I have are not safe and are being denied opportunities
• That I am overcommitted
• That I am not committed enough

Your fears may be completely different from mine, large or small – and that doesn’t make them any more or less valid than mine. Maybe you fear the pushback from family about your decision to be childfree or about your sexuality. Maybe you’ve set a boundary or know you need to and are afraid of what the blowback could be. Maybe you have a sick family member or a safety concern, for yourself or someone else. Maybe you’re putting yourself out there authentically on social media and are fearful of what some people will have to say.

As you may recognize, my fears are only sometimes rational, and they’re seldom productive in a given moment, because while there may be some truth to them, focusing on the fears keeps me from accomplishing my goals (and is thus often counter-productive).

Here are some of the things I do to alleviate my worry and face my fears:

• Daily work on my business & accountability checks with my mastermind, coaches and mentors
• Weekly (and sometimes daily) work on activism and education
• A gratitude practice
• Practicing accountable spending
• Supporting causes and people I care about, financially and with my time and energy
• Limiting my time on social media & connecting in real life with people who value my authenticity and respect my choice to be childfree & pursue my passions
• Grounding myself throughout the day through mindfulness exercises and my morning and evening routine
• Weekly audit of my schedule and a look ahead where I consider what’s mine to do, where I need more boundaries, and letting other things go

While many of us (including me) can get caught in anxiety spirals, busywork, and unproductive thinking (including hearing the words of an inner critic or arguing with it) all day, it’s essential to carve out dedicated, focused time for productive thinking.

Some of us may not have that struggle as much as the struggle of focusing on productive doing (those dishes need to get washed sometime! Is it really a good idea to clean the garage instead of pack for a trip right now?) or focusing on making time to identify, acknowledge, and sit with our emotions.

Making a plan with concrete steps can be helpful – and sometimes, just planning to do the next right thing is plenty. If we’re feeling scared of the unknown, what’s one thing that’s within our control that we can make progress on today? If we’re frightened that x might happen, what’s one step we can take that will lessen the blow if it comes true?

For instance, if we’re afraid that a wildfire could burn our house down, maybe we should pack an emergency bag & create a plan.

If we’re afraid of the outcome of an election, we should vote and encourage our friends to do the same, and lend our support to the causes and people we care about if we’re able to do so.

We can’t eliminate the possibility of the things we fear, in many cases, but we can work to eliminate the fear by tackling it head on with the pursuit of new things, as Susie Moore says. Taking concrete steps feels good: mentally, physically, and emotionally.

And if you’re already doing all the things, and it isn’t helping?

Try slowing down. Meditate. Journal. Take a walk in nature. Remind yourself that you’re safe, you’re loved, you’re enough and worthy just because you are. Trust that you’re doing enough. Trust that you’re capable of handling this, just like you’ve handled other hard things.

And if this feels daunting, or you’d like more clarity on your next steps, that’s why I’m here! Today’s the perfect day to take a step toward your dreams and a better future by booking a free call with me.

Can you relate to any of these?

What is one thing you will commit to doing today to face your fear?

Note: This article was inspired by one I first wrote and shared on October 16, 2020.