The world is so much right now. That in itself would be more than enough to deal with, don’t you think? But we’ve also got voices in our own heads. And those voices, though they originated from a helpful place, get in the way and stop us from tapping into the wisest parts of ourselves. 

So today, using the language of Positive Intelligence, I’ll explore ten types of saboteurs that might be getting in the way of your life – and while there are MANY ways that we can counteract these habits and voices, I’ll suggest one. 

Photo credit: Adorable donkey in a green field by Peter Jochim

Want a fuller understanding of how saboteurs are getting in the way of YOUR brain and YOUR life? Let’s set a time. 

The Judge

• The Judge is the universal saboteur. We’ve all got some level of judgment happening in our brain, whether it’s judging ourselves, judging other people, or judging the circumstances we are in. 
• Some of us have a perpetual inner critic that will never truly quiet down. For others, it comes and goes. 
• Dealing with anxiety, distress, or suffering? Feel guilt or shame? Do you struggle in relationships with other people? Chances are the judge is at the root of that. 
• The Judge will tell you it motivates you and you need it or you’ll get lazy and complacent. That’s a lie!

The Avoider

• Do you find yourself focusing on the positive and avoiding potential conflict at all cost? The avoider wants to avoid difficult things, so the avoider will try to tell you everything’s great. 
• The lie of the avoider is that it says things will go away if you ignore them. Instead, they often will get bigger and blow up in your face. 
• The avoider suppresses any anger or resentment – another recipe for problems down the line. 
• When we deny conflicts or negative circumstances in front of us, the avoider is preventing us from actually doing something about them and making the situation better. 

The Controller

• The controller wants to deal with anxiety by controlling people and situations around them. 
• The controller is often a micromanager – incapable of seeing the bigger picture, which might tell us that it’s better to empower people or teach them to handle a situation themselves than always try to do it our way. 
• The controller gets temporary results, but at a major cost in our relationships and long-term ease, efficiency, and happiness. 

The Hyper-Achiever

• This common saboteur (especially seen in the corporate world) tells us we can relax, be happy, and stop working when we hit the next milestone. The hyper-achiever won’t let you celebrate for long, or relax, or enjoy the moment you’re in. It’s all about the achievements. 
• Your self-confidence and self-worth are, according to the hyper-achiever, defined by your achievements. But your wiser self knows you have inherent value, with or without achievements. 
• The hyper-achiever may avoid trying things unless they know they’ll be successful. 

The Hyper-Rational

• This saboteur focuses on the rational mind, to the exclusion of emotions, soft skills, and nuisance. 
• Those with a strong hyper-rational saboteur can be seen as cold, unthinking, and arrogant. 
• A refusal to acknowledge the role of people’s feelings and emotions can have a severe impact in relationships, whether at work or in your personal life. 

The Hyper-Vigilant

• Find yourself getting caught in worst-case-scenario thinking? 
• Are you anxious about the future and what could happen? Struggling to let go of your fears and be present?
• The hyper-vigilant feels continuous and intense anxiety. This is exhausting and exhausts those around you too. 

The Pleaser

• The pleaser has learned to put the needs and desires of others first as a way of ensuring their own safety and survival. The pleaser believes this is how they will be loved. 
• The pleaser doesn’t express their own needs directly – everything is indirect. Meanwhile, they flatter and do for others. In an especially unhealthy place, this can come across as manipulation. 
• The pleaser can forget their own needs completely (emotional, physical, financial) which can lead to burnout and resentment. Others can also become dependent on them. 

Restless

• The restless saboteur is impatient. If they don’t see quick wins in a project or situation, rather than wait to see if it pans out later, they’re likely to try something out. This can lead to “shiny object” syndrome and keep them from pursuing and completing more complex projects. 
• The restless saboteur is always in search of excitement, experiencing FOMO, and easily distracted. 
• Underneath the surface, they’re escaping from the present to avoid dealing with hard things. 

Stickler

• The stickler is a perfectionist, and the stickler may struggle to accept the idea that “done is better than perfect”. 
• The stickler often holds themselves to higher standards than they do other people, though they may also hold others to those high standards. 
• They tend to have an inner compass telling them how to do things correctly – the problem is that we can’t do everything perfectly. It’s really only a small portion of things that NEED to be perfect. 
• They try to quiet the judgment of themselves and others through perfecting things. 

Victim

• The victim uses emotion to get attention and affection for themselves. 
• They tend to be dramatic and become depressed and fatigued due to what’s really repressed rage. 
• In their search for attention, it can backfire and actually push people away. 
• They may not feel seen or understood by others. 

At the root of it all of our saboteurs, no matter what childhood experiences helped shape them and develop them, is fear. And while there are lots of saboteur-specific strategies that we can employ, the best way to face it all is to begin practicing non-judgmental self-awareness. 

If we judge ourselves for when our saboteurs get a hold of us and we fall short of our highest goals, we are reinforcing the habits of our saboteurs – the habits we likely want to lean less heavily on, for our own health and happiness and to be more effective in our work. 

Instead, try practicing non-judgmental self-awareness. If you notice your Victim or your Hyper-Achiever or your Judge, you can try laughing about it, or saying “hello there!” to your saboteurs. You can journal about it or just make a mental note. This practice is the first step to beginning to change our behavior. 

Want some more guidance and more tools for conquering your own habits and saboteurs? I’d love to help. 

Take good care.