Are you also catching yourself in thought patterns that aren’t supporting you? Are you going down a rabbit hole of anxiety or fear thanks to the horrendous headlines and even realities on your doorstep?
Those feelings and those realities are real. We can’t deny it, at least not for any length of time. But we can train our brains, with practice, to focus on more useful thoughts rather than keeping us feeling trapped and unable to move forward.
So today, as many join a general strike and day of action in Minnesota and elsewhere, as many demonstrate today and tomorrow to stand up for humanity and our rights to exist and navigate our lives without fear, without persecution, let’s remember to celebrate.
Photo of assorted color star confetti by Jess Bailey Designs
Catch yourself caught in unhelpful thoughts? Celebrate! Well done, we can’t change what we don’t recognize!
Apparently ICE is heading out of Maine? Worth celebrating, even if they’re continuing to treat Minneapolis as a battleground.
More democrats and Republicans working to defund ICE? Progress! Yes!
You did a bit of exercise/self-care/made a tough phone call/went to work when you didn’t want to etc.? YAY! Well done!
You took a pause from social media scrolling to take a few breaths and notice some beauty around you? Celebrate! That’s a big win!
You donated to a cause you care about? You called your representatives? You sent them an email? You went to a protest? Look at you go! Well done!
Okay, hopefully you get the idea here. What’s one more thing you can celebrate right now? Once you identify it, do a little happy dance, give yourself a pat on the back, or savor a favorite drink or treat and remind yourself that you are worthy of love and celebration, every day, regardless of what you do and don’t do. So are all of us.
Let’s live from love and take care of each other, friends.
If you’d like to join me for an opportunity to learn some mental fitness skills and see how saboteurs are keeping you from being happy and living a life you love, head here.
You can also visit my website to learn more about me. I’m a speaker, performing artist, coach and mental fitness trainer. Thanks for stopping by.
For the past several weeks, and I’d say even the past couple of months, I’ve been working on practicing acceptance. Specifically, I’ve been working to accept being uncomfortable. Due to my own personal set of privileges and circumstances, while I’ve been living with a variety of health challenges for decades, I’ve been privileged enough to know that most of the time, I can expect I will feel comfortable. While there is pain, discomfort, sometimes very intense stuff to deal with, most of the time, after a period of discomfort, I’ve been able to return to feeling comfortable again. This can be true of an hour, or a day, or of a year, but for me, most of the time, this has been my normal. And I realize that is 100% a gift and a luxury compared to SO many, for so many reasons.
But more recently, my health picture has been getting more complex. This has meant that more often than I want to admit, to myself or anyone else, I am not at ease. While in some ways my health is stable, I might be forced to ignore one or two painful or awkward symptoms while I talk to you, or do my work, or spend time with a friend. Some days, it’s much worse than that. And while I keep hoping that with time and focus, I will find the magical combination of treatments and life choices and circumstances that will mean all is right with the world again, and these symptoms calm down or go away entirely, I’ve been realizing that that attitude is not actually helping me right now.
Sure, I can hope for the best. But if most of my energy is spent on hoping for a change of circumstances that I am not actually in control of, that’s basically deferring my happiness until some future date. And I am realizing that I don’t want to live like that.
I want to be happy right now. And as I’ve learned in my mental fitness studies, the wise way to look at this and to be happy is to either a) accept things as they are or b) commit to converting these circumstances into a gift or opportunity.
I am all for committing to changing what you can. In terms of my health, I can do things like optimize my eating, exercise, and stress management. I can pursue complementary therapies and research options. But that work can get exhausting quickly. So it is key that when I am not being productive, working to convert those circumstances, I instead practice acceptance. Anything else is actually sabotaging my life and making me less happy – and likely, less healthy in the long run.
Why does all of this matter to you? Well, see, the thing is that I’ve been realizing that the work that I’ve been sort of encouraged to do by the universe around accepting the reality of the situation I am in as it is, and letting go of expectations that I will always return to being “comfortable”, is also helpful in navigating the larger picture of the world right now.
Early on, going to protests, speaking up, giving money to those who need it, calling your reps might have felt exciting as much as it felt scary/frustrating/anxiety-provoking etc. But as things are escalating and it’s unclear when and how things will ever “return to normal” or perhaps become something better/calmer etc. further down the line, it can be easy to become discouraged. I picture it like a long, windy path. At the start, you’re armed with enthusiasm for your mission, maybe a good meal and a warm coat, and you’re ready for the adventure. You might even have the first several steps mapped out with clarity. But at a certain point, you’re deep in the woods, and all you can do is put one step in front of the other. You try to remind yourself why you’re doing this, but it can be tough to stay motivated when you can’t see the end goal in sight. (Incidentally, this is also why having a coach can be so helpful. Staying motivated solo can be tough!)
Photo of a snowy, long path with an uncertain destination in the woods by Krisztina Papp
When we’re in the messy middle of it all, we are in liminal space. We’re in between what was and what will be, and we don’t have clarity about how we’re going to get where we need to. We just know the next step or two ahead, and we hope that by the time we do those, we’ll know the next one.
So if you’re like me, you may be realizing that it’s time to get comfortable being uncomfortable. That may mean realizing that your budget is going to be tighter than you’d like indefinitely, whether because finances are extra tight for you right now or because while others are suffering, you’re going to keep giving up more of your paycheck to help where you can. This may mean it’s time to accept that going to a grocery story or anywhere has more risks than it used to. This may mean your free time is going to be devoted to standing on street corners and shopping for your neighbors. This may mean you think twice before leaving the house. This may mean carrying your passport.
The thing is, we’re already deep in this. Giving up is likely to mean millions more are killed and deported – some of them US citizens, many born in this country. Giving up means we make it normal to send a five year old child by himself to a “camp”. Giving up means we normalize murdering people trying to drive down the road. Giving up means accepting that the laws don’t apply or need to be followed if you’re the right color and with enough power. Giving up means we accept that it’s normal and okay to persecute people because of their skin color or their accent. Giving up means we accept all of the horrors of the Holocaust, and worse, even though we’ve seen these movies and read the books and heard the personal accounts.
If you’re starting to accept the idea that acceptance is key here (see what I did there?), here’s the main way I practice acceptance:
I keep breathing. When I catch my thoughts beginning to spiral, when I catch myself in negative thought patterns, I focus on my breath. I focus on the inhale and the exhale.
I make time for my mental fitness practices. Right then and there, I’ll focus on my senses, whether listening or my sense of touch or doing some visual exercises.
When my thoughts inevitably return to judging myself or my circumstances or people I interact with, I focus on letting those thoughts go and choosing acceptance. When I occasionally have a thought that feels important, I make a note of that as an option to pursue. But most of the thoughts are anxiety loops that will only bring me down. Let them go.
I spend extra time practicing gratitude for what I do have, and I work to be as present as possible to enjoying what I have to enjoy in the moment.
If you’d like to join me for an opportunity to learn some mental fitness skills and see how saboteurs are keeping you from being happy and living a life you love, head here.
Please note: we all benefit from learning to practice acceptance. But accepting that there are things you can’t change today can’t be complacency. There’s a major difference. If we become complacent, we’ve given up.
It’s been a while. I took a well-needed break over the holidays, and to be honest, I could have used another couple of weeks, but I’m enjoying getting back into the swing of things in many ways.
At the same time, I’m dealing with health news, supporting loved ones dealing with hard things, and of course horrendous violence, killings, war and more from you know who.
Photo of snowy mountains in dim light by Joyston Judah
Hi friends. As usual, I could share so much today, from reminders to rest and breathe and enjoy moments of stillness to applauding you for all you ARE doing, for yourself and for others, in spite of so many opportunities for fear and anxiety and anger.
But today, for my fellow Americans, I am asking you to make some noise. It should terrify all of us that Marjorie Taylor Greene’s bill criminalizing gender-affirming care for minors (the vast majority of which is actually done on cisgender people, and the vast vast majority of which is NOT surgery, just temporary stuff that delays puberty) has passed the house.
Photo of a protest and a sign reading “TRANS RIGHTS ARE HUMAN RIGHTS” by Oriel Frankie Ashcroft
We’ve already done so much to take away trans people’s passports that many trans people are now trapped in the United States. We’re literally seeing a replay of the 1930’s playing out again, in so many ways. We can’t say trans in the military and we stripped so many incredible members of the armed forces from their jobs and pensions. I could go on and on and on and on.
But today? Please, please please, reach out to your reps and tell them that this is a horrendous bill. It would make doctors and parents be criminals just for providing this care, truly life-saving care. Applaud your house members who voted No (yes, there were three Republicans, and some sat out) and express your anger and frustration with those who voted yes (including Democrats Cuellar, Davis, and Gonzalez, and some sat out). Let your senators know that taking away the rights of trans people are NOT why you elected them. Speak up while we can. Before they come for every other minority group, even more than they have already. Immigrants and trans people are just the beginning.
I know there are so many causes deserving your attention. Please do your part to keep our trans friends and neighbors and family members alive and able to focus on all the other life stuff. And do NOT prosecute people for supporting them in living their lives.
I anticipate I may take a couple of weeks off from writing for the holidays. While I don’t have major holiday plans, I will be taking time to rest, regroup, and enjoy some time with loved ones. I hope you’re able to do the same, and regardless of your circumstances, that you’re able to find joy and light during this season.
Keep resisting.
For mental fitness tips, coaching, or to learn more about how you can work with me and live a life with more joy and free of habits that keep you stuck, come grab your free session with me.
P.S. As I was about to send this, I saw that a second anti-trans bill, this one a Medicaid ban for trans youth, has passed the house. Speak up against this too, please.
How are you feeling today, friend? If you pause right now and take a few deep breaths with me, I invite you to ask yourself that question. What stands out to you? Are you physically comfortable? Are you present to your body? Are your thoughts racing? Do you feel energized, or depleted, or somewhere in between?
Photo of a winter scene of a yard and house in the city, with snow, a fence, and sun peeking through trees
As we head into Hanukkah Sunday, are in the midst of Advent, and head toward Solstice and Christmas at a speedy pace, you may be caught up in activities and obligations.
As we see daily headlines out of a terrifying movie or horrendous chapter of history, there are lots of distractions demanding our attention.
Whether you’re finding yourself relentlessly busy or attempting to hide from it all, I hear you, and I see you. Today, I wanted to share one technique that can help me when I find myself caught in familiar patterns. For an audio version of this, head to my Substack.
We all have habitual patterns of our personality. These are patterns that we found served as well as children, keeping us safe and comfortable or at least giving us some sense of security and consistency. As we age, these well-honed patterns can become a trap. While they are well-honed, it is possible to break out of the cycle, the pattern, and make a different choice. But it requires a level of awareness of what’s going on and a willingness (and ability) to make a different choice.
For instance, one of my patterns is that when I start to feel like I am overwhelmed or angry, my default setting is to cope with the scenario by doing. Specifically, I go to the most accessible task – I find that cleaning, especially washing dishes, is a go to, but I may also simply choose the easiest task on my to-do list or even go to scroll a video on my phone.
The wiser part of my brain isn’t running the show here. Instead, I’m simply stuck in a pattern.
So what can I do about it?
The first step is to literally stop. Stop doing. Sometimes this means I literally stop whatever I’m doing and go sit down for an extra reminder that I do truly need to stop. Once I’ve stopped, I take a few deep breaths. You can even do a quick body scan to see where you’re holding onto tension or pain. I notice the physical sensations of where I am and what I’m doing. Notice if I was holding my breath. Notice my posture. Observe where I am in space right now. My body on the floor or whatever surface it is on. Let my extra thoughts go.
Next, I observe what’s been going on. Am I in a calm or chaotic environment right now? How am I relating to others, and how are they responding to me? Am I myself feeling calm and regulated, or am I defaulting into the patterns of my personality?
When I am physically present to what’s going on, if it feels accessible, I also have the option to ask my WISE mind why I started doing that task. Was I acting from fear? From anxiety? It can be useful to observe what just happened. But sometimes, asking WHY feels scary. Maybe it’s a very sensitive topic right now. If that’s true for you, just focus on the physical sensations.
When I do feel I am in my “wise mind” and calmer, present and awake, I can ask myself some questions. You might ask what is yours to do in this situation, in the words of Suzanne Stabile. In the words of Byron Katie, you might ask “what am I believing right now? How does it make me feel? Is it true? Is it really true? Who would I be if I let go of that belief?”.
And finally, having paused, observed and and done some self-reflection, you’re free to make new choices. Allow and encourage yourself to forgive yourself and try something new.
Is your wise mind reminding you of a task that’s truly most important now? Do you finally have the clear head to make a call you’ve put off? To take ten minutes and start a dreaded task? Use this calm state to move forward with one thing today.
There are versions of this process in both my Enneagram work and in my mental fitness work. You may have encountered a similar process elsewhere that works for you. Please let me know how you do this work in your own life. And if you haven’t yet, let me know if you’re going to try it!
Want some support breaking out of your habitual patterns to feel more joy, create a life you love, and be more YOU? Come grab your free session with me.
Whether you’re navigating health challenges or life challenges that are more intense or are just in the midst of the more typical year-end, holiday pressures and commitments that usually seem to define this time of year: today I am giving you permission to pause.
Photo of snowy trees by by Adam Lukac
Want to take a nap, but feeling guilty about everything remaining on your to-do list? This is your permission slip.
Got an invite to another holiday party, but feeling like you’d rather stay home in your PJs? Skip it. Let them know you’ve got another commitment. (You don’t have to tell them it’s a commitment to your own self-care if you don’t want to.)
Feeling pressured to make a decision? Let them know you’ll need another day or another week (or whatever time feels right) before you’ll be able to get back to them about it.
Pause.
There is so much worthy of our attention, but we are human beings and we have limits, friends. As much as we may try to push them regularly. As much as we may be known as the “busy” person in our circle of friends.
Your friends and family love you, even if you have to skip a commitment because you’re getting a cold or you need another night to sleep or rest ahead of an important event.
Permission to pause. Take your permission slip, and use it whenever you need it. It doesn’t expire.
Does this resonate with you? If so, let a friend who could use the reminder know about it. Want some support navigating boundaries and helping you to bring your dreams to life? Come grab your free session with me.
Thanksgiving was my favorite holiday growing up. I loved having a food-centric and people-centric holiday without the pressure of expectations of gifts and making time for concerts and church services and all the things. There’s something simple about this idea, of stopping to be grateful and enjoy the bounty of the harvest.
It is, of course, an entirely whitewashed version of events containing very little truth. And I understand that acknowledging Thanksgiving without truly being present to all the harm settlers have done since colonizing North America is problematic, at best.
Photo: Sun peaks through the clouds over the water
And yet, we can all use more gratitude in our lives, I have to imagine, and if you have a good relationship with your family, all the better on a holiday like Thanksgiving, where that gratitude can extend to the company you’re keeping or to the memories you’re cherishing. And I hope you have a community that you love, and feel loved by, whether it’s your chosen family or given family or both.
I try to remember the truth while also enjoying the extra focus on gratitude that I think we’d all be better for focusing on more often throughout the year.
Just as I juggle the duality of Thanksgiving and how we celebrate in the US (as well as in Canada – I get to celebrate it twice!), I also daily see duality in my life. I juggle the duality of gratitude for my many blessings, supportive people, health care, good food, amazing humans and creatures in my life, at the same time that I feel enraged, anxious, fearful around politics, around destruction and violence, around inequalities, around feeling like politicians aren’t listening and/or are mainly complete bought and owned by billionaires.
Are you able to hold on to gratitude and hope? What dualities do you see playing out in your life? And how are you celebrating Thanksgiving this year, if you are?
Thanks for contemplating with me. If you found this useful, you may also enjoy my recent grounding practice for winter.And if you’re looking for more mental fitness tools or would like some help tuning down the sabotaging thoughts so you can enjoy your life more, come grab your free session with me.
You may also know someone else who’d appreciate this. If so, I hope you’ll share it with a friend. Thanks for being here. Keep resisting.
Last week, I explored a grounding practice for the winter, and I offered an audio recording to try with it. It must have resonated with a lot of people, because it was the largest response I’ve seen to one of my posts in a long time. So today, I’m going to offer a moving meditation.
I love moving meditation, because when my brain is busy, as it often is, it’s easier to get myself to incorporate a moving practice than a practice of stillness into my life. Although it’s much improved given my mental fitness practices, I still often find myself with a chatty inner critic and persistent sabotaging thoughts, from anxious to angry to wanting to avoid things, that threaten to derail me.
Fading fall colors and trees overlook the ocean. Photo by Jamie Feinberg.
After unsuccessful attempts to incorporate meditation into my life (at least beyond walking and yoga), I finally found a meditation practice I could stick with when I turned it into a moving meditation. I now do one every single morning, and it’s been extraordinarily life-changing for me.
I credit my mental fitness work with helping me to instill the habit and also to introduce me to just how important the work is.
I could write an entire article on HOW to do it, likely several, but for today, I’m just going to focus on the doing. First, let’s define what I’m talking about.
There are all sorts of moving meditations out there. There’s a beautiful Buddhist practice that can be very popular,involving an extremely slow practice of moving (generally outside). But for those of us whose busy brains or bodies who won’t let us consider that type of practice, we’ve got another option. It’s also a great way to incorporate mindfulness into your exercise routine.
This practice can be done on a treadmill or walking around indoors, though I highly recommend an outside walk (or even a jog or run) if that is possible for you right now. As I type this, I’m indoors, looking out at the gorgeous sun and blue sky. This would be a perfect day to do this outside, because while it is very cold right now on Prince Edward Island, the sun can assist with both the feel of the temperature and with my mental state.
This is the practice. If you’d like to try it, or if you’d prefer to hear it modeled for you rather than read it, here you go.
Begin by claiming this time, and this space, for yourself. Tune in to your breath. Observe the inhale and the exhale. What parts of your body get involved when you breathe?
If you haven’t yet, let’s begin walking. If you’d rather do this practice while jogging or running, that’s also a possibility. Just keep tuning in to your body. If you’re having a challenging time multi-tasking, please put your safety first and slow down.
Let’s begin by feeling the surface underneath us. Notice the sensations you feel with each step. What can you observe as you step? Now let’s tune in to the sounds our limbs make as they land. What else can you notice?
Observe the muscles that get involved when you take a step. Be present to what your feet are doing, and what feelings are present. Notice the movement of your legs as you move.
Now, let’s observe the movements of your upper body. Is there a rhythm to your hands or arms? Feel the feeling of the wind or air on your face. If there’s sun on you, can you feel it? Notice whatever physical sensations you can right now.
Now, let’s focus our attention on our sense of sight. What colors can you observe around you today? What textures can you discern? What movements inhabit the world you’re encountering? Can you find some details that you’ve never noticed before?
I love to notice details in the trees, along walls, and find flowers and other nature wherever I go. What are you present to today?
Let’s try to focus on our sense of touch. Using your fingertips, choose a texture to focus on. It can be your clothing, your skin, or something outside of yourself. Move your fingertips around to feel all the physical sensations of touch
Now, let’s turn our attention to our sense of sound. What is the farthest sound you can hear right now? Focus your attention on it, and see how many details you can discern. Now, let’s focus our attention on the closest sound you can hear. And once more, let’s focus on another sound that calls your attention. What details and nuances can you notice?
These ideas can be repeated ad nauseum. You can also allow yourself to follow your own instincts, focusing especially on the five senses. Enjoy your movement meditation for as long as you’d like to today.
I hope this has been helpful for you. If you found it useful, you may also enjoy last week’s grounding practice for winter.And if you’re looking for more mental fitness tools or would like some help tuning down the sabotaging thoughts so you can enjoy your life more, come grab your free session with me.
And if this was useful, I hope you’ll share it with a friend. Thanks for being here. Keep resisting.
Friends, my head is so in the clouds that I entirely forgot to write a blog post earlier this week. So as I often do, I pondered what I could use support with today, and I think it’s definitely time to move out of my head and into my body. So, I hope this practice is helpful, either as a practice to try on or as inspiration to find your own practices when you need them.
If you’re someone who struggles to meditate, if it’s accessible for you, consider doing some vigorous exercise (at least enough to get your heart rate up) before doing the exercise below. I find that if I’ve already gotten my blood pumping, it’s easier to me to slow down and tap into my wise mind. I have less swirling thoughts that way.Subscribed
Begin by stopping. Allow yourself to pay attention to your breath. Observe the inhale and the exhale. Notice the temperature of your breath. Observe the rhythm. In, and out. In and out.
Make a commitment to you, right now. To taking time for you. When intrusive thoughts, or any thoughts, start to pop in, let them go.
Find a quiet place to sit, a comfy position to take, if you haven’t yet. Close your eyes if that feels comfortable for you to do so. Feel the surface beneath you. Observe its texture, and feel the weight of your body on whatever surface it is on.
Feel your limbs, wherever they are. Observe any tension you’re holding onto. Notice the sensations of your body.
Find your toes, if you’ve got some. Give them a wiggle. Notice the muscles that get involved when we wiggle our toes. See how many of them you can find.
Listen to the sounds around you. Notice the close sounds. Notice the far sounds. Notice the sound of your own breath.
Take a moment to give yourself a hug. Feel the physical sensations of touch, weight, and maybe even notice the temperatures you feel.
Relax your limbs. As you breathe in and out, do a quick body scan to notice any tension you’re holding onto, from your head all the way down your torso and into your feet. If you’d like to, breathe into the spots where you feel tension. Observe the sensations that call your attention.
Gently and being careful not to hurt yourself, tighten the muscles of your body, from your head down into your feet. Observe what it feels like to hold those sensations. See what small details you can be present to.
Relax. Relax all the muscles, and notice what differences you feel now that you’ve let go of that extra tension.
If you’re comfortable doing so, this is a beautiful time to choose a positive phrase to repeat a few times, in your head or out loud (which can be even better for grounding purposes). A message like “I am enough” or “I am grateful” or “I am loved” or anything else that resonates for you can work.
When you’re ready, if you have your eyes closed, open them. Focus your attention on an object in front of you, or near you. Notice the details of it – the color, texture, shadows. See if you can observe a detail you haven’t noticed before. No need to analyze it – just allow yourself to take it in with your eyes, with attention.
Find a new object to focus on. Observe its color, its texture. Allow any extra thoughts to float away.
And now, before you return to your regularly scheduled day, allow yourself a moment to observe how you are feeling in this moment. Consider if you’d like to take a pause like this more often in your day.
That’s it, folks. I’d love to hear if you appreciated this today, and whether you’d like more recordings like this one.
Crafting The Life You Want: A Practice in Living 