Crafting The Life You Want: A Practice in Living

Anxious for the future? Quiet and control those hyper-vigilant thoughts

Finding and creating community

Rest and retreat

August 8, 2025August 7, 2025 | jamiefeinberg

Last week I talked about the importance of finding, and sometimes creating, community. But this week, I’m thinking about the importance of rest and even of creating space for a retreat.

I recognize the immense privilege when we talk about taking time off, of course. When we’re in survival mode, we do the work we need to, even if we know it’s sabotaging our health (physical, mental or otherwise). But if you’re in a position where you have the luxury of time, or where you even have paid time off at your disposal (even if you aren’t encouraged to take it), I’m here to encourage you to do so – and to do so intentionally.

Photo description: Victoria Park boardwalk, Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island (photo by Jamie Feinberg)

Until a few years back, I wasn’t aware that there are different kinds of burnout, or that there are different kinds of rest. (The book Burnout was one of many that turned me on to this.) One of the ways I am aware that I’m currently experiencing burnout is that I am avoiding extra opportunities for reading. When I’m in my “normal” state, I do some reading almost every morning. But for the past month or so, I’ve found myself avoiding reading, unless it’s for work, or particularly for one of my Enneagram groups.

When this happens, I take it as a little warning sign, an alert for myself. “Danger! Danger! Something isn’t right here!” You may notice yourself avoiding other tasks when you’re tired or burned out. Maybe it’s hard to motivate yourself to cook, or to clean the shower, or to pay a bill. It’s easy for some of us to beat ourselves up when we catch ourselves avoiding doing things. But a better option, a wiser option, would be to take it as an alert only, and then either a) file the info away, until we can do something about it, and accept it for now, or b) do something about it. And for me, I’ve found that when we’re talking about burnout, the most effective thing to do is to rest or, sometimes, to spend some time in an energizing activity. (Or maybe it’s a little of both – some rest with a fun or energizing activity, perhaps?)

The Enneagram practitioner whose work hooked me early on was Suzanne Stabile, and this weekend is her annual Bootcamp. Bootcamp is both in-person (Dallas, Texas) and a virtual event, so if you can’t swing flights or just want to avoid getting arrested or disappeared while traveling, you can still attend. I’ve attended several of these events, as well as other virtual events they’ve offered, and they’re always well-worth my time.

Even though the event will be recorded, there’s nothing like watching a great speaker live, even in a virtual room, surrounded by other (virtual) participants devoted to doing the work to become better people. So while I may fall asleep tonight watching (due to the time difference), you know that much of this weekend, I’ll be online, listening and learning with other Enneagram practitioners.

I am grateful I was able to take the day off today to be a part of the event live. No, it won’t be a paid day off. But I plan to do some of my favorite things, spend some time in nature, enjoy some tasty treats and meals, and learn more about myself, through Suzanne’s wise words.

Sometimes resting looks like a Netflix binge. But sometimes, we get more rest from a walk in nature, a group meditation, or even a literal nap. Tuning in, to our bodies and minds and our needs, right now is essential.

Are you able to get some rest this summer? What does rest or retreat mean to you right now?

Recent articles from me you might enjoy:

Anxious for the future? Quiet and control those hyper-vigilant thoughts

Finding and creating community

August 1, 2025 | jamiefeinberg

Have you ever struggled to make friends? Have you ever found yourself without a person to call or text, without a ride to an appointment or someone to vent to when you had a hard day?

I think it’s fair to say that all of us have felt this way at some point in time, and some of us have felt is very often. If we are a member of the queer community, or BIPOC in a setting where that isn’t the norm, or disabled, etc. etc. etc., we might feel this struggle even more frequently.

I’m someone who has frequently created events as a way to bring people together and do something fun. I started all sorts of clubs on the playground and in my neighborhood and at my middle school. I staged a musical revue as a secret way to make friends when I moved into a new community in my early twenties. So for me, I can’t help but bring my creativity to the table when I think about how we build community.

Photo description: I (Jamie Feinberg) bumped into these sweet daisies, a bit of nature by the pavement on my walk

I’m thinking about the role of community right now a lot, especially because it’s Pride Week here on Prince Edward Island, a week (or even ten days!) full of intentional community-building and fellowship. On Sunday, I led a queer-centered showtunes singalong, sitting at the piano in the middle of a room full of musical theater fans. I shared tidbits and stories about queer writers, queer characters and queer performers in musical theater, interspersed with anecdotes about my own experiences seeing and performing musical theater. The previous day, I spent my morning in the Pride Parade, handing out candy attached to rainbow-colored flyers promoting our singalong.

Being a member of the 2SLGBTQIA+ community (that’s what we usually say here in Canada, but insert your own acronym as preferred) can present all sorts of challenges, but for a week or two each year, we are SO lucky to feel safe and seen enough to gather in community. When my husband and I first moved to Canada, I knew I needed to find my people, and I did so through music. I felt a nudge to join a chorus again, and that’s where I met most of my friends. We’d been here for less than a year when we experienced our first Pride Week on PEI, and for both my husband and I, that was a transformative moment. We were so proud, and we felt so welcomed, so seen. We knew we were home.

Community for me can be found making music, gathering in queer spaces, in Jewish spaces, in community with theater artists, and sometimes at the intersection of all of these things. We can find community in coffee shops and speakeasies, in nature and at play. And when our communities are being threatened, we show up for each other, just like others have shown up for us.

A few years back, I wrote up a bunch of tips for making friends if you’re childfree, and the tips actually work really well for anyone who’s seeking to find community. (The full article is here.) I think it’s important, now more than ever, to have a variety of friends, in a variety of spaces. Know who you trust, and in what capacity. Know where you can go regularly to experience joy.

I will also mention that the more intersections of communities that apply to you (for example, queer + Black or trans+ disabled), you may find it even more challenging to find communities where other people are dealing with the same stuff you are. I hope that even if you find that some people in your community don’t look like you or struggle with the same exact things, that you can still find “your people” – the people who love you and trust you and have your back, regardless of what you have in common.

I will also reiterate here, that while I know it can be cliche and even dangerous sometimes when people say they are a “safe space”, I am truly trying to do the work to be a safe space. I may not be trans, I may not be Black, I may not have your exact struggles, but I hope that I can offer you community if you desire it.

Coaching and mental fitness training have been an extraordinary place for me to build community and to foster it, for myself and for others. If you’re interested, I’d love to talk to you about the ways we can study the Enneagram or do mental fitness work or other types of coaching together.

Whether you decide to start your own knitting group, join a book club, or learn to swim, I hope you have found or are finding your community. Have any tips for others? Please share them.

Recent articles from me you might enjoy:

Anxious for the future? Quiet and control those hyper-vigilant thoughts

Pockets of joy

July 24, 2025 | jamiefeinberg

I’ve been navigating some of the most challenging work I’ve faced since moving to Canada lately, and it’s exhausting. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. So much so, that trying to come up with a topic for this article in the midst of my schedule and all of that feels like a lot.

So I thought I’d share some of the joy I’ve gotten to experience over the past month or so instead. Maybe this will feel more like when I started my Ross and Jamie Adventure blog back in the day, when we focused on sharing our travels across the United States in a 25’ RV. (Head here if you want to be notified when that book is ready.) Regardless, I hope you enjoy my share about where I’ve found some pockets of joy lately.

First photo taken on my walk by the hospital of the ocean, with beautiful greenery in the foreground and blue sky; second photo of pink flowers spotted at the Dunes Gallery (both photos by Jamie Feinberg)

Earlier this week, I had an appointment for bloodwork. I’d done some hard things already that day, so my first thought was, let’s go get ice cream afterward! (It’s my favorite way to treat myself, after all.) But a wise voice in my head said, I think I’d enjoy walking by the water on the path near the hospital even more than I’d enjoy ice cream. WOW. My sage voice was loud and clear. And such wisdom. So after I got my blood drawn, I walked across the street and walked along the ocean, enjoying breezes in the tall trees and absolutely gorgeous views. What a treat! (And since I’m currently being more mindful of what I eat right now, how nice that a pretty walk is a zero calorie treat!)

Connecting with friends and family is such a wonderful gift in my life. I’ve had lovely conversations, shared hugs, gone out for ice cream and taken walks with friends. Especially when things are challenging, it is so helpful to have people who are happy to listen and support you. I’m especially grateful for the work I do to maintain and grow my friendships when these more challenging situations arise.

PEI raspberries are absolutely amazing (and iconic, thanks to Anne of Green Gables), and yet my first summer here, I couldn’t find them anywhere and missed the season entirely. Ever since, I make it my mission to find them, because it’s my favorite fruit and local is absolutely best. I’m so grateful for the friends who help to keep me informed or even share their own bounty with me! Last year I picked raspberries at a friend’s house, and this year, a friend shared some of her first raspberry crop with me. What an amazing gift!

Last weekend, I went to one of our local favorite places for ice cream, Cricker’s Creamery, which does amazing homemade baked goods and has tons of gluten-free options. I went there twice in a row because raspberries arrived. On the first day, I had what may have been the best ice cream concoction I’ve ever had – or at least of the flurry variety. My vanilla soft serve had fresh PEI raspberries mixed into it, with hot fudge on top. What an absolutely perfect delight! On day two, I was a little bit disappointed that the raspberries were now frozen, not fresh. But still – where else can you get local raspberries with ice cream and hot fudge? So much joy.

Photo of my vanilla soft serve swirled with fresh PEI raspberries and topped with hot fudge (photo credit: Jamie Feinberg)

Other moments of joy lately:

Snuggling my amazing cat
Time with my husband
Supporting mental fitness clients & spending time with my Enneagram groups
Visiting the Dunes Gallery, home of my favorite gardens on PEi
Driving through PEI National Park
Gazing at the ocean
Attending wonderful events with friends, some planned, and some serendipitous, like when I showed up for an impromptu beach visit to find friends I’d just seen at another event were here (with another couple), and they invited me to join them!

The world is so much. I hope that in between your phone calls, donations, raging at the world and doing all the regular tasks to maintain and sustain a life, that you’re able to offer yourself opportunities to pause, do some good self-care, and find pockets of joy.

Recent articles from me you might enjoy:

Anxious for the future? Quiet and control those hyper-vigilant thoughts

Let good enough be good enough

July 18, 2025 | jamiefeinberg

In brainstorming what to explore here, some weeks it just comes to me. Other weeks aren’t as obvious. Today, I asked myself what I needed to hear right now, and that’s how the title came to me: let good enough be good enough.

Photo of assorted flowers and trees in a neighborhood park by Jamie Feinberg

According to the Enneagram, a tool for personal growth I’ve been studying for more than five years now, some people (known as Type 1s) heard a very particular message when they were children – “it isn’t okay to make mistakes”. In spite of the best intentions, so often, in our families of origin, we manage to internalize the idea that there’s a problem if we make mistakes. So as a protective mechanism, some of us become perfectionistic. And yet when we do so, this overfocus on perfecting ourselves, perfecting those around us, or being a great role model for others means that we lose ourselves along the way, becoming less confident and unbalanced as a result, and more obsessed with control, repression, and worry.

But we don’t need to be a “type 1” for us to pick up the message that it isn’t safe for us to make mistakes. Maybe it’s because of the color of our skin that we’ve internalized that message, or maybe we have a neurodivergent brain that isn’t understood by those around us. Maybe a domineering parent or an unsafe environment at school or at home contribute to it.

One of the things, therefore, that I benefit a lot from, and that you may too, is remembering that most of the time, it’s best to let good enough be good enough.

In my mental fitness work, we say only 20% of tasks, at most, need us to do them perfectly (or close to it). For the remaining 80% of tasks, the healthy and reasonable thing is to let good enough be good enough.

Especially when I’m feeling stressed or navigating a lot of extra potential stressors already, I know I need to remember and heed this message.

Here are a few ways I’ve “let good enough be good enough”. I hope these inspire you and you’ll try it on for size:

Have time for a fancier meal? On the fence about whether it’s worth it to put in the extra effort? Keep it simple. Your body and mind will thank you later.
Not sure your wording of that email is perfection? Is the email being sent to someone who already knows your work? Can you afford to have an imperfect word or two in this email? Let it go, and send it.
Struggling to choose the right outfit for a night out? Consider the “needs” involved, and then just choose something. It doesn’t need to be the best outfit you’ve ever worn. Let good enough be good enough.
Prioritize cleaning the most highly-trafficked areas and the most visible ones in your living space. No one but my husband and I have to put up with a messy bedroom, so it isn’t usually a priority.
Showing up to a meeting less prepared than usual is still (usually) better than not showing up. If it’s still a value add, I show up – and I include a brief apology if it feels called for.
Didn’t accomplish all my goals today? Didn’t get outside as much as I intended? Didn’t get to finish that project? No point in beating myself up about it. Let it go – I did good enough (or well enough) today.

Does this resonate with you too? Is “let good enough be good enough” helpful for you? And if not, what do you think is the message you’d benefit from hearing or repeating right now? And if you know your Enneagram number, has that helped you to get clear about this?

P.S. If you don’t know your number but would like to learn it in the company of others on their own personal journeys of growth, learn more about working with me here. And if you know your number but are still seeking community, I lead both an Enneagram Book Club and mental fitness groups.

Recent articles from me you might enjoy:

Anxious for the future? Quiet and control those hyper-vigilant thoughts

Tell me when I can pre-order your book!

The best of times, the worst of times

July 11, 2025July 10, 2025 | jamiefeinberg

Anyone else finding the juxtaposition of life confusing right now? It’s such a gorgeous time of year where I live, getting to have so many sunny days, enjoying warmth and blue skies, flowering gardens, and some really delicious fresh and local foods, from lobster to strawberries and from garlic scapes to new potatoes.

And yet, I’m also making phone calls to my representatives to tell them they need to do everything in their power to stand up against concentration camps being built in our backyards.

What to do, in the face of it all? How do you keep moving forward in your own life when you know what’s happening in your backyard?

Photo description: Magenta-colored flowers catch the light, with their green leaves behind them (Photo by Jamie Feinberg)

You know what you need best, my friend. But here are some ideas, if things are hazy and it feels like the walls are closing in:

Return to the self-care practices that have gotten you through tough times in the past. Feel regulated when you take a shower? When you go for a run? When you call a friend? Prioritize that.
Practice presence, several times a day, but definitely when you begin your day. Pay close attention to your five senses. Feel yourself in your body. Focus on your breath. Release tension. Release negative thoughts.
Cultivate movement in your life, at whatever level is feasible for you. The more movement, typically, the better you will feel. I know for myself, the more intense it is, the bigger a difference it makes, but just walking or even getting outside can make a difference.
Find the sky. Remember when you see the clouds or tops of buildings or find the sun or blue that there is something bigger than you in this world – whether it’s a divine presence or simply a giant planet and universe that will long outlive you, tune in to the gifts of that, and remember you’re one person, doing your small part, to make a difference today.
Give back. Call your representatives. Protest. Create art. Talk to people. Stand up for small injustices and micro-aggressions. Do not normalize atrocities. Talk about people as if they are human – because they are.
Feel gratitude for something. Or several somethings.
Take breaks from social media. Take breaks from noise. Just be.
Find community. Join a group or start one. (Join one of mine!) Get connected and remember that sharing our gifts and our presence is a meaningful way to be the best we can be in the world.

Remember you’re not alone. Thank you for being you, and for doing what you have the capacity for today, in your own world and your own community.

And I’d love to hear how you’re doing right now. How are you handling this? How do you want to handle this?

Recent articles from me you might enjoy:

Anxious for the future? Quiet and control those hyper-vigilant thoughts

Don’t feel like celebrating this week? Give back instead

July 4, 2025 | jamiefeinberg

This week in Canada, we celebrated Canada Day, and while many are feeling very patriotic and proud of their country right now (or at least grateful to be in it, warts and all), I’ve recognized since we moved to Canada that for many, especially indigenous people, to celebrate Canada Day can feel disingenuous at best, and perhaps even entirely inappropriate, as the patriotic celebrations can feel like a whitewashing of history. I know that here in PEI, indigenous individuals and communities are playing a significant role in the celebrations, and I love seeing that, but I know it’s a bit of an imperfect solution, at best.

I was thinking about how in all the Independence Day celebrations I experienced in the United States, I couldn’t even have imagined a true indigenous component to them. And it didn’t occur to me, in full transparency. This is one area where I think Canada is ahead of the United States, and I hope that in the future, Americans can think more about following in their footsteps.

Similarly, there are plenty of other groups, whether it’s Black communities, the queer community, the disabled community etc., who may feel like they’re not ready to be patriotic. And right now, with fascism a growing reality and millions displaced without due process (or seemingly rhyme or reason), and unfortunately the promise of much more to come, I think anyone with a heartbeat and a conscience might be finding themselves wondering whether it’s appropriate to be celebrating.

But today, I’m not going to answer that for you. Instead, I’ll encourage you to get quiet inside and decide for yourself whether patriotic displays, now or in the future, are worthy of your support.

Also, I wanted to remind you that when you’re struggling to feel grateful, or to feel grounded, finding a way to give back can be an extraordinary way to do so. It can often be one of the easiest ways to find fulfillment and even joy.

Photo of someone feeding a white chicken by Alex P

I’ve been giving back in many ways. I give back as a mental fitness instructor and coach, allotting a portion of my work each month to supporting people who otherwise wouldn’t have access. I donate money to nonprofits doing good work, and I draw attention to the good work of people and organizations so that others might feel inspired to do the same.

This past Sunday, I led a showtunes singalong, and it allowed me to give back in two ways. First off, we set aside a percentage of ticket sales to go to Peers Alliance, a local nonprofit important to the queer community, and to the Transgender Law Center, doing important work in the United States. While that itself felt like a meaningful gesture, even on a small scale, I also felt the joy of giving back by sharing my performing gifts with others. There’s something about singing together that really is healing, and I could feel the joy and power in a room of present, connected humans, many previously strangers, coming together in song.

Where do you give back? Where do you volunteer? Who do you care for, teach, or show your love to? Do you fight for causes you believe in or run for office?

Let love be your guide. Choose love. Choose to channel your energy to what matters most to you. Find energy in supporting those who need more than you, or at least whose needs align with what you have to offer.

And please remember: You’re here. I’m proud of you. We are glad you’re here. Keep breathing. Keep taking care.

And please let me know: where do you give back? Or where would you like to?

P.S. One way I give back is through my Enneagram work. My group Enneagram programs are offered on a sliding scale, and I do them out of love. Learn more here, we’d love to have you join us to do this important work on yourself that is best done in community with others.

Recent articles from me you might enjoy:

Anxious for the future? Quiet and control those hyper-vigilant thoughts

Anxious for the future? Quiet and control those hyper-vigilant thoughts

Creating space, allowing stillness

June 27, 2025June 26, 2025 | jamiefeinberg

I’m reading a book in one of my Enneagram groups, and it has reminded me of the importance of allowing stillness and silence in my day to day life. As an Enneagram 1/type A go-getter who is constantly DOING things, it is not my habit to pause. And like so many of us, I am getting more and more used to distraction. I might turn on a video while cooking, a podcast while walking, or pull out a book in between work projects.

But what I was reminded of today, and what has been useful, is that God or our inner wise one (insert your language of choice) is found in the stillness. Without pauses, we can’t get in tune with what’s best for us. And infuriatingly, we cannot will those wise revelations to show up in our lives. All we can do is practice pausing. Then we can leave it to the universe to do what it will with us.

Photo of red, purple and yellow tulips by Pixabay

When my internet is being slow as I work today, I am trying to choose stillness instead of distracting myself while I wait for things to load.

When I am not sure what to do next, I am trying to breathe and sit. Let me find the answer in stillness, because it isn’t coming in the “doing”.

How do you create space? Are you allowing stillness or silence? If not, what’s one small way you’d like to try it?

Recent articles from me you might enjoy:

Finding gratitude while facing fascism