Spooky Season and Self-Care

November 2, 2025 | jamiefeinberg

Well folks, things are getting spooky in the United States right now, and I don’t mean Halloween antics or that the darkness of evening is coming more quickly. I mean, of course, that millions of people are being denied their life-saving SNAP benefits because Republicans would rather starve people and keep a tax cut for billionaires while increasing healthcare premiums exponentially. They won’t even tap into the emergency SNAP funds that exist just for this purpose. And yes, we need to have corporations pay their fair share too, but in the short term, let’s prevent starvation!

Some other news on my mind:

Trans healthcare for youth may be banned outright. Gay marriage may be relitigated. And no one with brown or black skin is safe from profiling and persecution in Chicago and around the country.

A wellness influencer with a lapsed medical license and a history of sharing lies about immunizations is nominated as the US Surgeon General, aka “the nation’s doctor”.

The wannabe dictator gets closer and closer, killing people without proof of cause, preparing to send more troops around the country, destroying the East wing of the White House, and exhibiting more and more behavior showing he’s likely both physically and mentally unwell (likely had a stroke) and his team is hiding it.

Republicans are afraid to swear in Rep. Grijalva and release the Epstein files. Gaza is once again being destroyed.

National parks are at risk in the shutdown. More drilling? Nuclear war? Apparently it’s all on the table with this administration.

What do we do, in the face of all of this? How do we care for ourselves? How do we care for our neighbors? For our planet?

Here are a few questions I ask myself to help me discern amidst the noise and horror and daily challenges too. Maybe they’ll help you as well.

Are my basic needs being met? Are the basic needs of my family and friends and neighbors being met?

Do I have an emergency fund, and how long can it last? How precarious a position am I in? How vulnerable are those closest to me?
Consider reaching out for help if you need it. There are organizations and maybe some individuals in your network willing to help. And if you do not need help, consider what steps you can take to support your loved ones, and perhaps your wider circle too.
Prioritizing your own survival is important. Supporting those who turn to you for support or sometimes support you in turn is also important. And consider what ways you can support your neighbors and the larger community, whether it’s helping to connect them with resources or sharing resources of your own.
It can be a wise thing to ask ourselves these questions. But worrying about the future is not helpful when it gets us stuck in thought loops. Instead, do some work to ground yourself when worry or fear is dominating. That’s when you’ll best be able to a) recognize the dangers and b) deal with them. It’s also extremely important to take time to rest.

Am I remembering to rest? To feed myself? To shower? To find joy?

Working 24 hours a day isn’t sustainable. The sabotaging voices in our heads will tell us that we are only worthy when we “earn” it. They are lying. Your wise mind knows that you are a treasure, just because you are you. Even if other people, even if your religion, even if the government tells you otherwise. You are worthy of love and joy and a safe existence.
Set some breaks in the day – for a walk, for a meal, for a shower or bath.
Treasure your loved ones. Make a call, watch a show together, play a board game, sing a song. We never know how much time we have left.

Where are my feet?

Take time each day to remember where you are – and to feel it in your body. Feel your feet on the floor or wherever they are. Focus on your breathing. Listen to the sounds around you. Take time to be fully present.
Find yourself getting overwhelmed by the news or anything else? Presence is life-giving. Get present so you can support those who need you.

What is abundant? What can I share? Who can I support?

It may be counter-intuitive, but we do feel better when we can volunteer or give back in some way. We also know how life-giving gratitude is. Find what you have in abundance, be grateful for it, and consider what you have to share. Your time? Your money? A listening ear? A strong body? What do you have to give, from a place of ease and abundance? And who would benefit from those gifts?

You are doing great, friend. This world is TOUGH, especially right now, and you are still here. And you are doing the best you can. Keep breathing. Make a choice to care for yourself and your neighbors, as you have capacity. I’m so proud of you for continuing to show up. Even when it’s hard. Even when it’s hard to see how it matters.

Need some help finding a broader perspective? Want to know you’re not alone? Want to learn how to get the negative voices in your head to calm down and get out of the way so you can get more done, and with ease and joy?

Let’s start with a saboteur assessment.

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Take good care, friend.

Photo descriptions: I am wearing a flapper feather headpiece for the 1920’s themed Halloween party I lead a singalong for on Halloween. A second is a photo of my husband. We went out for the best Mexican food we’ve had since New Mexico on Saturday, and we are both extremely grateful for each other and for the amazing meals and drinks we were able to enjoy, especially when so many will be going without in the coming weeks unless Republicans fund SNAP. A third photo shows my gorgeously lit grapefruit mocktail (it was amazing) with boba. I hope it doesn’t seem tone deaf to celebrate the joyful moments. I hope you can do the same, whether it’s a night at home or out in the world.

Two signs of progress

October 23, 2025 | jamiefeinberg

Anyone else getting sick of “adulting”, aka going through the world bearing some of the boring responsibilities of being a human (at least in our current society) when fascists are taking over and cultures and families and people are being destroyed?

I feel this way a lot, but in addition to pausing to get present and taking time for joy where I can as means to combat inertia/anxiety/despair, I am also trying to stop and celebrate signs of progress when I see them.

A solo raven perches on top of a birch tree branch (photo by Jamie Feinberg)

One sign of progress, of course, was that more than 7 million (some sources suspect it was closer to 8 million) people turned out, entirely peacefully, for the No Kings rallies across the United States and even in some cities around the world. Scholars much more qualified than me rightly shared criticisms of the effort (which wasn’t really a “protest”, and didn’t have clearly articulated goals and next steps in place, amongst other things), but I think it’s reasonable to rejoice at the show of solidarity and optics of having an event like that – especially after so many right-wing extremists were warning about the “violent” people who’d be participating. While there were a few violent people who tried to dampen the mood, those who turned out to say no to kings did so peacefully.

If you made it out for No Kings, thank you, and I hope you found it encouraging, made some new friends, and were inspired to take some additional steps to protest the rights and freedoms of your fellow Americans and humans of all sorts.

Another sign of progress is at a more local level. In Boston, Massachusetts, Fenway Health works to provide affordable and accessible health care, and in a stunning move becoming too common across the US, they recently announced they’d stop offering healthcare for trans youth – in an effort, they said, to protect their ability to serve other people due to the changing regulations.

Photo of the ocean through the trees with changing leaves by Jamie Feinberg

From Fenway Health’s website: “The Trans Health Program at Fenway Health supports members of trans and gender diverse communities, their families, and the providers who serve them. We provide patient-centered, evidence-based care to ensure trans and gender diverse people are informed and affirmed in their gender and healthcare needs.”

What infuriates me to no end is when healthcare providers like Fenway don’t acknowledge that offering trans healthcare for youth is actually the safest, least invasive way to provide trans healthcare, because youth who know they are trans are saved having to complete puberty and thus require more invasive care down the line (often with less success) when we provide them with the care they need at a younger age. Not to mention the rates of suicide and murder for trans people….I could keep going, but here’s the good news!

Boston and those from around the region who rely on Fenway have decided they aren’t going to take no for an answer. Hundreds have taken to the picket lines, and reportedly some people who’ve come to Fenway for their care (like flu shots) have instead joined the picket line!

Erin in the Morning reported the following:

“We are calling on Fenway to find brave and creative solutions to maintain funding while following their mission to provide the same rights to every patient,” said Teddy Walker, a 20-year-old Boston student, reading from a statement penned alongside 21-year-old Berry Andres, their co-organizer for Monday’s action. Both are Fenway patients who started hormone therapy as teens—the very care and demographic being cut off now. So they know intimately how vital this life-saving care is for trans young people.

“This failure of courage does not have to be permanent,” Walker told Erin in the Morning. “We can still be allies in this historic fight together, because we know Fenway Health is not our enemy. The Trump Administration is. But that does not mean we will stand idly by as Fenway does Trump’s work for him by stripping patients of their care.”

Have you seen a sign of progress this past week? I’d love to hear about it. And as always, if you need support in navigating these and other challenges, I’d love to speak with you. Let’s start with a saboteur assessment.

Work with me

My favorite Enneagram resources

Take good care, friends.

take one step

October 17, 2025October 14, 2025 | jamiefeinberg

Friends, I’ve gotten to experience so much joy, so many awesome things, in the past week. And yet my brain and my body are tired. Day after day, in spite of having a good night’s sleep and waking up before my alarm (I know, boo-hoo, how tough is my life?), I’ve woken up feeling like I’m not rested enough and I’d like to just stay in bed.

Could this be depression? Sure. I’ve had some challenges with it in the past, though it’s been a very long time since that was a major struggle for me. But regardless of any mental games my brain might want to play, my physical body is also bearing the side effects of it all. And while it’s 100% valid to seek medical treatment when you’re feeling more tired than usual, I know that right now, for me, I’m feeling like this is just where I am right now – a medication or a chat with a therapist unfortunately can’t change the systemic issues in our world right now.

Photo of fall foliage on either side of a paved path by Jamie Feinberg

The world is a lot. I can have an absolutely beautiful day, I can make progress toward my goals, I can spend time with people I love, and I can still find my mind and my body returning to stressful thoughts and situations.

So for this week, my answer to that is to take one step.

When it feels daunting to get out of bed and do all the things ahead of me, I tell myself to start with just getting up and feeding the cat. I am open to the possibility that if I’m still exhausted by the time that is done, I can allow myself to get back into bed. 19 times out of 20, after I feed the cat, I will commit to getting dressed, knowing I can take a nap later if I’m still tired. One step at a time. I take one step.

This can work with bigger projects and goals too. When the project feels daunting, I can make it easier by breaking it down into small steps. And if having the executive functioning skills required to chop a project into more manageable pieces isn’t happening right now, that’s okay. What’s one small, but meaningful, step that I can accomplish today in the direction of my goal? Let’s commit to doing that now.

I had a beautiful weekend, from leading an ‘80s singalong to teaching voice lessons and music theory, to spending time with friends and phone calls with family. And I had two gorgeous walks in nature.

I know I am incredibly blessed, and I pause to be present to that multiple times each day.

And I am tired.

And I’m aware that the fight may be just beginning.

So acknowledge what you’re feeling. You may need to do more self-care than you’re used to right now. You may need to lighten up your commitments. And you may need to offer yourself a bit more patience and grace right now.

What’s one step you can commit to, when all you want to do is procrastinate or zone out? Let’s do that one thing. And if doing it still feels rough, get a coach, call a friend, or ask a higher power or the universe for support. And above all, keep breathing. Observe the inhale of your breath, and the exhale. Stay present to the here and now. Let the rest be set aside for a moment.

Take good care, friends.

I have a lot of tools to face the challenges of life. If you’d like to learn some with me, let’s start with a saboteur assessment.

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My favorite Enneagram resources

We can do hard things

October 10, 2025October 9, 2025 | jamiefeinberg

Hi friends. I am so grateful that this past weekend I had the opportunity to leave Prince Edward Island and visit Nova Scotia. I enjoyed the change of scenery, indulged in some of my favorite foods, and discovered beautiful places to walk and be.

But the thing I am most proud of is that I tried something new to me, something that I knew would be imperfect (very challenging for an Enneagram 1 especially!) and yet something that I knew would be a valuable experience to me regardless.

I’m a barbershop chorus director, and the event I attended Saturday was a regional day of workshops and barbershop education. To kick off our afternoon, we had the opportunity to perform with Synergy, an outstanding quartet who set the record for the best score in our area at their first competition together. Their members include mentors and coaches of mine (and friends!).

I’m relatively new to singing in a quartet, and I knew that the opportunity to try to hold my own singing with such an experienced (and fun!) group of performers would be one I shouldn’t miss. I knew I’d kick myself if I did. And while most people participating in the event sang one of four “area songs” that all of us have learned to sing together over the years, we also were given the option to sing one of the songs from Synergy’s repertoire.

I thought the latter would be more beneficial to me, so I decided to teach myself the tenor part of “Popular”, the song from Wicked. I am familiar with the musical (in fact, I saw Idina Menzel in her last week on Broadway), but I had never seen this arrangement of the song and had never sung the tenor part until a few weeks ago.

Getting up in front of a conference room full of people can be nerve-wracking in itself, but doing so to sing a song I’d only started learning a few weeks back, with a group of people I’d never performed with before, on a very challenging arrangement no less, was a pretty audacious plan. And yet I knew that if I gave it my all, I’d be extremely proud of myself, regardless of what happened.

I knew it was an opportunity to show my chorus, and others from my area, what it looks like when we step outside of our comfort zone. To show how fun it can be to try something new. To show that it’s okay to risk failure, to make mistakes, and to commit wholeheartedly to what we know will end up being an imperfect effort, in spite of our best attempts.

So for all those reasons, and for the fact that singing barbershop is FUN, I got up there. And while it was indeed imperfect, I have heard nothing but praise and excitement from the people who watched me perform over the weekend. And when I listened back to my performance, I was grateful that it sounded pretty good. I’m grateful I can look past the imperfections and just enjoy the memory of the special experience and my efforts. I went for it, and I am still pretty happy with my whirlwind of a performance.

The wonderful author and inspiration that is Glennon Doyle often talks about how we can do hard things on her podcast, and she’s even written a book called We Can Do Hard Things. It’s a phrase that my chorus’ current coach reminds us of periodically, and it’s a mantra her chorus has embraced as their own.

Sometimes hard things are things that we choose to do, for our own betterment, or to enjoy the journey and the challenge. Sometimes hard things are foisted upon us, and all we can hope for is that we can ride the waves and make it to the other side.

Can you congratulate yourself for a “hard thing” you’ve gotten through, chosen or not? I’d love to hear your story.

Standing up to fascism can be hard. Using our privilege can be hard. Choosing how to prioritize our energy and our efforts when life is already challenging enough and then the world feels like that much more is a tricky balancing act.

But we can do hard things, friends.

And if you’d like some more tools to help you in tackling the challenges of life, I have a lot of tools that can help you to do that work and tune in. Let’s start with a saboteur assessment.

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The antidote for anxiety is presence

October 3, 2025September 30, 2025 | jamiefeinberg

Friends, there is so much this week. As I write this, we’re facing a possible shutdown, which feels especially precarious for our transgender and non-binary friends right now. Whatever the situation is as you’re reading this, I’m sure you can name off at least a half dozen other causes for concern. I called my reps this morning, and I’m sure I will continue to in the days to come.

I’m going to focus though, today, on remembering that the antidote for anxiety is presence. When I’m catching myself in thought spirals about what might happen and what we might need to do about it and how awful this or that could be and what about this, the way out is for me to be fully present to where I am right now.

This is an absolutely gorgeous time of year on PEI. This past week, I got to spend many days exploring our beautiful province with my mom and my aunt, both up visiting from the United States. Together, we got to smell the flowers and the ocean, listen to the sound of the waves, share lots of hugs, eat lots of tasty meals, and admire all of the beauty here. We even enjoyed happy hour at the Grotto, on a floating dock on the harbor, having a bite and a drink while we admired/were stunned by the three huge cruise ships in port in front of us.

Whether we were singing together at the singalong I led on Friday night or driving across PEI, with plenty of stops for ice cream and flowers, we were practicing presence.

Vacation days are a luxury we don’t all have. But can you notice the flowers? Can you observe and enjoy the sensation of your breath moving in and out?

I hope you can find some time to be present when the world feels like too much.

If that feels impossible, I have a lot of tools that can help you to do that work and tune in. Let’s start with a saboteur assessment.

And in the meantime? Enjoy some pretty photos from our adventures this past week. Thanks so much for coming, Mom and Aunt Gail! It was so lovely to have you here.

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[Photo descriptions: two stunning blue flowers on a bush at our visit to PEI Preserve Co.’s gardens, Ross, me, my mom, and my Aunt Gail at dinner at the Island Resto, me talking and leading a speakeasy singalong amongst gorgeous antique furnishings, 3 delicious flavors from Holman’s Ice Cream, a loaded baked potato with a side of their homemade chips (apparently at the Potato Museum, we do potato as a side with our potato!), me and my mom posing at the stunning Dunes Gallery, more photos of oranges and pinks at the Dunes, my mom and my aunt pose in the garden, the work of art that was my lunch at their restaurant]

discerning the next right thing

September 26, 2025September 22, 2025 | jamiefeinberg

As I draft this message, I’m sorting through more than a dozen headlines that are truly alarming me. An administration focused on finding a “cause” for autism ignores science and research and makes me feel ill as someone with many loved ones who are autistic. Would it be a bad thing if we found a new treatment to help someone struggling with speech? Not necessarily. But not at the expense of recognizing that autistic people are just as valid as anyone else. Not while we repeat lie after lie after lie.

Photo by Jamie Feinberg: Flowers of several colors on a bush during a recent walk

If you believe in God, remember that autistic people are also children of God. If you believe each of us has a unique purpose on this planet, that means they have one too. And especially where so many of the people who have changed the world with their innovations and creativity are autistic, it’s bonkers to do anything but acknowledge that as a society, we owe it to autistic people and to all of us to do better in accommodating the unique learning styles, communication styles, and all the things that make them and us who we are.

We all benefit when we learn to pause before jumping to conclusions and acting on the first hurtful idea that came to us, inevitably driven by our fear. We all benefit when we listen to people who are different from us. We all benefit when we seek to create systems that support all of us in our uniqueness. This is universal design. Automatic buttons on doors help someone in a wheelchair, someone with little children, and someone who has their arms full of books or grocery bags. Clearly labeled directions help us all. Wide entrances and seats accommodate all bodies better. Creative classroom teaching incorporating all learning styles makes for more engaging lessons that will stick for all children, not just the ones who need accommodations we haven’t traditionally offered.

I am also truly, truly afraid for our trans and non-binary family and friends in the United States. It’s very possible the Supreme Court will heed Trump’s call and issue an “emergency” verdict quickly that will require passport markers that defy reason and will put thousands and thousands of people into significant danger when negotiating travel. If you’re Christian, you know that Jesus truly loved everyone. He’d love you if you were autistic. If you were gay. If you were trans. If you were an adulterer. If you were sick. If you were late to join and follow him. He loved and forgave and saw the humanity and goodness in each of us.

Seeing multiple lynchings and more school shootings in the news is also horrendous. We cannot pretend that the civil rights movement and the words of MLK didn’t advance our society for the better! No one is any better than anyone else, due to skin color or any other factor. And how so many people mourn for one divisive person while overlooking what a terrifying time it is to be a student or a teacher?

Now is the time, instead of giving into fear, to take good care of ourselves, doing work to go inward, to keep ourselves in a good place, and to listen to the wisest, best part of ourselves. Who can we stand up for? Who needs our help? (And that may be ourselves!) Take time to get quiet with yourself and listen to your inner wisdom. We need it now more than ever.

One tool I use frequently when it’s hard to know what the next right thing I should do is would be to tune in to the future version of me. I like to ask an older version of myself, decades in the future, questions like “What matters most here?” or “What’s the most important thing for me to accomplish this week?”.

If that feels daunting, or laughable, or inauthentic, I have a lot of tools that can help you to do that work and tune in. Let’s start with a saboteur assessment.

What helps you to discern what’s next when the world is full of challenges in need of attention?

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My favorite Enneagram resources

Staying Present When Life is Uncomfortable

September 19, 2025September 18, 2025 | jamiefeinberg

Hi folks. What a week! On a personal level, I had a marvelous long weekend away, getting to see both Melissa Etheridge and the Indigo Girls in concert – what an extraordinary gift! And since then, I’ve been fighting with allergies or a cold – some sort of not COVID nuisance that is so easy for me to get with the changing of the seasons, and yet so uncomfortable.

As always, when I don’t feel well, my wise mind can recognize that the situation gives me an opportunity to reflect on what matters most and to prioritize my own self-care.

And then, of course, there’s the larger world. Whether it’s all the signs of the United States giving in to fascism and returning to bold displays of murder (lynching? I hope we are all horrified) or to the larger world condemning Israel’s actions while they continue brazenly, there is so much demanding our attention.

On a day to day basis, I find that getting present is the way to get through. I focus on the sensations of my feet as I walk across the hallway. I feel the coolness of a breeze or the warmth of my tea in my hand. I listen to the sounds of the birds or of my sweet cat purring.

Photo: A variety of flowers at the Botanic Garden in Fredericton, NB (photo by Jamie Feinberg)

Even when I am sick; even when the world feels more hopeless each day; even when I have so many reasons for fear or anger or sadness; even in all of this, I have the opportunity to choose presence, to choose love, and to choose to take bold action, whether in the world or in my own self-preservation.

This is the kind of work I do with my mental fitness clients. It gets easier over time – even when it’s hard.

Presence keeps us in the here and now. It keeps us from retreating and neglecting our best wisdom about how to proceed. It shows our loved ones we are here and we love them. Even when things are tough.

How do you stay present when life is uncomfortable?

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My favorite Enneagram resources

Be (Your Best) You

September 12, 2025September 10, 2025 | jamiefeinberg

Hi friends. I’m heading out of town this weekend, and I was tempted to skip an update, but a friend reminded me how much she is inspired by my posts. And that’s why I do it. So let’s go!

I often look at what others up to in the world and wonder if my own contribution really matters. Some people are making major donations or putting in dozens of volunteer hours each month. Some people have attained significantly more followers than I even dream of. Some people invent things, or have written life-changing books or programs that have affected millions.

But fairly quickly when my mind starts to drift this way, I remember that I am not here to worry about whether or not I measure up beside someone else.

I am here to be me. I am here, in fact, to be the best version of me that I can be today.

Photo: Small lighthouse on the left, with a dirt path leading down to the water next to and a setting sun peeking through a tree. Everything looks golden in the light. Photo by Jamie Feinberg.

I am a uniquely creative, spontaneous, motivational, energetic, friendly human. I bridge divides. I lead by example AND I lead with vulnerability.

One of the things my Enneagram and my mental fitness work teach me is that we all have a unique, special, wise being inside us. You might call it a soul. We are as unique as a fingerprint. You may have been through a lot of hard stuff along the way that required you to pick up armor and tools. Those tools may not be serving you as well as they used to, and letting them go is the work of a lifetime. But we all have that unique, beautiful, wise being inside of us.

When you strive to “be better”, who is the voice you’re listening to? Is it society? Your parents? Your friends? A coach? Or is it yourself?

It’s easy to get lost in the possibilities of how you can best make your mark in the world under these extraordinary circumstances. And it’s easy to get overwhelmed and, for some of us with the privilege to do so, even give up and give in.

As you work discerning the next right thing for you to do today, and this week, and this month, and even beyond, make sure you stop and get present somehow. Listen to the inner wisdom – not your inner judge. Or the judgment of others.

I make the biggest and best mark on the world when I am authentically me. And I see that when others do the same, it’s also when they are fulfilling their own unique purpose and place in the world.

Need some guidance listening to your inner compass? A coach is such a beautiful way to get there, and I’d love to support you.

Work with me

My favorite Enneagram resources

Thanks for reading, and take good care. Follow that inner guide, one step at a time.

examples of good trouble

September 5, 2025September 4, 2025 | jamiefeinberg

Hi folks. I’m going to mix things up today. Instead of my own contemplation or coaching, I thought it would be fun to share some examples of good trouble, using John Lewis’ words, that folks are getting into nowadays or that you might want to try.

One yellow flower in foreground, green and other flowers behind it and all in front of a fence.

Photo of yellow wildflowers in front of fence (photo by Jamie Feinberg)

I’ve shared similar lists before and will again. Feel free to add to this list with your own suggestions.

Enjoy some encouraging words, and perhaps it will inspire you in your own life!

Types of good trouble:

Participate in a protest
Organize a protest
Boycott a business
Financially support causes and people that you care about
Overlook a problematic rule or law when circumstances allow
Use your privilege to stand up for a stranger
Share human stories that don’t get mass media coverage (ex. stories from Palestinian voices, stories from transgender voices and families of transgender youth, stories from immigrants, stories from unhoused people, stories from undocumented people, stories from people of color)
Amplify the work of others that deserves more attention on it
Stand up to ICE
Volunteer
Paint some rainbow sidewalks! Use flags and stickers as well as your words to show folks you’re truly an ally.
Go beyond Do No Harm
Continue to contact your representatives and hold them accountable
Fact-check statistics and stories
Dig deeper into where white nationalism comes from, what anti-semitism is and isn’t, what it means to support and lift up and protect BIPOC communities etc.
Work to dismantle your own internalized racism, ableism etc.
Choose presence over judgement, choose love over fear
Support reproductive rights locally or nationally