take one step

| jamiefeinberg

Friends, I’ve gotten to experience so much joy, so many awesome things, in the past week. And yet my brain and my body are tired. Day after day, in spite of having a good night’s sleep and waking up before my alarm (I know, boo-hoo, how tough is my life?), I’ve woken up feeling like I’m not rested enough and I’d like to just stay in bed. 

Could this be depression? Sure. I’ve had some challenges with it in the past, though it’s been a very long time since that was a major struggle for me. But regardless of any mental games my brain might want to play, my physical body is also bearing the side effects of it all. And while it’s 100% valid to seek medical treatment when you’re feeling more tired than usual, I know that right now, for me, I’m feeling like this is just where I am right now – a medication or a chat with a therapist unfortunately can’t change the systemic issues in our world right now. 

Photo of fall foliage on either side of a paved path by Jamie Feinberg

The world is a lot. I can have an absolutely beautiful day, I can make progress toward my goals, I can spend time with people I love, and I can still find my mind and my body returning to stressful thoughts and situations. 

So for this week, my answer to that is to take one step. 

When it feels daunting to get out of bed and do all the things ahead of me, I tell myself to start with just getting up and feeding the cat. I am open to the possibility that if I’m still exhausted by the time that is done, I can allow myself to get back into bed. 19 times out of 20, after I feed the cat, I will commit to getting dressed, knowing I can take a nap later if I’m still tired. One step at a time. I take one step. 

This can work with bigger projects and goals too. When the project feels daunting, I can make it easier by breaking it down into small steps. And if having the executive functioning skills required to chop a project into more manageable pieces isn’t happening right now, that’s okay. What’s one small, but meaningful, step that I can accomplish today in the direction of my goal? Let’s commit to doing that now. 

I had a beautiful weekend, from leading an ‘80s singalong to teaching voice lessons and music theory, to spending time with friends and phone calls with family. And I had two gorgeous walks in nature. 

I know I am incredibly blessed, and I pause to be present to that multiple times each day. 

And I am tired. 

And I’m aware that the fight may be just beginning. 

So acknowledge what you’re feeling. You may need to do more self-care than you’re used to right now. You may need to lighten up your commitments. And you may need to offer yourself a bit more patience and grace right now. 

What’s one step you can commit to, when all you want to do is procrastinate or zone out? Let’s do that one thing. And if doing it still feels rough, get a coach, call a friend, or ask a higher power or the universe for support. And above all, keep breathing. Observe the inhale of your breath, and the exhale. Stay present to the here and now. Let the rest be set aside for a moment. 

Take good care, friends. 

I have a lot of tools to face the challenges of life. If you’d like to learn some with me, let’s start with a saboteur assessment. 

Work with me

My favorite Enneagram resources

We can do hard things

| jamiefeinberg

Hi friends. I am so grateful that this past weekend I had the opportunity to leave Prince Edward Island and visit Nova Scotia. I enjoyed the change of scenery, indulged in some of my favorite foods, and discovered beautiful places to walk and be.

But the thing I am most proud of is that I tried something new to me, something that I knew would be imperfect (very challenging for an Enneagram 1 especially!) and yet something that I knew would be a valuable experience to me regardless. 

I’m a barbershop chorus director, and the event I attended Saturday was a regional day of workshops and barbershop education. To kick off our afternoon, we had the opportunity to perform with Synergy, an outstanding quartet who set the record for the best score in our area at their first competition together. Their members include mentors and coaches of mine (and friends!). 

I’m relatively new to singing in a quartet, and I knew that the opportunity to try to hold my own singing with such an experienced (and fun!) group of performers would be one I shouldn’t miss. I knew I’d kick myself if I did. And while most people participating in the event sang one of four “area songs” that all of us have learned to sing together over the years, we also were given the option to sing one of the songs from Synergy’s repertoire. 

I thought the latter would be more beneficial to me, so I decided to teach myself the tenor part of “Popular”, the song from Wicked. I am familiar with the musical (in fact, I saw Idina Menzel in her last week on Broadway), but I had never seen this arrangement of the song and had never sung the tenor part until a few weeks ago. 

Getting up in front of a conference room full of people can be nerve-wracking in itself, but doing so to sing a song I’d only started learning a few weeks back, with a group of people I’d never performed with before, on a very challenging arrangement no less, was a pretty audacious plan. And yet I knew that if I gave it my all, I’d be extremely proud of myself, regardless of what happened. 

I knew it was an opportunity to show my chorus, and others from my area, what it looks like when we step outside of our comfort zone. To show how fun it can be to try something new. To show that it’s okay to risk failure, to make mistakes, and to commit wholeheartedly to what we know will end up being an imperfect effort, in spite of our best attempts. 

So for all those reasons, and for the fact that singing barbershop is FUN, I got up there. And while it was indeed imperfect, I have heard nothing but praise and excitement from the people who watched me perform over the weekend. And when I listened back to my performance, I was grateful that it sounded pretty good. I’m grateful I can look past the imperfections and just enjoy the memory of the special experience and my efforts. I went for it, and I am still pretty happy with my whirlwind of a performance. 

The wonderful author and inspiration that is Glennon Doyle often talks about how we can do hard things on her podcast, and she’s even written a book called We Can Do Hard Things. It’s a phrase that my chorus’ current coach reminds us of periodically, and it’s a mantra her chorus has embraced as their own. 

Sometimes hard things are things that we choose to do, for our own betterment, or to enjoy the journey and the challenge. Sometimes hard things are foisted upon us, and all we can hope for is that we can ride the waves and make it to the other side. 

Can you congratulate yourself for a “hard thing” you’ve gotten through, chosen or not? I’d love to hear your story. 

Standing up to fascism can be hard. Using our privilege can be hard. Choosing how to prioritize our energy and our efforts when life is already challenging enough and then the world feels like that much more is a tricky balancing act. 

But we can do hard things, friends. 

And if you’d like some more tools to help you in tackling the challenges of life, I have a lot of tools that can help you to do that work and tune in. Let’s start with a saboteur assessment. 

Work with me

My favorite Enneagram resources 

The antidote for anxiety is presence

| jamiefeinberg

Friends, there is so much this week. As I write this, we’re facing a possible shutdown, which feels especially precarious for our transgender and non-binary friends right now. Whatever the situation is as you’re reading this, I’m sure you can name off at least a half dozen other causes for concern. I called my reps this morning, and I’m sure I will continue to in the days to come. 

I’m going to focus though, today, on remembering that the antidote for anxiety is presence. When I’m catching myself in thought spirals about what might happen and what we might need to do about it and how awful this or that could be and what about this, the way out is for me to be fully present to where I am right now. 

This is an absolutely gorgeous time of year on PEI. This past week, I got to spend many days exploring our beautiful province with my mom and my aunt, both up visiting from the United States. Together, we got to smell the flowers and the ocean, listen to the sound of the waves, share lots of hugs, eat lots of tasty meals, and admire all of the beauty here. We even enjoyed happy hour at the Grotto, on a floating dock on the harbor, having a bite and a drink while we admired/were stunned by the three huge cruise ships in port in front of us. 

Whether we were singing together at the singalong I led on Friday night or driving across PEI, with plenty of stops for ice cream and flowers, we were practicing presence. 

Vacation days are a luxury we don’t all have. But can you notice the flowers? Can you observe and enjoy the sensation of your breath moving in and out? 

I hope you can find some time to be present when the world feels like too much. 

If that feels impossible, I have a lot of tools that can help you to do that work and tune in. Let’s start with a saboteur assessment. 

And in the meantime? Enjoy some pretty photos from our adventures this past week. Thanks so much for coming, Mom and Aunt Gail! It was so lovely to have you here. 

Work with me

Sign up for a saboteur assessment 

My favorite Enneagram resources

[Photo descriptions: two stunning blue flowers on a bush at our visit to PEI Preserve Co.’s gardens, Ross, me, my mom, and my Aunt Gail at dinner at the Island Resto, me talking and leading a speakeasy singalong amongst gorgeous antique furnishings, 3 delicious flavors from Holman’s Ice Cream, a loaded baked potato with a side of their homemade chips (apparently at the Potato Museum, we do potato as a side with our potato!), me and my mom posing at the stunning Dunes Gallery, more photos of oranges and pinks at the Dunes, my mom and my aunt pose in the garden, the work of art that was my lunch at their restaurant]

discerning the next right thing

| jamiefeinberg

As I draft this message, I’m sorting through more than a dozen headlines that are truly alarming me. An administration focused on finding a “cause” for autism ignores science and research and makes me feel ill as someone with many loved ones who are autistic. Would it be a bad thing if we found a new treatment to help someone struggling with speech? Not necessarily. But not at the expense of recognizing that autistic people are just as valid as anyone else. Not while we repeat lie after lie after lie.  

Photo by Jamie Feinberg: Flowers of several colors on a bush during a recent walk

If you believe in God, remember that autistic people are also children of God. If you believe each of us has a unique purpose on this planet, that means they have one too. And especially where so many of the people who have changed the world with their innovations and creativity are autistic, it’s bonkers to do anything but acknowledge that as a society, we owe it to autistic people and to all of us to do better in accommodating the unique learning styles, communication styles, and all the things that make them and us who we are. 

We all benefit when we learn to pause before jumping to conclusions and acting on the first hurtful idea that came to us, inevitably driven by our fear. We all benefit when we listen to people who are different from us. We all benefit when we seek to create systems that support all of us in our uniqueness. This is universal design. Automatic buttons on doors help someone in a wheelchair, someone with little children, and someone who has their arms full of books or grocery bags. Clearly labeled directions help us all. Wide entrances and seats accommodate all bodies better. Creative classroom teaching incorporating all learning styles makes for more engaging lessons that will stick for all children, not just the ones who need accommodations we haven’t traditionally offered. 

I am also truly, truly afraid for our trans and non-binary family and friends in the United States. It’s very possible the Supreme Court will heed Trump’s call and issue an “emergency” verdict quickly that will require passport markers that defy reason and will put thousands and thousands of people into significant danger when negotiating travel. If you’re Christian, you know that Jesus truly loved everyone. He’d love you if you were autistic. If you were gay. If you were trans. If you were an adulterer. If you were sick. If you were late to join and follow him. He loved and forgave and saw the humanity and goodness in each of us. 

Seeing multiple lynchings and more school shootings in the news is also horrendous. We cannot pretend that the civil rights movement and the words of MLK didn’t advance our society for the better! No one is any better than anyone else, due to skin color or any other factor. And how so many people mourn for one divisive person while overlooking what a terrifying time it is to be a student or a teacher? 

Now is the time, instead of giving into fear, to take good care of ourselves, doing work to go inward, to keep ourselves in a good place, and to listen to the wisest, best part of ourselves. Who can we stand up for? Who needs our help? (And that may be ourselves!) Take time to get quiet with yourself and listen to your inner wisdom. We need it now more than ever. 

One tool I use frequently when it’s hard to know what the next right thing I should do is would be to tune in to the future version of me. I like to ask an older version of myself, decades in the future, questions like “What matters most here?” or “What’s the most important thing for me to accomplish this week?”. 

If that feels daunting, or laughable, or inauthentic, I have a lot of tools that can help you to do that work and tune in. Let’s start with a saboteur assessment. 

What helps you to discern what’s next when the world is full of challenges in need of attention? 

Work with me

Sign up for a saboteur assessment 

My favorite Enneagram resources

Staying Present When Life is Uncomfortable 

| jamiefeinberg

Hi folks. What a week! On a personal level, I had a marvelous long weekend away, getting to see both Melissa Etheridge and the Indigo Girls in concert – what an extraordinary gift! And since then, I’ve been fighting with allergies or a cold – some sort of not COVID nuisance that is so easy for me to get with the changing of the seasons, and yet so uncomfortable. 

As always, when I don’t feel well, my wise mind can recognize that the situation gives me an opportunity to reflect on what matters most and to prioritize my own self-care. 

And then, of course, there’s the larger world. Whether it’s all the signs of the United States giving in to fascism and returning to bold displays of murder (lynching? I hope we are all horrified) or to the larger world condemning Israel’s actions while they continue brazenly, there is so much demanding our attention. 

On a day to day basis, I find that getting present is the way to get through. I focus on the sensations of my feet as I walk across the hallway. I feel the coolness of a breeze or the warmth of my tea in my hand. I listen to the sounds of the birds or of my sweet cat purring. 

Photo: A variety of flowers at the Botanic Garden in Fredericton, NB (photo by Jamie Feinberg)

Even when I am sick; even when the world feels more hopeless each day; even when I have so many reasons for fear or anger or sadness; even in all of this, I have the opportunity to choose presence, to choose love, and to choose to take bold action, whether in the world or in my own self-preservation. 

This is the kind of work I do with my mental fitness clients. It gets easier over time – even when it’s hard. 

Presence keeps us in the here and now. It keeps us from retreating and neglecting our best wisdom about how to proceed. It shows our loved ones we are here and we love them. Even when things are tough. 

How do you stay present when life is uncomfortable? 

Work with me

Sign up for a saboteur assessment 

My favorite Enneagram resources

Be (Your Best) You

| jamiefeinberg

Hi friends. I’m heading out of town this weekend, and I was tempted to skip an update, but a friend reminded me how much she is inspired by my posts. And that’s why I do it. So let’s go! 

I often look at what others up to in the world and wonder if my own contribution really matters. Some people are making major donations or putting in dozens of volunteer hours each month. Some people have attained significantly more followers than I even dream of. Some people invent things, or have written life-changing books or programs that have affected millions. 

But fairly quickly when my mind starts to drift this way, I remember that I am not here to worry about whether or not I measure up beside someone else. 

I am here to be me. I am here, in fact, to be the best version of me that I can be today. 

Photo: Small lighthouse on the left, with a dirt path leading down to the water next to and a setting sun peeking through a tree. Everything looks golden in the light. Photo by Jamie Feinberg.

I am a uniquely creative, spontaneous, motivational, energetic, friendly human. I bridge divides. I lead by example AND I lead with vulnerability. 

One of the things my Enneagram and my mental fitness work teach me is that we all have a unique, special, wise being inside us. You might call it a soul. We are as unique as a fingerprint. You may have been through a lot of hard stuff along the way that required you to pick up armor and tools. Those tools may not be serving you as well as they used to, and letting them go is the work of a lifetime. But we all have that unique, beautiful, wise being inside of us. 

When you strive to “be better”, who is the voice you’re listening to? Is it society? Your parents? Your friends? A coach?  Or is it yourself? 

It’s easy to get lost in the possibilities of how you can best make your mark in the world under these extraordinary circumstances. And it’s easy to get overwhelmed and, for some of us with the privilege to do so, even give up and give in. 

As you work discerning the next right thing for you to do today, and this week, and this month, and even beyond, make sure you stop and get present somehow. Listen to the inner wisdom – not your inner judge. Or the judgment of others. 

I make the biggest and best mark on the world when I am authentically me. And I see that when others do the same, it’s also when they are fulfilling their own unique purpose and place in the world. 

Need some guidance listening to your inner compass? A coach is such a beautiful way to get there, and I’d love to support you. 

Work with me

Sign up for a saboteur assessment 

My favorite Enneagram resources 

Thanks for reading, and take good care. Follow that inner guide, one step at a time.

examples of good trouble

| jamiefeinberg

Hi folks. I’m going to mix things up today. Instead of my own contemplation or coaching, I thought it would be fun to share some examples of good trouble, using John Lewis’ words, that folks are getting into nowadays or that you might want to try. 

One yellow flower in foreground, green and other flowers behind it and all in front of a fence.

Photo of yellow wildflowers in front of fence (photo by Jamie Feinberg)

I’ve shared similar lists before and will again. Feel free to add to this list with your own suggestions.

Enjoy some encouraging words, and perhaps it will inspire you in your own life!

Types of good trouble: 

  • Participate in a protest
  • Organize a protest
  • Boycott a business
  • Financially support causes and people that you care about 
  • Overlook a problematic rule or law when circumstances allow
  • Use your privilege to stand up for a stranger
  • Share human stories that don’t get mass media coverage (ex. stories from Palestinian voices, stories from transgender voices and families of transgender youth, stories from immigrants, stories from unhoused people, stories from undocumented people, stories from people of color) 
  • Amplify the work of others that deserves more attention on it
  • Stand up to ICE
  • Volunteer
  • Paint some rainbow sidewalks! Use flags and stickers as well as your words to show folks you’re truly an ally.
  • Go beyond Do No Harm
  • Continue to contact your representatives and hold them accountable
  • Fact-check statistics and stories
  • Dig deeper into where white nationalism comes from, what anti-semitism is and isn’t, what it means to support and lift up and protect BIPOC communities etc. 
  • Work to dismantle your own internalized racism, ableism etc. 
  • Choose presence over judgement, choose love over fear
  • Support reproductive rights locally or nationally

Want some support in creating a life you love, even while fighting fascism and dealing with all of the challenges of life? Let’s talk. 

Know some people who might want to hear from me? I’m looking for speaking opportunities online and in Canada. 

Keep resisting. 

Recent articles from me you might enjoy: 

Focus on joy (and keep resisting)

Rest and retreat

Finding and creating community

Let good enough be good enough

Creating space, allowing stillness

Anxious for the future? Quiet and control those hyper-vigilant thoughts

Finding gratitude while facing fascism

Enjoy the sun

10 ways your mind is messing with you

Joy as resistance

Tell me when I can pre-order your book!

The joy of mundane moments

| jamiefeinberg

Photo of the ocean from a brief pause I took last week (photo credit: Jamie Feinberg) 

On Tuesday, I accomplished all of my must-dos in the morning, so when Ross asked me if I wanted to join him in doing any errands when he went out, I said yes, any chance you’d go with me to the local thrift stores in my hunt for some shelves and picture frames? It’s a task I’ve both wanted to do and also put off doing for months, in part because this time of year, I want to be outside, not in a thrift store. 

Ross said yes. And while many times when we’re out and about we get ourselves into vacation mindset, going out for treats or exploring new spots, this was just an ordinary afternoon. We picked up medications at the pharmacy. We visited three different thrift shops, having some minor successes along the way, though they were small. I had anxious moments and fun moments, and I enjoyed the thrill of the hunt. And when one of the thrift stores was only taking cash, it was kind of exciting that Ross had some cash and we were able to keep our purchases to that budget. 

By the time we got home, we were tired, but Ross told me how much fun he has adventuring with me. Even when we’re doing mundane things. 

YES! How often do we go off on a new and exciting adventure, perhaps spending lots of money along the way, when all we’re really seeking is to do something different than yesterday and make some memories with the people we care about? 

It was such a lovely reminder that yes, even when we don’t spend money, and yes, even when we don’t do anything but buy a couple of home goods, we can have a wonderful time, just being together. 

I hope there’s a version of this in your life. Maybe you find a solo library trip to be a treat. Maybe you appreciate the joy in a walk with a pet or a friend, even when you aren’t saying anything. Maybe you have a workout buddy or cherish your solo time cleaning. 

There are no wrong answers, friends, except that each and every moment can be an invitation to joy. 

Does this resonate for you? I know from my Enneagram work that some people can truly benefit from learning to appreciate the mundane. If you’d like to learn more about how this does or doesn’t apply to you, doing so in community can be a beautiful thing. 

Be well, take good care of yourself, and take good care of each other. Stand up, speak out, use your privilege wisely, and take time to tune into what you need.

Recent articles from me you might enjoy: 

Focus on joy (and keep resisting)

Rest and retreat

Finding and creating community

Let good enough be good enough

Creating space, allowing stillness

Anxious for the future? Quiet and control those hyper-vigilant thoughts

Finding gratitude while facing fascism

Enjoy the sun

10 ways your mind is messing with you

Joy as resistance

Tell me when I can pre-order your book!

Teaching myself it can be safe to be uncomfortable

| jamiefeinberg

We all pick up all sorts of messages in childhood, usually subconscious, and one that I’ve realized I picked up along the way is the idea that for me to be safe, I need to be comfortable. My brain tells me that I’m not safe when I’m learning new things, or when I’m stepping outside of my comfort zone. In an effort to protect me, if something outside of my control happens, if I displease someone or do something I wish I hadn’t done, and on and on, my body begins to feel warm, manufacturing stress and body repercussions as a result, thanks to the voices in my head trying to protect me (in my Positive Intelligence work, we might say these would be my Judge and my Hyper-Vigilant saboteurs). 

Basically, life is behaving predictably and I’m getting stuff done, comfortably in my wise mind and/or a calm and neutral state, until BAM! Something I didn’t anticipate or wouldn’t have chosen happens. And then I have deeply wired mental patterns that start sending worry and panic and protective thoughts to me, which manifest physically in my body. 

Photo of a light sandy brown horse on the sand by Denitsa Kireva

I caught myself in one of these cycles yesterday at work. (Yay, isn’t it amazing that I’m catching myself in these unhealthy patterns? That’s the first step to changing them!) Once it happened, I did some of my mindfulness exercises to make sure I was fully present, to get me out of my head. And I also did a bit of self-talk, reminding myself with kindness that I’m safe to make mistakes, I’m safe at work generally, and I have so many blessings right now. I’m safe. Relax. Breathe. It’s okay that I feel a little uncomfortable right now. Nothing needs fixing in this moment. 

This is, as I reminded a client recently, a way that we can reparent ourselves. Even if our parents or caregivers are phenomenal, part of the human journey involves recognizing the unhelpful thoughts and patterns that we picked up along the way. Places where our younger self picked up a message that older us recognizes is no longer serving us. 

Maybe my fierce independence or my process for choosing what to do and not do was helpful for me as a kid. I have better awareness and more tools now. I have more resources, and I’m more aware of the people in my community who can support me in times of challenge. 

It can feel especially awkward to do this work when we know, in fact, that all is NOT okay. When our country is no longer recognizable, or when our neighbors are now spewing rhetoric that signifies something has shifted, and they aren’t who we thought they were. When our financial situation is precarious at best or our living situation or health insurance status makes us vulnerable.

In spite of all of that, we need to let our older, wiser selves guide us in our journeys. If we always lead from our animal instincts, or from the younger version of ourselves that hasn’ grown past 13 or 8 or 5, we are limiting our growth and the possibilities for ourselves as people. I know more than I did at 13, or 8, or 5. I can show compassion and love for my younger self and then make a wiser choice with the knowledge I have now. 

There are so many tools and resources in doing this work. Therapy can help. So can developing mental fitness practices and getting to understand the saboteurs that are getting in the way of a life you love. So can learning more about yourself and what’s possible through tools like the Enneagram. 

Does this resonate for you in this phase of life? Do you have a strategy or two you’re employing right now, or something you’d like to try to use in addressing it? 

Recent articles from me you might enjoy: 

Focus on joy (and keep resisting)

Rest and retreat

Finding and creating community

Let good enough be good enough

Creating space, allowing stillness

Anxious for the future? Quiet and control those hyper-vigilant thoughts

Finding gratitude while facing fascism

Enjoy the sun

10 ways your mind is messing with you

Joy as resistance