coaching

How to Stay Calm Under Pressure (Traveling or At Home)

| jamiefeinberg

In stressful situations, we tend to default to old habits and/or move into survival mode to keep ourselves safe. All of this is completely understandable. 

Because we’ve all had different experiences, have different brains, differences, personalities and more, what one person does under stress can look quite different from someone else. It’s part of what makes us unique. But what isn’t unique is that we are all hardwired to do certain patterns of behavior under these circumstances. 

In thinking about the state of the world right now, I’m especially aware of how dangerous traveling is for so many people right now. Perhaps you don’t feel safe traveling internationally (or at least, you don’t feel safe crossing the border to get back in). Perhaps you don’t feel safe going to the grocery store or even leaving your home. 

The situations may be different, and the reasons may be different, but in any of these circumstances, the goal is for us to be able to stay calm under pressure. We want to know that we will be calm and in control of our actions, even if we are being interrogated or profiled or otherwise threatened. 

So I want to talk a bit about what happens to us under pressure, and how we can strengthen our practices and our minds to help keep us safe (or at least increase the likelihood of a positive interaction) in future encounters. 

Photo of blue sky and branches by Optical Chemist

I’m going to do so with compassion for others in challenging circumstances, to the best of my ability. I’m going to do so using the lens of the Enneagram and mental fitness. As usual, please keep in mind that I’m not a scientist or a therapist, and what I’m sharing are my own opinions based on my own experiences. If you want the technical scientific jargon, I probably won’t be going there, and I’m also not a lawyer or a therapist, so consult your own if possible and do your own homework and come to your own conclusions. 

My personal belief is that we all have some sort of wise, wonderful being inside of us. Maybe you’d call it your soul, or your sage or your wise mind. This special being is there from the time we are born. As soon as we’re born, basically, we start having experiences in the real world. From the noises and feelings when we first leave the womb, to the ways our family of origin treats us, to the kind and the harsh and the horrible humans who cross our paths along the way, we are challenged.

As a result of these experiences, we start developing a personality. We pick up traits along the way. We find that we get positive reactions or are safer more frequently when we do certain things, so we lean into those more. In the language of Positive Intelligence, the mental fitness program I use in my training and coaching, we find that some of our skills and characteristics serve us well, so we do them more and more, eventually resulting in some “saboteur” behaviors. We might discover people-pleasing tendencies, or a hyper-achiever who tells us we must keep “doing” or we don’t have value. Maybe we develop restless or avoider or controlling saboteurs as ways of coping with the world. 

In the language of the Enneagram, by the time we are adults, we’ve settled into a grab bag of personality traits that sometimes help us and sometimes hurt us, because we overly rely on them. They trap us.  If we study the Enneagram, we’ll learn that there are other people in the world very similar to us, whose personality types are also aligned with ours, though our own individual circumstances and that underlying soul within us means we’re still all different people. 

Whether we’re using the language of mental fitness or of the Enneagram, if we are privileged enough to begin working on ourselves, it begins with non-judgmental self-observation and a recognition that we’ve been holding so tightly to these personality traits and behaviors that they are no longer serving us. We recognize that if we want to become more of that beautiful soul, more of that lovely sage being, so wise and as we were created, we’ll need to let go of the grip that our personality holds on us. 

And if we’re able to see this, whether it’s because we did a saboteur assessment or read a book or experienced a life-altering circumstance or something else entirely, then we’ll find ourselves asking the question: what’s next? How do I step out of these habitual patterns that I’ve been in for so long, that have me trapped in my own patterns of personality? 

The answer, in a word? Presence. 

When we are able to let go of the sabotaging thoughts and judgment of our own mind, and instead practice being in the present moment, it’s the first step toward our own self-actualization.

It sounds lofty, but if we are able to practice, day in and day out, being fully present where we are, whether that’s by getting outside in nature or fully savoring a meal or feeling the water on our hands, we are, step by step, loosening the grip of our personality and making it easier for the wisdom of our wise mind to make it to the surface. 

You may be wondering what the heck this has to do with staying calm when we’re traveling. That’s fair!

But it has everything to do with it. If we practice grounding ourselves, using any tools of mindfulness, while letting go of judgment, we are increasing the likelihood that when we encounter a stressful situation, we will be able to hear the wisdom of our wise mind. We’ll increase the likelihood that we will know how to best take care of ourselves in that situation. We become calmer, and wiser, and less anxious. Our wise mind will recognize whether we need to go hide, or explore a solution, or fight back, or simply have the words to answer a question calmly and in the wisest way possible. 

We don’t usually learn to do this work. We are rarely, if ever, taught these skills in school. We are not taught that our mental muscles need to be strengthened and exercised just as much as our physical muscles do. 

If you’re curious about this, I’m pleased to offer a Saboteur Assessment, without cost, to anyone interested in learning more about how they’ve been getting in their own way. Whether or not you choose to work with me in the future, I’d love to help you gain the understanding to move forward in the world without being held back by your own patterns of personality. 

I can’t control what happens to you when you travel. But I’d love to empower you with the tools to control as much as you CAN control in your life. 

Take good care. Keep resisting.

Mental Fitness as a Tool Against Fascism

| jamiefeinberg

Hi folks. I hope this title spells out what this article will be. I’m going to specifically speak to those of you who are very concerned about what’s going on in the United States right now. In particular, I’ll spell out what’s making me most concerned. I’ll also share one way to help yourself to pay attention, but not too much attention, if you’re finding that looking at the news is really anxiety-provoking right now. 

CW: I’m going to talk about some scary stuff that could happen very very soon. Especially to trans people. 

Sound okay? Read on. 

We as Americans are at an interesting time in our history. To say the least, right? Though I’ve been sounding the alarm for a long time, in the past week, I have gotten especially concerned that the combination of a government sending innocent people to prison and saying they can’t get them back, combined with talk of invalidating the passports/legal documentation of trans people entirely (as well as disenfranchisement for others, such as married women who changed their name at marriage but don’t have a matching birth certificate) is something we should find extremely frightening. 

It’s such a tiny step to move from that to, oops, we are now sending trans people out of the country for the crime of being trans, and no, we can’t get them back. (And if the conditions are as awful as the 60 Minutes documentary exposes, how many people will die there? Even if it’s sometimes dying of lost hope?)

And after the trans folks are gone, what about the people of color? The liberals or the people who spoke against Trump? The intellectuals? The disabled? Queer people? 

You get the idea. 

If this stuff doesn’t scream Holocaust to you, then you don’t know your history. 

And to be clear, I have trans friends, family members, work colleagues etc. Tons of people that I know and love and respect. I am so angry right now. 

Many people I’ve been talking to have said they’re getting anxious, or even having a panic attack, when they look at the news headlines. I hear you, and it’s so hard right now. 

My personal suggestions if you’re struggling in this way? 

  1. Limit yourself to a very short window where you check in on the headlines every day. If that proves too much, go to a trusted friend or family member for a daily summary of what you need to know, AKA what should I call my reps about today, or what should I make sure I do? If you can’t do it daily, do it weekly or as often as you can. 
  2. Before you check the headlines, take some time to meditate/practice some form of mindfulness. Savor the feeling of hot water on your back as you shower. Enjoy some tea or coffee and really savor it. Get outside for a walk in nature. Focus on the detailed sensations where you are. Then, and only then, when you’re in a good space, read the headlines. Set an alarm and then do some more self-care. Repeat as needed. 
  3. If your current source of news is “too real”, change it up. Skip the TV and read an article. Move to a weekly instead of a daily cadence if daily is too much. Read a blogger you respect instead of a Facebook feed. 

These are the ways I am making it work for me right now, and I hope some combination of these things might work for you too. 

And while I am 100% not a lawyer, not an expert etc., I will say that if you have some privileges right now, now is truly the time to use them. Things have gone south so quickly, and there’s not much progress happening. What does that translate to? 

Keep boycotting if you can. Keep protesting if you can. Keep calling. And keep making noise. We are going to need as many people as possible to keep resisting. 

And if you’re in a role where you are being asked to do something that you know is immoral by our federal government or by your organization, consider the consequences of saying no, or of quietly ignoring the order. 

And if you’re trans? I am frightened for you. I know everyone’s circumstances vary, but if you can get to Canada or another country and ask for asylum, maybe it’s time to consider it? If I had the money and I were trans, I’d be gone. On the other hand, I know traveling at all right now could increase your visibility which may not be helpfull. So maybe talk to a lawyer. If you have these privileges, of course. Because of the ways we’ve treated you, you’re less likely to have the cash for such moves. I am so sorry, and I won’t stop fighting. But we are in the danger zone, friends, so while it’s only a small minority of you who may have these kinds of financial privileges and options, I don’t think there’s any shame in taking care of yourself if that’s available to you. (And for all of us, organizations like the Transgender Law Center would love your support.)  

If you’re white and/or privileged, consider if there’s a bigger role you could play right now. Can you take a stand at work when they’re axing DEI programs to remain compliant with the government? Can you speak up to ICE or the police or elected officials when you see something wrong happening in front of you? Can you stage something larger, or fight back in a more prominent way? I remember how much I was in awe of Julia Butterfly Hill, living for 738 days as an act of civil disobedience in a redwood tree. Do you have a way to use your power and visibility to support the people and causes you care about?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on all of this. What are you doing? I know it’s awful, and I wish I could fix it. I’ll keep working to do whatever I can. And mental fitness will be playing a very important role in that. 

Take good care. Keep resisting.  

More signs of progress

| jamiefeinberg

Take a moment and breathe with me, will you? 

Feel yourself wherever you are. Whether you’re standing, sitting, lying down, feel yourself on the surface you’re on. Touch an object (maybe try this device?) and observe the temperature and texture of it. Notice fine details you haven’t noticed before. 

We are still here, friend. Let’s celebrate the little wins. You made it to today. 

Photo of a monarch butterfly on a branch by Erik Karits

As much as there continues to be more horrendous news, I am seeing signs of progress regularly this week in the fight toward defending human rights and preventing more atrocities. Read on for more of the progress I am seeing ( in the United States, predominantly), if that interests you. And if not; go find some joy, and keep breathing! You’ve got this. 

More signs of progress: 

The unelected billionaire seems to be displeasing the Rump – or at least, seems to be leaving the prominent position he’s in. While I don’t trust any of that being simply face value, I am happy for signs of tension in that relationship. Cautiously optimistic, I’d say. 

A great win in the courts in Montana this week for transgender and intersex (and any gender-noncomforming folks who might also be persecuted) folks in Montana. Their extreme bathroom bill was struck down! 

Wisconsin’s election was NOT bought by Elon. His $25 Million could have gone so far, but instead he threw it at a candidate who was resoundingly defeated. 

And while Florida’s election for two house seats was still easily won by Republicans, it was a MUCH lower margin than in November. Progress. 

I’m also hearing more and more horror stories making headlines about visas being revoked. So while it’s disgusting that students and professionals alike are being deported or told to self-deport due to having an opinion the government doesn’t like, I’m heartened by how much people are talking about it and making noise about it to their reps. 

And of course, I have to shout out Cory Booker, who spoke on the floor for more than 25 hours to make “good trouble” and make sure we know and understand that this administration is NOT normal and it’s NOT okay. 

As I walked outside today before writing this, I enjoyed a gorgeous blue sky. I’ve recently booked another speaking gig and gotten myself a new part-time job I am thrilled about in addition to the beautiful mental fitness, coaching and Enneagram work I am privileged to share with the world. 

I hope that whatever your own situation is, you’re finding signs of progress too. And if you have one, please consider sharing it with me! 

Take care, and keep fighting the good fight. And remember, rest is resistance. Find joy. Be love. One step, and one day, at a time. 

Curious about working with me? Want to learn more about what’s keeping you stressed or stuck? Book a saboteur assessment here, or learn more about the Enneagram here.

Finding empathy 

| jamiefeinberg

Are you trying to find empathy for people you don’t agree with, but coming up short. Do you have the spoons to figure out how to go there? Read on. If not, that’s okay. This article isn’t for you, but others will be. This is for folks trying to listen with empathy to friends and family who they don’t agree with, and feeling frustrated about it and wanting to know how they can find some.

Over the past week or so, I’ve seen several posts from people who are frustrated with the polarization happening right now. They spoke of seeing extreme posts from folks on both sides of the aisle, and they wish that instead of sharing divisive posts, people would work to find empathy for the other side, and try to be compassionate in these times. 

Photo credit of a protest crowd with a Free Hugs sign: Sides Imagery

I have a lot of compassion for people who are feeling this way. I know that the polarization is a problem. If we can’t treat each other with respect, how can we move forward as a country? Hateful comments aren’t solving anything. 

But unfortunately, some of these well-meaning people, by making these comments, more or less saying “can’t we all just get along?”, are actually showing that they might be lacking in empathy for the people who are sharing more extreme views. 

So if I’m on the far left, perhaps a trans person or an immigrant or someone doing everything I can to stand up for women and senior citizens etc., I might be feeling extremely fearful right now about the state of the United States or the state of the world. Don’t I deserve compassion for the fact that I share a lot of opinions I agree with? Even if some of them might come off as hateful toward billionaires or even of those who voted our government leaders into power? 

And if I’m on the far right, perhaps someone who sees myself as self-made, or who is fed up with what I see as a bloated government, or with the way the deficit continues to grow, I might be sharing what feels like common-sense opinions or articles. I might be feeling happy that the government is moving in the direction I voted for. Don’t I deserve to have my own opinions and share them, even if some people might not agree with me? 

I’ve found myself frequently wanting to comment on these “can’t we all just get along” posts to share my take on this. I want people to see the perhaps ironic reality that when we get angry at folks on both sides who aren’t willing to be empathetic to others, we’re also showing that we’re struggling to have empathy for people ourselves. (

I mostly refrain from commenting, though, because that in itself could look like I’m showing a lack of empathy for them. 

It’s tricky, isn’t it? 

I’d like to say I’m someone who never shares articles or posts on auto-pilot. I’d like to be someone who always pauses, ponders what’s the best use of my time, and posts only the most important things. 

But that’s not true. I’m a human, and I am imperfect. And it’s especially challenging to always be thoughtful right now.

If you’ve ever caught yourself sharing posts on auto-pilot, reacting to the news automatically or going on a doom scroll, I’ve been there. When we do this, we’re doing so out of fear. Our saboteurs and the judging part of our minds are running the show. 

But if we want to feel empathy or compassion, we can’t do so in that state of mind. The first step is to stop. 

When you recognize you’re acting out of habit, or acting out of fear, or anxiety, or anger, stop. 

Ground yourself. Feel yourself on the floor or a seat. Observe the temperature of your breath as you breathe in and out. Take note of the colors around you. 

Once you’re calm, you’re then able to access the wise part of your mind, which is capable of choosing love. The wise part of you will know whether it’s time to run away, to go do something, to show compassion and connection with someone or find common ground, to speak up, or to explore other options to problem solve through this situation.

This wasn’t always easy for me, to try to step into someone else’s shoes and show them compassion instead of judgment.

But I have had a lot of practice with empathy and compassion. The two best tools I know to cultivate them are mental fitness and the Enneagram. 

Learning to gain control of myself and break my habitual patterns has been a game-changer. The Enneagram is how I first developed an awareness of these patterns, and it’s how I continue to gain understanding of why I do what I do and how I can make a different choice. And my mental fitness work has given me the tools to use right now, in this moment, to regulate myself and more quickly shift into the wise part of myself. 

This is work that I do with my clients weekly, and for myself daily. The more challenges around us, the more news headlines, the more stressors present, the more we’ll need to do this work. 

Sometimes empathy isn’t the tool that’s needed. But if you want to know how to relate to someone, how to understand them, how to have compassion for them, even when they do hateful things? This is how we can get there. 

Not sure where to start? Let’s talk. 

I went deeper on this topic on Facebook this week. I’d like to shift from doing Facebook lives to doing them on Substack (where I can share video, audio, and text), but I need to reach 100 subscribers to do so. If you haven’t yet, I’d appreciate your subscription (no cost necessary!), and you’ll be notified if I go live. 

And if you found this useful, my recent article Knowledge is Power may interest you too. 

I’d love to hear how you’re finding empathy, for yourself and for others, in your own life. 

Sharing signs of progress

| jamiefeinberg

Gosh, it’s been a month of a week, and I have had a few days in particular where it’s been a struggle to keep myself grounded. On one of those days, I was working on some never fun bureaucracy type stuff, and it was triggering panic in my body, in spite of all the mindfulness work I was doing to work through it. I felt alarmed and had a day of important things to do, and as Ross tried to help me as we prepared for an important meeting, I realized if I didn’t get myself under control, I was bound to trigger him and likely have a rage episode.

So what does progress look like? In this case, progress was telling Ross I was going upstairs because I couldn’t get myself under control. There, I ran in place for two minutes to wear myself out. And then I just let my body settle down. As I prepared myself some lunch, I realized it had truly worked, and my body was grounded again. And thank goodness, because when a couple of hours later, I managed to spill water all over the kitchen floor washing dishes, I just laughed for a couple of seconds, grabbed a couple of towels, and cleaned it up. And when those kitchen towels weren’t enough, I headed downstairs for a bath towel, laughingly summarizing for Ross what I’d done in passing as he said he was sorry I had a hard time from the next room.

End of drama. I cleaned up in the kitchen.

Photo by Yana Kangal: https://www.pexels.com/photo/red-poppy-flowers-17868679/

Friends, in the past, this would have had me raging and upsetting my husband, perhaps getting in the way of his ability to show up for our meeting. It would have resulted in me beating other people up and then beating myself up for hours, thanks to the judge in my head.

Instead? It was just a day, friends.

This is what can happen when we take those small, daily steps to instill better habits. I’ve got a mindfulness habit. I do group work using mental fitness and the Enneagram throughout the month. And I’ve cultivated healthy communication and listening with my husband.

There are signs of progress outside of my own life too. I’m especially inspired seeing the media coverage of some of the things ICE is doing (like detaining and basically torturing lawful permanent residents of the United States, citizens of Canada who never violated laws, and many more stories of what those profiled in the media have seen). Knowing that judges are saying no (even if the administration is trying to pretend that doesn’t matter) and that some of the anti-trans laws and actions are being struck down is promising.

Spring is my favorite season, because it is such a sign of progress. We get to see bits and bobs of life springing up from nothing. It’s so exciting and beautiful and encouraging after a long winter.

Wherever you are, whatever you’re facing this week, I hope you can see glimmers of hope. Bits of progress in your own life and in the world.

Want help getting some clarity on what’s going on? You know how to reach me.

Take good care. Keep up the good fight.

Taking a Gratitude Break

| jamiefeinberg

I’m feeling rundown, friends. Tired from the news, angry for friends and loved ones and innocent strangers being targeted and persecuted. If I let my mind wander, it’s easy to move into a space of anxiety about what’s coming down the line. 

Keeping myself grounded and staying on top of self-care can be challenging in all of this. I know that the more I stay present to what I’m doing, my physical actions, where I am in this moment, the better I feel. But the old habits of worry can be tricky to avoid repeating. 

So I feel like now, more than ever, centering my day and my mind on gratitude is essential. 

Photo credit: Alex P

I’m grateful to be in a community (multiple, actually) where I feel seen and valued. 

I’m grateful to have a warm and comfortable apartment, with food in the refrigerator, running water and plumbing, and even a washer and dryer (something I’ve often lived without). 

I’m grateful to have hobbies and work that bring joy to my life and fulfill me, from taking walks in nature to solving mystery boxes to making music or coloring or playing games and solving mysteries with family and friends. 

I’m grateful for a husband and a cat who enhance each day with their presence. 

I’m grateful for family and friends around the world who make the effort to stay connected with me, even when it’s challenging to do so. 

I’m grateful to know why I am here and to have more and more tools to help me as I work to fulfill my mission in the world: to help people to create and live a life that they love. 

I’m grateful for my Enneagram Book Club, for all of my Enneagram friends on the journey, and for my mental fitness clients, coaches, and colleagues.

Especially if you’re struggling right now, I encourage you to take a moment, every day, to anchor into gratitude. The small stuff can be especially important to acknowledge.

Is a gratitude practice a part of your life? 

What are you grateful for right now? 

If this was useful, you might want to check out one of my recent, related articles: 

What Uncertainty Teaches Us

New Year, New Who?

Struggling with Motivation? Just Keep Showing Up

Thanks for being here, friend.

Knowledge is Power

| jamiefeinberg

It can be really tough, even on the best of days, to pause and take a step back. Such a high percentage of our actions are done on auto-pilot: we’re not even stopping to think before we do them. It’s the way we always did them. The action precedes the thought. 

Unfortunately this can also get in the way when we’re confronted by people whose views are different from ours, or whose words or actions are triggering us. We’re each bringing our own baggage to the table. We’ve got our own instincts, our own habitual patterns, and our own biases based on our own past experiences. 

Photo of a person with dark long hair, in the grass facing the mountains with their back to us, by Badri Rai from Pexels

People often ask me how I can stay connected to people whose beliefs are so different from mine. It’s honestly a skill I’ve been honing since I was a kid. I think there are a few reasons it comes so easily to me: 

  1. I am the oldest child in a family of six. I learned to get along and go with the flow rather than fight the more aggressive folks in my family. 
  2. I’ve always been genuinely curious about people and why they do what they do. This curiosity means that rather than focus on the hurt someone is doing, I can invest some of my time and energy into curiosity about how it came to be that way. 
  3. I genuinely believe we all have goodness in us – and if I can’t find it, I have compassion for what may have happened to them along the way. (I have always had empathy, but my compassion has gone through the ROOF since beginning my mental fitness and Enneagram studies.) 
  4. I have always treasured close, deep 1:1 connections with people, and some of the best times in my life have been sharing those types of conversations. If a past friend, perhaps someone I’ve had a great conversation, or many, with in the past, is doing things that I don’t understand, I tend to assume the best of them, and again, get curious about how they got to be here. 
  5. I’m aware that if I can engage with someone whose opinion I don’t agree with by striving to listen and find common ground, it’s the best hope I have for potentially changing their mind down the line. If I stop speaking to them, I’ve lost my chance for them to recognize someone’s humanity or the fallacy of something they’ve held to be true. 

When someone approaches me, full of anger or fear, shame or anxiety, I can recognize their saboteurs coming out to play. If I’m able to keep myself grounded and in a healthy mind state, instead of meeting their saboteurs with my own saboteurs (of judgment, of fear, of anger etc.), I can instead offer them an ear, or get curious, or take action to protect myself or others. 

The truth is, because I am well-practiced at letting my sage mind run the show, instead of my saboteurs, I am much less likely to respond in my own patterns. I’m more able to find a win-win-win for everyone. I’m more likely to have a positive view of the encounter. 

For instance, I could get upset if someone confronts me denying the harm a politician is doing and trying to do. OR, instead of getting upset, I could ask them clarifying questions, getting very curious about the fear hidden behind their comment. 

Maybe if I was able to ask them a few questions, I’d learn that we agree on 90% of an issue, or even 50% of an issue, when I previously thought we were on opposite ends. Maybe I’d learn that I needed to do a little more research on a particular topic so that I’d be able to speak to it more articulately next time. Or maybe I could share a personal anecdote that would humanize the people we were talking about. 

Whatever language you use to describe it, our saboteurs are real. Your saboteurs could be hyper-rational, or hyper-achievers, or perfectionists, or getting you caught in anxiety spirals. We all have strengths that served us at one point in time, but eventually we start overusing them. 

And we don’t have to. 

When you’re able to step back and see your saboteurs in the light of day, you don’t just understand other people better. You understand yourself better. And it offers you the opportunity to find ways to live that are easier, and kinder, and more fun, and with less judgment of yourself, or others, or your circumstances. 

Saboteur assessments are transformative. It’s a free opportunity to shine a light on where you’re stuck and imagine what’s possible. We can learn to turn down the saboteur noise and let our wise mind run the show. And we can find how to live lives that we truly love, full of joy, even when the world gives us every opportunity for anger and fear and frustration and anxiety. 

Imagine the possibilities. 

Something in the Air

| jamiefeinberg

It’s been quite a week here on Prince Edward Island in Canada. After many weeks of frigid temperatures, for this past week, I’ve been enjoying milder temperatures (with several days warmer than freezing), and with ample sunlight and blue sky on several days too. Though I know it’s still winter, and we’ve got much more snow and freezing temperatures to come, I can’t help but feel that this bit of a thaw is a touch of spring, and a gentle reminder from Mother Nature to keep my chin up. 

“Look!” the birds seem to say as they swim in whatever puddles they can find. “Spring is coming! You’ve made it this far! Keep going!” 

Photo of chickadee on a spring branch by Nikola Tomašić

And this feeling, in turn, I’m finding reflected in my work and life. After months of liminality, finding it challenging to maintain momentum when I’m still in the “messy middle” of sorting out many projects and next business steps, this week I’ve had several encouraging signs of progress. 

On Monday, I gave my first talk of the year to a classroom of women transitioning into (or back into) the workforce. The co-teacher of the class was extremely encouraging to me, and she let me know that the women told her they could have kept listening to me all day! It’s always a beautiful day when you get to support people and inspire them to create a life they love. 

Today, I spoke with an editor and publisher for the first time about my memoir, which is mostly written but has sat on a shelf for quite a while as other priorities took the forefront. (You can join the email list for it here.) They were so encouraging, and again, it felt like the right time and the message I needed to hear. Such a gift. 

Other highlights included a promising job interview, voice lessons with new and returning students, and great feedback from a client on a project. 

At the same time I’m seeing this bit of encouragement from the universe, showing me signs that I’m on the right path for me and it will keep getting better, I’m looking for signs of the same outside of myself. 

I’m encouraged when I see the ways Canadians are banding together, supporting local when they can. I’m also encouraged that while the vast majority of Republicans are still bowing down to the self-named king, I’m seeing more and more signs of ways that people are stepping up, fighting back, and using their power where they can. 

We don’t have to wait and watch our rights be taken away. Though for some, taking action means protecting yourself, for many, we can call, we can march, we can donate, and we can fight back, in whatever creative ways we are called to do so. 

I know things are tough right now for so many. Where are you finding hope in challenging times? 

P.S. If you’re finding yourself struggling with motivation right now, I hear you. Here’s an article I wrote on the topic a few months back. Please offer yourself, and others, grace, as you can. And if you’d like to learn more about what’s keeping you from achieving all that’s possible for you, experiencing a life with more ease and joy, sign up for a Saboteur Assessment. 

Joy as Resistance

| jamiefeinberg

I recently read the beautiful book The Serviceberry, and in it, author Robin Wall Kimmerer (perhaps you were also enthralled by her book Braiding Sweetgrass?) says “I’ve always believed that those who have more joy win”. 

Photo of Black caregiver and child, feeling joy, by Sasha Kim

This reminded me of the many quotes and talks and books I’ve been encountering from Black female (some also 2SLGBTQIA+) writers, sharing the idea of rest or even joy as resistance. I’ll confess I haven’t given bell hooks their due yet (I KNOW, I have work to do), but contemporary writers and speakers usually attribute this line of thought, in part, to bell hooks. 

I’m writing this after spending an exhausting hour and a half processing the news, reaching out to my reps, and posting to Facebook, where I am finding it increasingly challenging to spend any time without feeling miserable. I think it’s partly the addictive algorithm, partly the way we’ve gone from seeing friends’ posts to seeing advertisements, and partly that the news is just so abysmal and divisive right now. 

After all, people are dying, people are being deported, culture is being canceled. In addition to executive orders doing horrendous things, including consolidating power to a level never before seen and clearly setting us up for a dictatorship and lying to the world about Ukraine and their president, I read a post from a trans man and pastor (and friend of a friend) who, after having a passport affirming his male gender identity for the past ten years, renewed his passport only to see himself listed as female (“F”) on the new passport. Other posts are showing the dichotomies, where some nonprofits are no longer providing gender-affirming care and others (as well as the Army) are proceeding as usual, ignoring the orders from above. 

So yes, I’m fighting. I hope you’re doing what you can to also support human rights, wherever you are. 

But I want to also encourage you to follow Robin’s suggestion. Find more joy. Explore joy. Joy is rebellion, resistance, and revolution! 

We resist when we enjoy a movie or a dinner or a walk with our same-sex partner. 

We resist when we savor a cup of coffee or tea while looking at a beautiful view. 

We resist when we hug, or dance, or laugh. 

We may be in extremely challenging times, but if you’re able to stop and read this, I’ll bet you’re also able to find joy. Smell a candle. Hold someone’s hand. Make eye contact with a stranger. Savor a delicious food. 

One benefit of making time for joy, in addition to resisting the misery that some out of touch billionaires would want for us, is that feeling joy is also grounding. All of these exercises I mentioned, when entered into with an intention of connection, wholeness, or just full presence, help to ground us in the here and now. 

And when we keep ourselves regulated and ground ourselves in the present, we are healing ourselves, and helping ourselves to show up in the best ways we can for ourselves, for our families, for our communities, and for the world. 

Monday I offer my Mental Fitness for Musicians class again. It’s absolutely a joy to be able to help musicians to recognize the sabotaging thoughts that get in the way, both in making music and in life and career as a musician more generally, and learn tools to work through the fear, the anxiety, and become more effective musicians, and more JOYFUL musicians, as a result. 

If you know a musician who’d benefit, or you’re one yourself, I’d love to see you there. 

But wherever you are, and whatever you do, I want to encourage you to be present to joy, and cultivate it. Even when the world collapses around us. If you’re finding joy, you’re winning. 

Take good care, friend.