coaching

SIX SELF-CARE TIPS FOR AN UNCERTAIN WORLD

One yellow flower in foreground, green and other flowers behind it and all in front of a fence.
| jamiefeinberg

What can I write right now? Let me begin with some context.

On January 6th, 2021, as a citizen of the United States, I was completely at a loss as the news showed signs of democracy crumbling with the attack on the capitol. We were living in our 25’ RV outside of Albuquerque. We stayed home as talk of potential violence in other cities was being bandied about. We were grateful for a safe place to be and enough food in the fridge. We felt shock, but we also felt this was somehow predictable, in a way, given the way things had been going in the U.S. up until this point.

Previous to that day, the only experience I’d had like this would have been 9/11, when I was still a senior in high school, though news of the pandemic and George Floyd’s murder and a variety of other events also spring to mind as well. (This obviously reflects my privilege – if I had lived in other cities, had a different skin color etc., I may not have been so insulated from news like this.)

Facing the horrifying news of January 6 led me to write a blog post. In it, I wrote the following:

“I’m honestly at a loss about where to start this post. All of the mindfulness practice in the world can’t change the fact that we’re in the midst of a global pandemic, an American crisis of democracy, and that we’re dealing with the effects of systemic racism, made more plain every day.

On a personal level, I’m finding that calming my mind for yoga or meditation is extremely difficult, walking, while therapeutic, doesn’t solve anything once the walk itself has ended, and talking to friends or family may fan the flames rather than put out the fire.

I’m torn between the desire to veg out on the couch with a movie and the desire to throw all of my energy into work.

If I’m feeling this way, I know you might be too.”

So what did I do with those feelings? I channeled them into self-care tips. I posted some of my top tips for self-care in an uncertain world.

It resonated with many of you. Since then, I’ve learned a lot more tools for handling anxiety, fear, overwhelm, anger, and stress. You may be feeling some of these emotions in light of what’s happening in Israel and Palestine. You may be focused more on Ukraine or on the ways bodily autonomy is being taken away or any of the many, many other problems you are seeing locally and around the world.

Wherever you’re at, please know that you aren’t alone. Here are six ways to practice self-care in times like these.

1 BE PRESENT
Feel your feet on the floor. Take very slow breaths, and focus on your breath going in, holding for a moment, and going back out. If you can’t get any alone time for this, do it on the toilet. Seriously. (I used to do that when I worked a corporate job in a cubicle! Sometimes I’ve heard it can work for a parent or babysitter too.) Wiggle your fingers or your toes. Identify something you feel with each of your senses. Find something of every color in your line of vision. Any grounding technique will get you there. Be here now. Let the thoughts that come to your mind go, and return to concentrating on your breath.

2 SAVOR A HOT BEVERAGE
If you can carve out 5-10 minutes to do this, it’s an easy way to give yourself alone time that is just for you. Each morning, part of my routine includes a cup of tea. You may go with an evening cup, or a cup of coffee, or some hot chocolate. Take the time to feel the warmth of the mug, to smell and taste the beverage. The ritual and experience of this is so satisfying, relatively easy and affordable, easy to include if you have any dietary restrictions, and a moment to indulge yourself.

3 TAKE A WALK
My daily walks have been giving me life for years. They are especially essential to my mental health when the world is, pardon my language, a shitshow. If my body allows, I do everything I can to make my walk happen. I highly recommend taking your walk outside if at all possible for you. Freezing temperatures? Bundle up, and keep it short if you don’t warm up within 10-15 minutes. (Personally, by that time I’m usually feeling a lot warmer.) Go at your own pace. If walking isn’t feasible for you, step outside and feel a breeze. Grab a chair, even if you have to bundle up. And if safety or timing or health etc. keep you from getting outside, my next best recommendation is to make time to look outside, provided that’s safe where you are. Science shows us that looking at nature is calming, Getting outside is calming. (And if you struggle with motivation, walk with a friend or call a friend and do so remotely.)

4 ENJOY A RELAXING BOOK/GAME/SHOW/PODCAST
Back in 2020 I realized that a book of fiction can still be stressful when you’re feeling anxious or on edge – but there are so many options for media, and I’d really encourage you to choose content that makes you feel good or that comforts you right now, at least sometimes, as part of your designated self-care.

Whether it’s listening to a favorite comedian, reading a romance novel, solving a mystery box or returning to a sacred text, or even watching a favorite show, I encourage you to practice self-care that includes some pick-me-ups and distractions. When the world is overwhelming, we can use a break from the news cycle, and if you stick to media that will truly relax and refresh you and consume it mindfully, it can be essential self-care.

5 JOURNAL
I journal each morning, as soon as I get up, as a way of getting the cobwebs out, as outlined in The Artist’s Way. Whatever thoughts and fears are rolling around in my head get recognized immediately, at which point I can let them go, allowing me to go about my day with clarity. I highly recommend it – it’s been my practice for four years now.

6 TAKE A BATH OR SHOWER
One of my favorite forms of self-care is to take a bath. I’ve always found it so relaxing. Focusing on the warm water of a bath or a shower is also a beautiful mindfulness technique.

I don’t currently have a bathtub in my apartment, so I treasure my showers. (And when I occasionally stay at a hotel with a bathtub, it feels like such an indulgence!) If you have the luxury of a bath or shower available to you, it’s a beautiful way to practice self-care.

If you found these tips helpful, you might also want to grab your copy of my free resource, The Four Steps To Your Dream Life Blueprint. And if you’d like me to teach you some of my favorite mindfulness techniques or help you identify the roadblocks keeping you from living a life you love, please choose a time to connect with me.

And I’d love to hear your feedback: What did I miss? Which of these do you find most helpful?

You might also appreciate this article on using frustration as fuel for the future or my spring keynote on crafting your life adventure.

USING HABITS TO IMPROVE YOUR LIFE

| jamiefeinberg

Habits. What are your habits? Do you have a good habit or two that you worked for? Do you have some habits that kind of fell into?

People who know me well tell me that my ability to create healthy habits is actually one of my superpowers! I’ve been thinking about the role of habits in my life. Without habits, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

Back at the start of 2016, after extraordinary frustrations with my health, I decided it was time to take things into my own hands. If doctors couldn’t figure out what was going on with my body, and if I was still exhausted and uncomfortable, it was time to make a change.

I knew that the one area where I was, without a doubt, not maintaining a particularly healthy lifestyle, was my exercise routine. I loved to dance, and I loved to walk, and I even loved yoga, but between financial limitations, a busy schedule, and, I can say with hindsight, some avoidance and resistance to making a commitment, I never seemed to stick to an exercise routine with any regularity.

I knew that for me to become someone who exercised regularly, for the long haul, I would need to make exercising super simple. (After all, nothing else, to date, had worked for more than a few months – even when I’d had a free gym membership provided by my job!)

So in mid-January, I woke up a half hour earlier than usual, and I did yoga poses and stretches for five minutes. I’d told myself that as long as I did something that qualified as exercising or stretching, I would count it.

The next day, I did the same, again for five minutes.

The pattern held. Perhaps five days into the practice, on a weekend, I decided I could afford a longer workout. After all, I was here anyway, and I didn’t have to run out the door.

But I didn’t change the rule for myself. I kept that five minute minimum in place.

With this simple habit in place, I started experimenting. What did it feel like to exercise for seven minutes, or ten minutes? Over time, since I was already showing up and dressed to exercises, I’d exercise for 15 minutes. Soon, a half hour was more of the norm.

I liked this routine. I felt better about myself, knowing I was doing this one thing to prioritize my health. And it set a nice tone for the day.

Eventually, I raised the bar to 15 minutes as my new minimum. And I began waking up even earlier, so that most days, I’d exercise for at least a half hour. I started an exercise program trial (a streaming service) and began experimenting with different workout programs, hoping to find one I liked enough to invest in. After experimenting for a few months, I purchased a favorite one, with strength training, and I purchased better equipment to travel with as I hit the road in an RV. Next, I started a daily walking habit. It stuck. I’ve been doing it ever since, minus a day here or there if I’m sick.

In early December 2020, after realizing I didn’t average 5,000 steps anymore (thanks, pandemic!), I decided I wanted to average at least 5,000 steps daily over the course of a week. With that knowledge and a bit of accountability in our Facebook group, I was there, and then, quite soon, averaging 7,500.

By mid-March of 2021, I was averaging more than 10,000 steps a day! I never would have thought it was possible, but the power of habits made it come to life. I made it easy, by building it on my existing walking habit, and I used a tracker and the accountability of my social media feed and my Facebook group.

Have you ever done this before? Have you successfully established a new habit? It’s something I’ve repeated many times since, and if I ever find myself getting off track, I am able to get myself back in gear.

I created a habit of batch cooking to help me successfully adapt the auto-immune protocol diet and lifestyle back in 2016, even though I was living in an RV (with a tiny kitchen). I used habits to build a morning routine that lit me up in 2018, and over time, I used habit stacking to make it more and more fun and aligned for me. I’ve used habits to develop an evening routine too. (For the record, there’s no shame in putting a chart on a wall if it helps you to meet your goals! Tired Jamie needed visual aids.) And of course, my habit of making healthy eating choices the majority of the time continues to serve me well – established when I was a kid but improved upon many, many times over my life. (And yes, there’s a place for ice cream in a healthy diet, if you tolerate it!)

I talk about habits with my clients too. One of the reasons I do mental fitness work with most of my clients is that if you don’t have a great awareness of and handle on your own triggers and know how to calm the negative thoughts that we all deal with from time to time (and some of daily), it is MUCH harder to implement healthy and productive habits.

For some of my clients, they don’t struggle with habits when they’re required by an outside authority, like a boss or the government, but they do struggle with meeting their own needs. Whatever your challenges are, whether you do well with internal or external expectations (or both), mental fitness helps a LOT!

Are you aware of the habits you have? Which ones serve you, and which habits would you like to get rid of? Are you working on any new habits this year?

Leave a comment and let me know – I’d love to hear any tips and support you in any struggles you’re having.

And if you’d like more support in creating sustainable habits that work for you, let’s hop on a call and discuss the options so you can get clear on your next steps.

Thanks for reading, and have a great week!

P.S. Have you checked out my Four Steps To Your Dream Life blueprint? It’s a great resource and concrete to help you gain clarity and create a life that you love.

P.P.S. Find yourself feeling fearful as you make these changes? You might benefit from my top tips for facing your fear.

This was inspired by an article I published on March 12, 2021.

TOP TIPS FOR FACING YOUR FEAR

| jamiefeinberg

What are you afraid of?

…

…

…

What came up for you when you read that just now? (Or was your answer, “nothing! I’m not afraid”? And did you believe that thought?)

Some of us are more fearful than others, and some of us have fears that we’ve quietly tucked away in hopes that they’ll go away, and still others are already in the habit of facing their fears and doing it anyway. I’ve found that with practice, we can all build momentum and get more comfortable with facing our fears, even if it doesn’t come naturally.

Way back in 2020, I shared some tips that I had found useful for facing my fears. That first year of the pandemic was such a challenging time to be alive, wasn’t it? (Even for those of us with relative safety and lots of privilege.)

Unfortunately, while some things have gotten better since then, much is the same, or perhaps even worse, depending on your vantage point. I hope you’re prioritizing your own health and well-being. There’s so much stress and vitriol in the world, and while it’s essential for us to stand up for the less fortunate and do what’s ours to do in the world, if we let it consume us, it really will – and the world will miss out as a result.

As Susie Moore has said, “You don’t clear your fear so that you can pursue new things. You pursue new things to clear your fear”.

It can be really helpful to stop and articulate, with words (out loud or in writing, or even with imagery) how we’re feeling and what we’re fearing. Putting a name to it can make it easier to face.

Here are some of the things I’m fearing right now:

  • Climate change – what it’s doing now, and what’s to come
  • Whether I’ll build my business to the level of impact I’m working toward
  • The costs of lots of “life stuff”, from future family events to car repairs to retirement
  • That I am not doing enough in politics and in life to protect and support others
  • That I am not safe to share my views and background and be my authentic self
  • That so many people with less privileges than I have are not safe and are being denied opportunities
  • That I am overcommitted
  • That I am not committed enough

Your fears may be completely different from mine, large or small – and that doesn’t make them any more or less valid than mine. Maybe you fear the pushback from family about your decision to be childfree or about your sexuality. Maybe you’ve set a boundary or know you need to and are afraid of what the blowback could be. Maybe you have a sick family member or a safety concern, for yourself or someone else. Maybe you’re putting yourself out there authentically on social media and are fearful of what some people will have to say.

As you may recognize, my fears are only sometimes rational, and they’re seldom productive in a given moment, because while there may be some truth to them, focusing on the fears keeps me from accomplishing my goals (and is thus often counter-productive).

Here are some of the things I do to alleviate my worry and face my fears:

  • Daily work on my business & accountability checks with my mastermind, coaches and mentors
  • Weekly (and sometimes daily) work on activism and education
  • A gratitude practice
  • Practicing accountable spending
  • Supporting causes and people I care about, financially and with my time and energy
  • Limiting my time on social media & connecting in real life with people who value my authenticity and respect my choice to be childfree & pursue my passions
  • Grounding myself throughout the day through mindfulness exercises and my morning and evening routine
  • Weekly audit of my schedule and a look ahead where I consider what’s mine to do, where I need more boundaries, and letting other things go

While many of us (including me) can get caught in anxiety spirals, busywork, and unproductive thinking (including hearing the words of an inner critic or arguing with it) all day, it’s essential to carve out dedicated, focused time for productive thinking.

Some of us may not have that struggle as much as the struggle of focusing on productive doing (those dishes need to get washed sometime! Is it really a good idea to clean the garage instead of pack for a trip right now?) or focusing on making time to identify, acknowledge, and sit with our emotions.

Making a plan with concrete steps can be helpful – and sometimes, just planning to do the next right thing is plenty. If we’re feeling scared of the unknown, what’s one thing that’s within our control that we can make progress on today? If we’re frightened that x might happen, what’s one step we can take that will lessen the blow if it comes true?

For instance, if we’re afraid that a wildfire could burn our house down, maybe we should pack an emergency bag & create a plan.

If we’re afraid of the outcome of an election, we should vote and encourage our friends to do the same, and lend our support to the causes and people we care about if we’re able to do so.

We can’t eliminate the possibility of the things we fear, in many cases, but we can work to eliminate the fear by tackling it head on with the pursuit of new things, as Susie Moore says. Taking concrete steps feels good: mentally, physically, and emotionally.

And if you’re already doing all the things, and it isn’t helping?

Try slowing down. Meditate. Journal. Take a walk in nature. Remind yourself that you’re safe, you’re loved, you’re enough and worthy just because you are. Trust that you’re doing enough. Trust that you’re capable of handling this, just like you’ve handled other hard things.

And if this feels daunting, or you’d like more clarity on your next steps, that’s why I’m here! Today’s the perfect day to take a step toward your dreams and a better future by booking a free call with me.

Can you relate to any of these?

What is one thing you will commit to doing today to face your fear?

Note: This article was inspired by one I first wrote and shared on October 16, 2020.

Using frustration as fuel for the future

| jamiefeinberg

I’ve faced some challenging situations in my career. Early in the pandemic, I’d built a thriving virtual assistant business to fund our travels, and I found myself struggling to create boundaries between my work and my personal life.

One of my clients was particularly disorganized, and I was finding myself feeling stressed – and that stress was carrying over even after I’d set aside my work for the day.

It certainly wasn’t the scenario I had hoped for when I took on this client, but it’s a scenario that many of us know well.

Do you find yourself carrying the stress of your job into your nights and weekends? Perhaps even into your vacation?

Do you find it tough to turn off the worry when you turn off the laptop?

Is it hard for you to devote time to working on your goals and dreams because you’re too stressed about the here and now?

I can certainly relate. I’ve been there. One suggestion for you to try is this: use your frustration as fuel for the future.

When you catch yourself dwelling on anger or frustration, try reframing the situation by saying (out loud, in a journal, or in your head) “I’m so thankful for work that allows me to pay my bills. I’m so thankful for work that allows me to save for my future goals. This situation is helping me to build my future dream life.”

Remember that this frustration is fueling your future in multiple ways:

  • Financially – this money supports you while you dream and scheme and plan, and it may let you save enough for funding future too.
  • Emotionally – this experience is giving you visceral lessons that will stick with you moving forward. You’ll remember this feeling and when you lose momentum or focus on the work of dream life creation, remembering how much you don’t want to experience this again will get you that fire under your butt that’s needed for change. While you’re currently in liminal space, an in-between state that can be very frustrating and generate fear and anxiety, as Suzanne Stabile shares, it’s only in liminal space that we are open to learning new things and can truly experience transformation.

The power of language can’t be overstated here. It can feel incredibly awkward if you’re not used to doing this, and you’ll want to choose a phrase or mantra that feels truthful, authentic to you. But when we regularly make these types of statements, and grow more aware of our word choice, it can have a surprisingly meaningful and beneficial impact on our lives.

Rewriting our stories is truly important for growth. When I rewrite my frustration, instead of the situation being a thing that’s happening to me, feeling myself a victim, I put myself in a position of power.

We have the opportunity to own the choice we are making:

  • I choose to do this job to support my future life.
  • I do this work to feed my family.
  • I’m learning lessons that will help me in the future.

I encourage you to choose a story of empowerment. Choose to use your frustration as future fuel.

Three years ago, I had some go-to tools for managing my own stress – things like breathwork, taking walks in nature, and yoga. And I had a morning routine that served me pretty well.

Since then, I’ve gained additional tools that have been a true game-changer in my life. Using mental fitness techniques I’ve been refining with dedicated practice, I now spend very little time feeling stressed in a typical day. My resting state on most days is actually a state of contentment! And I have the tools to shift my state, quickly and, most days, easily, when I catch myself beginning an anxiety spiral. I love feeling focused and ready to ride the waves of what life hands me. It’s an empowered, confident space to be in, and I love who I have become and who I am becoming.

I’ve also gotten MUCH better at boundary-setting, and when I combine that with personal development and mental fitness work, the result has been that I spend the majority of my time feeling positive emotions like joy, clear-headed focus, confidence, empathy, and more. On days where I previously would have felt stressed, dreading the work ahead and then struggling to leave the stress behind at day’s end, I am feeling inspired, and grateful, and energized.

Making a commitment to work on yourself improves your own life, your relationships with other people, and the world. It begins when you make the decision to own your own power, your own voice, and your own role in the situations you’re in.

So I am curious, and I’d love to hear from you:

Have you been in this situation?

How did you handle it?

How are you rewriting your story today?

And if you’re ready to feel less stress, less fear, less overwhelm and more joy, focus, efficiency, confidence, gratitude…let’s chat. I’d love to help you get some clarity and confidence.

It doesn’t have to be so hard.

It’s time to dream bigger and love life more.

You deserve it, and the world thrives when we embrace who we are meant to be in it.

Note: This article was inspired by one I first wrote and shared on September 11, 2020.

waiting for your chance?

| jamiefeinberg

Good news if you enjoy a bargain. I decided to offer a few sales. If you’ve been on the fence about working with me or my previous offers weren’t in the budget or quite the right fit, please check out these. (All info in the images is also duplicated below.)

I’d love to support you, and if this resonates with you, sharing helps me to connect with other people who are ready to take their next step. You can reach me at rossandjamieadventure @ gmail.com.

Spring Sale! (expire after the equinox on Monday, 3/20/2023):

One-Off Coaching/Consulting Power Session: Know where you’re headed and want some coaching or consulting on your particular question or situation? This is made for YOU.

Includes pre-session worksheet, 75 minute session, follow-up summary w/ road map and suggestions for next step

Ex. What are the next best steps for me to take in my business? Can you help me to create a schedule that’s more aligned with my values? How can I set some boundaries so that people stop expecting me to do everything? Which of these awesome hobbies/side projects should I pursue as a business?

Regular price $179, sale price $70 (more than 60% off!)

Buy Two Months of Coaching, Get One Month Free: For new 1:1 clients, purchase two months of coaching and/or mental fitness training and receive your third month of coaching free! (I am actually not allowed to promote this discounted price publicly, so message me for a free coaching session and I’ll share all the details with you!) Prefer a group session? Reach out to me for additional savings opportunities.

Free Session & Save: New clients who book their free session with me receive a credit of $200 that can be used toward any regularly priced coaching package before the end of June, 2023.

Enneagram-Curious: Considering working with a practitioner 1:1 to discover your number and learn more about who you are and why you do what you do? Know your number, but want some support figuring out what you can actually DO with that information? I’m offering an introductory price on this new offer of only $50 for an hour of Enneagram training, or only $150 for 4 sessions.

Coaching-Curious Sampler: Intrigued by mental fitness training, coaching, consulting, and the Enneagram? Not sure where to start? This sampler includes four sessions with me where you’ll be introduced to each of these modalities and explore the roles they might play in your personal development. If you’re ready for support in creating a life you love (or in embracing the one you have) but feel some blocks and are craving clarity, this sampler is designed for you. Introductory price: $250

Sometimes, All It Takes is a Nightstand

| jamiefeinberg

I was half asleep on Monday, January 24th when I reached over to grab my eye mask and realized it was soaking wet in my hands. All of a sudden, my brain went to work. It computed that, in fact, the whole nightstand was wet.

(The portable humidifier had been on it. In that moment, I realized that the humidifier had leaked water everywhere, soaking everything from tissues to eye masks in its path.)

I had a brief thought about beginning to clean it up, which I knew would wake me up completely and make it hard for me to get a good night’s sleep. But then, instead, I called out to Ross, calmly and with complete control.

“Hi Ross! Do you have the spoons to come help me with something?”

Previous to my Enneagram and mental fitness work, I would have asked that question as if it was an absolute emergency. In fact, it wouldn’t have been a question at all. “Ross, come here!” I would have yelled across the apartment. “There’s a mess, and I need help!” Cue flashbacks to”‘the time I knocked an entire bowl of Chex Mix on the floor” and “the time I realized my cat had fleas”, among other memorable moments.

But this time, I recognized that it wasn’t actually an emergency. This situation was relatively stable. There was no need to introduce more stress and drama into the equation.

Ross came in, cracking some cute joke or comment about spoons. I calmly explained to him what had happened, in a very matter-of-fact way. Instead of asking him to completely handle it, I asked him if he’d go get a garbage can. Then, in my half sleepy state, I took him through solving the situation, one step at a time. I did used my handy problem-solving skills, which I excel at, apparently even when half-awake, so that I could avoid Ross feeling overwhelmed, as I know he would have navigating it solo. (You can learn a lot after 13 years of dating or marriage!) I never got out of bed this entire time. I heard myself saying things like, “Can you please go hang this somewhere?” or “Can you please go get a towel?”.

I trusted him to take care of it. I let go of the need for it to be done a certain way. And somehow, when it was done, I just went to sleep. (Yes, I went to sleep! No panic, no racing thoughts, no getting out of bed to see where he hung things…I just went to sleep.)

A good friend and member of one of my Enneagram groups asked me what was different about this time, and I shared that it was a few things.

The main difference is that there was a space before doing. Old me would have IMMEDIATELY started handling the clean up, before I even stopped to think about how I wanted it done, or what should be done, or if it was mine to do or I could ask for help or if I should wait or gather some things first. As I did the cleanup, I would have felt feelings of frustration and anger, and I would have resented doing it solo…and by the time I would have asked Ross to help me, I would have been resentful that I had to ask or that he hadn’t helped me yet.

Ross would have come into the room with his guard up, and his stressful vibes would have fed on mine and caused a “saboteur contagion”, as we call it, with him struggling so much with my energy that he a) probably wouldn’t have finished helping me before giving up and leaving the room, upset and b) whether he finished it or not, he’d have ended up a complete wreck by the end, and then I’d be upset he was upset and I’d be unable to let it go (or sleep).

Instead, there was a space. A breath. A pause as I processed what happened and held off acting for a second. Instead of acting on autopilot, going to darker and depressing parts of my mind, I had the space to breathe and ask for help, calmly and without needing things to be done a particular way. It just became an “any old situation”, not an emergency. Even when I woke the next day, I didn’t get dazed when I walked into the bathroom with stuff hanging everywhere. Again, I just let it go.

My mental muscles are now so strong that I didn’t get triggered and have saboteurs react. There was a pause and then a move into my sage/wise mind/calmer self. And I stayed there the entire time.

Another friend shared with me that she was truly impressed because with all the work she has done on herself, she knows she still would have had to have control of that whole process. She couldn’t have stayed in bed to manage and would have had ways it had to be done. My first friend suggested the two of them should join my mental fitness program. My third friend has already, so I told the other two, join the club!

If you’d like to learn the science and get the practical tools to finally, once and for all, be able to be less reactive, more happy, less stressed or fearful, more efficient and effective, let’s connect. Mental fitness has been an absolute game-changer for me, and I want you to experience it too. Book a time here for an intro, with no obligation. You deserve to be happy. We all do.

P.S. If you’ve been doing your own work and already have rock-solid mental health practices, go you! Please consider sharing this with a friend or family member (or many) if it resonates with you and you want to share the benefits of a life you love and daily practices that support you.

Time for Reflection

| jamiefeinberg

This is the time of year when I take time to reflect.

Where was I at this time last year, and how much progress did I make?

What moved the needle for me?

Am I satisfied with my progress?

Am I proud of what I did, in spite of all of the challenges and pressures?

Ultimately, this reflection needs to be in balance. Shaming ourselves for what we didn’t accomplish or beating ourselves up isn’t the answer.

Likewise, brushing past our shortcomings and forgetting the ways we let ourselves down entirely risks us repeating mistakes again.

There is a gift in everything that happens to us, if we choose to see it. There is a gift in every choice we made, whatever the outcome, if we are lucky enough to make it through.

The key, though, is deciding there’s a gift, and then finding what it is.

And showing ourselves, and those around us, empathy is an essential part of the process.

I do this reflection work in several ways; on my own, in my mastermind, with close friends, and sometimes with a coach, like I did yesterday.

I will do similar work as I set goals and plan how I will hold myself accountable and set up great habits in 2023.

Today I celebrate me:

  • I am a childfree coach supporting women and all who are ready to create a life they love
  • I have made incredible strides in my mental fitness
  • I have made professional gains in the arts and in my writing (and a bit in my speaking career too)
  • I have gained a lot of clarity in my business
  • I have shown love, and compassion, and supported many dozens of people this year, not least of all my family
  • I’ve helped my clients improve their lives and find more joy and success
  • I’ve started three new group programs
  • I have had so much fun
  • I have made new friends, strengthened existing friendships, and further contributed to and built community around me

I wish you joy and peace in this holiday season, whatever you celebrate (or don’t).

P.S. I do have at least one more spot in my mental fitness program for January. If you’d like an affordable route to accountability, peace, success, and even community, you can grab a spot on my calendar to learn more. Please book ASAP as I am taking some time off for the holidays and the group program starts the second week of January. Feel free to email rossandjamieadventure @ gmail.com if you don’t see a time that works for you.

P.P.S. What is the one thing you are celebrating yourself for as we close out 2022?

Anxiety: a path forward

Woman in shades of pink walks forward into a canopy of trees
| jamiefeinberg

I keep changing and changing and changing this title, but in truth, I know exactly what I’m going to say. The conundrum, of course, is that while I have learned that anxiety, even lifelong, chronic anxiety struggles, can get better, I also don’t want to be one of those people promising you snake oil or making you feel invisible if your anxiety proves to be way more stubborn than my own challenges have been.

So, with that caveat, here’s an update on where I’m at, how I did it, and what I can suggest for other people who are struggling too.

The Recap

Last October, I started having panic attacks. Debilitating ones, that were really getting in the way of my work and my life. While I had experienced perhaps a half dozen panic attacks while living in an RV and traveling the US, I was otherwise completely new to them. And when I’d had them, they hadn’t gotten in the way of my work or my life – I knew what triggered them, and within a few hours, I’d been able to move on from them.

But last fall was different. My husband was really worried. I was really worried too; as the current primary breadwinner in our relationship, and with a husband who was a full-time student, what if I couldn’t pay our bills? So I was having panic attacks and I was spiraling further, getting anxious about having anxiety, which I’ve since read is a sign of an anxiety disorder rather than simply anxiety (which everyone has on some level, and which is 100% normal, to my totally not clinical but still very educated on anxiety understanding).

On one particularly bad day, after a series of particularly bad days, I wanted to go to the mental health clinic. But, of course, I was anxious to go. I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t quite believe they’d let me in, especially because I hadn’t received my health card yet (which is your ticket to free health care as a Canadian resident).

My loving husband took me. He sat with me patiently in the car, and he came inside with me too. And the therapist I saw was so affirming, so understanding, and so encouraging as she got me on the list for free province-provided therapy. She even believed me and took notes when I told her I’d recently realized the ample supplies of nightshade vegetables I’d been filling my diet with were apparently a huge anxiety trigger (tomatoes, peppers, potatoes, and eggplant were filling my diet during this harvest season), based on my own Googled research.

This began more than six months of challenges as I waited, and waited, and waited to get that free therapy. Backing off the nightshade vegetables helped make the panic attacks less frequent (think 1-2 per week rather than daily), and I finally signed up online with my first therapist since college. She went from being okay for a few months, helping me to treat the anxiety, to being completely awful, around the same time I was seeing a very mediocre (at least for me) free therapist (finally) provided by the province.

Things Began Shifting

By the spring, a few things began shifting in my life:

  • I wrapped a contract with a client that had been having a negative effect on my mental health for a very long time, giving me space to begin healing from what I later realized was pretty intense burnout
  • The work I’d been doing on myself using the Enneagram was paying off, and I was seeing the benefits in my relationship with Ross, with my family and friends, and most importantly in my relationship with myself too
  • I found a new therapist who was NIGHT AND DAY from my previous experiences; she’s still supporting me, and I am grateful every day that I didn’t give up on finding the right person for me
  • The time I’d invested in finding community on PEI was bearing fruit; I had local friends and was doing meaningful work, collaborating in multiple music ensembles and enjoying the opportunity to lead one of them
  • I created an Enneagram group and had a really successful pilot program (my first group coaching program over several months)
  • I discovered the Positive Intelligence framework and became a major advocate for the benefits of mental fitness (and subsequently, I became a mental fitness trainer and incorporated the work into my coaching business)
  • I finally stepped outside of my comfort zone into an Anti-Anxiety program offered free to Islanders (called I CAN) and completed it successfully

According to my anxiety coach, my last panic attack was in late August. I know it was a combination of the techniques I had internalized by this point (learned in both I CAN and in my mental fitness studies) as well as some of the deeper personal development I had done. Having my therapist to cheer me on was especially helpful on the days I needed someone to vent to – whether you work with a therapist as well (always ideal) or just find a friend or hire a coach or accountability partner, that safe space was key.

I’ve now realized that I’ve been battling anxiety my entire life, or at least as far back as middle school. I also realize that if I had known then what I know now about mental fitness, I wouldn’t have needed to have the stress and overwhelm in my life. And I would have made healthier choices from a sage place rather than acting out of fear or to numb or distract myself.

What I Recommend

My own personal journey to get control of my anxiety was more long-winded than it needed to be, but there were also a lot of factors at stake. If I hadn’t been overwhelmed in my work, things might have played out differently, perhaps on a faster timetable. If I wasn’t so sensitive to nightshades, the panic attacks may have been less debilitating. But what I now realize is that the gift of my panic and anxiety struggles over the past year or more is that I now have direct experience I can use when coaching my clients. I can relate to them in ways I never could have five years back. What a gift!

Also, for those of you with access to some kind of free anxiety program, or one that’s very affordable for you, do consider it, if you’ve got the bandwidth for it. While I wasn’t learning many new things in mine, the daily practice and accountability (just like I use with my clients) helped me to finally finish integrating all the things people had taught me over the years. I CAN is a great option for Islanders. Find out what, if anything, is available for you.

If you want to sleep well at night, if you want a life with less stress and overwhelm, if you want the tools to find joy and peace and curiosity again, I’d love to introduce you to the mental fitness training we can do together. I have a few spots open in a small group program that will be starting up this January. I’m also developing a new program specifically with musicians in mind, and I’m planning future groups for a) for childfree people b) for men and c) for retirees.

If you’re intrigued, the easiest way for me to tell you more is for us to hop on a call so I can give you a tour of the program and a bit of coaching and some training to incorporate when you’re feeling anxious or fearful or angry or judgmental. I include a few of my favorite mindfulness techniques that you can actually use anywhere, at any time. It’s a free call, and if it intrigues you, I’m offering my programs on a sliding scale to make them as accessible as possible as we begin 2023.

I have such gratitude to be a coach and to be doing this life-changing work. Please reach out to learn more, and if you think this might resonate with a friend or a family member, please encourage them to do the same.

Take care, and be well.

black friday specials

| jamiefeinberg

It’s that time of year when so many of us head out into the world, in-person or virtually, for some savings as the holiday season really starts to get going.

While many of the deals out there are for physical products and indulgences, I’d like to encourage you to indulge and invest in yourself in the ultimate act of self-care.

If you’ve been curious about my life, my businesses, and what’s possible for you when you level up in your life and/or your career, today (or Sunday at the latest) is your day! And if we did a clarity call in the past but the timing wasn’t right for you to work with me, now’s your chance!

Here’s what I’m offering. If you’re ready to purchase, send an email to jamie.feinberg @ gmail.com or message me on Facebook or Instagram so we can get your purchase made and help you to get in the driver’s seat of your life ASAP.

Not sure which deal is for you? Reach out and we can discuss.

3 Amazing Black Friday Deals (expire after Sunday, 11/27/2022): 

#1 Book & Save: New clients who book their free clarity call with me by Sunday, November 27th will receive a credit of $250 that can be used toward any regularly priced coaching package before the end of the year. 

#2 One Strategy & Structure Power Session: Regular price $179, sale price $70 (more than 60% off!) Includes pre-session worksheet, 75 minute session, follow-up summary w/ road map and suggestions for next steps. Perfect for when you know where you’re headed and want some coaching or consulting on your particular question or situation. 

Ex. What are the next best steps for me to take in my fitness business? Can you help me to create a schedule that’s more aligned with what matters to me? How can I set some boundaries so that people stop expecting me to do everything? Which of these awesome hobbies/side projects should I pursue as a business?  

#3 Buy Two Months of Coaching, Get One Month Free: For new 1:1 clients, this weekend only, purchase my Two Month Positive Intelligence Package and receive your third month of coaching free! 

  • Positive Intelligence Package w/ extra month: $1200 (2 payments of $600) or $1,050 (discounted price if paid in full up front) – Estimated Value: $2,575 – $600 savings this weekend only off the $1800 typical price!
  • All of this is included:
  • 6-week, foundational mental fitness training through the Positive Intelligence program 
  • 6 weeks of access to the science-backed Positive Intelligence app, providing daily accountability, tracking, and training ($1,000 value)
  • 6 30-45 min. Zoom accountability sessions led by Jamie ($525 value)
  • 6 weeks of 1:1 55 min phone/video coaching sessions (5 sessions w/ 1 week off) ($350 value) 
  • 12 Weeks Email Access & Messenger Access (response within 48 hours Monday – Friday) ($500 value) 
  • Worksheets ($200 value) 
  • 30 Day Money Back Guarantee

Thanks for reading and for considering working with me. You can read testimonials from my past clients here. And if the cost isn’t feasible for you, please email me (jamie.feinberg @ gmail.com) to request a scholarship application – I strive to offer a couple of scholarships each month.

Book Your Call

or message me (jamie.feinberg @gmail.com or via Facebook or Instagram ) for purchasing or further questions.