Living

take one step

| jamiefeinberg

Friends, I’ve gotten to experience so much joy, so many awesome things, in the past week. And yet my brain and my body are tired. Day after day, in spite of having a good night’s sleep and waking up before my alarm (I know, boo-hoo, how tough is my life?), I’ve woken up feeling like I’m not rested enough and I’d like to just stay in bed. 

Could this be depression? Sure. I’ve had some challenges with it in the past, though it’s been a very long time since that was a major struggle for me. But regardless of any mental games my brain might want to play, my physical body is also bearing the side effects of it all. And while it’s 100% valid to seek medical treatment when you’re feeling more tired than usual, I know that right now, for me, I’m feeling like this is just where I am right now – a medication or a chat with a therapist unfortunately can’t change the systemic issues in our world right now. 

Photo of fall foliage on either side of a paved path by Jamie Feinberg

The world is a lot. I can have an absolutely beautiful day, I can make progress toward my goals, I can spend time with people I love, and I can still find my mind and my body returning to stressful thoughts and situations. 

So for this week, my answer to that is to take one step. 

When it feels daunting to get out of bed and do all the things ahead of me, I tell myself to start with just getting up and feeding the cat. I am open to the possibility that if I’m still exhausted by the time that is done, I can allow myself to get back into bed. 19 times out of 20, after I feed the cat, I will commit to getting dressed, knowing I can take a nap later if I’m still tired. One step at a time. I take one step. 

This can work with bigger projects and goals too. When the project feels daunting, I can make it easier by breaking it down into small steps. And if having the executive functioning skills required to chop a project into more manageable pieces isn’t happening right now, that’s okay. What’s one small, but meaningful, step that I can accomplish today in the direction of my goal? Let’s commit to doing that now. 

I had a beautiful weekend, from leading an ‘80s singalong to teaching voice lessons and music theory, to spending time with friends and phone calls with family. And I had two gorgeous walks in nature. 

I know I am incredibly blessed, and I pause to be present to that multiple times each day. 

And I am tired. 

And I’m aware that the fight may be just beginning. 

So acknowledge what you’re feeling. You may need to do more self-care than you’re used to right now. You may need to lighten up your commitments. And you may need to offer yourself a bit more patience and grace right now. 

What’s one step you can commit to, when all you want to do is procrastinate or zone out? Let’s do that one thing. And if doing it still feels rough, get a coach, call a friend, or ask a higher power or the universe for support. And above all, keep breathing. Observe the inhale of your breath, and the exhale. Stay present to the here and now. Let the rest be set aside for a moment. 

Take good care, friends. 

I have a lot of tools to face the challenges of life. If you’d like to learn some with me, let’s start with a saboteur assessment. 

Work with me

My favorite Enneagram resources

The antidote for anxiety is presence

| jamiefeinberg

Friends, there is so much this week. As I write this, we’re facing a possible shutdown, which feels especially precarious for our transgender and non-binary friends right now. Whatever the situation is as you’re reading this, I’m sure you can name off at least a half dozen other causes for concern. I called my reps this morning, and I’m sure I will continue to in the days to come. 

I’m going to focus though, today, on remembering that the antidote for anxiety is presence. When I’m catching myself in thought spirals about what might happen and what we might need to do about it and how awful this or that could be and what about this, the way out is for me to be fully present to where I am right now. 

This is an absolutely gorgeous time of year on PEI. This past week, I got to spend many days exploring our beautiful province with my mom and my aunt, both up visiting from the United States. Together, we got to smell the flowers and the ocean, listen to the sound of the waves, share lots of hugs, eat lots of tasty meals, and admire all of the beauty here. We even enjoyed happy hour at the Grotto, on a floating dock on the harbor, having a bite and a drink while we admired/were stunned by the three huge cruise ships in port in front of us. 

Whether we were singing together at the singalong I led on Friday night or driving across PEI, with plenty of stops for ice cream and flowers, we were practicing presence. 

Vacation days are a luxury we don’t all have. But can you notice the flowers? Can you observe and enjoy the sensation of your breath moving in and out? 

I hope you can find some time to be present when the world feels like too much. 

If that feels impossible, I have a lot of tools that can help you to do that work and tune in. Let’s start with a saboteur assessment. 

And in the meantime? Enjoy some pretty photos from our adventures this past week. Thanks so much for coming, Mom and Aunt Gail! It was so lovely to have you here. 

Work with me

Sign up for a saboteur assessment 

My favorite Enneagram resources

[Photo descriptions: two stunning blue flowers on a bush at our visit to PEI Preserve Co.’s gardens, Ross, me, my mom, and my Aunt Gail at dinner at the Island Resto, me talking and leading a speakeasy singalong amongst gorgeous antique furnishings, 3 delicious flavors from Holman’s Ice Cream, a loaded baked potato with a side of their homemade chips (apparently at the Potato Museum, we do potato as a side with our potato!), me and my mom posing at the stunning Dunes Gallery, more photos of oranges and pinks at the Dunes, my mom and my aunt pose in the garden, the work of art that was my lunch at their restaurant]

discerning the next right thing

| jamiefeinberg

As I draft this message, I’m sorting through more than a dozen headlines that are truly alarming me. An administration focused on finding a “cause” for autism ignores science and research and makes me feel ill as someone with many loved ones who are autistic. Would it be a bad thing if we found a new treatment to help someone struggling with speech? Not necessarily. But not at the expense of recognizing that autistic people are just as valid as anyone else. Not while we repeat lie after lie after lie.  

Photo by Jamie Feinberg: Flowers of several colors on a bush during a recent walk

If you believe in God, remember that autistic people are also children of God. If you believe each of us has a unique purpose on this planet, that means they have one too. And especially where so many of the people who have changed the world with their innovations and creativity are autistic, it’s bonkers to do anything but acknowledge that as a society, we owe it to autistic people and to all of us to do better in accommodating the unique learning styles, communication styles, and all the things that make them and us who we are. 

We all benefit when we learn to pause before jumping to conclusions and acting on the first hurtful idea that came to us, inevitably driven by our fear. We all benefit when we listen to people who are different from us. We all benefit when we seek to create systems that support all of us in our uniqueness. This is universal design. Automatic buttons on doors help someone in a wheelchair, someone with little children, and someone who has their arms full of books or grocery bags. Clearly labeled directions help us all. Wide entrances and seats accommodate all bodies better. Creative classroom teaching incorporating all learning styles makes for more engaging lessons that will stick for all children, not just the ones who need accommodations we haven’t traditionally offered. 

I am also truly, truly afraid for our trans and non-binary family and friends in the United States. It’s very possible the Supreme Court will heed Trump’s call and issue an “emergency” verdict quickly that will require passport markers that defy reason and will put thousands and thousands of people into significant danger when negotiating travel. If you’re Christian, you know that Jesus truly loved everyone. He’d love you if you were autistic. If you were gay. If you were trans. If you were an adulterer. If you were sick. If you were late to join and follow him. He loved and forgave and saw the humanity and goodness in each of us. 

Seeing multiple lynchings and more school shootings in the news is also horrendous. We cannot pretend that the civil rights movement and the words of MLK didn’t advance our society for the better! No one is any better than anyone else, due to skin color or any other factor. And how so many people mourn for one divisive person while overlooking what a terrifying time it is to be a student or a teacher? 

Now is the time, instead of giving into fear, to take good care of ourselves, doing work to go inward, to keep ourselves in a good place, and to listen to the wisest, best part of ourselves. Who can we stand up for? Who needs our help? (And that may be ourselves!) Take time to get quiet with yourself and listen to your inner wisdom. We need it now more than ever. 

One tool I use frequently when it’s hard to know what the next right thing I should do is would be to tune in to the future version of me. I like to ask an older version of myself, decades in the future, questions like “What matters most here?” or “What’s the most important thing for me to accomplish this week?”. 

If that feels daunting, or laughable, or inauthentic, I have a lot of tools that can help you to do that work and tune in. Let’s start with a saboteur assessment. 

What helps you to discern what’s next when the world is full of challenges in need of attention? 

Work with me

Sign up for a saboteur assessment 

My favorite Enneagram resources

Staying Present When Life is Uncomfortable 

| jamiefeinberg

Hi folks. What a week! On a personal level, I had a marvelous long weekend away, getting to see both Melissa Etheridge and the Indigo Girls in concert – what an extraordinary gift! And since then, I’ve been fighting with allergies or a cold – some sort of not COVID nuisance that is so easy for me to get with the changing of the seasons, and yet so uncomfortable. 

As always, when I don’t feel well, my wise mind can recognize that the situation gives me an opportunity to reflect on what matters most and to prioritize my own self-care. 

And then, of course, there’s the larger world. Whether it’s all the signs of the United States giving in to fascism and returning to bold displays of murder (lynching? I hope we are all horrified) or to the larger world condemning Israel’s actions while they continue brazenly, there is so much demanding our attention. 

On a day to day basis, I find that getting present is the way to get through. I focus on the sensations of my feet as I walk across the hallway. I feel the coolness of a breeze or the warmth of my tea in my hand. I listen to the sounds of the birds or of my sweet cat purring. 

Photo: A variety of flowers at the Botanic Garden in Fredericton, NB (photo by Jamie Feinberg)

Even when I am sick; even when the world feels more hopeless each day; even when I have so many reasons for fear or anger or sadness; even in all of this, I have the opportunity to choose presence, to choose love, and to choose to take bold action, whether in the world or in my own self-preservation. 

This is the kind of work I do with my mental fitness clients. It gets easier over time – even when it’s hard. 

Presence keeps us in the here and now. It keeps us from retreating and neglecting our best wisdom about how to proceed. It shows our loved ones we are here and we love them. Even when things are tough. 

How do you stay present when life is uncomfortable? 

Work with me

Sign up for a saboteur assessment 

My favorite Enneagram resources

Be (Your Best) You

| jamiefeinberg

Hi friends. I’m heading out of town this weekend, and I was tempted to skip an update, but a friend reminded me how much she is inspired by my posts. And that’s why I do it. So let’s go! 

I often look at what others up to in the world and wonder if my own contribution really matters. Some people are making major donations or putting in dozens of volunteer hours each month. Some people have attained significantly more followers than I even dream of. Some people invent things, or have written life-changing books or programs that have affected millions. 

But fairly quickly when my mind starts to drift this way, I remember that I am not here to worry about whether or not I measure up beside someone else. 

I am here to be me. I am here, in fact, to be the best version of me that I can be today. 

Photo: Small lighthouse on the left, with a dirt path leading down to the water next to and a setting sun peeking through a tree. Everything looks golden in the light. Photo by Jamie Feinberg.

I am a uniquely creative, spontaneous, motivational, energetic, friendly human. I bridge divides. I lead by example AND I lead with vulnerability. 

One of the things my Enneagram and my mental fitness work teach me is that we all have a unique, special, wise being inside us. You might call it a soul. We are as unique as a fingerprint. You may have been through a lot of hard stuff along the way that required you to pick up armor and tools. Those tools may not be serving you as well as they used to, and letting them go is the work of a lifetime. But we all have that unique, beautiful, wise being inside of us. 

When you strive to “be better”, who is the voice you’re listening to? Is it society? Your parents? Your friends? A coach?  Or is it yourself? 

It’s easy to get lost in the possibilities of how you can best make your mark in the world under these extraordinary circumstances. And it’s easy to get overwhelmed and, for some of us with the privilege to do so, even give up and give in. 

As you work discerning the next right thing for you to do today, and this week, and this month, and even beyond, make sure you stop and get present somehow. Listen to the inner wisdom – not your inner judge. Or the judgment of others. 

I make the biggest and best mark on the world when I am authentically me. And I see that when others do the same, it’s also when they are fulfilling their own unique purpose and place in the world. 

Need some guidance listening to your inner compass? A coach is such a beautiful way to get there, and I’d love to support you. 

Work with me

Sign up for a saboteur assessment 

My favorite Enneagram resources 

Thanks for reading, and take good care. Follow that inner guide, one step at a time.

examples of good trouble

| jamiefeinberg

Hi folks. I’m going to mix things up today. Instead of my own contemplation or coaching, I thought it would be fun to share some examples of good trouble, using John Lewis’ words, that folks are getting into nowadays or that you might want to try. 

One yellow flower in foreground, green and other flowers behind it and all in front of a fence.

Photo of yellow wildflowers in front of fence (photo by Jamie Feinberg)

I’ve shared similar lists before and will again. Feel free to add to this list with your own suggestions.

Enjoy some encouraging words, and perhaps it will inspire you in your own life!

Types of good trouble: 

  • Participate in a protest
  • Organize a protest
  • Boycott a business
  • Financially support causes and people that you care about 
  • Overlook a problematic rule or law when circumstances allow
  • Use your privilege to stand up for a stranger
  • Share human stories that don’t get mass media coverage (ex. stories from Palestinian voices, stories from transgender voices and families of transgender youth, stories from immigrants, stories from unhoused people, stories from undocumented people, stories from people of color) 
  • Amplify the work of others that deserves more attention on it
  • Stand up to ICE
  • Volunteer
  • Paint some rainbow sidewalks! Use flags and stickers as well as your words to show folks you’re truly an ally.
  • Go beyond Do No Harm
  • Continue to contact your representatives and hold them accountable
  • Fact-check statistics and stories
  • Dig deeper into where white nationalism comes from, what anti-semitism is and isn’t, what it means to support and lift up and protect BIPOC communities etc. 
  • Work to dismantle your own internalized racism, ableism etc. 
  • Choose presence over judgement, choose love over fear
  • Support reproductive rights locally or nationally

Want some support in creating a life you love, even while fighting fascism and dealing with all of the challenges of life? Let’s talk. 

Know some people who might want to hear from me? I’m looking for speaking opportunities online and in Canada. 

Keep resisting. 

Recent articles from me you might enjoy: 

Focus on joy (and keep resisting)

Rest and retreat

Finding and creating community

Let good enough be good enough

Creating space, allowing stillness

Anxious for the future? Quiet and control those hyper-vigilant thoughts

Finding gratitude while facing fascism

Enjoy the sun

10 ways your mind is messing with you

Joy as resistance

Tell me when I can pre-order your book!

Teaching myself it can be safe to be uncomfortable

| jamiefeinberg

We all pick up all sorts of messages in childhood, usually subconscious, and one that I’ve realized I picked up along the way is the idea that for me to be safe, I need to be comfortable. My brain tells me that I’m not safe when I’m learning new things, or when I’m stepping outside of my comfort zone. In an effort to protect me, if something outside of my control happens, if I displease someone or do something I wish I hadn’t done, and on and on, my body begins to feel warm, manufacturing stress and body repercussions as a result, thanks to the voices in my head trying to protect me (in my Positive Intelligence work, we might say these would be my Judge and my Hyper-Vigilant saboteurs). 

Basically, life is behaving predictably and I’m getting stuff done, comfortably in my wise mind and/or a calm and neutral state, until BAM! Something I didn’t anticipate or wouldn’t have chosen happens. And then I have deeply wired mental patterns that start sending worry and panic and protective thoughts to me, which manifest physically in my body. 

Photo of a light sandy brown horse on the sand by Denitsa Kireva

I caught myself in one of these cycles yesterday at work. (Yay, isn’t it amazing that I’m catching myself in these unhealthy patterns? That’s the first step to changing them!) Once it happened, I did some of my mindfulness exercises to make sure I was fully present, to get me out of my head. And I also did a bit of self-talk, reminding myself with kindness that I’m safe to make mistakes, I’m safe at work generally, and I have so many blessings right now. I’m safe. Relax. Breathe. It’s okay that I feel a little uncomfortable right now. Nothing needs fixing in this moment. 

This is, as I reminded a client recently, a way that we can reparent ourselves. Even if our parents or caregivers are phenomenal, part of the human journey involves recognizing the unhelpful thoughts and patterns that we picked up along the way. Places where our younger self picked up a message that older us recognizes is no longer serving us. 

Maybe my fierce independence or my process for choosing what to do and not do was helpful for me as a kid. I have better awareness and more tools now. I have more resources, and I’m more aware of the people in my community who can support me in times of challenge. 

It can feel especially awkward to do this work when we know, in fact, that all is NOT okay. When our country is no longer recognizable, or when our neighbors are now spewing rhetoric that signifies something has shifted, and they aren’t who we thought they were. When our financial situation is precarious at best or our living situation or health insurance status makes us vulnerable.

In spite of all of that, we need to let our older, wiser selves guide us in our journeys. If we always lead from our animal instincts, or from the younger version of ourselves that hasn’ grown past 13 or 8 or 5, we are limiting our growth and the possibilities for ourselves as people. I know more than I did at 13, or 8, or 5. I can show compassion and love for my younger self and then make a wiser choice with the knowledge I have now. 

There are so many tools and resources in doing this work. Therapy can help. So can developing mental fitness practices and getting to understand the saboteurs that are getting in the way of a life you love. So can learning more about yourself and what’s possible through tools like the Enneagram. 

Does this resonate for you in this phase of life? Do you have a strategy or two you’re employing right now, or something you’d like to try to use in addressing it? 

Recent articles from me you might enjoy: 

Focus on joy (and keep resisting)

Rest and retreat

Finding and creating community

Let good enough be good enough

Creating space, allowing stillness

Anxious for the future? Quiet and control those hyper-vigilant thoughts

Finding gratitude while facing fascism

Enjoy the sun

10 ways your mind is messing with you

Joy as resistance

Focus on joy (and keep resisting)

| jamiefeinberg

Hi friends. This past week has been a lot. Are you doing okay? There is SO much in the news worth our attention right now, and I hope you’ve been able to care for yourself while also staying aware. It’s a fine balance, isn’t it? 

I sometimes use the 5 Calls app to help me to focus my attention and activism, and just today, my suggested options include calling my reps to “denounce Trump’s takeover of DC and demand statehood”, supporting LGBTQ+ rights with the Equality Act (especially important where the Supreme Court is considering taking away same-sex marriage), demanding fair maps in Texas and nationwide, and protecting the civil rights of the unhoused and mentally ill – not to mention ending the war and crisis in Gaza and supporting Ukraine! WOW. That’s not all of it – only the top several. Yikes. 

Photo description: Red PEI rocks in the foreground with grass, ocean beyond it (photo by Jamie Feinberg)

I remain convinced that it’s important for all of us to find ways that work for us to both stay connected to where the greater community needs us AND keep in touch with our own self-care. So this week, I want to encourage you to keep putting in committed, specific time to hear about the news and take action each week. But I ALSO want to remind you to put some of your focus on joy. 

For me, this might translate to making calls to my senators or house representatives or governor after I’ve completed my morning mediation and practices, before I begin my work day. It might be sharing a relevant article or post after I’ve taken some time to digest what’s going on in the world. 

But it also means being present to the goodness, the joy, the moment. Yesterday we had a heat warning here, with intense humidity exacerbating the situation. This made my walk home especially brutal, as it was like a wave of warm heat hitting my face when I stepped outside after work. While my brain kept trying to focus on how uncomfortable that was (a habit that comes easily to me as an Enneagram 1), I instead kept redirecting my attention to focus on what I was feeling, and ideally find gratitude in it. Every so often, a breeze would come through, and I’d tune in to the feeling of the wind on my back and my arms and my head, enjoying a brief reprieve from the stifling heat. I focused my attention on the beautiful blue sky and how it contrasted with the texture and shape of the green leaves on the trees. I celebrated that while my body felt uncomfortable in the heat, my muscles were easily cooperating as I took each step to walk home. My knees were happy. My shoes felt comfortable. I got moments of reprieve in the shade from the heat. 

I also used this practice midday yesterday. I experienced a challenging time at work, and rather than try to muscle through it, I took a brief break to get out of the building and walk around the block. It was warm, but there was a wonderful breeze at that hour, so I focused my attention on how nice the breeze felt and how nice it was to be outside instead of behind a desk for a few minutes. When I returned to my desk, I wasn’t completely “over” the incident, but it felt much less close to me, and I was able to enjoy my afternoon at work and bring more joy and compassion to my interactions with my colleagues. 

So now it’s your turn. How does this resonate with you? Where are you focusing right now? Is your focus habitual, or are you able to turn your attention from the news to the present moment with ease? What is or isn’t working for you right now? 

And if you’d like to learn more about the habitual patterns that keep you stuck, let’s connect. I’m happy to offer a Saboteur Assessment, or you can join me in learning about the patterns of your personality and how to break free of them using the Enneagram. 

Recent articles from me you might enjoy: 

Rest and retreat

Finding and creating community

Let good enough be good enough

Creating space, allowing stillness

Anxious for the future? Quiet and control those hyper-vigilant thoughts

Finding gratitude while facing fascism

Enjoy the sun

10 ways your mind is messing with you

Joy as resistance

Tell me when I can pre-order your book!

Rest and retreat

| jamiefeinberg

Last week I talked about the importance of finding, and sometimes creating, community. But this week, I’m thinking about the importance of rest and even of creating space for a retreat. 

I recognize the immense privilege when we talk about taking time off, of course. When we’re in survival mode, we do the work we need to, even if we know it’s sabotaging our health (physical, mental or otherwise). But if you’re in a position where you have the luxury of time, or where you even have paid time off at your disposal (even if you aren’t encouraged to take it), I’m here to encourage you to do so – and to do so intentionally. 

Photo description: Victoria Park boardwalk, Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island (photo by Jamie Feinberg)

Until a few years back, I wasn’t aware that there are different kinds of burnout, or that there are different kinds of rest. (The book Burnout was one of many that turned me on to this.) One of the ways I am aware that I’m currently experiencing burnout is that I am avoiding extra opportunities for reading. When I’m in my “normal” state, I do some reading almost every morning. But for the past month or so, I’ve found myself avoiding reading, unless it’s for work, or particularly for one of my Enneagram groups. 

When this happens, I take it as a little warning sign, an alert for myself. “Danger! Danger! Something isn’t right here!” You may notice yourself avoiding other tasks when you’re tired or burned out. Maybe it’s hard to motivate yourself to cook, or to clean the shower, or to pay a bill. It’s easy for some of us to beat ourselves up when we catch ourselves avoiding doing things. But a better option, a wiser option, would be to take it as an alert only, and then either a) file the info away, until we can do something about it, and accept it for now, or b) do something about it. And for me, I’ve found that when we’re talking about burnout, the most effective thing to do is to rest or, sometimes, to spend some time in an energizing activity. (Or maybe it’s a little of both – some rest with a fun or energizing activity, perhaps?) 

The Enneagram practitioner whose work hooked me early on was Suzanne Stabile, and this weekend is her annual Bootcamp. Bootcamp is both in-person (Dallas, Texas) and a virtual event, so if you can’t swing flights or just want to avoid getting arrested or disappeared while traveling, you can still attend. I’ve attended several of these events, as well as other virtual events they’ve offered, and they’re always well-worth my time. 

Even though the event will be recorded, there’s nothing like watching a great speaker live, even in a virtual room, surrounded by other (virtual) participants devoted to doing the work to become better people. So while I may fall asleep tonight watching (due to the time difference), you know that much of this weekend, I’ll be online, listening and learning with other Enneagram practitioners. 

I am grateful I was able to take the day off today to be a part of the event live. No, it won’t be a paid day off. But I plan to do some of my favorite things, spend some time in nature, enjoy some tasty treats and meals, and learn more about myself, through Suzanne’s wise words. 

Sometimes resting looks like a Netflix binge. But sometimes, we get more rest from a walk in nature, a group meditation, or even a literal nap. Tuning in, to our bodies and minds and our needs, right now is essential. 

Are you able to get some rest this summer? What does rest or retreat mean to you right now? 

Recent articles from me you might enjoy: 

Finding and creating community

Let good enough be good enough

Creating space, allowing stillness

Anxious for the future? Quiet and control those hyper-vigilant thoughts

Finding gratitude while facing fascism

Enjoy the sun

10 ways your mind is messing with you

Joy as resistance

Tell me when I can pre-order your book!