For the past several weeks, and I’d say even the past couple of months, I’ve been working on practicing acceptance. Specifically, I’ve been working to accept being uncomfortable. Due to my own personal set of privileges and circumstances, while I’ve been living with a variety of health challenges for decades, I’ve been privileged enough to know that most of the time, I can expect I will feel comfortable. While there is pain, discomfort, sometimes very intense stuff to deal with, most of the time, after a period of discomfort, I’ve been able to return to feeling comfortable again. This can be true of an hour, or a day, or of a year, but for me, most of the time, this has been my normal. And I realize that is 100% a gift and a luxury compared to SO many, for so many reasons. 

But more recently, my health picture has been getting more complex. This has meant that more often than I want to admit, to myself or anyone else, I am not at ease. While in some ways my health is stable, I might be forced to ignore one or two painful or awkward symptoms while I talk to you, or do my work, or spend time with a friend. Some days, it’s much worse than that. And while I keep hoping that with time and focus, I will find the magical combination of treatments and life choices and circumstances that will mean all is right with the world again, and these symptoms calm down or go away entirely, I’ve been realizing that that attitude is not actually helping me right now. 

Sure, I can hope for the best. But if most of my energy is spent on hoping for a change of circumstances that I am not actually in control of, that’s basically deferring my happiness until some future date. And I am realizing that I don’t want to live like that. 

I want to be happy right now. And as I’ve learned in my mental fitness studies, the wise way to look at this and to be happy is to either a) accept things as they are or b) commit to converting these circumstances into a gift or opportunity. 

I am all for committing to changing what you can. In terms of my health, I can do things like optimize my eating, exercise, and stress management. I can pursue complementary therapies and research options. But that work can get exhausting quickly. So it is key that when I am not being productive, working to convert those circumstances, I instead practice acceptance. Anything else is actually sabotaging my life and making me less happy – and likely, less healthy in the long run. 

Why does all of this matter to you? Well, see, the thing is that I’ve been realizing that the work that I’ve been sort of encouraged to do by the universe around accepting the reality of the situation I am in as it is, and letting go of expectations that I will always return to being “comfortable”, is also helpful in navigating the larger picture of the world right now. 

Early on, going to protests, speaking up, giving money to those who need it, calling your reps might have felt exciting as much as it felt scary/frustrating/anxiety-provoking etc. But as things are escalating and it’s unclear when and how things will ever “return to normal” or perhaps become something better/calmer etc. further down the line, it can be easy to become discouraged. I picture it like a long, windy path. At the start, you’re armed with enthusiasm for your mission, maybe a good meal and a warm coat, and you’re ready for the adventure. You might even have the first several steps mapped out with clarity. But at a certain point, you’re deep in the woods, and all you can do is put one step in front of the other. You try to remind yourself why you’re doing this, but it can be tough to stay motivated when you can’t see the end goal in sight. (Incidentally, this is also why having a coach can be so helpful. Staying motivated solo can be tough!)

Photo of a snowy, long path with an uncertain destination in the woods by Krisztina Papp

When we’re in the messy middle of it all, we are in liminal space. We’re in between what was and what will be, and we don’t have clarity about how we’re going to get where we need to. We just know the next step or two ahead, and we hope that by the time we do those, we’ll know the next one. 

So if you’re like me, you may be realizing that it’s time to get comfortable being uncomfortable. That may mean realizing that your budget is going to be tighter than you’d like indefinitely, whether because finances are extra tight for you right now or because while others are suffering, you’re going to keep giving up more of your paycheck to help where you can. This may mean it’s time to accept that going to a grocery story or anywhere has more risks than it used to. This may mean your free time is going to be devoted to standing on street corners and shopping for your neighbors. This may mean you think twice before leaving the house. This may mean carrying your passport. 

The thing is, we’re already deep in this. Giving up is likely to mean millions more are killed and deported – some of them US citizens, many born in this country. Giving up means we make it normal to send a five year old child by himself to a “camp”. Giving up means we normalize murdering people trying to drive down the road. Giving up means accepting that the laws don’t apply or need to be followed if you’re the right color and with enough power. Giving up means we accept that it’s normal and okay to persecute people because of their skin color or their accent. Giving up means we accept all of the horrors of the Holocaust, and worse, even though we’ve seen these movies and read the books and heard the personal accounts. 

If you’re starting to accept the idea that acceptance is key here (see what I did there?), here’s the main way I practice acceptance: 

• I keep breathing. When I catch my thoughts beginning to spiral, when I catch myself in negative thought patterns, I focus on my breath. I focus on the inhale and the exhale. 
• I make time for my mental fitness practices. Right then and there, I’ll focus on my senses, whether listening or my sense of touch or doing some visual exercises. 
• When my thoughts inevitably return to judging myself or my circumstances or people I interact with, I focus on letting those thoughts go and choosing acceptance. When I occasionally have a thought that feels important, I make a note of that as an option to pursue. But most of the thoughts are anxiety loops that will only bring me down. Let them go. 
• I spend extra time practicing gratitude for what I do have, and I work to be as present as possible to enjoying what I have to enjoy in the moment.

If you’d like to join me for an opportunity to learn some mental fitness skills and see how saboteurs are keeping you from being happy and living a life you love, head here. 

Please note: we all benefit from learning to practice acceptance. But accepting that there are things you can’t change today can’t be complacency. There’s a major difference. If we become complacent, we’ve given up. 

Take care, and keep resisting.