Have you ever struggled to make friends? Have you ever found yourself without a person to call or text, without a ride to an appointment or someone to vent to when you had a hard day?
I think it’s fair to say that all of us have felt this way at some point in time, and some of us have felt is very often. If we are a member of the queer community, or BIPOC in a setting where that isn’t the norm, or disabled, etc. etc. etc., we might feel this struggle even more frequently.
I’m someone who has frequently created events as a way to bring people together and do something fun. I started all sorts of clubs on the playground and in my neighborhood and at my middle school. I staged a musical revue as a secret way to make friends when I moved into a new community in my early twenties. So for me, I can’t help but bring my creativity to the table when I think about how we build community.
Photo description: I (Jamie Feinberg) bumped into these sweet daisies, a bit of nature by the pavement on my walk
I’m thinking about the role of community right now a lot, especially because it’s Pride Week here on Prince Edward Island, a week (or even ten days!) full of intentional community-building and fellowship. On Sunday, I led a queer-centered showtunes singalong, sitting at the piano in the middle of a room full of musical theater fans. I shared tidbits and stories about queer writers, queer characters and queer performers in musical theater, interspersed with anecdotes about my own experiences seeing and performing musical theater. The previous day, I spent my morning in the Pride Parade, handing out candy attached to rainbow-colored flyers promoting our singalong.
Being a member of the 2SLGBTQIA+ community (that’s what we usually say here in Canada, but insert your own acronym as preferred) can present all sorts of challenges, but for a week or two each year, we are SO lucky to feel safe and seen enough to gather in community. When my husband and I first moved to Canada, I knew I needed to find my people, and I did so through music. I felt a nudge to join a chorus again, and that’s where I met most of my friends. We’d been here for less than a year when we experienced our first Pride Week on PEI, and for both my husband and I, that was a transformative moment. We were so proud, and we felt so welcomed, so seen. We knew we were home.
Community for me can be found making music, gathering in queer spaces, in Jewish spaces, in community with theater artists, and sometimes at the intersection of all of these things. We can find community in coffee shops and speakeasies, in nature and at play. And when our communities are being threatened, we show up for each other, just like others have shown up for us.
A few years back, I wrote up a bunch of tips for making friends if you’re childfree, and the tips actually work really well for anyone who’s seeking to find community. (The full article is here.) I think it’s important, now more than ever, to have a variety of friends, in a variety of spaces. Know who you trust, and in what capacity. Know where you can go regularly to experience joy.
I will also mention that the more intersections of communities that apply to you (for example, queer + Black or trans+ disabled), you may find it even more challenging to find communities where other people are dealing with the same stuff you are. I hope that even if you find that some people in your community don’t look like you or struggle with the same exact things, that you can still find “your people” – the people who love you and trust you and have your back, regardless of what you have in common.
I will also reiterate here, that while I know it can be cliche and even dangerous sometimes when people say they are a “safe space”, I am truly trying to do the work to be a safe space. I may not be trans, I may not be Black, I may not have your exact struggles, but I hope that I can offer you community if you desire it.
Coaching and mental fitness training have been an extraordinary place for me to build community and to foster it, for myself and for others. If you’re interested, I’d love to talk to you about the ways we can study the Enneagram or do mental fitness work or other types of coaching together.
Whether you decide to start your own knitting group, join a book club, or learn to swim, I hope you have found or are finding your community. Have any tips for others? Please share them.
Recent articles from me you might enjoy:
Let good enough be good enough
Creating space, allowing stillness
Anxious for the future? Quiet and control those hyper-vigilant thoughts
Finding gratitude while facing fascism
Crafting The Life You Want: A Practice in Living 