Some wise people have said over the years that everything is either fear-based or based in love. In my mental fitness work, my coach has told us the same thing, reminding us that the wise part of our brain makes decisions out of love, while the saboteurs, the negative voices in our head, would have us make decisions out of fear. 

As children, these saboteurs told us to do things out of fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, fear of death. And over time, we made that a habit. And those neural pathways are well-worn, with habits that are very hard to break. 

A silly, happy photo of me, wearing a purple coat with the red strap of a bag visible, sun and blue sky behind me, with a progress Pride button on my coat. 

So, what’s the alternative? What does choosing love look like? 

It might look like: 

• Listening to what someone has to say instead of reacting first
• Responding with empathy or vulnerability instead of walling ourselves off 
• Exploring our options with a playful energy and a love for creativity or problem-solving instead of limiting ourselves out of a fear of lack and a longing for security
• Getting ourselves outside or out in the world instead of letting our saboteurs dictate all the reasons for us to stay put or stay inside
• Brainstorming with a goal of finding the win for ALL involved, rather than approaching each conflict as a potential win/lose or lose/lose scenario
• Respecting boundaries, often of others, but especially of ourselves

Choosing love for me is often embracing curiosity. Embracing curiosity about why strangers might be doing things that I don’t expect or understand. Embracing curiosity about what would be possible, if I had no constraints or let go of my fears. Embracing curiosity about ways we can all find happiness, without taking it from anyone else. 

So as I call my reps and support my neighbors and scream at politicians, I also work to pause. To breathe. Breathe first, and then respond, instead of reacting without a moment to process and ponder. 

Where can you choose love? 

And if this feels daunting, I have two beautiful ways that I support my clients which also can help you to find compassion, for yourself, your environment, and for other people. 

My next group for people interested in learning more about the Enneagram begins in April. Join us on Tuesdays and Thursday evenings (Eastern/Atlantic time). Learn more here and contact me, and invite a friend too. 

And I’d love to support you in building your own toolbox to do this work. If you’d like to join me for an opportunity to learn some mental fitness skills and see how saboteurs are keeping you from living a life you love, head here.  

Thanks for being here, and thanks for keeping at it, even when it’s hard or even feels impossible. You’re not alone.